Childcare - damaging in later life? Long one!

[Good Skin Day]

Well done Marie111 - your one hell of a woman! x

I do not agree at all with mothers putting their children into care at the earliest opportunity, when they are very very small. My mum stayed at home untill I was 2, hen she HAD to go back to work. Times were very hard, and she has told me that one day she had to go to a market and sell her books just to get money for food! - I was shocked!

I think if you put your child into care as soon as they are born, and 'leave' it up to a child minder to raise your children day and night, you shouldnt have had them in the first place. Simple as that. JMO though.

I don't think you can do that anyway. I think the child has to be at least 4 or 5 months old before they can be placed in childcare.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong!

 

[CadenceAlex]

Well done Marie111 - your one hell of a woman! x

I do not agree at all with mothers putting their children into care at the earliest opportunity, when they are very very small. My mum stayed at home untill I was 2, hen she HAD to go back to work. Times were very hard, and she has told me that one day she had to go to a market and sell her books just to get money for food! - I was shocked!

I think if you put your child into care as soon as they are born, and 'leave' it up to a child minder to raise your children day and night, you shouldnt have had them in the first place. Simple as that. JMO though.

Circumstances dictate to us what we can and can't do - with a business getting established and several other commitments we have from before my daughter was born, staying at home is not an option until both of our shops are covered by trustworthy managers.

How many children have you got francesXXX?

 

[juju]

I also dont think you should put children in childcare too young I agree with francesXXX on that

 

[tinkywinky]

I don't think unless you are a mum you can truly understand how damn hard it is to get things right. I work part time and would love to work more so I can get better things for my son and make his quality of life better.

At the same time I choose to work evenings and when he goes to nursery as this suits me best, so I am trying to get best of both worlds.

It's ok saying yes you should be at home all day every day til they are xx age. BUT - things are hard and we have to work to pay the bills and live decently. At the same time tell me what mum doesn't feel guilty about working?

I never left my son til he ws 18 months old and it tore me apart leaving him with the nursery. Again I have to say BUT it does them so much good to mix with children their own age and have fun and learn. Being an only child means my poor little boy would be stuck with me all day long and there is only so much I can do with him. His little face lights up when I take him to nursery and he has two little friends there.

I met a lady who has four children and she said she went back to work almost straight after each one. She said she wasn't mumsy and mentally it didn't do her any good being stuck indoors. I can completely appreciate what she is saying here. And she said she didn't think about her kids when she was at work. That I can't understand personally but that is just mo.

Anyway we all have different views on this one, mine is that I always wanted to spend as much time with my little one when he was young (he still is only 2.5 years old) and I am lucky my hubby is in the army so we don't have a big mortgage to pay.

Everyone's opinion is different, this is just mine. I think it does women good to get a balance of work life and being with your child. xx

 

[Robyn]

My daughter went to a childminders from 5 months. I would have taken more time off if i could have, but we needed the money. Just because you can not afford to give up work for the first however many years or your childrens lives does not mean you should not have bothered having them in the first place.

 

[juju]

like I said before everyone 's circumstances are different and i was lucky to have mum n dad inlaw to have mine they are 11 and 9 now I see both sides being brought up by my dad and left with other people which I hated and also myself being at home no other adults to talk to so part time works for me, and my partner has a well payed job he works loads of hours and nights are the pits. mothers feel guilty about everything !!!and it's unfair, do whats best for your family ignore the critisism

 

[Gemma1982]

I think your neighbour is v.jealous - give her a wide birth, you certainly don't have to answer or justify yourself to her!

I'm not a mum yet, but when the time comes, I would leave my child with a trusted child minder or nursery. In this day and age it's difficult to get by on a single salary, and to go back to work is only realistic to support your family.
xxxxxx

 

[nailsbydesign]

I don't think you can do that anyway. I think the child has to be at least 4 or 5 months old before they can be placed in childcare.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong!

The youngest child I aver looked after when I was a childminder was only 5 weeks old.

 

[tinkywinky]

Five weeks sorry but that shocks me!! Gosh I couldn't have left Sam that young. :sad:

 

[CadenceAlex]

Five weeks is extreme.... for what reason???

 

[GlitzyGirl]

Everyone has to decide what's right for them at the time.
I personally don't believe in having children and passing them onto childminders or relatives. BUT, before you all jump down my throat, I also can see and believe that some people really don't have any other choices, and respect them for seeking the best for their child.
I decided to be a stay at home mum, when I was pregnant with our 1st. Even when my hubby was made redundant, we both still decided that I should be there full time. Our son didn't start nursery until 4, so he was with me day and night. I'll admit it was very hard sometimes, but I didn't care as long as he was with me. I used to take him out, go to play groups and do everything together. It was harder for ME, when he started nursery, as I found myself alone, until hubby got home. With all it's ups and downs, I am glad I did it that way, so I didn't miss a minute of his younger life.
With our daughter, I was still home, the same way, except we put her in a private nursery before she was 3. The reason for this was that, she was very inquisitive (sp?) and liked to mix with people, even at such a young age. That was the best thing we did for her. She could read and write by the time she was 3 1/2. Now in year 1, she reads year 3 material, given by her teacher. She is really confident, and makes friends really easily.
I guess things could have gone the opposite way, and we could have regretted our decisions.
I suppose what I am trying to say is, that at the time, we don't really know which is the right or wrong way. We make decisions based on financial matters or any other situation, and hope that it's the right one.

I am sure you made the best choice for your daughter, so don't let anyone make you doubt yourself. Your daughter most definitely has a much better quality time with you, than your neighbour's daughter does with her. I can't see how anyone with a character like that, can give her daughter the good upbringing she should.

After all, they do say "It's quality not quantity that counts".

Just ignore her, and enjoy your daughter and pregnancy. Once these days are gone, they'll never come back.

 

[nailsbydesign]

Five weeks is extreme.... for what reason???

She had a lot of time off before the birth for various reasons and her work kept back a bonus that she was due and she had to return to work by a certain date or she would have lost it, also her husband was in a low paid job and they really needed the money (baby wasdnt planned). I looked after Bobbie until he was 5 years old and started school. He was a very happy well adjusted child but I think you have to be very choosy when decding on what childcare you decide on as it all depends on how good it is as to whether it affect the child or not. I always did a lot with the children and they were looked after in a home situation rather than an institution, like a nursery, but working and playing within their capabilities and desire to learn... I know many childminders dont do half of what I did and personally I wouldnt have let them look after my dog let alone my child!! All the children I looked after have all done really well in school and their parents have put this down to the early learning they did with me. God that all sounds really big headed now I have read it back:o

 

[Vetty]

She had a lot of time off before the birth for various reasons and her work kept back a bonus that she was due and she had to return to work by a certain date or she would have lost it, also her husband was in a low paid job and they really needed the money (baby wasdnt planned). I looked after Bobbie until he was 5 years old and started school. He was a very happy well adjusted child but I think you have to be very choosy when decding on what childcare you decide on as it all depends on how good it is as to whether it affect the child or not. I always did a lot with the children and they were looked after in a home situation rather than an institution, like a nursery, but working and playing within their capabilities and desire to learn... I know many childminders dont do half of what I did and personally I wouldnt have let them look after my dog let alone my child!! All the children I looked after have all done really well in school and their parents have put this down to the early learning they did with me. God that all sounds really big headed now I have read it back:o

It doesn't sound big-headed at all - I am privileged to havea a wonderful Childminder who has both of mine, my son from 8 months old and my daughter from 6 months. She does loads of things with them, takes them places and teaches them things. At the moment she only minds my daughter who is 4 so they have a merry old time!!! I never liked the idea of Nursery and from what I've heard from ex-staff and ex/current users of nursery I honestly believe I'm right to have stayed clear.

At the end of the day my childminder loves my kids almost as much as I do! She cried when my son started school...... I needed to work, so needed my kids looking after - staying home was never an option financially and tbh I enjoy working.....

You aren't damaging your child, you are teaching her respect and ambition.

JMHO,

 

[Bag-a-Card]

Hey guys,

I've got two kids 2 and 6 years old.
And i do work but part time, i was giving an excellent opportunity to go full time, but because the nursery i wanted didnt have any spaces i still havent taken up the offer.
I do think that childcare has its advantages and disadvantages and each and every parent should way up the pro's and cons before making the decision.
i think that "girl" was out of order to say what she said and shes obviously jelous!

best of luck to you!

 

[fificharlie]

Circumstances dictate to us what we can and can't do - with a business getting established and several other commitments we have from before my daughter was born, staying at home is not an option until both of our shops are covered by trustworthy managers.

How many children have you got francesXXX?

THIS WAS NOT AIMED AT YOU. Let me get that straight before WW3 kicks off.

I was simply basing my opinion on these programmes you see on the tv where working mothers are totally non mumsy, and have their child / children looked after by someone else near enough as soon as they are born.

I dont have any children of my own - but I just dont see how you can possibly bond / raise your child how you want to when someone else is looking after them all the time.

I will wait to have children untill I am financially capable of staying at home and looking after them untill they go to school / pre school. I would only ever leave my child with my mother, or my partners mother. JMO

 

[MandyR]

What i cant stand is people putting children into child care then expecting working families tax credit to foot 70% of the bill this comes from the tax payer people seem to forget this. Its probably cheaper for the real tax payer to keep this woman at home bearing in mind the amount of school holidays kids have but i dont believe it working cash in hand. I stay at home with my kids now because i get no benifits or free child care so i look after my own kids which i love and am proud to say we claim nothing we take responsibility for how many kids we have put here and provide for them!

 

[Lellipop]

This is one of these posts where nobody will agree.
So I would say every women does what they feel is right for them and their children there are no rights or wrongs just differences in bringing up children.

 

[fificharlie]

This is one of these posts where nobody will agree.
So I would say every women does what they feel is right for them and their children there are no rights or wrongs just differences in bringing up children.

I totally agree lellipop, it is different for everyone - and one persons ideas will always be different to another. I agree though that childeren that mix with others from a young age will probably develop better social skills IMO

 

[CadenceAlex]

What i cant stand is people putting children into child care then expecting working families tax credit to foot 70% of the bill this comes from the tax payer people seem to forget this. Its probably cheaper for the real tax payer to keep this woman at home bearing in mind the amount of school holidays kids have but i dont believe it working cash in hand. I stay at home with my kids now because i get no benifits or free child care so i look after my own kids which i love and am proud to say we claim nothing we take responsibility for how many kids we have put here and provide for them!

Only a small minority of people are entitled to have their childcare paid for in this way - my friend is a single parent who does not want to sit around the house all day even though by law she can as she will only be a few pounds worse off.

She works every morning from 7 until 1 and her little boy is looked after by a childminder - she gets almost all of her childcare costs covered and then in the afternoons he goes to school for 2 hours.

Having been left in the lurch by the boys father, and having worked since she was 16, I think its GREAT that she can work part time AND get most of this paid for. After all, she is contributing by paying taxes.

Not everyone is married/living with a partner and don't have the luxury of shared care - many single mothers choose to work like this and I personally think its great that they can choose to work off their own backs, instead of sitting in the house all day like the girl I mention in my initial post.

We get child benefit which is £68 a month or therabouts and this comes from the DSS. We pay our childcare from what we earn.

Single mums cope admirably in my opinion and good on the tax credits for helping them to do so.

 

[nik]

Totally agree with you Cadencealex, it is good for the kids to see aswell-not sponging off the state. As long as the father pays his share aswell and doesn't leave it to the taxpayer to help support his family!!:twisted: