smallandcute
Well-Known Member
Hi all.
I hope this is ok to have a little rant about and any advice would be great as well.
At the grand age of 27 i still have issues with my mum. I love her dearly but she really doesnt respect my wishes or opinions. She just shuts me down or tells me off like im a toddler.
My 90 yr old grandma who i have always adored is in hospital after falling through the back door and breaking her hip. She has had a hip replacement and is still in hospital as she has developed some minor issues from the surgery. My grandparents home needs to be assessed and equipment put into the home before she can be discharged and were waiting on a date for this.
I couldnt get the time off of work to go and see her and as usual my mum has planned everything around my sisters schedule and i have been told i have to sort myself out and go with them. When making plans mum never bothers to ask when i free to do things she just expects me to be there when she clicks her fingers. For example i have a weeks holiday coming up, nothing special but need some down time. When telling mum this the first thing she said was oh good me and the oh can go away and you can look after the dogs. Shes then pestered me for my holiday dates demanding i give them so she can book some time away. Not once has she asked what my plans were and if i would mond looking after her girls. (Btw i love them dearly and its always a joy to look after them). Reluctently i have given them tonight after another argument with her demanding things from me. When i stay at my mums whilst shes away though she demands i can the house, do laundry etc to the point that she gives me a list and then checks everything is done before i leave! Oh and i have to go find my own food etc as well.
Anyway tonights issue has really made me realise just how much my mum demands of me. Mum wants me along with the sis and her to go down to my grandparents to get the house deep cleaned (and boy does it need it!) before grandma comes out of hospital to which i have no issue with this. However the house is falling apart around them, there is mould and damp on the walls, there is a good inch of dust on every surface, i hate to think the last time the oven was cleaned and a tonne more besides. To make matters worse when mum and sis last stayed the other week there was a big gas leak which almost killed them!.
Now a few years ago there was a water leak from the bathroom upstairs into the kitchen down below as a shower was put in but the bath was never sealed properly. Grandad hit the roof demanding that im never to stay in his house again. His home so no problem i went and stayed with my stepmum who lives round the corner. This time mum wants us to stay the week but has clearly stated im not to go to my step mums.
I dont feel comfortable staying in this house for health reasons and for basic hygiene like having a shower/bath. I have spoken to my step mum who has said its fine to stay at hers and im always welcome. My uncle has said to tell my mum that im not going and if she doesnt then tough. I really want to do this for my grandma in terms of cleaning the home but to be forced into staying somewhere that has hardly and basic facilities and the fact that both the sis and grandad have issues with drink, and i know there will be plenty of that, i feel hugely uncomfortable about staying. I know my mum has no issue with me staying with step mum but make a massive argument about me not staying that the grandparents and not being 'family orientated'. Oh what do i do about this and what do i say to my mum. Yeah shes going to get peed off but at aome point she is going to need to let me express my opinon.
Sorry for such a long post.
I hope this is ok to have a little rant about and any advice would be great as well.
At the grand age of 27 i still have issues with my mum. I love her dearly but she really doesnt respect my wishes or opinions. She just shuts me down or tells me off like im a toddler.
My 90 yr old grandma who i have always adored is in hospital after falling through the back door and breaking her hip. She has had a hip replacement and is still in hospital as she has developed some minor issues from the surgery. My grandparents home needs to be assessed and equipment put into the home before she can be discharged and were waiting on a date for this.
I couldnt get the time off of work to go and see her and as usual my mum has planned everything around my sisters schedule and i have been told i have to sort myself out and go with them. When making plans mum never bothers to ask when i free to do things she just expects me to be there when she clicks her fingers. For example i have a weeks holiday coming up, nothing special but need some down time. When telling mum this the first thing she said was oh good me and the oh can go away and you can look after the dogs. Shes then pestered me for my holiday dates demanding i give them so she can book some time away. Not once has she asked what my plans were and if i would mond looking after her girls. (Btw i love them dearly and its always a joy to look after them). Reluctently i have given them tonight after another argument with her demanding things from me. When i stay at my mums whilst shes away though she demands i can the house, do laundry etc to the point that she gives me a list and then checks everything is done before i leave! Oh and i have to go find my own food etc as well.
Anyway tonights issue has really made me realise just how much my mum demands of me. Mum wants me along with the sis and her to go down to my grandparents to get the house deep cleaned (and boy does it need it!) before grandma comes out of hospital to which i have no issue with this. However the house is falling apart around them, there is mould and damp on the walls, there is a good inch of dust on every surface, i hate to think the last time the oven was cleaned and a tonne more besides. To make matters worse when mum and sis last stayed the other week there was a big gas leak which almost killed them!.
Now a few years ago there was a water leak from the bathroom upstairs into the kitchen down below as a shower was put in but the bath was never sealed properly. Grandad hit the roof demanding that im never to stay in his house again. His home so no problem i went and stayed with my stepmum who lives round the corner. This time mum wants us to stay the week but has clearly stated im not to go to my step mums.
I dont feel comfortable staying in this house for health reasons and for basic hygiene like having a shower/bath. I have spoken to my step mum who has said its fine to stay at hers and im always welcome. My uncle has said to tell my mum that im not going and if she doesnt then tough. I really want to do this for my grandma in terms of cleaning the home but to be forced into staying somewhere that has hardly and basic facilities and the fact that both the sis and grandad have issues with drink, and i know there will be plenty of that, i feel hugely uncomfortable about staying. I know my mum has no issue with me staying with step mum but make a massive argument about me not staying that the grandparents and not being 'family orientated'. Oh what do i do about this and what do i say to my mum. Yeah shes going to get peed off but at aome point she is going to need to let me express my opinon.
Sorry for such a long post.