Knowing when it's time to call it quits?

[amyyxx]

How do you know when its time to call it quits in a relationship?

I have been with my fiancé for 3 years now, living together for nearly 2 and I'm feeling like I am ready to call it quits!!

We have had our ups and downs like any relationship but I'm feeling like enough is enough. He has recently got a new job, and while money is good (for him), were suffering!

He works nights and I work days at a home salon i have set up at my dads house around the corner. He seems to have the attitude that if i have more than 3 clients a day, its too much. I already have at least 3 days a week where I'm not working, but its still 'too much' to him but I think its not! I try to explain that just because I am self employed, doesn't mean i have to hardly work...

His constantly 'joking' telling me everyday that I'm messaging 'my boyfriends' he knows this upsets me but won't stop because 'thats the way he is'

He found out I spoke to a friend about how I am unhappy and needless to say I'm now not friends with her...

I'm not 'allowed' to talk to males...

He acts as if I'd be 'nothing' without him.

I know I would also frustrate him in ways but I'm starting to be over his behaviour that his started in the last year.

I'm also afraid of looking like a complete failure for not trying harder if I leave...

Sorry for the big post, i feel too embarrassed to even tell friends how I'm feeling!

 

[Baggybear]

Your the only one who will know when enough is enough and if your not happy with lots of things in the relationship then don't be afraid to walk away because of what other people will think, they don't have to live your life and it's nothing to do with them.

Try to step back and look at this a different way. Do you think badly of any of your friends who have split with their boyfriends previously or did you not really care about the reasons they split just that your friend was your friend and you'd do whatever you could to cheer them up.

I'm sure your friends would rather know how your feeling.

 

[happyfeet]

Reading over your post I personally get the sense that he is controlling you- who you can and can't speak to, how often you work and who you can be friends with. You mention that he behaves as if you'd be nothing without him- from your post I get the feeling that he wants you dependant upon him, financially and emotionally. I hope you don't mind me saying this.

If you do decide to part ways, there is no reason to feel bad about it. Often it takes a lot of courage to say that something isn't working and you want to put an end to it.

Ultimately you are really the only person who can say enough is enough. If you do decide to end things, know and understand what and how you're going to do things- money, living arrangements and so on. I know that sounds cold, but you have to protect yourself.

Good luck lovely xx



Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[Lady Murasaki]

Amy,
I'm sorry you are having these issues with your fiancé, however if you marry him it my only get worse.

It is your choice though whether you stay or go, but marriage tends to make men like your fiancé worse, rather than better and it will be harder for you to leave him once married.

Due to his own personal insecurities and fears he seeks to control your life, ability to earn money and alienate YOU from your friends to make himself feel better, this not love.

He should be supporting you grow your business and letting see your friends.

You deserve better x

 

[funtimefranko]

Wow, what an idiot (sorry) you already know you need to leave, this is not something that can be fixed, it will never get better. But only you can be the one to make the decision to walk away....

And nothing without him? You've already got your own business... id say you're already something and your life will only get better without him. But like i say only you can decide that. Good luck x x x

Sent from my SM-G900F using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[Penny Vintage]

I know this might not be everyone's way of dealing with this. But I personally would have in my mind it could go either way (to kind of prepare myself). And have a serious talk with him about how 1,2 and 3 are not right, and the following needs to change otherwise it's best for us to split. That if I mean that much to him that he agrees to compromise etc then we will take it slow and see how it goes (no marriage talk for a while). If he doesn't agree then you know you've tried and there's no way you can feel bad for not trying. And that your better off without him and it's time to walk away and feel free and happy. I hope you have a better time of it either way

 

[beccascottx]

Wow! He sounds very controlling. What gives him the right to tell you how much you can work, and who you can and can't speak to? My ex was like that and trust me it only gets worse, and the longer you stay the harder it becomes to leave!

You need to sit him down and talk to him about how you're feeling, be completely open and honest with him, and his reaction to this will tell you all you need to know! xo

 

[amyyxx]

I am just going to reply to everyones comments in one comment!

Thank you all for replying, I really do appreciate it! Sorry for taking so long to get back to people, I have been away and I managed to sign out of salon geek on my phone and of course, I had forgotten my password!

Financially its pretty easy to split, his got his savings and I've got mine. Living arrangements he will stay and I will be more than happy to leave.

Living arrangements I will end up at my dads, I still have a bedroom there from when I moved out filled with all my things, and because I have my salon space set up at dads it makes it pretty easy!

There definitely has been no talk of marriage anytime soon, so I'm ok there

I did have a long chat to him after my post and told him that I am pretty much done and over trying and having things the way they are, and it either needs to change or I'm out! So will see how things go!

it will go 1 of 2 ways! He will actually take on board what I've said, and things will start to get better (not that I see it happening anytime soon) OR it will stay the same and then I am out!

 

[jacquelineanna]

It will not get better - we are who we are.

And you have seen who he is.

Six months is about the limit most guys can employ a 'change' before the their inner and true selves reveal themselves once again.

We all have a gut instinct but most people refuse to listen to it ... listen to it!!

:hug:

 

[amyyxx]

It will not get better - we are who we are.

And you have seen who he is.

Six months is about the limit most guys can employ a 'change' before the their inner and true selves reveal themselves once again.

We all have a gut instinct but most people refuse to listen to it ... listen to it!!

:hug:

Don't worry I'm leaving, just seen something and his cheating on me!! I am absolutely going to lose it at him! I am absolutely furious to say the least!!!

 

[Airey fairy]

Sorry to see that you've had to see and find this out but it actually is sometimes a blessing in disguise good luck and big hugs to you for the next few days ! xx

 

[amyyxx]

Sorry to see that you've had to see and find this out but it actually is sometimes a blessing in disguise good luck and big hugs to you for the next few days ! xx

Big blessing in disguise! at least I'm not married!!!! i am packing what I can into my car, not taking too many clothes think I will just go buy new ones, retail therapy!

I know this may sound childish, but his asleep, I am hoping he doesn't wake up til I am gone so he doesn't even have the chance to 'explain' himself!

I want to go to my dads but don't know if I should considering he will know exactly where I am grrr!!

 

[funtimefranko]

Big blessing in disguise! at least I'm not married!!!! i am packing what I can into my car, not taking too many clothes think I will just go buy new ones, retail therapy!

I know this may sound childish, but his asleep, I am hoping he doesn't wake up til I am gone so he doesn't even have the chance to 'explain' himself!

I want to go to my dads but don't know if I should considering he will know exactly where I am grrr!!

Oh god what a b*****d.... just go to your dads and dont see him don't answer the door. Bless you never give him another chance c

Sent from my SM-G900F using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[amyyxx]

Oh god what a b*****d.... just go to your dads and dont see him don't answer the door. Bless you never give him another chance c

Sent from my SM-G900F using SalonGeek mobile app

So i packed what I could quickly then left.... left behind one thing I need, my wallet!!!

luckily i had my bank card in my car, so will just have to get a new license, and luckily I had no money in there either

anything else I left behind is replaceable-phone charger, clothes.... Im lucky that I always sit my things like birth certificate etc in a spot thats easy to grab and I didn't have to go looking through draws or anything

 

[marion]

Aw reading thru these messages.

Best of luck.. go find a decent trusting fella. Your ex could have narcissistic tendencies. . Google the symptoms

Work hard and build up your business.. hope you get 10 clients a day and make loads more money than him

Sent from my GT-I9505 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[Angelaznailz]

You know you've made the RIGHT decision.
Hope you are in your fathers house .......with his unconditional love
Your ex may try to contact you, but be strong and you will be far happier without him
You can build your business as you please now.
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that others in your situation will find the willpower to make the break. X

 

[beccascottx]

Don't worry I'm leaving, just seen something and his cheating on me!! I am absolutely going to lose it at him! I am absolutely furious to say the least!!!

Oh no! So sorry to see this! The jealous & controlling ones are usually that way because they have something to hide themselves - i wanted to put this in my earlier post but didn't wanna upset you or sound mean! you're well rid chick xo

 

[beccascottx]

Run back in & get your purse, clothes and charger then sneak out again!!!! They are my three necessities (and my make-up bag), i think i'd be running back into a war zone for them nevermind the home of my unaware, sleeping ex! haha xo

 

[amyyxx]

Thanks for all the kind words, it means a lot

 

[Kathair]

Hope you are going along ok, good luck xxxxxxx

K xxxxxx