Need a woman's advice

[besthands]

Ladies, i messed up about 8 years ago. I only today found the woman that "got away". Actually i broke it off so i quess i should say she didn't get away, i quess you could say, i tossed her away.
We were awesome togather, it was along distance relationship but we managed on the weekends.
I was having serious medical issues with by back after 3 surgeries leaving me with sever and nonstop pain so bad at times i couldn't even walk, sit, i was a mess with it. She was aware of all this and was very supportive.
I was angrey, hurting, and rude to here the last time i saw her, i didnt care for her feelings even though she did nothing wrong. We wernt really having issues.
I was have an issue with life, not with her ( i know i sucked ), but with pain, and mother dieing from cancer, my father with parkinsens, heck my whole life was in conflict.
She was just a bystander that caught my (assness). Heres the thing i have always regretted the day i ended it with her. But honestly after the 3 weeksit took me to regain what i had done, she was long gone, moved, i had no idea where she was so i deleted her number and i moved on. She did to.
I just found her today. I left contact info. and asked her to reach me if she would.
My question is , how do i approach her. i know i need to apologize for myself to her, i usually speak my heart well, but i was quite cold and indifferent to her when i ended things. I have no idea if shes even available or not, but i want to address my actions just the same if she will give me the chance.
Any suggestions, honestly im open to anything you have to say, good or bad. Its been long over due.

 

[missty25]

Don't expect a miracle. She may not even want to get back in touch and if that's the case you must accept this.

If she does get back in touch explain things from the heart and be honest and once again expect there may be rejection from her.

Hopefully you get the chance to explain to her and I wish you luck!

 

[Faylizzie]

Maybe tell her what u told us? Be completely honest with her. An apologise.
If she has moved on you should except this an walk away the sane if she's not interested.
I think you should start by apologising to her an explain your reasons why you behaved like you did. I don't think you should tell her about any feelings you may still have from her until you have apologised and heard back from her.
If I was her an I heard from you an you told me you you were sorry an still had feelings for me before hearing back from me, I'd be livid with you! You need to take her feelings into consideration above everything else, an push yours to the side, don't be full on with her or bring up/back bad memories for her. Hth an good luck xxxxx

 

[besthands]

Fay, thank you for reminding me its not a my feelings here, of course your correct and i need to keep this in mind while speaking to her if she offers the opportunity.
Missty, thank you for making the point about miracles. Im a softy at heart and believe anything is possible. I still hope and look for them everyday!!
Thanks geeks!

 

[happyfeet]

Hey Besthands

I've sat here pondering your post for a bit, so please excuse me if my comments come out a bit jumbled and all over the place I'm not even sure if I'm actually really giving advice either ha ha!

OK my first thought was putting myself in this ladies position. I tried to imagine how I would feel if an ex partner of mine contacted me out of the blue. A lot can happen in 8 years- in 8 years I have got married, had a child, moved house 3 times and moved out the area. Personally I wouldn't want to hear from an ex (sorry I know a bit brutal) as I wouldn't really care much for what he had to say, not because I held any bad feelings towards him, but because, as said 8 years is a long time ago and I would have let that period in my life go, a long time ago and I'd have moved on. I know this is only my personal opinion, but what I'm trying to say is, try not to be too disappointed if you don't hear from the lady in question.

As others have said, I wouldn't rush to tell her how you feel, starting with an apology should she contact is the best way to start. I would advise not to divulge your feelings if you find out she is with someone as it puts her in a rather awkward position (but I'm sure you know that anyway honey).

Of course I have given the above 'advice' but there is a little hopeless romantic inside me that thinks how lovely would it be, if 8 years down the line you were both free and single and you find your way back together again. A friend of mine once split up with a fella she was dating and got back with him about 8 years later after he sent her a birthday card out of the blue one year, theyve since married and now have a little girl- so it does happen.

Hope I haven't come across as rude or anything lovey, no offence meant whatsoever.

Let us know how it all pans out won't you.

Love n hugs xxx

 

[mm29]

Won't let me delete this sorry

 

['chelle]

Honesty is the best policy, and even if she doesnt feel the same way as you I am sure she would appreciate your frankness and honesty. Just tell it to her like you told it to us. I really hope it works out for you and that she understands :hug:

 

[mm29]

If you don't try and get in contact you will always think what if! Better to try and fail than never to try!

You put it down very well to us, so do the same to her be honest! The only concern I would have us she might have a family and be very happy so be cautious to start you don't want to turn her world upside down! On the other hand she might not!! Good luck with it all and keep us updated! Have you thought about how you are going to go about it? Letter?

 

[Beanhead]

I've been in a situation in the past when a ex tried to contact me.
I had admired a guy from a far for a year or so and on a night out I bumped into him and we exchanged numbers, we began meeting up regularly but due to his working hours it was always as and when we could get together instead of having a routine. I really fell for him very quickly and saw us having a future but then I found out that he was engaged and owned a house with another woman that he'd been with for over 3 years. I found out because we'd been seen together and she had been told, I walked away as soon as I found out and had no further contact with him. 6 months later I got together with a friend of mine who I'd known for a few years, within a few months we were engaged and living together, about a year later my ex tried contacting me (on my old number which my other half was using) obviously alot had changed in my life since I'd walked away from him, he has tried contacting me through my partners number quite a few times since even though he knows I am now married!

I think the point I'm trying to make is a lot can happen in any space of time, weather it's weeks, months or years, prepare yourself for the worst.
I hope it works out for you!

 

[besthands]

MM, IF she replies honestly everything should be on her terms as someone else mentioned.
Face to face would show my sincerity, but she owes me nothing at all.
I'm a good guy, and made a big mistake.

BH, there was no cheating going on, i was just a dumb head

 

[mm29]

Everyone makes mistakes, we learn to be a better person by making them!

 

[Beanhead]

I didn't mean to bring cheating into it I was just trying to explain that in a short period of time my life had changed so much, if I had still been single I think I would of tried to work things through with my ex.
I really hope in your case that things work out for you as she clearly is someone who you have not been able to move on from and you obviously have strong feelings for her.
I wish you the best of luck and hope to hear good news soon!

 

[lillamy]

BESTHANDS - I would be really interested to hear how this story ends, please keep us posted?
I've been in a similar situation twice and what I honor in those situations is complete honesty and putting my (or hers in this case) feelings first and being very sensitive towards her feelings if that makes sense. Respect whatever comes your way too, Good luck !

 

[JoJo1980]

Women appreciate people who are open, frank and honest.
Tell her your regrets, and your reasons for making the mistakes you made.
If nothing else comes of this, you have closure that im sure BOTH of you need.
Ill bet she needs some explainations too.
Even if she has moved on, married, etc, it doesnt mean you cant have that conversation and start to move on yourself too.
Closure is the key, wether you move on apart or get back together, you obviously think about the situation a lot and need to get this off your chest.

p.s Im hoping for a fairytale movie ending though so keep us posted :biggrin:

good luck!
xxxxx

 

[lynn amber]

This is not going to help but you sound I bit similar to my partner of 10 year ,when things are not going quite in his favor im am the one that always gets the brunt of it although nothing to do with me like his mum and dad passing away and him crashing his m bike ,he becomes soo self absorbed and arrogant like the whole world is all out to get him ,but will done you for realising where you went wrong ,i hope you get to say your peace good luck :-D

Sent from my LT18i using SalonGeek

 

[dandelionpoppy]

It's great that you've understood why your relationship unravelled.

This will help you with forming, and maintaining, a life partnership.

I have to say, harshly perhaps, that I have doubts that it will be with this person. Not only have 8 years gone by, but what happened in the past may always cast a shadow.

I think it would be lovely to send a letter of apology, and be prepared for not hearing from her back. However, she will feel better for having received it, and you can draw a line under the guilt you feel.

Good luck for the future.