Way, way off topic.

[lilly]

Cut to the chase, I was adopted at 1 year, I've found my natrual mother 4 years ago who want me in her life and accepts that it can't be mother and daughter and is a very understanding person, I told my daughter just before secondary school, she wants to no that side of the family ( mainly as she's 17 and knows I was Born in the area and is worried about future boyfriends !!! ) I have just told my boys, very casually and of course they are curious.

Now, my mum who bought me up is 76 and really is not in the best of health bless her, bad heart and strokes, she has always understood that I might be curious about my nat family and been cool about that BUT I don't think needs the pressure of knowing that I am in touch with my nat mother.

Right, now what do I do.... My daughter wants to meet her nat family as they do her, I've explained that this is her choice but she can't tell her gran, The boys have said the same and I said the same and they have admitted that they don't know if they couldn't tell their gran.

Catch 22, they want to meet their nat family but I don't think my ole mum can deal with it or indeed needs to know but can I ask a 17 12 and 13 not to tell their gran ???

I know people might think I should tell my mum but believe my, she wouldn't deal with it.

 

[jacquelineanna]

Cut to the chase, I was adopted at 1 year, I've found my natrual mother 4 years ago who want me in her life and accepts that it can't be mother and daughter and is a very understanding person, I told my daughter just before secondary school, she wants to no that side of the family ( mainly as she's 17 and knows I was Born in the area and is worried about future boyfriends !!! ) I have just told my boys, very casually and of course they are curious.

Now, my mum who bought me up is 76 and really is not in the best of health bless her, bad heart and strokes, she has always understood that I might be curious about my nat family and been cool about that BUT I don't think needs the pressure of knowing that I am in touch with my nat mother.

Right, now what do I do.... My daughter wants to meet her nat family as they do her, I've explained that this is her choice but she can't tell her gran, The boys have said the same and I said the same and they have admitted that they don't know if they couldn't tell their gran.

Catch 22, they want to meet their nat family but I don't think my ole mum can deal with it or indeed needs to know but can I ask a 17 12 and 13 not to tell their gran

Oh dear, this is a tough call.

I am thinking your Mum would want to know, maybe even needs to know.

She might find it much harder if it comes out by mistake.

I wonder if it might also be more respectful to tell her what is going on?

She has been the most important person in your life for all of your life, I am not sure you should close her out by keeping something this important a secret?

Even though you would be doing it to spare her feelings.

Jacqui xx


Edited to add: So sorry, I obviously didn't read the post properly as you have said you don't want her to know.

The question was can you ask a 17, 13 and 12 year old to keep it quiet?

I don't think you should ask them to keep it quiet.

It's a big responsibility for a 12 and 13 year old, and I don't know if it is fair to ask them to be complicit in such a secret.

The question to you is - do you feel comfortable asking them to keep such a big secret?

I wish I could be more useful but it's a very difficult question.

Good luck my lovely.

 

[ilovelashes]

I'd say your mum would know this day would come and she should hear it from you. You're not doing anything wrong and she will understand. Just make sure she knows you love her. Good luck x

 

[Christy.]

My dad (technically my stepdad) got with my mam 2 weeks after I was conceived. He's done everything for me and never treated me any different.

Anyway 21 years later I found out that he wasn't my 'real' dad from a friend!

Eventually found my biological father after a roller coaster of wanting to know not wanting to know. I met him once, and didn't tell my dad. It tore me apart because I wanted to tell my dad how much more I loved, respected and appreciated him. Eventually I told him and it was the biggest weight off my shoulders. He was so understanding but wished I'd of told him when it happened.

Your mam will want to know, I think she also deserves to know.xx