What to do about mother in law??

[nailfairy]

Hi guys bit of a long one this....
Right me and hubby have been together for 11 yrs, married for nearly 8. we have 2 boys aged 6&7. Seans mum hates me and our children & has on many occasions told me so,she has said she could never love anything that has come from me, she hates my kids(who are also her sons kids!!) She never came to our wedding, has picked fights with me and on a couple of occasions she has even tried to set my husband up with other women. We have disowned her several times, not because of what she does to us, but the fact that her grandaughter (seans sisters daughter) is the apple of her eye. She has taken her on holidays, bought her expensive presents and just has all the time in the world for her. Yet my kids are lucky to get a cheap gift served up in a plastic bag for their birthday. Its not the money just the fact that there ALWAYS treated second best!!!
Anyway her brother died last year and he was only 41, she says it has changed her but it hasnt... the boys havent seen her since xmas day and that was only a flying visit to drop off a few cheap presents she was out the door as fast as she could be. She promises them things like for example,, last year we went away for the weekend just up to seans nans caravan in skegness, seans mum told the boys she would give them some spending money and drop it round the next day, she didnt, she then said she would pop it up to the caravan on the sunday, she never came instead she chose to stay in the pub, sean was furious because they were dissapointed and told his nan he was p-ssed off with his mum, low and behold we got back from town that afternoon and his mum was sat there , more or less chucked £10 at us and left for the pub again without even seeing the boys.She only ever bothers with me when she wants her her and nails doing and in the past ive done it but have recently started saying im too busy!
Trouble is the boys are getting older now, theyre very close to my mum and spend alot of time with her really, mum and dad enjoy having them and are even taking them to canada in April for a week. I dont know what to do anymore because now the boys are asking why their other nanny dont bother with them, and its breaking my heart...
other stuff has gone on to but thought you might like the shortened version....What should i do?

 

[nailfairy]

sorry just abit more, also just lately she has started to try and get 'friendly' with me, sending me stupid chain letter emails and crap like that, and she is always on line whenever i am, but never ever asks how her grandsons are. Ive often felt like private messaging her and saying to her.. hi your grandsons are fine,, thanks for asking!! but havent as of yet Mean while my mum likes to know everyday how they are...how theyre getting on at school etc..

 

[princessmowgli]

My mind is racing & blood is boiling. I have the school run soon but will definately get back to you on this. Take care.


Sonia

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Eeh there's nowt queer as folk, especially when it's family. I used to call them the outlaws rather than inlaws cos that's how I felt about mine! This woman sounds completely bitter and twisted, and I would just totally ignore her and don't let her have the satisfaction that she is getting to you. Just because she is family doesn't mean you HAVE to like her. She'll hate it if she is ignored. If she pops round, don't let her in, say you're too busy. And don't do her nails. I know this may seem like sinking to her level, but some people don't deserve the effort of trying to be kind back to them.

And how evil that she won't accept her own grandchildren. How does your hubbie feel about her? What a nasty old witch of a woman!

There's a great saying that pops up on Geek a lot, and that's what goes around comes around, so she'll get her comeuppance one day.

 

[scattyfox]

I am so sorry hun for your boys this almost made me cry, how can an adult behave this way to children i do not know.

I do know where you are coming from though, my ma-in-law, hates me to death, doesnt bother with my son and my boy loves her to death, i've had the setting him up with other women and telling me horrid tales and just pure nastyness, she is always trying to split us up and behaves like a 2nd wife.

I try to keep my son out of her way and just say that some people are very busy and are not good nanny's I emphasise how lucky he is to have so many aunties instead.(my friends).

I have to say none of his grandparents really bother with him and it hurts him so much, so although i dont have a cure for you i can sympathise with you and your boys.

I do remember once seeing an advert in the paper for adopting a granny, this could be a good scheme and thought what a lovely idea.

HTH
x
XXX for the boys

 

[Lellipop]

I simply say its her loss, I wouldn't spend your time even thinking about why she acts in this way. Some parents are brill and some are rubbish and the same goes for grandparents and mother in laws. She is obviously not family orientated and probably never as been, I would let your kids see her and be civil towards her, But get on with your life and let her get on with her's if its more important to her than her family

 

[Sassy Hassy]

sorry just abit more, also just lately she has started to try and get 'friendly' with me, sending me stupid chain letter emails and crap like that, and she is always on line whenever i am, but never ever asks how her grandsons are. Ive often felt like private messaging her and saying to her.. hi your grandsons are fine,, thanks for asking!! but havent as of yet Mean while my mum likes to know everyday how they are...how theyre getting on at school etc..

If you think that's bad, my girls dad (my ex!) emigrated to New Zealand a few years back after leaving the army. They went out to see him at Christmas and that was the first time they had seem him for over a year, and yet he kept going off with his new girlfriend rather than spend time with them. Now I hear he is bored with life and has gone back in the army to go to Bosnia for 6 months. He has been back in the UK for the last few weeks and hasn't bothered to see his younger daughter Natalie, and only saw his eldest Elizabeth because he was up in the Midlands and she is at uni in Leicester. He phoned here on Sunday night and Natalie was out so he said he'd try and call again before he goes to Bosnia on Friday. When I told her she said don't bother, he's an ****hole!!

Family! I could quite happily strangle some of mine!

 

[suey]

Oh Babe, poor you :hug: Do you know the reason she dislikes you? Is it a jealousy thing as you have her little boy? it is so difficult to deal with. One of my exes mothers was horrible to me for ages, kept going on about his ex girlfriend and how lovely she is and what she had been doing, i just smiled and said i'm glad she's getting on well etc, but inside it was driving me mad. it took me 18 months before i finally snapped and asked her not to go on about her as i really wasn't interested.

When it comes to the children, that would really eat me up. My parents used to have my nephews round to stay and take them on holiday and for days out, and my 2 never got a look in they even had trouble finding the time to babysit, so i can understand the feelings there. it is very difficult because of the children, there is no way you want them to feel unloved, when they are so special.

is there any way you can all sit and have a chat about it, calmly, so you can get your point across, maybe with an adjudicator/ referee :biggrin:, or can your husband not make her understand how she is being to her own grandsons :evil: , it makes my blood boil actually.

Sorry, after all that, i really don't have anything constructive to say, just wanted to let you know you have my support :hug:

 

[nailfairy]

Eeh there's nowt queer as folk, especially when it's family. I used to call them the outlaws rather than inlaws cos that's how I felt about mine! This woman sounds completely bitter and twisted, and I would just totally ignore her and don't let her have the satisfaction that she is getting to you. Just because she is family doesn't mean you HAVE to like her. She'll hate it if she is ignored. If she pops round, don't let her in, say you're too busy. And don't do her nails. I know this may seem like sinking to her level, but some people don't deserve the effort of trying to be kind back to them.

And how evil that she won't accept her own grandchildren. How does your hubbie feel about her? What a nasty old witch of a woman!

There's a great saying that pops up on Geek a lot, and that's what goes around comes around, so she'll get her comeuppance one day.

Sean feels pretty much like i do , and as ive said in the past weve disowned her for moths on end.. i know the only reason she is sniffing round abit again is coz her daughters settled with a new fella so doesnt need her as much anymore, her mans dumped her as everyman who gets with her does, and shes lonely and depressed.. he doesnt have anything really to do with her, unless she phones him, which is usually only about the computer or to get me to do her hair,, again never asking about the boys. I have ignored her for years but when i hear the boys talking like they do..it makes me sssoo angry. ive kept my head so many times even to the point one day when i said to her "why dont you treat our kids like (your grandadughter) " she said " your kids i hate your F--king kids " i just cooly walked away, should have hit her i know but then thats probobly what she would have wanted back then.
This i cant forgive her for and it makes my blood boil, even more now there asking why and how-come!

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Nail Fairy I so feel for you hun, like you say it is so unfair on the children. God I can't think how many times I have to pick up the pieces when my girls are beside themselves with crying because they have the worst father in the world. However he is the one who has missed out.


I have the two loveliest girls you could ever imagine and I'm so proud of them (sorry I'm crying now!:cry and given that he went through a bad time when his parents split up being shoved from pillar to post, you'd think he would be more caring. I still can't believe that I chose this man to be the father of my children. But you have to focus them towards the people who really love them and appreciate them. I have never said anything bas about their dad to them, just left them to come to their own conclusions and they see him for what he really is. It is hard to cope with the rejection, but it's made them stronger in the long run and realise that the world isn't rose tinted and to really appreciate what makes a true friend.

There is nothing you can do to help this woman, she is a sad lonely old battleaxe who is very unhappy with her lot and she deserves nothing from you. Just let your children know that you can't help some people and that there is your mum who loves them like there's no tomorrow. Hugs hun.

 

[Tickled Pink!]

let me know where she lives and i'll run her over for you.
only kidding...honestly!
Like you said, your children are getting older and it breaks your heart...maybe they are old enough for you to gently explain that not all grownups show that they love other people, etc etc...Kids are so resiliant, they probably don't give it a fraction of the thought that you do...providing they know they are loved and cherished by their mum and dad and your mum and dad sound fab, then there's not a lot more you can do.
I don't have a fab relationship with my mother-in-law but we have learnt to tolerate one another over the years. Don't think anyone would be good enough for her percious son. There was once an 'incident' where i ended up in hospital for 5 days having micro-surgery on my right hand to repair 4 severed tendons - all thanks to her - but did i get a sorry...no!! (but that's a story for another day!)
good luck and wish you and your family well

 

[mandy_moo_64]

I feel for you, i really do. My husband's mother is exactly the same. Neither of us have spoken to her for about 7 years now, and she only lives a couple of miles away. She took an instant dislike to me, and never had very much to do with our children. The final straw was when she told my children they should have both been aborted, as their mum (me) had already ruined her son's life (their dad). My daughter was only 8 at the time and she understood everything that was said. They never speak about her now.

At the end of the day, you have to put the feelings of your own family first. Cut this vindictive woman out of your life, and concentrate on being the good mum that you know you are.

When it all boils down, it's her loss. Keep your chin up,babe. Sending you hugs :hug: :hug:

 

[MINKUS]

tickled pink... time and time again you make me PMSL !!

quote !

let me know where she lives and i'll run her over for you.
only kidding...honestly!


What an absolutely selfish, immature dreadful woman.

I tell you what i would say to her if she wanted her nails doing...rhymes with DUCK ...followed by off !!

Cant believe someone would treat their own flesh and blood like that.

My mother in law isnt much better she favours my hubbys sisters two kids terribly i DREAD the day my baby asks why nanny doesnt by her this that and the other like she does the other two.

Its a good job MY mum spoils her rotten !!!

Sad though.....she sounds like she's missing out on 2 super kids !!!!!!!!!

HUG to you....she's an Old Dragon.

Ambxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[MINKUS]

anyone getting a vibe that mother in laws are pretty much all the same..........

My mum Loves my hubby to bits ...if we argue she sticks up WITH HIM!!!

What is it about mother in laws and Daughter in laws?????

 

[Sassy Hassy]

What is it about mother in laws and Daughter in laws?????

PLain & simple Jealousy. They think their little boys can't cope without them, and then you come along and they realise that they are moving on, suddenly they feel null and void. Why can't they think of it as gaining a daughter rather than losing a son?

 

[CarrieW]

Wow, its nice to know I'm not the only one with a sh*tty family! My problem isn't my mother in law, it's my own mother - she's an evil, bitter and twisted old lady who has made my life hell since her and my dad split up (8 years ago).

She has beaten me up, made up rumours about me, got me sacked, told me lies about my dad, attacked my stepmother, flown to Spain to stalk my dad for a week, ruined my dads car, stolen money and jewelry from me (my nans engagement ring that was given to me when I was 13) and most recently taken me to court for my house (long story - she lived in it as my tenant and decided that made it hers). She has since trashed the house (and I mean trashed) and left, taking the key with her. I have to go up this weekend and break into my own house to change the locks. She has lived in in for over a year, hasn't paid a penny for 5 months (over £2000 that I've had to pay).

She also told me I deserved my miscarriage because I was too selfish to be a mum.

All in all an absolute delight of a woman. Actually, she's not a woman - a real woman wouldn't do that. Real women are caring, gentle, compassionate, forgiving and lots of other lovely things.

Nailfairy - all you need to remember is that you have your own family who love you and cherish you. She doesn't. It will be hard for your kids to understand at first, but they will. Don't allow evil people like this to affect your life - and take some comfort in the fact that when they get old, they'll have nobody left around to love them. You will.

I know its easy to come out with guns blazing for a confrontation - believe me, I've done it - but it doesn't solve anything. Rise above it - remember, you are a woman, a lady, a mother - and as somebody else said, what goes around comes around.

Keep smiling honey, sending you big hugs xx
ps...sorry to hijack the thread to rant - just nice to know I'm not alone!!

 

[MINKUS]

bloominora carrie....


hugs out to you to cant believe a mother would do that to her own daughter can You?

People NEVER fail to amaze me.

Amb x

 

[redchris001]

I feel for you Nailfairy and agree with Sassy - the best way to get her back is to completely ignore her, don't let her know that she has any affect on you whatsoever! This will really get to her. And as Carrie says

"all you need to remember is that you have your own family who love you and cherish you. She doesn't. It will be hard for your kids to understand at first, but they will. Don't allow evil people like this to affect your life - and take some comfort in the fact that when they get old, they'll have nobody left around to love them. You will".

Carrie I can't believe any mother would tell her daughter that she deserved to miscarry - that is plain evil!!!!!!!!!! :hug: I am speechless!!!!!!!!1 :surprised:

But on a positive note: Me and my daughter-in-law get along famously, I love her to death and treat her exactly the same as my own daughter. She is the mother of my granddaughter - the most beautiful little girl in the world - how could I not love her and be grateful for making my life so perfect with my grandchild? So some of us mums and daughter-in-laws get along just fine!!!

Take heart Nailfairy you'll learn from this and treat your sons wives with the respect they deserve and have a wonderful relationship with them and just show her how its done! :Love:

 

[Bryony]

What a TOTAL Cow!!!!!!!

But you are lucky in that your husband can also see what she is like!

I know it seems childish to drop to her level but that is what I'd do - and I wouldn't have waited 11 years!!!! I would just cut her out of your lives. It's her loss. Explain to the children that it's nothing to do with them. Good advice from Sassy:

I have never said anything bad about their dad to them, just left them to come to their own conclusions and they see him for what he really is. It is hard to cope with the rejection, but it's made them stronger in the long run and realise that the world isn't rose tinted and to really appreciate what makes a true friend.

You'll have to say something to the children without slagging her off, it's up to them to make their own minds up.


I haven't spoken one of my brothers for about 4 years and that was just after one incident where he acted like a spoilt, ungrateful brat!!! I wouldn't put with friends who treated me like Sh**, so I don't see why I should put up with it from family!

anyone getting a vibe that mother in laws are pretty much all the same..........

My mum Loves my hubby to bits ...if we argue she sticks up WITH HIM!!!

I said the same today about my mum and my man!! Have to say, his mum is FANTASTIC! She didn't understand why he'd left his wife and kids so I was bricking it before I met her, not sure how she'd be with me knowing she didn't approve of him leaving his family (NOTHING to do with me BTW!). She's been absolutely lovely. My nan on the other was a real cow to boyfriend and has only recently started to talk to him (She never even used to say his name!!!), she met his kids and now thinks they and him are fantastic!!??

 

[Sassy Hassy]

OMG Carrie, your own mother? I think hell is going to packed in years to come with all these evil, evil people. Why can't people learn to love more? I'm coming back as a swan, they are beautiful creatures and totally devoted to their family!!