4 year old monster!!

[cantrelax]

Goodevening all!

I have searched on the world wide web for this info but believe it or not I am not find ing the info I need and besides I believe its better to talk to "real" people who have experienced the same issues.

Ok well the issue is actually my 4 year old son whi has turned into some sort of monster since his dad came back from holiday. He was away for 7 days nd came back last Thursday. Since then he has been throwing tantrums, shouting at me, being extreamly arguementative and saying things like, "I don't want to talk to you." "I don't like talking to you, you make me bored."

Now I know that is probably just attention seeking from his faher, just acting up because his daddy is back. But it really is making me feel quite depressed. Especially because while his dad was away he was fantastically behaived. I didn't have to shout, put him to sit on the step...He did as he was asked and that was that.

I feel like the bad guy all the time. I have decided that I will not shout or loose my temper. As I am sure this will only mak matters worse or even cause him to resent (is that word too strong). But I really and stuck for what to do here guys.


Any tips would be greatly appreciated. :hug:

 

[IllumeGirl]

Team work is what you need here..has Dad sat him down and spoken with him yet? If so, then every time your little fella disrespects you and Dad is there, then i think your hubby needs to tell him off and have him apologise to you. Zero tolerance for disrespect..it has to be very consistant and calm with consequences..you may be in for a initial battle..but stick to your guns..dont forget though to praise him for every little bit of good behaviour. Good luck!:hug:

 

[beautyseeker]

:hug:
I agree with melody jayne, but also it sounds like he had fun just being alone with you for a whole week and now he has to share you with his dad again! He will get over it you just need to be patient. My 13 year old daughter is going through the terrible threes again (and I thought it was all over Hah!), best thing is try to be patient and not take it too personally. You sound like a fab mum just keep telling yourself that.

 

[mercedes69]

I tend to think the attention he wants is more from you than daddy... he obviously enjoyed his week with you and now daddy has come home and he has lost your undivided attention... by being disruptive and cheeky he will get your attention....anything is better than nothing in his eyes...:green: Childrens logic LOL

I guess it is just a matter of extreme patience and a little more exclusive time on your own with him...but then he has to realise there can be more than one person in your life.

Apart from that...he sounds just like a normal 4 year old :lol::lol::lol: This is what children do...make our lives hell LOL xxxxxx

 

[cantrelax]

Thankyou for your replies.

Daddy is very good and does back me up whenever he is being a bit naughty. Tell shim he cannot speak to me that way.

I have now implimented a gold star chart that has a coloumb for all the good boy things he does. He has built up quite a collection today, I hope this reward system works!

As you say, I will just have to be very patient and hopefully it will pass very soon! lol


Thanks again xxxx

 

[Susie H]

Hi hun, I've missed you:hug:
I like your gold star system, does he get a surprise reward for every 10 stars?
Also, I found that raised eyebrows and a cold stare followed by me shunning them was a very good way of showing the children that this was not the sort of thing I expected from them. In fact when my 20 year old forgot and swore in front of me last weekend he said, sorry mum and please don't do the eye thing on me, I hate it, it makes me feel so guilty:lol: Why beat them, psychological damage is much more fun:lol:

 

[beautyseeker]

Hi hun, I've missed you:hug:
I like your gold star system, does he get a surprise reward for every 10 stars?
Also, I found that raised eyebrows and a cold stare followed by me shunning them was a very good way of showing the children that this was not the sort of thing I expected from them. In fact when my 20 year old forgot and swore in front of me last weekend he said, sorry mum and please don't do the eye thing on me, I hate it, it makes me feel so guilty:lol: Why beat them, psychological damage is much more fun:lol:

I had quite forgotten the eye thing, my mum used to do that to me. I think I will try it with my 13 year old. Thanks for the tip. The star system is great so long as there is a reward, and when they do not behave take a star away, that also works.

 

[Silver Fern]

I'll have to give the eye thing a go - I'm tearing my hair out with my 3 year old shouting at me and calling me naughty if I don't agree with him!! :lol:

 

[cantrelax]

Ok guys,

I'd just thought I'd let you know how the star thingy worked with Cameron.

In three days I have not had to shout, put him on the step or ask him to do anything more than once. I have have not had to give him any "funny" looks or felt even the need to shout!

I know it is still early days but it really has worked and thank you Susie for thetip about a treat for every ten stars he gets. That has worked also.

I have a large piece of paper that I stuck above his bed. On that paper I wrote in big, colourful letters all the things that I ask him to do on a regular basis that he would alway moan about.

Eat his breakfast at the table.
Brush your teeth
Get undressed
Go to the toilet
Homework (Just reading or maybe ten minutes from an activity book)
Get in the bath etc etc.

So each time he does what he is told he gets a star. He loves it, I let him put them on.

The most beautiful thing about it is that because I havent shouted he prefers to spend more time with me now. I hope it lasts!!! xx