After hours work dilemma!

[Mrs.Clooney]

I feel trapped at the mo. My hubby has put me between a rock and a hard place. We both want me to succeed and he has totally financed my business and naturally wants to see a return on his investment, but I also feel I need to be flexible with my clients at the mo as I don't have many and my speed is not up to scratch so some of them can only come on Saturdays or evenings. Hubby is saying NO to this. He is a doctor and can work late but he doesn't want to take responsibility for feeding and getting kids to bed. I know he loaths it. I have a NEW client booked for this afternoon and when I enthusiastically told him, his response was, "Oh, I suppose I have to do your babysitting for you!" (He is on leave) and this baby he is talking about is OURS! I could have socked him and told him so! Geek advice that doesn't involve husband lynching needed please although it's tempting.

 

[yogacat]

(tries not to :smack: hubby)

Personally i think it is essential for you to offer AT LEAST one evening or Saturday, as most of your best "pool" of clients will be working women, who will not want to take time off for a nails apt.

I'm trying really hard to be tactful here, as i'm a bit shocked by your husband's attitude, but to me, his attitude is unacceptable past the 1950s. Like you said - it's HIS baby, not just some random baby dropped in from nowhere!

Maybe you could stick to one night a week when he's likely to be working?

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

(tries not to :smack: hubby)

Personally i think it is essential for you to offer AT LEAST one evening or Saturday, as most of your best "pool" of clients will be working women, who will not want to take time off for a nails apt.

I'm trying really hard to be tactful here, as i'm a bit shocked by your husband's attitude, but to me, his attitude is unacceptable past the 1950s. Like you said - it's HIS baby, not just some random baby dropped in from nowhere!

Maybe you could stick to one night a week when he's likely to be working?

No offence taken! I am really struggling here and asked for advice and suggestions. I LOVE your little Hubby slapping Icon!

 

[yogacat]

:lol:
Glad you like it!

 

[LindaH73]

I know how you feel, my hubby (although he doens't say it) makes me feel that the children are my responsibility so i have decided to gain my independence and get a full or part time job, learn to drive and share the housework and kids with my hubby. Even though the children will have to go into child care we will all benefit in the long run (so why do i feel so guilty!) We will be able to buy our council house, do the work to it that we want to do, get out of debt then i can learn to drive and put more energy to setting up my own nail/beauty business!

 

[sharron]

I know how you feel, my hubby (although he doens't say it) makes me feel that the children are my responsibility so i have decided to gain my independence and get a full or part time job, learn to drive and share the housework and kids with my hubby. Even though the children will have to go into child care we will all benefit in the long run (so why do i feel so guilty!) We will be able to buy our council house, do the work to it that we want to do, get out of debt then i can learn to drive and put more energy to setting up my own nail/beauty business!

I know how you feel, my hubby is a police officer and never home, and when he is he's shouting at the kids or complaining of a headache...i feel like i cant go anywhere without having kids around my feet, however much I love them....
maybe you can maybe try and work one night a week and explain to your hubby that you work to and need him to spend some time with the baby ..its not babysitting its his job as a dad.......

 

[Bagpuss]

Hiya....

I suppose this depends on how old your kids are..? i have 3 girls aged 9, 5, and 4....when its a school night they go to bed by 7pm....so although its late i take a booking for 7.30 and some clients love cos they work till 6 and wanna have tea..etc...Would a later booking help you...? Do you have any teenage girls/boys in your family who could help out with a bit of babysitting....? grandparents etc....?

Cant really think of anything else....unless you are intrested in maybe working in the day while hubby is working and having the kids go to a minder...?

I too am trying real hard not to call your husband cos i would go mad if it was me....my hubby see's putting the kids to bed as a pleasure cos he hasn't seen them all day....and not a chore at all. I really don't know how he thinks you are supposed to make this work without his helping out with the kids.... Best of luck hun xxxxx

 

[geeg]

You may think this sounds crazy, but it does work... with children too.

Write him a letter ... a logical letter ... without any inflammatory language etc ... and explain how you are feeling and that you would like him to rethink carefully about his attitude towards your business, your marriage and the support that should go along with it, and his role as a father.

You cant argue with a letter. You think about a letter and its contents without the other person being there to arouse emotional feelings.
It is a good start and it is done in a calm atmosphere. Doesn't hurt to try and this worked so well with my teenage children when I was raising them. x good luck.

 

[kittenclaws]

my hubby gave me £10,000 to train and stuff to be a nail tech, he has offered all the support i need and even when i go away to college he is more than happy to look after the kids, my kids are 12, 11, and 9 and all from a previous marrage but hubby's saying is "married me married my kids" he is helping me to do up my home salon and also he has said although he doesnt want me working weekends he wouldnt mind saturdays as a lot of working people only have sats to get there nails done,
as for evenings my kids are old enough to be doing there own thing and hubby is studying for a IT exam he has to go to brussels for so i am usually left to my own devices, so evening appointments will be welcome
i dont think i could do it without his support
i think you need to sit with hubby, maybe over a nice meal or something and explaine how you feel and that you as a person need to do your own thing, with his support otherwise it will never work, what time do the kids go to bed? as maybe you could reach a compromise and have a little family time then put the kids to bed, then have appointments booked for after that time,
i hope it all works out for you:hug:

 

[Pinkruth]

I can totally sympathise with you on this. My husband is a HGV driver and as obvious as it sounds they don't work set hours. Moving into the nail industry has been a long term ambition as I am a retail manager by trade (New Look), but I haven't worked for a while. I've just turned 29 and decided to take the bull by the horns and do what I have always wanted to do, which is nails. Now I feel I have always taken the back seat when it came to career, especially when it came to childcare. We have a 3 year old who is about to start nursery and an 8 year old. Im currently working through the Essential Nails acrylic course, and about to sign up for the Creative foundation. My husband is finding it difficult to grasp that I have ambition (I too intend to start off mobile and then a Nail Bar), and we have discussed childcare and it is down to me to organise it and work around him. Im the one who is having to approach family to discuss WHEN I can work, which I dont think is any way to start a business. To top it all off, we all know the finacial commitment you put into a new business, well my hubby is starting to complain and ask when we are going to see a return!!!! I only started my EN course Monday!

Anyway I see your point of view and think you need to stand your ground and calmly and firmly explain to him that this industry does not work 9 - 5, but has to be flexible to meet the needs of our clients, if we want to be finacially successful that is.

 

[Michybug]

I feel trapped at the mo. My hubby has put me between a rock and a hard place. We both want me to succeed and he has totally financed my business and naturally wants to see a return on his investment, but I also feel I need to be flexible with my clients at the mo as I don't have many and my speed is not up to scratch so some of them can only come on Saturdays or evenings. Hubby is saying NO to this. He is a doctor and can work late but he doesn't want to take responsibility for feeding and getting kids to bed. I know he loaths it. I have a NEW client booked for this afternoon and when I enthusiastically told him, his response was, "Oh, I suppose I have to do your babysitting for you!" (He is on leave) and this baby he is talking about is OURS! I could have socked him and told him so! Geek advice that doesn't involve husband lynching needed please although it's tempting.

MEN eh????? Mars and Venus springs to mind.

I really feel for you as my Ex-hubby was very similiar, he let me train as a Holistic Therapist, brought me a couch, was a willing volunteer for my practice - but when it came to clientele and a business, it was no weekends or evenings (unless he was away) and no men. Dinner had to be on the table when he got home (and i never knew when to expect him??), and it was also my responsibility to put the kids to bed. With all this, I passed my course but my business never started let alone take-off. A whole years training wasted. Then he left me for my best friend!! :smack:

Anyway, just an idea that used to work with my ex.... everytime I wanted to venture into something, he would only listen if I drew up a business plan. I thought that if your hubby is similar in attitude, you could draw up a basic business plan to include week-days only, and another one to include the odd weekend and evening. Obviously the return involved with working evenings and weekends could be as much as 75% more profit.

Perhaps we could arrange a poll/vote on here as to nail techs business % 's and times etc - I'd be quite interested to know some figures, as it may help we work out hours myself. Does any1 know how to request a poll - is it possible?

So I am learning to do nails now (just got my cert from college yesterday), and I totally love it. Now doing Essential Nails course in acrylics and plan to do loads more.

Oh, and my new partner of 5 years is totally supporting of my nails, kids etc, and we're getting married next year in Hawaii - just decided, can't wait!!!!

Hope it all works out for you.

 

[angel fingers]

has he thought about all the babysitting you do for him when hes working ?
i do 3 evenings a week and alternative saturdays. when you are starting out in this business, you have to be flexible, because the people who pay your wages have to work too.
taking over your roll will make him appreciate what hard work it is, but it will improve his relationship with the child.
why is it when men look after children, everybody says what a fantastic dad they are, yet when we do it nobody gives it a second thought ? grrr !

 

[caz3]

Oh it is hard for us women I know what you are saying my hubby has just finished 22 years in the Army which I have done many of thses years with him always taking the back seat and bringing our kids up on my own all 5 of them. He would be away for 6 months at a time and then lived away from home the lasy 6 years only saw him 8 days a month.

He is out the Army now and has a job which gets him home at 6pm every night and no weekend work so at long last I feel I can do my nails I am still learning have done two courses.

Well I am working on clients when I have them in the evening they come around 7pm, so I rush around getting tea also trying to get the little kids a bath so when hubby gets in he can eat, and not have to do too much other than sit with the kids.

I am slow at the nail so it can be 11.30 before my client leaves I have not eaten so then I get some food I feel that hubby could have maybe made me a light meal for when I have finsished but no he is ready for his bed.

I do feel that although he says he does not mind me working in the evenings and he does not mind having the kids deep down he would not cope if I did this everynight! He would not like it.

The best time my hubby would like me to work was 10pm when he has been fed, kids are fed and in bed, and everything else is sorted LOL!

With hime being away all the time we were married he is not used to this family life he is used to finishing work going for his tea and then sitting in his room on his own all night or going to the bar with the other live in squadies nice life eh

I would sit hubby down and tell him how you feel I have told my hubby all of this he said he does not mind doing anything for us all but makes me wonder some days.

Good luck
Caz xxx

 

[scattyfox]

Hi hun

i sympathise with you, my husband said he was supportive of my new career but wouldnt babysit as he called it for our son and would start showing off five minutes before a client was due then he would make them tea and act all sweetness and light, talk about make me feel demented the two faced wotsit.

Geeg's suggestion was very good write a letter, sit down and give it too him, maybe he was having a bad day and did not realise how much he was hurting you.

I do the same as Angie my tiddler is in bed and asleep by 7pm so leaving room for a client at 7.30, I am normally done by 10 at the latest after i have cleaned everything down, this works for me really well. I do not work long on a saturday normally just a couple of hours in the morning, i need some time to be able to do the housework and get the shopping as well as try and spend some time with my kids.

I hope you both manage to work something out that works for both of you
x

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

Jeepers Creepers! So I am not alone. I really would like to reply but have to get tiddler out the bath and get dinner on the go so can't do it now, but THANK YOU one and all and keep the comments rolling. I did my new client this afternoon. She had previously had her nails done by one of those foreign in/out nailbars. No offence meant, really, but her enhancements looked terrible and her nails were peeling and pitted. She sweared NEVER AGAIN and was so pleased with her new set of nails that she has booked to come back! Hubby loved the cheque she wrote out and didn't have to look after the tiddler any way as she went to the childminders. For those who asked, ages are 2 1/2 and 11 yrs. Both girls.

 

[Prionace]

Well, i think geeg's sugestion is very good. You can spill out everything inside you, and without saying things you might regret afterwards. I hope that he will be sensible enought to see that he is hurting you when he says things like this, and hopefully he'll start looking at things from another perspective.
I'm not married, and don't have any children, but my boyfriend didn't like it very much when i started taking clients and had less time for house cleaning. Since I can't afford to hire a maid, and if we did the housecleaning together, we wouldn't have any free time together, I decided to bite the bullet, and exchange 4 hours of cleaning (once a week) for a dinner out wherever i wish to go on Friday night. I know it might sound stange, and not very ecticall, but the house is clean, we don't argue, and he still has to pay like he would if he was hiring a maid...

 

[Sassy Hassy]

I feel trapped at the mo. My hubby has put me between a rock and a hard place. We both want me to succeed and he has totally financed my business and naturally wants to see a return on his investment, but I also feel I need to be flexible with my clients at the mo as I don't have many and my speed is not up to scratch so some of them can only come on Saturdays or evenings. Hubby is saying NO to this. He is a doctor and can work late but he doesn't want to take responsibility for feeding and getting kids to bed. I know he loaths it. I have a NEW client booked for this afternoon and when I enthusiastically told him, his response was, "Oh, I suppose I have to do your babysitting for you!" (He is on leave) and this baby he is talking about is OURS! I could have socked him and told him so! Geek advice that doesn't involve husband lynching needed please although it's tempting.

How about this idea ... if he sees looking after the children as babysitting then it works both ways. Say you want paying a wage for babysitting all day, and you'll do likewise when he does it at night!!

Where do these male chauvinists find these huge chps they have on their shoulder. My EX husband would say, don't mind what you do as long as the children are looked after, the house is clean and my meal is waiting for me on the table. THAT IS WHY HE IS MY EX!! Not saying for you to end your marriage, but remember that you only have one life, so live it to the full and DO WHAT YOU WANT. Stand up to this man, he's behaving like a school bully.

Your husband is behaving like a complete and utter prat, tell him Sassy says to get his act together or we'll send the Geeks round to sort him!! No one will stand in the way of a Geek and their nails!!

 

[emmad]

I have soooooo been there!!!!

My hubby works abroad Tues-Fri and eventually I had to stop offerning evening appointments from home as I found it far too stressfull. I have a 2 and 4 year old and getting them to bed etc etc on time and feel refreshed for an evening client was harder and harder the more I did it. Now I offer my services on a Saturday (I have a salon now so its a bit different) and hubby has to look after the kids. In school holidays when I have to be at home all week I work all day and into the evening to fit everyone in.

Fortunately he is happy to spend the extra time with the kids as hes not around all week. When theres lots to do around the house and garden at weekends he gets grumpy though so I do have to make sure I'm on top of the chores. He's happy to share all this stuff but hes not good at doing 20 things at once like we are!

My hubby really appeared to resent the whole thing at first and did nothing to make it easy for me to train and work. Now we are a couple of years down the line, he is realising that its not a flash in the pan and I'm really giving it my all. Having been a housewife for the last 6 years he found the transition hard and kept suggesting that it was a hobby which was taking up a bit too much time in his opinion.

In the end I had to make him realise that my enterprise was going to take up my time, our money and alot of my energy but in return he would/should have a happier wife and mummy for it. Its working - ish although hes not quite used to the saturdays yet.

I think your other half needs a reality check hun. Dispite his busy job,he must learn to be capable with your child when you are not around -end of.

There is loads of support here for you.

 

[pinkshell_nails]

This is a situation that most of us will get into at some point. Im having the same dilema myself. I offer a late eve on a weds, where i work from 10 till 8.30, however most evenings are getter later and later and its putting a strain on my relationship not only with my partner but with my kids too. I totally agree with your hubby (not the babysitting your kid part!!), and you really do have to be in a routine. I would say to you to offer one late eve, and work on a saturday too, but you have to be firm when it comes to clients, if they like your work they will find a way of being able to get to you for an appt when you are open. HTH. xx