Being taken forgranted

[dawn74pink]

What would you do if you felt that you been taken forgranted? Someone in my family today just pushed it a little to far and Iost my head and told them where to get off, feeling abit guilty now. But at the end of the day, I was just fed with having to drop everything just because they needed a babysitter.

Have you been taken forgranted and how did you deal with it in the end.

 

[Do-it-all Deb]

I really empathise with you right now - my teenage son (probably like all teenagers!) has pushed me to the brink lately in various ways and I really fell out with him this morning............nearly chucked him out the car on the way to school! I said various things, which although I meant every word I now feel really guilty about. Some of us are not built to be horrible and are too sensitive probably! Anyway, this doesn't help you hunny............I have no answer to your probs except to say, keep your chin up and hopefully something good will arise from your outburst.

 

[bimbogeri]

I do often feel that Al takes me for granted... I always seem to be the one doing nice things - cooking a special meal, making sure I text him good night and good morning, picking him little bits up from the shops and generally just seeming to think of him more than he does of me. However, often if I say anything he gets quite hurt because I know he doesn't mean to, and it upsets him to think that's he's upset me.
Feeling that you are being taken for granted is a hard emotion, because more often than not the person doing it hasn't realised. Sometimes you do get some people who just can't see what they're doing wrong, but I think often people don't realise, and because it's a hard subject to broach you tend to let it fester until you're so p'd off you blow your top.
I know it sounds very daytime-talk-show but I think the best thing to do is just to sit down and say 'I know you don't mean it but.. such and such a thing makes me feel taken for granted'. Keep it neutral - rather than saying 'YOU make me feel like this' say that the SITUATION makes you feel a certain way. Stress that you don't mind things up to a point - ie, 'you know I love my niece/godson/your child/whatever, but sometimes it's not always convenient for me to babysit and it may be better if I am not your automatic port of call'. If you can get them to change their arrangements so that someone else is the regular babysitter but you are happy to help every other saturday/in an emergency etc etc then you won't feel so used and they won't take offence.
It's hard because there will always be one or two people who can just never see your point of view and think you may be overreacting or worse, being selfish, but that is their problem and not yours. Draw boundaries and stick to them, or it will become a bug-bear that may just spill out into other areas.
HTH hun, and if not, here's a hug! :hug:
xx

 

[ValencianNails]

That is such good advice Geri, especially the bit about festering and letting off steam, and probably for the wrong reasons too.

I'm a festerer... let it boil up inside me... WHY??? because I can't stand confrontation even when people take the 'p'. It isn't healthy, it's eats away at you.

It is better to let it all out, the problem is trying to have it sound constructive, why not offer him/her round for a coffee and explain how it makes you feel.
It will be hard for you but you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and hopefully let them see where they are taking advantage.

In the meantime... smile and know inside yourself that you are a nice person :hug:

 

[Mrs Geek]

Always better to take a deep breath and be calm! My Haydn can drive me nuts (he is 12 imagine him in a few years ) and I promised myself this year I wouldn't fly off the handle but to try and be more understanding!! I also think that we women are so used to multi tasking, that we get on with it and suddenly it dawns on us that we just did everything!! Bimbogeri is right, let it out and a quiet but firm unapologetic word in the ear will help loads!! Keeping negative feelings inside is NOT healthy at all and can lead to illness if not careful - this is fact bTW (not saying you are doing this) but it is very interesting to note that positive feelings etc can help us mentally and physically!

 

[Jaffacake]

I have to agree on this one too, better to say how you feel calmly than to blow your top and blurt it all out without having time to think it through first. I had the same thing happen a few years ago with my now ex best friend. We met at anti-natal classes and were best friends for about 6 years, She wanted to go back to work after a couple of years and asked if i would mind childminding her two daughters? We came to an agreement that I would look for a job that fitted in with hers so we could scratch each others backs so to speak. Well, I looked after hers for a good year or more, didnt get paid or anything, and they had dinner with us every night (hardly a thankyou!), trying to find a job to 'fit' but everything was no good because it was too early, too late etc and didnt suit her. eventually i found a dinner lady job in a local school and she tried to talk me out of doing it, said it would be like working full time for part time money. I was already feeling resentful towards her due to her attitude, and my youngest only had a few months until she was starting school by then, she could obviously see that i wouldnt need her for much longer and asked if i would continue to have hers for another year until she started school aswell? I said I would have her until the end of the summer hols but didnt really want to be tied for another year. She went absolutely mental, crying and screaming at me that i had used her and now i was ok i was dumping her in the s**t!! I wish i had said ok get on with it i wont do it anymore full stop, but she let me carry on for another 6 months and hasnt spoken to me since!!

I wouldnt let anyone take me for a mug now, you learn by your mistakes!! lol

 

[The Beauty Shed]

I have had this problem for years. When I met my now fiancee, the first thing his mom and sister wanted to know was what I did for a living (I was a hairdresser then), and that was it, whenever they want a cut or colour or blow dry they are on the phone, but they always expect me to do it that day! If I say I'm busy, they say but you are at home, what have you got to do? I have always been expected to drop everything for them with a moments notice and now it's the same with nails!! If they break a nail, I'm there within an hour to replace it! It is ridiculous and I get so worked up about it, but what can you say to your future mother and sister in law!!??!!

 

[dee]

i didnt speak to my sister for 7 years coz she used to have me for a mug, i only recently spoke to her at a family funeral, and this year she actually managed to send me a xmas card :suprised: , she is still useless and totally selfish but we did clear the air a bit , but you shouldnt let stuff eat you up coz it only makes you all bitter !! believe me i despised my sister :twisted: which is a shame because at the end of the day she is still my sister , so now i try not to let it get to me , but i dont let her take the p*** either lol

 

[Glorsclaws]

Hmmm! Do I know how it feels to be taken for granted? ... Im a mother... nuff said!!! :irked:

 

[suey]

Sorry you are feeling a bit peeved at the moment Dawn. It is such a hard thing to deal with, being taken for granted, one of my new year resolutions was to be stronger, and learn to say, "no!" I find myself all over the place, helping at school, fundrasing for various charities, running the web site, working at the salon, taking the kids here there and everywhere, cooking, cleaning, ironing etc, etc....I've been feeling really low lately, I don't feel i have any time for me, it could be because I am turning 40 this year , maybe just 'cos it's January!? who knows? but it is so unlike me, just can't seem to shake it off :sad:


Bimbogeri, gave some fab advice. Sherri, I can't believe your so called friend???!!! :evil:

I tell you if anyone is having man trouble though(who doesn't ) they ought to read men are from mars women are from venus. Helps to explain that rather strange species. Mind you girls, think we are rather more complex, and harder to figure out, hey, i don't even fully know why i'm feeling as i am, so I can't exspect anyone else to

 

[Sal]

I call my sister "me, myself and I" instead of her name (not to her face obviously!!).

The rest of the family know I call her this and agree with me.

I'm not even going to start telling you all what she has done in the past - for one thing it would take too long but for another it's far too painful.

However, i have learnt that she will never change and I have to take her for what she is. I get on with her by seeing her once every couple of months and both me and her are happy with this. Although if she has a problem she will be on the phone to me every day to talk about herself and her problem (but never phones me even when she knows I have a problem!).

Thankfully my niece has a totally different personality to her and is a delight to be with.

Being taken for granted is such a difficult situation to deal with - my sister has such a volatile personality that it is difficult to confront her without her upsetting the whole family.

Dawn - for what its worth, try not to feel too guilty, some people don't realise what they are doing unless it's spelt out to them. Hopefully the family member concerned will have had time to think about why you were so cross with them.

Hope you've managed to sort things out?

 

[kas67]

:twisted: What is it with techs and their sisters mine's just as selfish, she expects me to drop everything as soon as she phones. Last christmas I was 7 1/2 months pregnant and totally knackered when she phones me on cristmas eve after a long days work ready to drop my sprog there and then and demands that I come over and do her nails after work. At first I say no ,then she starts to beg so I give in,I tell her that she has to come to me, she agrees so I take all my equipment home (this includes all my airbrush equipment as she has to have them airbrushed and covered in diamontes) dragging it to my car 500 yards down the road as we can't park outside the salon. Finally I get home and she rings to say forget it SHE can't be bothered. Then she tells me I can't go into labour untill she's had her nails done and believe me she meant it!

 

[Sal]

:twisted: What is it with techs and their sisters mine's just as selfish, she expects me to drop everything as soon as she phones. Last christmas I was 7 1/2 months pregnant and totally knackered when she phones me on cristmas eve after a long days work ready to drop my sprog there and then and demands that I come over and do her nails after work. At first I say no ,then she starts to beg so I give in,I tell her that she has to come to me, she agrees so I take all my equipment home (this includes all my airbrush equipment as she has to have them airbrushed and covered in diamontes) dragging it to my car 500 yards down the road as we can't park outside the salon. Finally I get home and she rings to say forget it SHE can't be bothered. Then she tells me I can't go into labour untill she's had her nails done and believe me she meant it!

Knowing what my sister is like, I totally believe it!