Bridesmaid-am I "allowed" to decline?

[Julie-Liz]

A true friend will understand Julie! Being uncomfortable in social situations doesn't make you selfish and certainly doesn't mean you don't care. Take your friend to lunch and have a good old chat about the whole thing. Let her know that you care very much about her and her special day and how honoured you were to be asked and how you could help out in a different way. I hope it goes well for you xx

Thank you for saying so. I do feel like crap about it, my friend knows what I'm like in public places like the kids school, around people etc anyway.

 

[Julie-Liz]

Ive never been a bridesmaid! Boohoo lol

My husband declined being best man to his best mate a few years ago, purely on account of his social anxiety and not being able to cope with the best man speech. They are just as good friends as ever and no way did it spoil the day for his mate.

At least as a bridesmaid theres no speech! Hope you can sort it out xxx

Glad I'm not alone there then. It's good to hear there were no hard feelings, and yes a speech would not be possible!

 

[SGordon91]

I've never been a bridesmaid 😭 haha but I have chronic anxiety disorder and I have mild depression (which thankfully I hardly suffer from these days) people find it very hard to understand how it all works. But the best thing is your friend understand and isn't expecting you to be anything other than you. If you take medication for your social anxiety just make sure you have a little clutch with it in it. Don't let this rule your life. I know it is a massive thing and is hard to pretend your social and not suffering but it's will probably be a wonderful day and regardless of how you think you are your friend sure does loves you and your quirks hence the reason she asks. So just have a good wee think. I know I wouldn't be hurt or offended and it wouldn't be awkward if you explained it like you are to us but like I said she understands. So maybe it's ok ? Hope that makes sense xx

 

[greenreader29]

You do what is best for you, I think people on here are selfish to think you should just do it. It's a lot of work and I understand it's hard 😃

 

[Redduck]

When I got married one of my best friends declined being a bridesmaid. I knew she had problems with social anxiety so I gave her the choice and she really didn't think she could do it.

I would have been mortified if she had just done it for me. Okay it was my wedding but I wanted everyone to enjoy it.

After the meal when we'd given the best man/bridesmaids presents I gave my friend the same bracelet we'd given the bridesmaids. We all had a lovely day.

I've seen how she has struggled over the years. People who don't live with social anxiety don't have a clue what it is like. If you don't feel you can be a bridesmaid then explain this to your friend xx

 

[squidgernetball]

I would talk to her and explain how you feel. It would be far worse to feel forced into accepting and then find you really struggle on the day or end up letting her down at the last minute. You could give this as your reason for refusing.

I would reiterate that you want to be there every step of the way for her but would find that too hard.

Friendships work both ways x

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[nickysnails200]

Hey Hun, I answered before you said about your anxiety, I think that's a completely different story and if you feel you can't cope then you shouldn't do it. Tell your friend face to face though and explain about what happened at your sisters wedding and about your anxiety. I'm sure she'll understand if it's due to medical reasons rather than you just not wanting to, but definitely explain that you still want to help and everything. Good luck with whatever you decide xx

 

[princessamie]

Its a toughy but if you properly explain your reasons, I think the bride would rather you enjoy the wedding than feeling uncomfortable for the whole day!

On the flip side, I was asked to be a bridesmaid for one if my oldest friends. It was being planned for a year or so down the line and I was more than happy to accept. Then, she found out that she was pregnant and that her step father was suffering with a brain tumour. They decided to move the wedding way forward and because of that the budget had gone way down and it wasn't to be as big as they originally planned. She had to halve her bridal party and I was one of those for the cull. I was absolutely fine with it, I understood it was a hard decision for her.

True friendship allows for things like that too happen. She may be a little upset but when she properly understands your reasons, she'll be fine. As long as you're there to support her in the run up and on the day, that's all that matters right?

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[domz85]

Definately have chat with her about how you feel..she might be happy for you to fit in somewhere on the day that means your not ao in focus.?? plus she kniws you and maybe be expecting you to decline

 

[mollie1985]

I declined to be my best friends bridesmaid, I explained that as she already knows I hate getting photos took, all the fuss of being a bridesmaid and in general it's just not my thing, she totally understood and there wasn't a problem, we still have a laugh about it, to me any decent friend/sister etc should understand when you explain your reasons, surely she will prefer the truth than to waste money and your dress, hair etc and you be miserable in the day worrying about your kids and hubby xx