My best mate has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids and I really want to say no. I will happily go to her wedding as a normal guest, help her with AAAAALLLLL the plans, everything. I just don't want to go through all the annoying bridesmaid stuff. I have 3 kids n a husband, I rather be with them during the ceremony and at the reception, and getting ready in the morning. She's asked 3 other girls also so would it be so terrible to decline? I don't wanna come across as selfish n spoiled or whatever but I just wondered is it ok to say no?
Bridesmaid-am I "allowed" to decline?
- Thread starter Julie-Liz
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Personally I'd be hurt if I was the bride. I've been thinking about my wedding and there are a few people I would like as my bridesmaid but know that I can only have 2 or 3. Deciding who to ask means you are asking the people who mean the most to you.
Of course that's just my opinion and your friend may be accepting of your reasons
Of course that's just my opinion and your friend may be accepting of your reasons
nickysnails200
Well-Known Member
To be perfectly honest I would also be hurt if I was getting married and one of my friends said no, however I would understand if they had good reasons. If you do decide to decline you may have to be prepared for it to be a little awkward for a wee while. Good luck xx
Personally I'd be hurt if I was the bride. I've been thinking about my wedding and there are a few people I would like as my bridesmaid but know that I can only have 2 or 3. Deciding who to ask means you are asking the people who mean the most to you.
Of course that's just my opinion and your friend may be accepting of your reasons
I wouldn't want to hurt her that's for sure, I just think that it would be better if she had someone who wants to be at the front with her than someone who is uncomfortable in pretty much every social situation. I have bad anxiety problems and a personality disorder, I struggled as a bridesmaid at my own sisters wedding. In fact I was seriously told off for being "miserable". I just don't want to ruin her day by looking tense Cuz as much as I thought nobody noticed those things everyone at my sisters wedding did.
NailsXpress
Well-Known Member
I can't understand why people should feel hurt if she declined. The asking, is a question, to which there is a yes or no answer. The way the no is put to her is important as she doesn't want to offend her.
Just explain it to the bride as you already have.
Just explain it to the bride as you already have.
I wouldn't be offended if I was the bride, I'd want all my guests to be relaxed and happy on my big day.
As long as they were there, that's all that would matter to me.
Talk to her and explain your concerns x
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As long as they were there, that's all that would matter to me.
Talk to her and explain your concerns x
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I was asked to be my friends maid of honour last year and I was horrified. I really didn't want to do it but didn't want to hurt her by saying no. I am so glad I didn't say no now. Being there with her in the morning and getting ready with her and just being part of it meant so much more than just being a guest. X
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Aww that is really sweet Nikki.
I do feel guilty and rather selfish for feeling freaked out cuz we have been through a lot together, she knows my quirks as I call them. I just feel that if I was a total mess at my own sisters wedding how can I be any better at my friends? Makes me feel like I'm being a bad friend. It's bad enough a lot of her family won't be there as the groom is 25yrs older than her and they don't agree, the relationship has been up and down as a result of people's strong opinions but they have come this far so, Maybe I should just suck it up. I just wasn't sure if there was an etiquette with this or if anyone else has said thanks but no thanks? And how it went? U never hear of bridesmaids declining.
salj
Well-Known Member
Should you suck it up?? Yeah probably if she's a good friend. It's your friend's day and it's just 1 day. X
nailtekireland
Well-Known Member
Yeah, its your best mate!! Its HER day and you should be happy for her. What a privilege it is to be asked to stand beside someone and support them in one of the most important days of their life. Stop making it about you,and sick it up!!!
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Well if u don't ask about these things u don't find out. I'm not making it about me, I'm asking if declining is wrong. If I was making it about me I wouldn't come to a forum my friend knows nothing about to ask quietly what people I have never met (and therefore don't know her to gossip) their views. I would dramatically complain about it to all sundry face to face.
Thank you for your opinions though, it's interesting to read what people think and how they present it. Xx
Thank you for your opinions though, it's interesting to read what people think and how they present it. Xx
I'm getting married next year and my best friend called me from Australia this week to break the news that she's extended her visa and now won't be back until a few weeks before the wedding. She's now not able to be a bridesmaid as she won't be back for dress fittings etc but that's ok with me as she's doing what makes her happy
At the end of the day, brides ASK their friends to be bridesmaids. It's not a real question if you can't answer it with a no. I didn't ask my sister, i told her she was my chief bridesmaid. But my others, I asked them nicely and told them they could say no if they weren't comfortable. As long as your friend is really your friend, she will understand. Yes, it's her day, but she's asked you and you get a choice
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At the end of the day, brides ASK their friends to be bridesmaids. It's not a real question if you can't answer it with a no. I didn't ask my sister, i told her she was my chief bridesmaid. But my others, I asked them nicely and told them they could say no if they weren't comfortable. As long as your friend is really your friend, she will understand. Yes, it's her day, but she's asked you and you get a choice
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ColourGirly
Well-Known Member
TBH your reasons are a bit selfish!
You want to spend the day with your family- it's one day, her day!
You want to spend the day with your family- it's one day, her day!
I wish people would read more replies before commenting. The op has stated that she has a personality disorder and anxiety issues (although I would have said this in your opening statement if it's a true reason than wanting to be with your husband).
I don't think you are being selfish if you have PD and would struggle with the day.
I don't think you are being selfish if you have PD and would struggle with the day.
I was in the middle of 8 weeks impatient rehab following a stroke when they got married. I had to beg for 2 days out. I walked down the aisle in flat shoes all strapped up and held together with various gadgets, held up by a groomsmen. I was terrified but it was worth it. It's totally up to you if you really don't want to, you are allowed to decline. but do have a good think before you say no. Xxx
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Fair enough to u.
As was said above if saying "no" isn't an option then it's not an ask. She asked me to be bridesmaid less than a year ago when she got engaged to my husbands best friend. I didn't answer then either but we got stuck in with all the plans just like we have this time around. And no it's not me being weird cuz of the way things went with the previous partner etc. that's long and complicated. Been there for her every step of the way. Shes in a good place now. It was just a question I was curious about. But I will leave it there, I appreciate all the comments thank you xx
Aww bless you, that's very strong of u. I can understand y u feel the way u do, as I can't imagine the will power that must have took.
I remember when my mum had her stroke, all she wanted to do was get home to us and She swears having that focus made her get through her recovery so well, proved all the doctors wrong as they were convinced she wouldn't leave the hospital upright unaided.
I will of course think about it, it's just always interesting to get others thoughts. Or at least sticking my head in a lions mouth as I fear I may have done 😕
T
tonicj
Guest
A true friend will understand Julie! Being uncomfortable in social situations doesn't make you selfish and certainly doesn't mean you don't care. Take your friend to lunch and have a good old chat about the whole thing. Let her know that you care very much about her and her special day and how honoured you were to be asked and how you could help out in a different way. I hope it goes well for you xx
blossom
Well-Known Member
Ive never been a bridesmaid! Boohoo lol
My husband declined being best man to his best mate a few years ago, purely on account of his social anxiety and not being able to cope with the best man speech. They are just as good friends as ever and no way did it spoil the day for his mate.
At least as a bridesmaid theres no speech! Hope you can sort it out xxx
lolMy husband declined being best man to his best mate a few years ago, purely on account of his social anxiety and not being able to cope with the best man speech. They are just as good friends as ever and no way did it spoil the day for his mate.
At least as a bridesmaid theres no speech! Hope you can sort it out xxx
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