Feeling like a failure

[misskiani]

Hi everyone! Just need to have a slight rant, I left uni doing a criminology degree to follow my dreams of being a hairdresser when the option came up, It was 5 days a week college studying, so Had to give up work, had severe anxiety and had to learn to overcome with just pure commitment to follow my dream, I told my family that I had gotten into this first time ever course offered in my state one of 12 picked out of 400, everyone was supportive, my husband the most, but my father was angry, I finally qualified and became a qualified hairdresser working in a fantastic boutique salon, when I told him, he laughed and told me I was a disappointment and a typical beauty school drop out, I now have a home salon while studying cert 4 in beauty therapy, working 14 days straight then having one day off while studying and still I am a disappointment and need to get a real job instead of a hobby, and why study beauty when all you do is wax people, I am feeling like a failure when all I want is him to be happy and proud of me, it's making me want to leave the industry and go back to uni, even though it's what I live and breathe! I just wish other people including my father realised how hard it is to become a hairdresser and beauty Therapist, has anyone else had family against you and what you have always wanted to do!

 

[Lady Murasaki]

My mother once told me she was ashamed that I was a dental nurse as I have a degree in marketing and gave up my job at a national newspaper to re train a RDN

Since I qualified as an RDN I now earn more than her as I work as a locum and have a better work/balance.

Don't listen to your father!

 

[dollface2305-x-]

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way, you need to follow your dream, I did a levels then when it came to choosing uni's I said I didn't want to go and wanted to do hairdressing the school weren't interested were only interested in the people going to uni, my dad wanted me to go to uni was disappointed when I didn't want to go, I started my hairdressing training my dad came round he thought hairdressing was an easy job then he realised how much effort I was putting in, there are days when I do 10 hour days a few months ago he told me how proud he was, last year all my friends finished uni they are in a ton of debt and can't find a job, I am in a better position on a good wage, and me and my boyfriend are about to buy a house, don't give up lovely, when people tell you you're a disappointment makes you want to prove you're not 100 times more, sorry about the long essay haha

 

[dollface2305-x-]

12 hour days I mean

 

[sarahpoppy24]

This is a common theme on here! And I don't get it at all. Do you know what keep working at what you are doing. And I would suggest not telling them anything any more. If they ask how your career is just say great thankyou. I see you have a husband and a job. You are financial Independent from your family. They need to cut the apron strings and leave you alone. It's actually none of their business what job you do. Don't live your life for anybody but yourself. Xxx

 

[Jinnyjinbob]

Sorry to hear this. I was always brought up to do whatever I wanted to do as long as I was doing my best and I was happy. This is the ethos I shall Instill in my children. Sadly other parents aren't as supportive as mine. Actually makes me quite angry to hear. x

 

[stewie16]

Some parents want their children to do what they feel is best. I would never let anybody plan my future. It's not their life it's yours. You make the choices in life. X

 

[profbeau]

Aw hun I feel for you. My father used to tell me I was a disappointment, at every given opportunity; I was a disappointment as a child because I wasn't popular, as a wife because my first husband left me, as a mother because my eldest daughter had a speech impediment. And as a daughter because I chose a rubbish beauty "hobby" rather than a real job.

He was a bully, and a control freak. He left my mum 2 years ago and I took the opportunity to cut all ties with him.

My mum has always been so so proud of everything I do. She takes great delight in showing off her latest tan or nails and proudly telling anyone who will listen that her daughter runs her own successful beauty business.

In a way, my fathers attitude made me more determined to succeed!

Follow your heart, not somebody else's x
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[virtues2011]

Both my parents have always been disappointed with me and told me often. I got expelled from boarding school, didn't take one exam and was not interested in going to university. So really could've quite easily been a participant in Jeremy Kyle in that respect. (Apart from I have teeth and hate kids).

Their disappointment always fuelled my ambitions to prove them wrong and I have done 1000 times over, having my own businesses and earning salaries probably what most people can only dream about. I've travelled the world time and again. It made no difference whatsoever they could never get past my school years. If i couldn't change their thought process at the height of my career I realised I never would be able to and haven't spoken to them for years.

I do find I am like this to a degree with my daughter, I want her to do well and have a good life and not have to work 70 hour weeks with little money and this shows. I understand a little more how my parents thought but I'm glad they behaved the way they did as it made me who i am today and I can financially support my daughter which is most important to me at the moment.

I know my parents would be more than disappointed if they knew what I was doing now even with the cost of the machinery I have. .. but you know what. . Who cares. Most parents (back then) classed this industry as dead end and for the Intellectually challenged that is no secret.

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[Redduck]

It took my dad 18 years to tell me that my decision to leave a well paid job to set up my own business was the right one. By the time he said 'well done' I wasn't really bothered about having his approval.

I hope I'm able to support my children's choices though I'm sure it won't always be easy!

 

[GirlyGeek]

Ignore him hun and follow your dreams. Life is too short to live for other people.

x

 

[domz85]

It's such a shame that a parent can put thier own opinions and thoughts onto thier children... Hair and beauty isn't just a process of cutting hair of waxinf ect it's about building up relationship with clients making them feel amazing just by doing something we love... I have a client and she was in a rehab type place for 7 weeks with anxiety ...first stop when she was out was me.... I did her hair and chatted ect she left feeling great and I felt great doing it... how could anyone not be proud of that!! And on top of that your incredibly successful. .. my nana is similar I had a "office career" and suddenly decided I need to pursue ny hairdressing she was so devastated ... she refused to help me out financially to do it in australia its not cheap so I found an apprenticeship gave up my time with my baby for bugger all money each week but was totally worth it.. now im serting up from home my kids can be here or at daycare and it all works ..

 

[misskiani]

Thanks everyone! It is so hard even though I have my own identity, a husband and my own home, there is and always be a part of me that would love my fathers acceptance and just to finally tell me he is proud,

I love this industry, I love my clients, I love other hairdressers and therapists, I love the fact that we never do the same thing over and over, there is always something new to learn.

Thank you for sharing your stories too, it's comforting to know I am not alone and some parents find it hard to accept their child's choices, I think to myself, at least I'm not on drugs or in an abusice relationship, I've never relied on him for money or a place to live, and then worked towards a trade something I will have for my whole life, to be able to bring in money when needed, how can he not be happy with that, but as he reminds me, I am a disappointment and failure and hates having to tell his friends what his daughter does as a profession, mind you I live in Aus, he lives in LA and owns successful financial business all over the US, I cannot compete with that financially being a hairdresser or therapist but he should still be happy for me. But you ladies are right, I need to live for myself and be happy with what I do, which I am, so thank you.

 

[SarLouise]

My mum is the same with me. I didn't do very well at school failed all my GCSES which she couldn't stand. But I loved doing hair so I went straight into my apprenticeship Level 2, worked in the same salon for 3 years but then decided I wanted a change. I started doing full time bar work and doing private hair during the day which she couldn't stand. I enjoyed the bar job and was successful in eventually becoming a manager. My brother was in the middle of his GCSES and she would constantly remind him to pass them as 'you don't want to end up in a crap job like your sister pouring drinks all day' and 'maybe Sarah if you had done better at school you wouldn't be in this dead end bar job going nowhere in your life' found these quite hurtful comments! Our parents should be lucky that we are not scruffy benefit scroungers on the dole since we was 16. At least we have all the right morals!! And having that change in my career meant it made me realise what I actually loved to do which is hair! So now I'm working part time in a salon and 5 evenings in a bar and also starting a full time level 3 college course in September. Hopefully she will then be proud of me! Xxx

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[PinkSwoon]

Don't seek approval from anyone especially family! My Mother was the same, when I left college it took me about 6 months to find a job. During that time my Mother would be on my back all the time shouting 'You need to get a job!' at me and saying the same to other people when she thought I was out of earshot. Ironic thing is she was made redundant about 5 years ago & hasn't bothered to find work since. I don't speak to her now, she's a disgusting person with the attitude to match. Do it for yourself.

I thrive on the fact that nowhere wants to employ her, that she's squandered tens of thousands of pounds on nothing & that she has no pride in her appearance at all. My Mother is a failure, she failed me as a Mother in a similar way your Father is doing.