Help with wording for advert .. pleeease !

[blush09]

i would like to advertise in a magazine which goes out in my area at the end of each half term (primary times, not sure if its a nationwide mag) but am really struggling with the words ..

i would appreciate your feedback, alternative sugestions etc ..
im a trained make up artist and want to emphasise this in the advert as thats my selling point , i will come along with my full professional kit, (jane iredale for the young ones) props inc makeup chair, mirrors, capes, etc offer various themed parties incorporating makeup, manicures and nail art,
i also do hair braiding and glitter tattoos but am wondering whether to include this within the makeup girls web site or market seperately - i want to offer this as a service (ie not a package) for private parties and events (school fetes, corporate etc )

anyway, here is what i have come up with so far - would appreciate your comments

eg 1

make up girl parties + logo
makeup, manicure and nail art parties for princesses to prom queens!
mac pro (or) professional makeup artist provides various themed packages from £60
also available: hairbraiding & glitter tattoo services for parties and events
tel number & details​

eg 2​

makeup girl parties + logo
from princess to prom queen .. (tag line)
be pampered like a celebrity with your very own makeup artist!
cool makeup, manicure and nail art parties starting at just £60
hair braiding and glitter tattoo party and event services also available
tel nu & contact details​

or perhaps i should leave the hair braiding info off altogether and market this seperately

makeup girl parties + logo
from princess to prom queen - tag line
be pampered like a celebrity with your very own makeup artist!
cool makeup, manicure and nail art parties starting at just £60
teen skincare and makeup lessons also available
tel nu / contact details​

 

[prettymiss]

Hiya

I really like the second advert - I think a teenager would love the idea of having their own make up artist before they go out to a prom or whatever!!

Good luck with whatever one you decide!

 

[blush09]

hi thanks
i think i prefer the 2nd one also, think it needs a little tweeking - i also plan to offer teen skincare / makeup lessons and wondering whether to put that in and leave the hairbraiding/tattoos off altogether

 

[Flesh_and_Bone]

In my opinion, you would be fine to include everything that you do including the hair braiding.

If you are qualified and experienced in lots of different services, it doesn't mean you're a Jack of All Trades, it means you're versatile... Nothing wrong with that.

Good Luck with it

Sx

 

[The_Retreat]

Hi - I defo think the 3rd 1 is best ... but y have u put makeup girl parties? Is that your company name? If so you might just want to use the logo or else it doesnt sound right?! Then your strap line can be MAKEUP PARTIES which may draw in more readers?!?!

 

[blush09]

hi retreat, thanks
makeup girl parties (the business name) the strapline and logo are all in one - if that makes sense
i think im begining to prefer 3 also .. although not quite happy about the 3rd line - the services im actually offering, will give it some more thought
i think i might just keep the hbraiding / glitter tattoos service seperate - have a link from the above site to a seperate information page, otherwise theres just too much going on
thanks again

 

[Ruthlm]

I like bis of both 1st and 2nd, I think the first would apeal to more of an age range, beter to appeal to younger ones and maybe the later, ealy teenagers also, so the wording cna't be to young IFKNIM, I would definately inclue the fact that you can also offer the other services, they can add that into the package if they want, but I think it's best to have the information there for all to see, sounds like great parties are to be had!! good luck!! xx ruth

 

[daisyjones]

I wouldn't fret over the minor details, they all look fine to me!

Good luck!

 

[blush09]

but i was born to fret .. thats what i do best,lol

 

[Blue Rose]

We get the Primary Times mag here in Suffolk & I've an ad in the current issue. It's run as a franchise with a few mags dotted about the counrty, mainly in the south west.

If you speak to Pat, she'll send you some other counties editions so you can get some inspiration.

I think the packages you've put together are ok but with the Primary Times magazine, the clue is in the title. The mag goes out to primary schools so I think you'd be best pitching your ad with that target market in mind.

In my original ad proof I had things listed like make-up; mini manicure; mini pedicure but thought that sounded very boring when it's aimed at 5-11 year olds. Sooo, I changed it to glitzy make-up; sparkly nails; glittery hair.

I think if you have too much in your ad it could just confuse people & in those situations, people do the easiest thing, which is do nothing - not what you want!

Personally I'd keep this particular ad in the Primary Times mag focused on the little ones & do another ad elsewhere promoting the teens events.

Hths x

 

[The_Retreat]

Hey babe

it thats the logo then you need to put it as that i.e
(MakeUp Girl Parties)LOGO
STRAP LINE
be pampered like a celebrity with your very own makeup artist!
cool makeup, manicure and nail art parties starting at just £60
teen skincare and makeup lessons also available
PERFECT FOR CHRISTMAS OR BIRTHDAY PARTY CELEBRATIONS
BOOK NOW RECIEVE ... DISCOUNT?!?!
tel nu / contact details

You need a call to action ... otherwise people see the ad and just pass it by it needs a book now because incentive ... hope you dont mind my big nose butting in but makes sense otherwise you may have paid out and be waiting for custom back for a little too long xx

 

[SamMakeup]

Ditto what The Retreat says, you have to have some sort of reason for them booking now, and not just glancing past it.

How about something like

Makeup Parties
Professional Makeup Artist
Have Kit, will travel
I come to you
Any package to suit you
From teen to Prom Queen
From skincare to makeup,
lips to lashes
Call before XYZ date
and receive a 10% discount
FOR EVERYONE!
www.XYZSITE.com

other packages available
please see website for details.






IMO, putting in prices is not going to get you any bookings. Body Shop, Virgin Vie and all the other party plan companies do these for free, or if not for free, for very little money.

Dangle the hook, get them interested and to your site, once they're at your site, they'll be looking at pictures, ideas, more information, and hopefully, will then book you.

Also, don't know if you know, but unless you actually work for MAC, you can't say you're a MAC pro artist, only that you use MAC pro products, or if you've attended one of their courses, that you've received MAC pro training :wink2:

 

[junejuno]

I have to agree that the Call to Action is VERY important. Tell them what you are offering and finish with what they need to do NOW ie: call you

 

[Kim Lawless]

How about something like

MODEL FOR A DAY

Then details what they get and how much it costs.

I think you need something catchy to grab them. Also, I didn't quite get the first line, unless it's a typo? Girl parties?

If I didn't get it, then maybe nobody else will.

Sounds to be like you have a fab package to offer, but you're not selling yourself. Focus on what the end result is for them rather than detailing everything . xxx

 

[blush09]

thanks guys .. lots of food for thought
woops, no im not a mac pro mua sam, wish i was lol, i meant to say mac pro member - but on second thoughts that wouldnt really be a selling point for a kids party anyway so probably wouldnt use in any advertising
these parties have been helping my makeup business to tick over whilst im still building up my bridal makeup kit and portfolio, the kids love the makeup and props .. i really appreciate your comments, many thanks xx
kim .. i sooo love your avatar, makes me smile every time i see it !

 

[blush09]

i have been thinking .. as i tend to do well into the early hours, lol
do you think i should omit the word "makeup" from the business title and replace with "pamper" ie. pamper girl parties / something similar
it may appeal to a wider audience as i know some mums are not keen on having makeup applied to young children - and the title suggests thats all i do .. it means commissioning a new logo, and my logo is sooo cute
its just that i wanted the girls to experience having their own makeup artist with all the props, so far the parties have gone down really well .. there's something about a tall makeup chair and a case full of makeup goodies that gets the girls all excited, lol
the treatments i plan to offer are : mini facials, mini manis, makeup, nail art + skin care & make up lessons for the older girls - perhaps i should offer the makeup only parties for teens through my makeup web site ?
i would appreciate your comments xx

 

[Blue Rose]

You could still keep your existing logo but get another one done for different aspects of your business. For the very reasonable fee that Carl (verve) charges it would be worth it as that way you can do different ads & offers for your different target markets.

So instead of being all things to all people & have lots going on in your ads, you'll be known as the 'specialist' in that field. It's one of the reasons I've recently got my own business broken down into different niches. eg 'Looks Beautiful' is known for being my salon; I have 'sparkle & glitz' for children's pamper parties & 'bronzed & beautiful' for the spray tan & pamper parties.

One thing you could do though with the 11+ age group is link up with a local photographer so the girls would get their make-up done, possibly nails, then have a photo shoot afterwards.

 

[blush09]

thanks blue rose
can i ask - do you keep seperate accounts for all three businesses or do they come under the same umberella ?
great idea about the photographer, could perhaps book one for my daughters party and take it from there:idea:

 

[Blue Rose]

At the moment they all come under the same umbrella & from the same bank account which is ok cos I'm not near the Vat threshold.

Having daughters is great cos we get to practise our biz ideas on them :green:

Funnily enough my 7yr old had been invited to her friends this afternoon for a 'girlie get together'. I'm going along as well with my 4yr old & helping the mum out so I can get photos for my website & testimonials. I'm also going to practise making bath bombs with the group so I can start offering that as a party package when I'm confident enough.

My girls can't wait!

That's something else you can do for your website - get your daughters friends along & have a practise party on them. I did that last year & have photos on my website Beauty Salon Felixstowe, Ipswich, Waxing, Facials, Pamper Parties, Eye Treatments - Princess Party to show everyone having a fab time.

I'm now working on a new seperate website for the childrens pamper parties & yes, it is really hard trying to come up with some good copy :irked: I have a fab logo though: B1 on the list New Page 2

 

[blush09]

all looks really great, your daughters must be very popular at school
im assuming you have already sourced suppliers for your bath bombs etc .. if not, i know a couple of companies who supply the raw materials and ready made kits for spa crafts, also lipglosses and even mineral makeup - just pm me and ill email you the details
i was thinking about offering those types of parties myself, but all in due course .. i am prone to running before i can walk, and doing too many things at once lol - would love to hear how you get on with your spa craft parties though xx