How to tell a friend

[six]

My friends daughter is a red head, she has bleached her own hair at home several times, its in shocking condition & my friend has come to me asking to fix it before school starts back
(I am a trained hairdresser)
I really dont want to do this & have used the i'm too busy excuse out, i do feel for her being ginger & not wanting to go back to it or darker or shorter but i really dont want to get involved, i have suggested various conditioners that would help.
What would you do if it were your friends daughter?

 

[scottydolly]

i would be sinsitivly honest and tell her that in your opinion the hair is well wrecked and explain to her what the options are and consequences of not bettering her hair treatments and condition. . you can only advise in these cases. . x

 

[mikey-moo]

you can only advise in these cases. . x

I think I would definitely agree with this, afterall, if you start trying to do anything to it and it doesn't work, who is your friend going to blame? If you've recommended treatments and stuff that's all you can do really. You physically applying the treatment is probably not going to make all that much difference!

 

[sarahpoppy24]

When she says fix it what exactly does she mean though!!! Ur not a magician!!! Hehe xx

 

[becki x]

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to do this,unless of course she wants it FOC ??

I would personally offer weekly deep penetrating conditioning treatments applied with heat and include in the price lessons on how to care for her fragile hair. I'd then retail her some after care produts specifically for her hair type.

Maybe you could recomend someone else to her ? I'd also strongly advise she finds an experienced colour technician if she wants to continue lifting her hair

hth's xx

 

[*JOANNE*]

like becki i dont know why you wouldnt want to help or get involved...your a trained hairdresser, she has come to you for help...If its becasue you feel you cant help her ie your not a colour tech etc...then be honest and find her one that is.....and offer her the help that is within your limits

 

[six]

They expect it FOC

As you said Sarah, i'm not a magician & have said as politely as i could that this hair cant be (fixed) in time for school starting, i have explained her options & as yet not heard back, maybe they are sulking with me now :irked:

 

[blutopaz]

i have to agree if you feel you cant deal with it then dont do anything other then treatments and good cuts, its always different doing friends and families hair, and like you say they may blame you other then what they'v actually done to their own hair.

a good shine spray like clynol shine works wonders on damaged hair, and is full of conditioning agents

All though shes bleaching up light, which always goes well with red hair, do u feel with her skin tone she could take a red/plum brown on it, i knows its goin the other way and would be a complete overhaul again but darker colours smooth the cuticles and improve the condition, as her intentions obviously were to cover it in the first place. if you do do it make sure you take cuttings and develope it up so u both know the outcome before the commitment.

or the simplest of all cut as much damage out as poss. with layering etc and tell her next time to get it done proffesionally. off the shelfs cause no end of probs for us professionals!!!

hth

 

[sarahpoppy24]

I had a similar situation with a girl I worked with at my second job when I was a junior in a salon. She was ex goth with hair bleached and bleached and dyed at home etc. The hair was falling out and as all different lengths from waist length to broken at the root area, it fell out in the basin and was like chewing gum there was nothing that could fix this hair. Nothing. she refused to have it cut off (i couldnt section it was like chewing gum) my boss said there was nothing they could do except cut it short and she refused so like you said hair that is like this can not be fixed the only option is to cut it or put up with it!!! (obviously conditioning treatments will help to some extent) So yeh just maby say to her you dont feel qualified to help and she needs to see some kind of specialist do feel sorry for you as its hard to tell some one thair hair is ******!!!!

 

[Laydee Danielle]

i do feel for her being ginger & not wanting to go back to it or darker or shorter but i really dont want to get involved

I don't want to start an arguement but I do find this a little bit mean, there is nothing wrong with being a red head and there may be red heads on this forum who may be offended by it. Red hair is beautiful, and you should tell her she should be proud of it not trying to hide it!

 

[sj1973]

My friends daughter is a red head, she has bleached her own hair at home several times, its in shocking condition & my friend has come to me asking to fix it before school starts back
(I am a trained hairdresser)
I really dont want to do this & have used the i'm too busy excuse out, i do hefeel for r being ginger & not wanting to go back to it or darker or shorter but i really dont want to get involved, i have suggested various conditioners that would help.
What would you do if it were your friends daughter?

I really dont know what to make of this comment.....as my son is ginger and i only put a thread about it this week. Being ginger is nothing wrong. My son has been picked on cos of his hair,to the point that NO ONE picks onhim now cos he has had to fight to get respect.. And if parents are like you where they feel "sorry " for ginger people ,then no wonder the kids are mean.

 

[blutopaz]

i dont think any one is saying theres a problem with being a red head, the comment is purely the fact the client doesn't like it and at that age, regardless of what everyone thinks of how nice it looks, it means nothing to the client.

you know what its like when you have a cut u dont like but every one says it looks great, it doesnt change the fact you dont like it and aren't comfortable. personally i love red hair and i love blonde highlights with it and not for the reason of it covering it up, purely the fact it compliments it so well.

 

[scottydolly]

herehere, no one has sadi anything about the fact she is a red head, the topic is about how to repair the damage she has done to her own hair by dyeing it, i personally think red hair is beautiful, and know alot of people who would love to have red hair, but then again this is not the point, she was simply setting out the scene about the condition of the poor girls hair and explaining how it got to be in the bad condition it is in, if anyone is upset or offended because a red head has ruined their hair by colouring it over and over, then its not anyone heres fault lol. .

 

[blutopaz]

well said scotty and may i also say, the comment she did make about feeling sorry for her was not about the fact shes red, its the fact she knows that,unfortunately, kids pick on others for being different, be it for having spots or being over weight and yes to being a red head.

This doesnt mean anyone thinks bad of a red head its that at this point in time when kids are so aware of themselves she is feeling for her. i to would feel for her in the same situation as she is obviously not happy about it at the moment and is trying to change it a little. in time she will embrace it like we all do the things we hate about ourselves.

 

[scottydolly]

exactly blue. . . i agree. . when i was younger i hated my thick spiral curls but now i love the fact i have thick hair. i challenge anyone to come near me with thinning scissors and to leave without a black eye HAHAHAx

 

[sj1973]

So the comment "i do feel for her being ginger" is just a statement......if so,why say it??. If no one is saying not a problem with ginger ...why say that statement??....

The topic maybe about how to repair the hair....but the statement about "i feel for her being ginger " IS there.

 

[scottydolly]

probably because she empathises with her, knowing how hard it is to be different . . it wasnt meant in a derogatory manner, but i think WE ALL know how cruel kids can be if u are not prototype A material. . anything different in school is picked on and i can personally say i feel sorry for any kid who gets picked on for any reason, whether it be ginger hair, spots, braces etc etc etc. . i think it was taken out of context. .

 

[becki x]

I think it best left to the thread poster to clarify what she meant if she chooses to do so.

Discussing how "we read" a certain statement won't acheive anything and as the mods have said in the past,if you find something offensive,report it !Let's keep the hair geek a pro forum peeps :Love:

So back to the thread.

What course of action did you take in the end six ????

 

[six]

herehere, no one has sadi anything about the fact she is a red head, the topic is about how to repair the damage she has done to her own hair by dyeing it, i personally think red hair is beautiful, and know alot of people who would love to have red hair, but then again this is not the point, she was simply setting out the scene about the condition of the poor girls hair and explaining how it got to be in the bad condition it is in, if anyone is upset or offended because a red head has ruined their hair by colouring it over and over, then its not anyone heres fault lol. .

well said scotty and may i also say, the comment she did make about feeling sorry for her was not about the fact shes red, its the fact she knows that,unfortunately, kids pick on others for being different, be it for having spots or being over weight and yes to being a red head.

This doesnt mean anyone thinks bad of a red head its that at this point in time when kids are so aware of themselves she is feeling for her. i to would feel for her in the same situation as she is obviously not happy about it at the moment and is trying to change it a little. in time she will embrace it like we all do the things we hate about ourselves.

I think it best left to the thread poster to clarify what she meant if she chooses to do so.

Discussing how "we read" a certain statement won't acheive anything and as the mods have said in the past,if you find something offensive,report it !Let's keep the hair geek a pro forum peeps :Love:

So back to the thread.

What course of action did you take in the end six ????

I doubt i could explain it better than the above quotes (thank you) i'd be very surprised if any member here came on being hurtful about anybody's hair or skin colour & am saddened that anyone here would think that of another member here.
I still havent heard from them Beki, i think they may be sulking, the truth (no matter how nicely put) is not something people often like hearing is it?

 

[becstar77]

My friend died her hair with permanent black hair dye (she can't remember what she used) against my advice (I said use semi-perm darkest brown), and then decided it was too dark and wanted me to fix it.

I was sooooo reluctant to take her on - I've never done cleansing as I'm a stylist rather than a technician and only do simple colours now I don't work in a salon.

It was shining red, so I used an olive brown over the top, but I can't bear doing it again and again, as I'm not confident of the results and don't want a client who will deliberately go against my advice as she's too impatient to wait a week for me to colour her hair...

Some friends aren't worth taking on as home clients, if you want to keep the friendship - and I had to work up the courage to tell her that.