I"m so shy...should I just give up?

[punkybrewster]

Just curious...I'm a real shy person. I love doing nails. But I feel my personality is holding me back. I'm not very talkative. I've worked in shops with girls who did bad nails...IMO but they always kept customers because of their bubbly personalities. I"m nervous and awkward with people until I have known them for a long time.....It's strange but I get nervous when people watch me while I work .. my hands shake soo bad....to the point it's embarrassing. I think I scare the customers away cause I'm so quiet and nervous. So I have done nails off and on for several years because I can't seem to build up clientele. Should I just give up....I told my self that this year would be my last attempt...the year is almost over and I've made no improvements. :cry: I'm thinking about seeing a therapist for like social anxiety or something.

I've always been shy but its gotten extremely bad over the past three years. I got in an abusive relationship and I'm still trying to break it off with this guy...but I don't really have any family..and it's hard to just leave him alone cause he's all I've known for the past few years. He doesn't hit me, it's more so verbally abusive. He has pushed me away from the few good friends I had. And it has just pushed me further in my shell. Im embarrassed to be telling this because I'm not even a young girl. I'm a grown woman and for some reason can't walk away from this situation. I really have no one else to turn to at this point.

Can anyone give me any advice on the situation. How can I be more relaxed around clients.

And Yes, I know I need to get away from the guy...he is a big part of my issue.

 

[Cresseda]

I am so so sorry that you are going through such a hard time with your other half. That is really terrible. He is chipping away at your confidence more and more. You are right to go to counselling. Please do go. That's all I can say. It sounds like a serious situation and you could benefit from seeing a therapist. They really help you to see things differently and from personal experience, it takes a long time to make big changes but from the very first time you go for a session you feel a tiny bit better and a tiny bit more at every session until you start to see big changes eventually. I think you need to talk to the therapist about the problem with your partner more than anything. This is probably where a lot of your self esteem issues lie. And it comes from the past, childhood etc as well but don't think it's all dealt with in the first session and it'll all be too much straight away. It doesn't work like that. You deal with things at your own pace.

As for whether you should quit or not. I think you're probably selling yourself short! I bet you're brilliant and I don't care how bubbly someone's personality is, if they are crap at doing nails they won't keep their clients and that is a fact! I had a lovely hairdresser who was so convenient down the road from me. She was so so nice and we talked about everything and had a laugh every time I went in to her. But I had to stop going because she just wasn't doing my hair right any time I went to her. It was never what I wanted. I'm sure others will agree, if a person is crap at what they do, a nice personality won't bring the customers back.

So please try and not be so hard on yourself. You don't have to be the type that can talk the hind legs off a donkey the whole way through the treatment. Some people like to relax and unwind and be with their own thoughts while having a treatment done. As long as you're polite when dealing with them I'm sure it's fine. I wouldn't give up just yet. Get a good counsellor and give it 6 months and see how you get on. I hope you see changes really quickly and see you are a person of great worth and you deserve more than what your partner is putting you though. :hug:

HTH :Love:

 

[deanosnana]

punkybrewster, my heart breaks for you. If you really love doing nails, please do not give up.

As for the abusive relatioship: please seek counseling OR a support group OR both. You can overcome it and become a stronger person. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. And YOU are worth it, too.

As for your personality, I feel once you rid yourself of the relationship, things will get better. If you choose therapy, I'm sure your therapist will be able to help with that as well.

I wish you all the best! :hug:

 

[skymark]

Firstly posting such an issue is a big thing. So you are certainly capable of having yourself heard. Posting such fears on a board thats full of plenty of successful people inyour industry is not only brave but ver SMART in my opinion. You are not suffereing in silence anymore and that is good.

As far as giving up I think you would definitely regret it later. You havent found your 'voice' yet in your life, so it holds you back from being yourself in relationships and in your work. As you do some work on yourself the confidence with work will come. You will need to do work though with a therapist to find out exactly where in your life you lost your 'voice' and you felt unable to express yourself without fear.

In the meantime with work, if you find you are often shy at appintments then give your clients some distraction. Make some examples of your art or nail art or photos to put on the wall or the desk for them to look at or ask you about. Or a couple of family pics etc. When they have things to talk about you dont have to find a subject matter.

My other half suffers some anxiety around people and works with them everyday as a doc, so in his office he has a pic of his baby (his puppy) and a bunch of superman stuff (hes a comic book geek) and everytime he has a new private patient they always mention it and so he can launch into talking about something he truly feels comfortable about, has a rapport with the patient, but hasnt revealed anything really personal.

If you want to have a moan or a bitch at any time the blogs are a great way to vent about your personal life if needs be

 

[persianista]

Some good advice here re- the man situation.

In terms of at work, most of us "learn" how to chat to clients. Very few 16 year old hair juniors can chat confidently. Have a few stock questions to ask, then listen a lot. You don't have to be "miss personality", just friendly and kind. Be interested in them, far better than jabbering away about your weekend out.

 

[geeg]

Some good advice here re- the man situation.

In terms of at work, most of us "learn" how to chat to clients. Very few 16 year old hair juniors can chat confidently. Have a few stock questions to ask, then listen a lot. You don't have to be "miss personality", just friendly and kind. Be interested in them, far better than jabbering away about your weekend out.

This is such good advice and exactly what I was going to say!! lol

If you have a few questions in your head especially for new clients then they do the talking and you do the listening.Easy

I always find asking about a client's family is worth a good half hour of listening!! :lol:

People just LOVE to talk about themselves so topics like family and their work or interests give you some points to begin. Then all you have to do is say the odd "yes" or "really" or "how interesting" and you can just get on with what you have to do. That is the easy part .

The not so easy part is the MAN in your life. My guess is that you already know exactly what you have to do there but just are not doing it. No one else is going to do it for you so get the hell out before you are brow beaten so much you have no will left ... and no self worth (sounds like you are near the brink so do something soon).:hug:

 

[kasik]

Girls said it all. I totally agree.
I'll tell you something - I am not very shy, I had quite a lot of clients, but when I was divorcing my husband and my ruined life affected my mood and my behaviour I have lost most of them. You can't leave your life and problems at home, you carry them to work with you and share with clients - and it does not help.
When you stop abuse in your life, you will feel more confident at work.

And friendly chatting is more listening and asking questions which encourage clients to talk more, than bubbling a lot .
Take care.

 

[WaxGirl]

Hi Punky,

You are not alone in your experieces, support and help is available.

Why not give Women's Aid a call? they have years of experience of supporting women in similar situations to yourself this is the Northern Ireland one www.niwaf.org if you go to it you will find links to the one in your area and a lot of useful information.

re the nails, one step at a time, seek help for your own well being, keep yourself safe and the rest will fall into place with time.

Clare

 

[kesall]

Hi PunkyBrewster, Aw i was so sad to read ur dilemma, I agree with all the advice the geeks have given you, im exactly the same as you due to the same situation, its very difficult to smile and interact with people when ur so low, i still dont/cant do clients due to the nerves & shake & low confidence, the more i think they're looking at my work the more i panic & when that happens i dont feel like i've delivered a very good service, I am however recieving councelling and its early days. Go and find some help before it starts to completely eat at you & you end up struggling to leave the house etc (like me)! Good luck & kick the man to the kerb UR more important & ur career!!!!:hug: xxx

 

[shuntersue]

Don't you dare give it up Lady!!! the more you do, the less shy you will feel.

Big Hugs.

 

[suzi1234b]

Hi
Its a shame I dont live closer to you, i would come to you as I am sure others fromhere would to help boost your confidence.
There are other things you should do to help you uild confidence and rebuild your social network, have you thought about doing some more training you always meet like minded people there?
Maybe you could contact your old friends and let them know how you are feeling and whats happening with your partner I know if it was me... i would always be there for a friend no matter how long it was since i last saw them
Hope all works out for you
susan x

 

[Lorrainelola]

Hi,
How brave of you to want to talk about your situation with strangers, although I suppose its easier sometimes than talking to close friends. I was always very shy as a child and it stayed with me until the last few years.

I was in a marriage for 16 years where I was bullied, not physically, although he did used to think it was funny to try and trip me up when I walked past him, but I was bullied mentally. Everything I did and said was wrong. Apparently I had been ironing his shirts incorrectly for 16+ years and every meal time he would ask what it was when I out the food infront of him. Gradually he would wear me down and I had no self esteem. If he said white was black I would have believed him. Eventually I found the strength to divorce him and even then he bulkied me into accepting a certain amount of money, which was well short of what I was entitled to. I signed it just so that I could get out and start a new life. I'm waffling now but basically once you have left him your self esteem will rise, you will feel so much more confident. You need to learn to love yourself, you love nails so don't dare give it up. As for chatting, yes sometimes it is difficult but you will find that some clients don't even want to talk they just want to sit quietly and relax even when just having nails done. I know what you mean about clients watching, I hate that too but am learning to ignore it and keep telling myself I know what I am doing, if they could do it they wouldn't be here. Also if you can get them talking you will find you become their counsellor and all you need to do is listen and when they are talking they aren't really watching you.

I would certainly suggest you seek counselling, you can get 6 appointments through your GP, especially if you explain about your relationship and self esteem etc. You are probably depressed and think there is no way out. You just need to find a little strength from somewhere and once you do there will be no stopping you. From the replies to your thread shows there are very caring people on here who are willing to listen, support and offer advice.

I remarried last August to thee most gorgeous copper and he is kind, caring, loving, supportive and I gave up my teaching job to do beauty fulltime and now have a home salon. One of the things that made me leave my ex husband was did I really want to grow old with him and live that life for the rest of my life. I know that when we retired I would have had nothing. He gave me no money when we were married. I knew I wanted and deserved something better from my life. I'm 47 this year so I'm no spring chicken and never thought I would meet someone else.

Don't give up with the nails.
Go to counselling
Ditch the bloke
Live your life the way you want to.

If you want o chat via PM then please feel free to contact me.
Big hugs
Lorraine x x

 

[kimi1101]

I would say that talking to clients is one of my best skills. (that makes it sound like im crap at cutting hair)

I recently went to a funeral where I knew a lot of people but they were either family, so I couldn't sit with them, or they worked at my old work and have fallen out with me since I left (mature eh?)

Well anyway, I went in and sat next to someone I didn't know, and then atthe wake, I went in and just asked 2 couples if I could sit at their table. I was determined to show the table full of people who don't like me that I didn't care they weren't talking to me, so I made great conversation with the people on the table, and then ended up speaking to quite a few people I didn't know.

I was so proud of myself that I had built up this skill to be able to hold a conversation with pretty much anyone!! It has taken a good while...I remember getting pulled up by my boss saying "talk more" and then being told "you can't say that to a client" and you sit there in silence thinking oh god what should i say?! but one day you'll look back and think "i've not stopped gabbing all day!!!" and you will truly enjoy and love your work.

But part of it is kicking the no good guy out. I know how you feel. Trust me, your life will be infinitely better without him. xxxx

 

[BobSweden]

In the 1930's a man called Dale Carnegie wrote a book that continues to be a big seller even today, especially among salespeople. Called "How to win friends and influence people" it can be summarized as follows:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

See, nowhere here does it say that you must talk your head off! :lol: People love people who actively listen. That means being seen to listen and sometimes agreeing and sometimes asking questions. You don't have to make or steer the conversation - most people are all to happy to talk.

Last year I attended a workshop by Vicki Peters - a well known nail tech in the US. Part of this was how to reduce service time and so do more clients and make more money per day. One of Vicki's advices was to only talk for the first 10 minutes - as talking for longer just prolongs the service and costs you money!

I'm really sorry to hear about your man. As a guy myself, I just don't understand some of my sex. I'm no psychologist - but I think that confident happy people don't make other people unhappy, demean or isolate them from their friends to control them. He has the problem - not you. Some people are quiet and some people talk way too much. We're all different and special in our own way.

I hope you find the strength to get away and take heart from Lorrainelola's post. There is a new life for you when you are ready.

And here's something from all of us:

Bob

 

[Feline]

Just curious...I'm a real shy person. I love doing nails. But I feel my personality is holding me back. I'm not very talkative. I've worked in shops with girls who did bad nails...IMO but they always kept customers because of their bubbly personalities. I"m nervous and awkward with people until I have known them for a long time.....It's strange but I get nervous when people watch me while I work .. my hands shake soo bad....to the point it's embarrassing. I think I scare the customers away cause I'm so quiet and nervous. So I have done nails off and on for several years because I can't seem to build up clientele. Should I just give up....I told my self that this year would be my last attempt...the year is almost over and I've made no improvements. :cry: I'm thinking about seeing a therapist for like social anxiety or something.

I've always been shy but its gotten extremely bad over the past three years. I got in an abusive relationship and I'm still trying to break it off with this guy...but I don't really have any family..and it's hard to just leave him alone cause he's all I've known for the past few years. He doesn't hit me, it's more so verbally abusive. He has pushed me away from the few good friends I had. And it has just pushed me further in my shell. Im embarrassed to be telling this because I'm not even a young girl. I'm a grown woman and for some reason can't walk away from this situation. I really have no one else to turn to at this point.

Can anyone give me any advice on the situation. How can I be more relaxed around clients.

And Yes, I know I need to get away from the guy...he is a big part of my issue.

Hello!

Firstly I am really sorry that your having such a bad time, and can understand how your feeling given the stuff your having to deal with. You must be super strong to even just post about this... and to me it seems like a great step that you have taken to get the ball rolling. Is there any way you can think of that might help resolve things, rather than hang your nail tips up and wave goodbye just yet?

I think you may regret leaving in future, and it could make your confidence really plummet after youve done it. I remember the first ever time that I was let loose on public clients when I was training, and as some one who did great nail art.. I shook like a leaf through all of my 3 clients and it was bloody terrible lol, but had I have given up then I would never had continued on to realise that nails wa definatley the thing for me. As for conversation I probably spoke the most rubbish that Id ever spoken in my life in those first few weeks, and I worried like hell about this too, so I went home one evening, and thought up to my self a tech persona, and thought about polite, light hearted lines that I could bring up that wouldnt mean that id have to talk too much. I also then found it helpfull to become a listener, where the client would do most of the talking about what ever subject they were on about. In time then I wasnt having to do any of this stuff! I just naturally did what I was doing and I did well as a trainee as far as I know

I reckon that if you keep at it, the longer you stay the stronger you can become, and dont let no one put your confidence down. Your the nail tech-your the boss, and I hope that this helps !

:Grope: :smack:

Two hugs for you xx

 

[Dawn]

I work for an organisation that deals with women in your situation (I'm only the administrator, but I've picked up on a few things). You know you need to get this man out of your life, but it's so hard. He's probably chipped away at your confidence and self-esteem, and possibly made you feel you can't do without him. Well, you can. Keep telling yourself how good you are at your nails - you managed to do it WITHOUT his help. He may even be jealous that you have a skill, that could probably make you entirely independent of him. It's easy for people to say leave him, but SO hard to do, but you will do it, in time. There should be some organisations in your area that deal with women in abusive relationships, look in your phone book, or ask at your doctor's surgery. Or try the San Diego Family Justice Centre (I know of this organisation, as they came over and did a talk with our local domestic violence agency).

Be strong, and you will make the change eventually, but PLEASE don't give up the nails!