Its not what you say, its how you say it.

[drew692]

I'm not a sensitive soul thankfully , but it is me or are some geeks a tad abrasive when then are trying to make a point :cry: to a post or a thread?

We aren't all perfect, and we haven't all been in the industry for all of our adult lives, and I'd like to think we're all still learning (no matter how long you have been the industry for).

If I'm wrong about something, I'll gladly take it on board and admit I'm wrong and stand corrected and enlightened, and thankful to the person who kindly corrected me :smack:.

The thing is, and the point I'm trying to make is, if you want to correct someone or make a point to someone, fine but remember its not always what you say, but how you say it, because I find some geeks abrasive manner a tad off putting when considering replying to a post.

 

[min11]

There have been topics like this time and again. I've learned to read, take onboard the point intended in the reply and ignore the 'tone' I might have picked up out of it.

It's just a case of realising that people differ in how they come accross, both online and in real life. I'd say life in an online community is easier if you accept that the written word can some times read differently to how it was intended and to see it that way. If I really take something to heart I pm the Geek in question and sort it out and I have yet to find it was anything other than me taking something the wrong way.

:hug:

 

[Bagpuss]

Just my thoughts on this.........

It just depends so much on who is reading it and how they read it....

The best advise I can give is to not take anything personal....unless its damn right rude (in which case hit the report post tab)

I am sure that mostof the time posts are not intentionally written to offend...just get the point across and that can become tedious when your initial reply has been ignored and you have to repeat it.

I never know from one day to the next who i am replying to these days as its getting so busy on here with new members everyday (which is great)...one day i might agree with you and the next dissagree....it doesn't mean anything to what i personally think of anyone.

Time should be taken to reply in a constructive and polite manner, after typing your reply its best to re-read it before your hit the send key....and never post in anger...:lol:

 

[naturalnails]

I totally agree with Min.

No one on here would deliberately set out to be rude or unkind to anyone.

To just rephrase your question - it's not what you read but the way you read it - people may read into things something which is not there - if you set out to read a reply in a negative way then that is how it will come across.

As Min says there have been umpteen threads like this. If you have a problem with someone, PM them and sort it out.

If you think that someone is being particularly rude or unkind then click the red box and report the post - no one other than the Moderators will know if you have reported a post, then we can deal with it. People seem to think this is a bit like snitching but no one knows other than us so how is it snitching LOL.

 

[collin]

This does highlight a relevent issue (apart from my teerrible spelling).

We all comunicate at arms length and as such we dont"feel" the discussion being had..a raised voice or eyebrow or even a smirk when saying something derogitory which when face to face with someone it generally means your pulling their leg.

However when reading something someone has quickly wacked off so as to be heard is a completly different issue all together...particularly when things start to get personel as you are kind of reading it personely at your PC so that statement someone else made "must be directed at you specifically" when in actual fact it is not at all.

I guess its always best to try and sit back...re read what someone has typed and I bet it re reads completly differently to what you had initially thought:hug:

 

[drew692]

Thanks for responses (and the hugs), and Im with you all on what your saying take it as the written words that they are.

But..

I know people sometimes feel the need to make a point and reiterate (yes I swallowed a dictionary today) what they are saying, but that doesnt necessarily require the need for capital letters, bold text and underlining, to me thats boarding on having a rant.

As I said, Im not a sensitive soul, but Im older and wiser than I was when I was 22 years old (well obviously) and I dont take things to heart, but I would like to say that we're all not 20 years off our bus passes like me, and just for people to:

Maybe think a little about how perhaps they've worded something (as there is no tone or facial expression carried in their response).

If they are saying someone is wrong, or infact it turns out they are wrong themselves be big enough to at the very least acknowldge it.

Considering peoples feelings, or reading through your response really doesn't cost anything, except maybe a bit of time.

 

[min11]

Thanks for responses (and the hugs), and Im with you all on what your saying take it as the written words that they are.

But..

I know people sometimes feel the need to make a point and reiterate (yes I swallowed a dictionary today) what they are saying, but that doesnt necessarily require the need for capital letters, bold text and underlining, to me thats boarding on having a rant.

As I said, Im not a sensitive soul, but Im older and wiser than I was when I was 22 years old (well obviously) and I dont take things to heart, but I would like to say that we're all not 20 years off our bus passes like me, and just for people to:

Maybe think a little about how perhaps they've worded something (as there is no tone or facial expression carried in their response).

If they are saying someone is wrong, or infact it turns out they are wrong themselves be big enough to at the very least acknowldge it.

Considering peoples feelings, or reading through your response really doesn't cost anything, except maybe a bit of time.

If people feel the need to repeat their point or 'stress' it some how thats their perrogative surely? It's all very well to suggest to people to think first about how they say something but depending on how they would speak in real life they may still read badly to a more 'sensitive' person. If some one is plain speaking in person they likely will be online. At the end of the day the person reading can either PM the poster or just choose not to read what they said. :hug:

 

[Dinkydot]

I fully agree with what has been said above!
I do feel in the past, the threads that I have read some people could of answered them in a more polite manner, as manner's cost NOTHING!!

 

[Coppertop]

Not one person on this site is perfect and i can't believe that there has never been a time that each and every one of us has posted a reply that could of been put in a better way or maybe we shouldn't of even posted at all.

We all have different views on things and i believe that when you are passionate about something and you really do want to get your point across then sometimes you do have to be a little blunt.

I don't see a problem with this but what i don't like to see is when things get personal on the boards. Not everyone can shut their gobs and take it away from the threads and into a pm.

Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we all had the same views and never showed our passions in our personalities?

Yes be polite and watch your words but if someone asks a question then they should be able to take the replies.

And is it just me or is it the older you get the harder it is to not express your opinion?

 

[min11]

I fully agree with what has been said above!
I do feel in the past, the threads that I have read some people could of answered them in a more polite manner, as manner's cost NOTHING!!

Its all down to how the individual takes something. For every post you read that you felt was not as polite as it could have been I bet there were lots of Geeks who saw nothing wrong with it. I'm the type of person who sees mulitple '!!!' or '???' as being quite agressive, you obviously dont though. See what I mean? :hug:

 

[drew692]

If people feel the need to repeat their point or 'stress' it some how thats their perrogative surely? It's all very well to suggest to people to think first about how they say something but depending on how they would speak in real life they may still read badly to a more 'sensitive' person. If some one is plain speaking in person they likely will be online. At the end of the day the person reading can either PM the poster or just choose not to read what they said. :hug:

Naturally its their prerogative, as indeed they are entitled to their own opinion too.

 

[min11]

Naturally its their prerogative, as indeed they are entitled to their own opinion too.

Absolutely :hug::hug:

 

[Dinkydot]

Its all down to how the individual takes something. For every post you read that you felt was not as polite as it could have been I bet there were lots of Geeks who saw nothing wrong with it. I'm the type of person who sees mulitple '!!!' or '???' as being quite agressive, you obviously dont though. See what I mean? :hug:

I agree with what your saying Min, but if I was new to the site and placed a thread, and got a reply which was somewhat unpolite, I may think twice before asking another question!

 

[Dinkydot]

Naturally its their prerogative, as indeed they are entitled to their own opinion too.

I agree with people having their own opinion, but surely they can do it in a polite way!!

 

[ValencianNails]

I know people sometimes feel the need to make a point and reiterate (yes I swallowed a dictionary today) what they are saying, but that doesn't necessarily require the need for capital letters, bold text and underlining, to me that's boarding on having a rant.
I disagree about that bordering on having a rant, if you want to stress a word then the easiest and best way to do it is to use bold text, underlining, different coloured font within a sentence or using caps for the specific word. I do this often, as do other members of the site, it's our way of making sure that the word we want to stress is noticed.

As I said, I'm not a sensitive soul, but I'm older and wiser than I was when I was 22 years old (well obviously) and I don't take things to heart, but I would like to say that we're all not 20 years off our bus passes like me, and just for people to:
I'm 21 years off my bus pass (yes it's true lol) and don't honestly see the need for another thread like this, if everyone showed a little respect for each other and their typing style then threads like this aren't needed.

Maybe think a little about how perhaps they've worded something (as there is no tone or facial expression carried in their response).

That's what we have smilies for :wink2:

 

[drew692]

I agree with what your saying Min, but if I was new to the site and placed a thread, and got a reply which was somewhat unpolite, I may think twice before asking another question!

Thanks honey, thats all I was trying to say :hug:.

On the whole most people do get their point across in a polite manner, but even before I join this site, when I was a ghost geek, I read numerous threads that went down the toilet because it went out of control.

As Ive said before I'm not perfect (far from it) by I do treat people as I myself would wish to be treated.

 

[drew692]

Absolutely :hug::hug:

:hug:

 

[min11]

I agree with what your saying Min, but if I was new to the site and placed a thread, and got a reply which was somewhat unpolite, I may think twice before asking another question!

I'm going to answer this and then shut up as I feel like a record with a needle stuck and I am sure you think I do too :lol: I hear what you say, but the problem is that every one can have their say and life will carry on in the forum exactly as it did before because everyone who reads it has their own view on what impolite/abrubt/what ever is. :hug:

I'm off to make myself a nice cup of tea x

 

[drew692]

Nope I dont think you sound like a record with the needle stuck, and yes I hear what you saying and I agree, but I think its mexican stand off, because all Im saying is (hang on is my needle stuck too lol), that giving a little thought to the way in which you put down your words can sometimes go along way.

Oooow I'll have a cup of tea too, got any biccies?

 

[pazzy]

I have wrote some ridiculous things in my time - simply because I didn't read it through before posting. And I mean crazy things which when I re-read it - I thought what a nugget I sound!!!