Rubbish day on the relationship front

[lashed11]

Hi geeks.

What a rubbish day I've had. I don't know where to start. Ok here goes... I share my boyfriends flat with him. I was looking for some plain paper today and amongst everything was a bank statement.

A bank statement, stating he has £24000 in savings. And last month alone he paid in £6000 cash and spend £3000 from the account. It's a business account. This is all news to me.

I'm pissed off because a couple of weeks ago, when we were discussing saving for a joint mortgage I asked him how much he had saved and he told me "£2g that's all"... So this £24000 is unexpected.

I'm extremely annoyed that he lied to me. To make things worse, last month was my brothers wedding in Croatia which my other half said he couldn't go to because he couldn't afford it! I pleaded with him, we have been together 4 years and it would have been nice for him to come but he kept saying he couldn't afford it. And all along he had £24000 in his account.

So I questioned why he lied to me and I've had complete rage back from his behalf. Message after message. Telling me is money his dad left him when he passed away and he can't "touch it" because its for family stuff. Well according to the bank statements, he "touched it" several times on nandos, work stuff, clothes etc in that one month alone, he touched over 3g of it, so basically, he could have "touched it" to pay the £350 flight for my bros wedding.

I'm annoyed he kept this from me when I asked him about his savings. I'm annoyed he lied and didn't come to my brothers wedding. I'm annoyed that I'm now thinking "what else has he lied about". I have no idea how much money he makes, but its quite a lot according to this statement, a lot more than me. He never tells me how much he makes or how much his mortgage is, yet I pay him money each month for it. Anyway, sorry I'm procrastinating.

I just feel like there is a big side of him I don't know. I don't care how much he has, but I'm disgusted at how he has lied to me repeatedly. And refuses to apologise. He is only thinking of himself. And there's me being honest with him and planning our future.

So now I'm staying with my mum to decide what to do. He has his own shop and works at night too so he literally never spends time with me, he's working all weekend and its always been like that. He's not romantic, never surprises me and never makes an effort with me. He tells me he loves me but to be honest, he doesn't show it. I love him that's why I'm with him. But sometimes I think is this really how it is?

Had my 2 wisdom teeth out on Monday, he told me he would pick me up and take me home. So I called him when I came out asking where he is and he was at his shop and said he couldn't come away, despite the fact that 2 of them work there and he had a few days notice and told me he bloody would! Then didn't come home till 7pm, didn't say sorry, didn't even ask how I am. I told him I was annoyed and he took that as his cue to go to sleep and ignore the whole thing. And now this has happened.

I'm fed up. Upset. And don't know what to do.

Any advice from my fellow geeks?

 

[Kim Lawless]

My heart really does go out to you............but I think you know the answer.:hug:

 

[kimberz]

Follow your heart.. Only you will know what to do ❤

 

[Yummy Mummy's]

Aw hun that's rubbish there's nothing worse than discovering someone is hiding things from you. I don't think you're being unreasonable and his excuses are not justified.
Follow your heart.

I'm also having a **** time with my other half and have a 16 month old baby and considering separating due to his unreasonable behaviour
If you have no ties it makes it easier hun
Honesty has to be there from the beginning.

 

[fascinationkt]

Big hug! A lesson that's hard to learn is accepting there are something's you will just never know the answers to or reasonings behind & you can't reason with unreasonable people. Sounds to me like you know deep down what to do, but more so what you deserve. X

 

[Leely]

You deserve to be treated better than that.
It's not a relationship if he is always working / not being romantic. I know that's not all in a relationship but being shown from time to time keeps the spark alive.

Like you said if he can lie a out money what else can he lie about.

It's better you found out now rather than later

Hugs xx


Leely

 

[lashed11]

It's makes me so sad... I kinda feel like, when is it appropriate to draw the line? Maybe I'm asking too much? Maybe wanting treated like a princess is ott lol. I have told him before to show me he loves me but he just doesn't get it. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but when I tell him I deserve better his reply is "good luck, you won't find any better"...

I know he's been stressed with all the work he has on, but its his choice. I look at other couples going for drinks together or getting wined and dined and I really can't remember the last time I was "treated"...

I feel confused. He has text me saying "you've just left with the cat, what the ****? For a reason I justified, you are something else"... He thinks because he told me the savings were family money, that his lies are justified. I haven't replied I just can't be bothered. I don't know what to do or if I'm over dramatising things in my head! It's horrible! xx

 

[Tomtomrow]

That's terrible you sound like a sweet honest person . I'm sure your in bits. X

 

[Dexy]

Big hug, it's not a nice feeling finding out your partner has been keeping things from you , maybe having some space from each other will do you good, you need to think about your future, not sure how old you are but life's to short to waste it on the wrong person , can you live with constant doubt ?
Hope things work out how you want but one thing I've learnt the hard way is you can't change someone they have got to want to change , good luck xx

 

[dudeymel]

If it was family savings then fair enough but if hes been spending the money and claiming to be skint then thats another. Your brothers wedding should have been important to him but it sounds like ges started taking you for granted. he knows hes in the wrong and thats why hes getting defensive, don't let him turn the problem back on you. Tell him you feel taken for granted, lied to and unloved and then dont contact him. He'll wear himself out txtin that you're over reacting but after a while he'll realise hes in the wrong and if he cares he'll make the effort to contact you xx

Sent from my GT-I8190N using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[lashed11]

I've been talking to my mum about this and it really is odd that he lied to me about the savings. It's all just odd and I'm feeling really uncomfortable now. Fair enough if I was a money grabbing type of girl but I have my own money, my own car and buy myself whatever I want and never ever ask for anything from him, so it's strange.

If he had told me weeks ago "I do have money but I really shouldn't spend it" then that would be ok. It's the lies I can't take. It's actually laughable that he's texting me saying he didn't have access to it, and at the same time I'm looking at the statement and all that he's paid with that money over the month! If he really was skint , he could have borrowed the money from that account and paid it back the next month, but I'm starting to realise he's far from skint! He drives a BMW, just bought his second MacBook yet wouldn't buy me flowers or take me out properly, the most I've recieved is half a chicken from nandos.

Funnily enough, I asked my twin sister what she would do and she told me her bf done exactly the same to her! Lied about savings. What is the need? But to be honest, if I felt loved and cared for 100%, I doubt I would feel this annoyed about this.

I haven't replied to his angry texts today. He's clearly raging and on the defensive. I want him to realise I'm serious. If he has any balls he will man up, admit his mistakes, say sorry and make it up to me and give me what I need. I'm not accepting any less. Especially since he has dumped me twice over the years for no reason!

How annoying

 

[TPB]

Bloody heck! Wow if he wasn't honest then like you said what else has he hidden? Only you know what to do but he doesn't appreciate you by the sounds of it. It's so funny we can always give advice but never know how to handle our own situations I totally feel for you, keep us updated xx

 

[lashed11]

I know, one my clients said to me "what would you tell your best friend if this happened to her" and I said I'd tell her to kick him to the kerb! But now I just have so many different emotions...

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

I don't mean to be blunt but what are you getting from this relationship?

He never treats you, doesn't value things that are important to you such as family occasions and lies to you over his finances. Plus he has broken up with you more than once and you've forgiven him?

Are you the woman he loves and values more than any other? Or are you the woman that will always have him back?

You need to think long and hard about whether you really want this man and this relationship or if you just wanted a man and a relationship.

When my ex started taking important occasions for granted and couldn't be bothered to spend time and love on me I knew we were done and it killed me to end it, but life has been so much better since.

If you are going to stay, you two need to have a serious heart to heart.

Hth xx

Sent from my HTC One X+ using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[lashed11]

I don't mean to be blunt but what are you getting from this relationship?

He never treats you, doesn't value things that are important to you such as family occasions and lies to you over his finances. Plus he has broken up with you more than once and you've forgiven him?

Are you the woman he loves and values more than any other? Or are you the woman that will always have him back?

You need to think long and hard about whether you really want this man and this relationship or if you just wanted a man and a relationship.

When my ex started taking important occasions for granted and couldn't be bothered to spend time and love on me I knew we were done and it killed me to end it, but life has been so much better since.

If you are going to stay, you two need to have a serious heart to heart.

Hth xx

Sent from my HTC One X+ using SalonGeek mobile app

I totally agree! Sometimes I ask myself those questions and I don't know how I feel. When we do get to spend time together, I feel really happy. But in day to day life, I just feel like I put in so much more than I receive. It's a rare occasion if I come home and he's made food for me, but if I'm home I will always make food for him. I iron his tshirts and put them away, he takes all my clean washing and dumps it on the bed for me to sort.

We have been through a lot together, his dad had passed away of cancer before I met him, he had alot going on which contributed to him ending things twice... then when we got back together he was a changed man...At that time my dad was dying of cancer and I really can't fault him for the way he treated me then. He took time off work and literally done everything for me and my family, shopping, cooking, ordering canvas prints off nice photos of my dad... And now, a couple of years later, that caring side has vanished, almost like I don't "need" special treatment anymore...if that makes sense?

We have travelled a lot together and had amazing experiences, and these are the things I cling on to... But does he really need a "scare" for him to treat me like I deserve again? This is what I'm wondering. I'm just sad because I've seen him be the good boyfriend and make such an effort, he used to book trips to spas or city breaks for us and surprise me... But there's been nothing for two years. I'm sad because that's the stuff I miss, that's the stuff that made me feel like he was making an effort... And now I can't even get a lift when I'm shaking and spitting blood with a gammy jaw after getting my wisdom teeth removed. I just don't know where my caring boyfriend has gone...

 

[tonicj]

People who hide things have something to hide!! I feel deep down you know things are not right! I'm sorry this is happening to you but am glad to see you recognise there's a big problem here and not burying your head! ! You sound smart enough to me and hopefully you will make the right decision xx

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

Maybe you just need to step back. Move back in with your mum so you aren't there cleaning up after him all the time and see if he comes to his senses.

A friend recently kicked her bf out for being a disrespectful, inconsiderate arse. They have been together 4 years, he'd been a Pratt for about 6 months.

Then he saw the light and what he was about to lose. He's damn lucky to have her and now he remembers it.

He's back home and back to his old self thank goodness.

Respect yourself my lovely and don't let him treat you this way xx

Sent from my HTC One X+ using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[lashed11]

So far he's showed no remorse, he has text me twice overnight asking where I am and that I would be rag if he took the cat away. Does he think this is a joke or something? I haven't replied because I'm so raging I don't even know what to say. I don't want t speak to him because I feel so upset and I don't want him to talk me into forgiving him easily when it's actually a big deal what he's done.

He needs to realise he's in the wrong and I'm not taking his nonsense lies. If he can't admit it and say sorry of his own accord, he will make my decision to finish things very easy. Only time will tell I guess x

 

[PinkSwoon]

I had a boyfriend like this once, 'had' being the key word. He was unaffectionate, I would always be second option over his friends or going out & just generally uncaring. Booted him out & now I'm with someone who I deserve, make your own fate dear *hugs* x

 

[Laura571]

Men, who needs them!!!
Sorry to hear this is going on sounds like a right nightmare. It's very strange that he's lying when as you say you're independent with your own money and not a gold digger!! You deserve better and I hope it all works out for you.xxxx