Single working mum guilt

[Tjo]

Hi,

I am having a bit of a battle with myself at the moment and wondered if anyone else has this.

I am a single mum with a 3 year old and at the moment she goes to nursery one day a week, but I really want to focus on getting my business moving but I feel like I am abandoning my child if I put her in nursery another day a week. Does anyone else struggle with this?

X

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[Diana-Jane]

Hi,i was in that position when my daughter was only one, she's 13 now. I was on my own with her and had tried living off benefits for 6 months or so but it was grim! I hated not being able to save up for nice things. So she went into nursery to let me work full time and we both benefited. I had money to save for clothes, holidays etc and she got more attention and stimulation than i would have been able to provide to be honest. Being skint & miserable doesn't make for a happy home life!
I had a friend who told me off and said what was the point in having kids if you left them all day. Don't see her so much anymore! My daughter has turned out to be a confident intelligent little lady and Im very proud of her. Being in childcare full time from a very young age did her no harm at all.
I say go for it! If your business does well you'll be providing a nice lifestyle for you and your family.
Good luck!


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[Penny Vintage]

I agree with the above post. I dont have kids but my mum struggled as a single parent and had to work at different jobs (some i went along too) and honestly i loved it! I made alot of friends and at that age you like the different people and places you see more than just sitting at home skint. Im sure a holiday you wouldnt have otherwise, will be really worth it

 

[siana]

I think if you are a happy mum running your own business you will have a happy child! And what a great example to set too! Sending your child to nursery is absolutely fine and you shouldn't feel, or be made to feel guilty about it! You have to do what is best for both of you and if getting your business up and running will make you happy, then your child will thank you for it in the long run! Go for it! xx

 

[Nails<3]

My children were in nursery from the age of 1 1/2 years. I have to work to pay for us to live and there is no reason for me not to work if I have childcare. My 2 were in 5 days a week from 7.45am till 6pm at night. To be honest they had more fun at nursery with their friends than they would being stuck with me every day. There are only so many things you can do before they get agitated etc and want to do something else. My children learnt so much in nursery and made loads of friends so I am happy to put them there while I work.

My son started school in September and my daughter is still in nursery till September. When the holidays come i will have to put my son into the holiday club at the nursery as I can't afford not to work as everything is so expensive and my rent and bills need paying.I prob will feel guilty when it comes to putting my son into holiday club but if I can't work then who will support them.

I don't think you should feel guilty at all, I think working mums always get that pang of guilt that we should look after them till they are school age but I can't live on nothing so if it means me putting my children in childcare then so be it. It's good for children to be in new places and surroundings and to make new friends and learn things ready for school. My son learnt so much at nursery and is well above his learning age.

You are doing it for the good of you and your child's future so don't worry yourself good luck x

 

[tigi]

you mums all rock and as a mum of 4 I feel all your pain.

Dont forget that you are also setting an example that they will HAVE TO WORK for a living and a good working ethos is vital too.

Its hard, my little is 4 and my eldest 20, the littlest one hates playgroup etc, but he has to go.

Dont forget why you are doing this,for her and for you.

tigi
xx

 

[littlemiss-32]

I'm not in your position, but im a mum of a 2 year old and a 4 year old, I work on Saturdays but my 4 year old has been at nursery for 2 days a week since she was 3, she loves it, she gets to see all her friends, make as much mess as she likes, it has been so good for her! It means im less frazzled & my little boy gets some one to one time! If he's ready for it I will also sign up my little boy at 3. Perhaps you could just try an extra day one week and see how ur little one reacts? Dont be so hard on yourself. Hth xxx

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[siobrennan]

im not a single mum, but my OH is merchant navy so for between 4-6 months at a time im on my own with my little one. i only have my dad (who works full time) and my in laws both work full time too. I put my little on into nursery 1.5 days per week, but its not enough as im starting to get more and more recommendations. I also have this guilt, and my MIL doesnt agree with ones so small being in nursery and tells me this

i feel though that this will 1. allow me to earn money. bills to pay and all that. 2. my sanity, theres only so much baby talk i can handle and im a very maternal woman saying this!. 3. allows my girl to become used to being with other people and not just me all the time - and i dont think the benefits of this are praised enough.

so your doing great, you are providing for your child and as another post said how about another 1 day at nursery? thats what im doing as of next month!

xox

 

[mally123pink]

My 4 year old has been in childcare since he was 9 months old. He will have a conversation with anyone, makes friends quickly and is very intelligent. I put this down to going to nursery so young. He went 8-6 4 days a week. It also helped him settle into his new nursery in preparation for school. There will come a time when they have to go to school so you might as well prepare them now. Don't feel guilty! X

 

[Papillion]

I'm not a mum so haven't experienced this myself but I am a daughter and what I would say is that you're teaching you daughter a good work ethic and don't underestimate that.

I grew up in a family where all the women were stay at home mums. As someone who wanted to be a career girl and not have kids I had no example to follow within my family of how to do that. It sounds like a simple thing but if I had that around me as I was growing up, I think it would have been easier for me and I would have got myself together sooner. It was like a big chunk of knowledge I didnt get and had to learn at an older age.

Even now if I happen to talk about something regarding work they cant really relate or give advice to help out (even though they are fab) because its experience they just don't have.

By working and running your own business your actually giving your daughter a lot IMO.

 

[StephR]

I put my daughter into nursery at the age of 3 so I could go to work to come off benefits. She went 5 days a week. I really did feel guilty that I wasn't around for her but you no what we had so much more fun at the weekends and so much more money to go out and do things together.

She loved nursery and at the age of 3 they really need it. Not only does it give you a break but it gives the child a chance to interact and learn. With school just around the corner it helps get them used to a routine too.

You really do not need to feel guilty, you are trying to provide a better life for your daughter and I'm sure she's having so much fun being at nursery xx

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[happyfeet]

hi hun

I've been a single mum and worked, a working mum with a partner and also a nursery worker. I echo everyone elses thoughts on here so i won't repeat them.

What i will say a former nursery worker of the baby room from children aged between five months and two years is this, as long as you choose the correct nursery and one that you and your child are happy with, it can be very enriching for your little one and yourself. The support and social interaction your little one will receive from staff to peers is fantastic. I think this is also a great basis for when your little one moves on to school. As for you, and i speak from experience as a mum here, having your own time to create and expand your business is well worth it. For your positive mental attitude to your wellbeing. . . and sanity lol! My little man started full time nursery at three every day from eight am to half three Mon to Thurs and eight am till five Friday's. He took to it like a duck to water, made lots of friends and his personal and social development increased ten fold.

Don't feel guilty at all hun, as long as you have precious time as I'm certain you do and will have, with your little one, then there is no problem.

Good luck lovely and what an example you will surely be to your little bunny.

Love n hugs x x x

 

[Divine Locks]

When I was in the same position as you several years ago one of my university lecturer's gave me some advice. She said

"From the moment you become a mother you feel guilty, now you can either feel guilty sitting at home unable to provide a decent life for your child or you can feel guilty whilst working towards a better life, its your choice..."

I have never forgotten those words

 

[x Fee x]

When I was in the same position as you several years ago one of my university lecturer's gave me some advice. She said

"From the moment you become a mother you feel guilty, now you can either feel guilty sitting at home unable to provide a decent life for your child or you can feel guilty whilst working towards a better life, its your choice..."

I have never forgotten those words

And they are very wise words!

I had my son the week before my final A Level exams, and went into college every day to do the exams despite having just given birth.

He was 6 months old when I started my degree at Uni, and a full time job so he was at a childminder everyday from then on until he could go to nursery.

I've worked full time ever since, and although it did tear me up inside sometimes, my son understands now, 8 years on, that as a single parent those were the choices I made to give him the kind of life and ethos for the future I felt he deserved. I don't feel guilty for that, and he has never suffered for it x

 

[Tjo]

Thank you all so much for your reply, I guess being torn is a fairly normal feeling.

I just ask to get off benefits and be able to provide for us my self.


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[Divine Locks]

Thank you all so much for your reply, I guess being torn is a fairly normal feeling.

I just ask to get off benefits and be able to provide for us my self.


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Good for you !

I really wish you all the best for the future :hug:

 

[GracefulH&B]

Completely agree with everything that's been said. Remember, your damned if you do and damned if you don't. My mum was a stay-at-home mum and all I remember of my childhood is being shouted at all the time because she hated being at home with me and my brothers but couldn't afford to go to work. When I was about 15 we were having a row about how she had stayed home with us kids so that we weren't latch key kids like she was (her mum used to work full time) and I turned round and said "I wish you had gone to work". Now that I'm a mum (my kids are 2,4 and 6) my mum tells me to do what makes me happy coz you can't win. My kids have gone to nursery from being about 6 months old, 2-3 days a week. They are all extremely confident, happy and outgoing children. My nephew who stayed with Granny while his mum went to work, can't talk properly (he's 4), hates school and doesn't mix well. My personal belief is that you are doing your child a favour by sending them to nursery. Happy mums have happy kids.