Trouble in love-life

[carlytaylor1986]

Long of the short is, I am seeing a guy. been on a few dates with him over the long weekend. I knew him previously, have probably been on about 6 first dates with him over the period of 10 or so years. It's never got past the first few dates and it's always me who drops him. So we started seeing each other again recently, I was the one who initiated it by saying I felt I ended things prematurely. He made me promise I wasn't going to drop him again but I have this huge urge to get out. As we have known each other for a while, it's like he is way more into me and way more comfortable with me than I am with him. We ended up doing the deed Thursday night and he has since come around and made gestures to take it to the bedroom which I have declined. I said to him I wanted to take things slowly. whenever he comes to mine, it's like he wants me constantly draped over him, kissing him and cuddling him, but it takes time for me to get to that stage in a relationship to be that open with someone, I can't deal with being all over each other all the time, which makes me think I don't like him that much.

So I know I have to end things as he is going to start driving me nuts. But I feel horrible in doing so especially as I promised him that I wouldn't drop him again, he said if I did then he would never speak to me again, which I totally understand. I don't want to blame it on me this time, i want to tell him that he's moving too fast and wants more affection than I can probably give him. How on earth do I bring it up that I don't want to see him again? I feel god awful! Sorry for the long message xxxx

 

[Steph86]

Id just explain how your feeling & see if he backs off enough to give it a try.

If he doesnt, at least you tried.

But he isn't going to know until you tell him.

Xx

 

[nickysnails200]

I totally agree with above if he doesn't know he doesn't have the option to change. Explain to him the same way to have here that it too much too quick tell him what it is that you want and that you'll be comfortable with if he is happy with that give him a chance to fix the issues. If he feels he can't give you what you need then you'll have your answer. If you talk to him and give him a chance if it doesn't work out at least you know you couldn't of done any more and you won't feel that you've ended it prematurely. Good luck.xx

 

[carlytaylor1986]

Thank you for your replies. I just think there's way too much water under the bridge, I really am not feeling it at all, I can't even begin to try you know. I think it would be better if we both just left each other alone. I don't mean to be horrible at all but that's how I feel xxxx

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

What made you think that you wanted to give things another go?

There must have been something that made you feel strongly. It's a good place to work from.

If you really feel that you can't give him time to adjust to your needs then you're gonna have to be prepared that you might lose him as a friend. I'm not being mean, just honest x

Sent from my SM-G900F using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[carlytaylor1986]

What made you think that you wanted to give things another go?

There must have been something that made you feel strongly. It's a good place to work from.

If you really feel that you can't give him time to adjust to your needs then you're gonna have to be prepared that you might lose him as a friend. I'm not being mean, just honest x

Sent from my SM-G900F using SalonGeek mobile app

I saw a picture of my ex with his new girlfriend. And it made me think immediately of this bloke. I don't know whether I wanted some male attention and I knew he'd come back to me at the click of a finger. No I get that 100%, I know I'll lose him, we weren't that close anyway, just acquaintances I'd say, my friend is more friends with him than I am...that's how I met him. If I saw him out I'd say hello and that's as far as our friendship ever went xxxxxxx

 

[nickysnails200]

I saw a picture of my ex with his new girlfriend. And it made me think immediately of this bloke. I don't know whether I wanted some male attention and I knew he'd come back to me at the click of a finger. No I get that 100%, I know I'll lose him, we weren't that close anyway, just acquaintances I'd say, my friend is more friends with him than I am...that's how I met him. If I saw him out I'd say hello and that's as far as our friendship ever went xxxxxxx

You'll know in your heart what's right! It sounds like you've accepted the fact that if you stop seeing him now there's no going back and no chance of friendship. If you're unhappy and have accepted the above then it might be best to let him go. You're not horrible sometimes you look back at things through rose tinted glasses and when you revisit it it's just not what you hoped or doesn't work out. It's better to get it sorted now and get out before it gets serious and someone is more hurt xxxxxxxx

 

[Julie-Liz]

I've been in a similar situation, won't go into detail but it does get messy if you drag it out. Think u have made peace with the fact u aren't that into him, better to knock it on the head now before he gets any grand ideas that things are really going somewhere and ends up hurt. Going back was probably as a previous post said, viewing things through rose tinted glasses and forgetting the things that irritated you or just didn't sit right. If someone had told me to listen to that little niggle a few years ago, well it would've saved a lot of stress and heartache x

 

[carlytaylor1986]

I've been in a similar situation, won't go into detail but it does get messy if you drag it out. Think u have made peace with the fact u aren't that into him, better to knock it on the head now before he gets any grand ideas that things are really going somewhere and ends up hurt. Going back was probably as a previous post said, viewing things through rose tinted glasses and forgetting the things that irritated you or just didn't sit right. If someone had told me to listen to that little niggle a few years ago, well it would've saved a lot of stress and heartache x

Thank you everyone for your messages i really do appreciate it. I know what I need to do I just can't bring myself to do it again but I gotta do it xxxxx

 

[carlytaylor1986]

Wasn't sure if anyone was interested in how it went...but I thought I'd let you know I ended up messaging him yesterday saying that I feel he is moving a bit too fast and that I am starting to feel the same as I have always done when I have dated him and I don't want to have to give him constant attention when we are at mine watching the tv and constantly having to hug/kiss him as it takes time for me to be like that. He ended up going off on one and told me to never contact him again and blocked me from Whatsapp...I only told him how I was feeling! I feel like a weights been lifted!

 

[KayaPapaya]

Sounds like a lucky escape!

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

I always enjoy an update

I think you were very fair. If he expects that by throwing a strop you're suddenly gonna be all over him he's got another thing coming.

I'm glad you're feeling better xx

Sent from my SM-G900F using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[carlytaylor1986]

Thank you

 

[RED STAR]

Wasn't sure if anyone was interested in how it went...but I thought I'd let you know I ended up messaging him yesterday saying that I feel he is moving a bit too fast and that I am starting to feel the same as I have always done when I have dated him and I don't want to have to give him constant attention when we are at mine watching the tv and constantly having to hug/kiss him as it takes time for me to be like that. He ended up going off on one and told me to never contact him again and blocked me from Whatsapp...I only told him how I was feeling! I feel like a weights been lifted!

'Result...'

 

[Pollypocket85]

Needy men are really unattractive!

 

[nickysnails200]

Well done if that's how he reacted I'd say you defiantly did the right thing! What would happen if you stayed together and further down the line you had an argument/disagreement would he throw a strop then too and expect to get his way? Sounds rather childish to me. Everyone is different my friend falls in love loads she puts her all into someone then gets hurt and does it again whereas I take things much slower my boyfriend and I have been together 3 years now but where friends for just under a year and started dating for 2 months before making it official we weren't seeing anyone else at the time but wanted to see if it would work. If your ex can't understand that not everyone falls in love in 5seconds and has to be all over someone constantly he isn't the man for you! He should probably get a cat that would sit on his knee all the time and rub up his leg I'm pretty sure a cat wouldn't care if he was needy xxx

 

[carlytaylor1986]

Well done if that's how he reacted I'd say you defiantly did the right thing! What would happen if you stayed together and further down the line you had an argument/disagreement would he throw a strop then too and expect to get his way? Sounds rather childish to me. Everyone is different my friend falls in love loads she puts her all into someone then gets hurt and does it again whereas I take things much slower my boyfriend and I have been together 3 years now but where friends for just under a year and started dating for 2 months before making it official we weren't seeing anyone else at the time but wanted to see if it would work. If your ex can't understand that not everyone falls in love in 5seconds and has to be all over someone constantly he isn't the man for you! He should probably get a cat that would sit on his knee all the time and rub up his leg I'm pretty sure a cat wouldn't care if he was needy xxx

Exactly! That's what I thought he is definitely v childish. Ah what a lovely story it's nice to hear things like that happen in real life and not just the films! Hahahaha I think you're right about the cat - brilliant