What to do about mother in law??

[CarrieW]

Totally agree with you Sassy, I'm definitely a lover not a hater!!

Problem is, I forgive people really easily - which is why I've allowed mum to hurt me so much. I have now learned my lesson - she doesn't know we're moving to Spain, and will have no way of contacting me. I also have no way of contacting her, and thats just the way I like it.

Sad its ended up like this, but it just makes me all the more determined to be the best mum (and person) I can.

 

[redchris001]

Totally agree with you Sassy, I'm definitely a lover not a hater!!

Problem is, I forgive people really easily - which is why I've allowed mum to hurt me so much. I have now learned my lesson - she doesn't know we're moving to Spain, and will have no way of contacting me. I also have no way of contacting her, and thats just the way I like it.

Sad its ended up like this, but it just makes me all the more determined to be the best mum (and person) I can.

This is a very sad situation, I'm in a similar one, after a family argument, and sad as it is, sometimes self preservation means no contact - hard thing to do but necessary.

Good luck in Spain

 

[geeg]

I think the most important thing to do is to make sure your boys don't ever think that they are to blame for this woman not loving them.

You make sure that they know that the fault is with this woman and not because of anything to do with them.

I decided not to shield my children from the fact that they too had a not very nice grandmother (my first mum in law). I didn't go into massive detail just said she was not a nice lady .. and they never wanted to see her unless they had to which after my divorce, mercifully, none of us did!!

Children tend to think they have done something wrong over something like this and I hope they can learn that it is nothing to do with them.

One day this woman might just realize that it is her family that is the most important thing in life ... and then it will be too late for her. How sad. Man alive don't people know what is important anymore??

 

[vicky]

I really don't think that some peolpe should become parents...! My mum had very little to do with my kids and my other brothers and sisters (youngest of 7) used to go on about how bad she was, but i look at it as my kids never have to thanks her for anything..! They know who she is but wouldnt go out of their way for her. They say "hello" and are polite but their like that to jo public. Iv never had to say anything to them, they just know what kinda lady she is.

On the other hand they LOVE their other Nanny to bits and ring her every day and stay there every weekend....Say's it all !!

 

[GlitzyGirl]

Hi Nailfairy,
I think Geeg is right. Tell your children some facts, don't go into too much detail and then let them make their own minds up. Children see much more than we realise.
As a little child, I was always compared to my cousin by my nan, and always heard from her how good my cousin was. Though I always resented my nan, I never really hated her for it. But now, I am very cautious with anyone who tries to do that to my kids, and I will not allow it to any degree. Also I recently heard from my cousin she used to do it to her as well.
As for you, the more you ignore her and treat her normally, the more you'll get to her, as she'll think she's not effecting you, and hopefully give up. Or, you can try what I did. My sister-in-law's always nasty, saying horrible things to me, my mum and my dad, basically every1 when she gets a chance, every time she sees us. She even tries to turn my niece against me, as she loves me so much. I always keep quite and let her carry on as she wants, BUT every now and then things get a bit too much and I just blow my top and go for her (not physically). Guess what happens, she turns into a kitten and I am the best on earth. Well, for a while anyway until she starts itching for it again.
Sometimes it's best to tell people to their faces, how horrible they're being and if they don't change they'll be left on their own. But don't let her know she's getting to you. Also before you say anything, make sure your hubby is on your side 100%, as men can change when things upset their mums.

Anyway, sorry to give you all a headache.

 

[Bagpuss]

I shouldn't have read this, cos its a bit to close to home. Robs mum is a diamond and i love her all the way to the moon and back. My own mother well, thats a different story. She let me down badly when i was a child, she didn't protect me like a mother should. (long story) everytime i feel bad about not forgiving her and ring her she just lets me down again. I get jealous when i here mates saying how they go shopping with there mums and stuff. My mum don't get on with my kids, she ignores them and said they irritate her. I can cope with what she has done to me but when she starts with my kids i get real mad. We are not able to choose our parents or family, shame I'd have been better with Crewel la Di ville...my life started when i left home and met rob, and i thank the heavens above that i have him and my girls, they are all i need. Take whats good in your life and grasp it with both hands, and whats bad try to let go as it will eat you up. if i ate something that made me sick i wouldn't eat it again, stay away from what makes you unhappy..even if its family. love and hugs to all that this thread affects. xxx

 

[nik]

if i ate something that made me sick i wouldn't eat it again, stay away from what makes you unhappy..even if its family. love and hugs to all that this thread affects. xxx[/QUOTE]

very good point

 

[Tickled Pink!]

i've been reading these posts and feel close to tear....i have two wonderful little girls and i just can't imagine a time will ever come when i won't want to prtoect and cherish them - they are simply THE most important people in my life - surely the love for a child is unconditional; how could a mother treat their own flesh and blood with such contempt is totally alien to me. Anyhow, i wish all of those with family problems the strength to look to the future and send you all good vibes

 

[jnail]

:sad:
Well it takes all sorts to make this world up.
& shes one sort that needs an attitude adjustment! PRONTO!
My sons father's family have after 20yrs of nasty stuff,finally!
Dropped the shoulder.
A lil to much alot to late!
They are all older & I suppose retrospect for them isnt that crash hot now!
I was always honest with the kids on that score.
& as young adults now they have a good persective on who's who.
I explained that we ALL dont get on ALL the time & some ppl are just like that.
How u help them through it is what theyll remember the most.
The nasty stuff fades into the background..
All the best o LUCK..
hTh
Kind regards
xxxxjnail-OZxxxx

 

[Lellipop]

My motto is stick with who cares and loves you and your kids, Who every said Blood is thicker than water was a liar, I know this first hand.
I am lucky I eventually got a mum who loves me to bits as I do her, My mother in law also treats me as a daughter, I feel blessed and so lucky to have these people in my life. :Love:

 

[nailfairy]

Thanks everyone, youve all calmed me down. Im amazed that there are so many of you out there either in or have been in a similar predicament..

I guess the general census is that i should ignore her, and explain to my kids next time they ask why.. that some people just arent very good nanny's but theyve got another nanny, grandad, aunts, uncles and mum and dad that love them to bits. If she ever says anything out of line again though i think i will say that its obvious to us that shes not bothered at all about us so better if she stays as much out of our lives as poss.
Only thing ive got to worry about now is what to say next time she asks me to drop everything and do her hair/nails. Am I always busy and hope she gets the message, or do i tell her straight i think its better that she goes elsewhere? ive even made my phone caller display so that i can avoid her like the plague!!any advice on this small prob would be great

Thanks again gals :biggrin: luv to you all xx:Love:

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Honesty is the best policy, so tell her straight.

 

[geeg]

If she pays normal rate then do 'em like any other client.

If she is expecting freebies or discount tell her to take a hike!

 

[Bryony]

Seans mum hates me and our children & has on many occasions told me so....../QUOTE]

But she still expects you to do her hair and nails? So next time she asks "As you're always saying how much you dislike me, I wouldn't want to put you to the inconvenience of having to be in the same room as me, so thanks, but no thanks" . Personally, I tell her politely where to go.

 

[nailtech]

I simply say its her loss, I wouldn't spend your time even thinking about why she acts in this way. Some parents are brill and some are rubbish and the same goes for grandparents and mother in laws. She is obviously not family orientated and probably never as been, I would let your kids see her and be civil towards her, But get on with your life and let her get on with her's if its more important to her than her family

I agree with Lell, her loss...
My mother-in-law loves me to bits (a bit too much at times LOL but better than the complete opposite), but I've always got on well with my boyfriends mothers in the past. But I would have no time for someone like your MIL, I wouldn't even ask her round, I wouldn't be able to stand the tension & her bad manners..... its hard though for your husband as its his mother....

 

[Nailsinlondon1]

I think the most important thing to do is to make sure your boys don't ever think that they are to blame for this woman not loving them.

Thats the best advise ever.........
Just because we are related to other family members, either by blood or by marriage, does not automaticly make them love us..... or respect us............
As you all know I am German, born 1957, so not that long after the 2nd World war.............
My own father (born in 1910) hated my children, because I married an english soldier, something that a good german catholic girl just didn't do in his world......he disinherited me .....he called my children all sorts of things.............but you know what, I just made sure I loved them 2x as much and explained to them that their granddad was just a bit strange...I did have words with him about his behaviour towards my children and myself, but in the end I figured that it was more important to be happy than to be right....he finaly died in 1987 and he never got to meet them and that was his loss....I have two cracking children and who are now raising their own children with no hang ups and bucket loads of love from all those around them..........
So hey who is the winner in all this ......I know I am xxxxx

 

[redchris001]

The next time she asks you to do her hair and nails, if you don't feel able to tell the her truth, just tell her that you are very busy, and if she'd like to ring in a week or two then you may be able to find some time for her. Keep saying this until she gets the hint and stops asking you!!!

Take care and best of luck it's not an easy situation - I know!!!

 

[Ameliasdragon]

My litte girl will be five next week, the last time she saw her dad was November 2000, after I moved out in the September, won't bore you with the details behind the split!

Christmas we get a nominal check from him and if we're lucky a cheque in the wrong name for my daughter from his parents! Which I always send back with a nice letter reminding them of her name and how to spell it!

I've made countless attempts to get Millie to meet with her father and his family - and always been shunned! We've never had anything from her fathers brother despite sending him, his wife and their son birthday cards and Christmas cards every year!

Lucky my family are 100% supportive and I have a very happy little girl, I've kept records and returned letters etc, I just hope she understands when she gets older!

 

[princessmowgli]

Why are some people so vicious? Here's a few suggestions:

Next time you do her nails immediately give the money to your children whilst she is present. Don't make it out as a gift from her but just show her where her pub money is going. That should p**s her off a bit. You might need the money but sending your children down the shop to go crazy on it will make you soon forget how little you can buy with £X.

Talk to your children about the situation. I had a small run in with my MIL about 12 yrs ago. From the off I explained that Mummy & Granny were not going to be friends for a while. That lasted about a year. Paul was behind me all the way which for him was admirable as his mother was left a widow at 27 with 4 young sons. He knew she was out of order & I told her so. After a while bygones being bygones & all we began to speak & occasionally she would bring up the argument. Immediately, whoever was present, I told her she got away with it once but she won't get away with it again. She'd met her match. Through all of this my children knew if Granny didn't call it wasn't anything they were responsible for. Children will shout, fight & make friends within the space of hours, adults are not so forgiving.

She goes online so mail her & tell her you no longer wish to have her as a client. End of. No confrontation, no arguments, just type & send.

Lastly stop doing her hair & nails. How on earth you can sit with someone knowing they despise you & your children is beyond me. The less you see of her will be the less you are reminded of the fact that she dislikes you & your little beautys. Will be the less they have to see her & wonder why she is so unloving towards them. Will be less hurtful to your hubby who has has been a star & for the life of him can't get his head round his own mother being so cruel & spiteful.

I've gone on a bit & it doesn't really say what I mean, not nearly enough *****'s. Hunny you & your family need CLOSURE. Gonna get my housework done in record time today, I'm getting an adrenalin rush :lol: .

Sonia

 

[kathy w]

I dont have a mother in law never have but I do have a mother who is like that she cant stand my husband of 27yrs.We kept trying over the years but in the end after she told my kids who were 9 and 6 at the time that their father was a bad man and your mum would be better off without him along with other things well that was the straw that broke the camels back.Now my daughter is about to get married and she is going to miss out on everything as I will not have her there.Anyway to cut it short FORGET her it is not worth the stress on you or your family she is the one who will miss out seeing her grandchildren grow into fine young well adjusted adults.

And why put your kids through more disapointment from this very bitter woman.

Kathyxxxx