When to draw that line, seriously worried about a client? Advice please

[redlottie13]

Hi all

It's in my nature to advise clients if they ask for it.

In my younger years I used to give my opinion willy nilly.
However nowadays I am more socially /professionally aware and only comment my thoughts and feelings when asked directly.
.... do you guys do the same?

However a client has told me in confidence some pretty alarming stuff.
Her partner attacked her phyically and has been controlling her for around 6 months.
His excuse was that he's scared she will leave.

The verbal control /abuse ranges from telling her he only wants to see her, and if she wants to see her family and friends then she is 'betraying' his trust.

Last week he stopped talking to her for 4 days as she said that David Beckham was hot! He called her a cheat!

She volunteers the information very freely and I'm unsure what to do with it. I'm terrified she will be found dead one day!

I also do her best friends hair and she's been banned from seeing her.

I have personally told her that it's not normal behaviour and that she should be careful. But have I over stepped the mark?

Any advise welcome x

 

[TheDuchess]

I had a similar concern with a client of mine who is obviously into BDSM. She started to come for treatments with heavy bruises and they got worse and worse. The bruising was extensive, not just on the buttocks and often only on one side - which are warning signs that the activity might not be consensual. I asked her how she'd hurt herself and she just said she didn't know. She's an intelligent woman and not open about her private life so I held my tongue.

One day she came in with appalling bruising across her buttocks. It was symmetrical but I can't imagine anyone enjoying such trauma so I was worried she might have been tied up. I finished her treatment, left the room and waited for her to get dressed. Then I asked her if she would like me to take a photo of her bruises. She said she knew it was bad, but I firmly said she couldn't see what I could see and it was dreadful. Then I asked her if she was safe. Her face crumpled. I told her that no-one could consent to such mistreatment. She was devastated. She told me that it was an exciting game which got out of hand. I said it wasn't, it was abuse. Then I said I was concerned, I knew she was Independent and intelligent and her private life was her own concern, but she must have been frightened. She started crying and I felt really upset that I'd embarrassed her and maybe not helped at all. But she's come back and there have been no more bruises.

My advice, be plain that you are concerned about what she is telling you. Ask her how this mistreatment makes her feel. Ask her if she feels safe and what advice she would give to someone telling her the same things she is telling you. Tell her that it sounds as though her partner needs professional support. Point out that she is normalising pretty alarming behaviour and that she might be helping him by discussing her concerns with her GP.

You shouldn't really talk about her to her friend, but you could ask your client for her permission to mention your concern to her best friend. You could also write to her GP or to social services and just say what you are concerned about. You don't need her permission to report concerns.

 

[squidgernetball]

I think @TheDuchess has covered it. Only you know what your relationship is like with her, and how comfortable you are bringing these things up.
The only think I would stress is that as said above, smiling and nodding along can ‘normalise’ his behaviour so she doesn’t think anything is wrong. I’ve had girlfriends like this over the years, completely dictated to by their partners. Her talking to you may be an attempt to gauge how acceptable his behaviour is.
I had a lovely client tell me about her husband often chasing her with a knife after a drink. She also told me about her safe place. They’re still together and he has stopped drinking.

Sometimes we all just need an ear, but she either trying to shock you with what’s going on, she’s trying to gauge if it’s normal or the other consideration is that she’s telling you how ‘loved’ she is.

Good luck

Vic x

 

[redlottie13]

Thankyou ladies. I just don't want her to stop coming to me as she feels I'm judging her /over stepping my professional boundaries by giving my opinion.

She also tells my beautician these things , however my beautician is very young and doesnt really know what to say.

I'm going to write to social services, hopefully that helps x

 

[AcidPerm]

Lots of good advice already on this thread.
You can always give her the contact number for Women’s Aid. Write it on the back of business card so it’s less obvious if her partner sees it. They’re an excellent charitable organisation that helps support vulnerable women.
Tel: 08082000247