Awkward dating question

[xnailsbylisax]

Can you learn to 'fancy' someone? Ok, maybe not learn cos i already know how :lol: but i had a date recently & i did kind of find him attractive but i wasn't positive. I'm not shallow but obviously you need to be attracted to them. Can someone seem more attractive as time goes by? He is a really nice bloke so i will meet him again i just hope i findhim more attractive the more i meet him :lol:

I feel kind of mean writing this!

 

[fascinationkt]

There has to be something there to start with, but in my experience the whole physical attraction side can grow.
As long as you don't find them repulsive lol
I dated a guy once and instantly wasn't keen there just wasn't a spark but over time that chemistry grew. It didn't work out however but I'd say give it a shot, you'll know with in a few dates!
Good luck

 

[tonicj]

Personally attraction is very important for me. I need to be able to look at my man and feel this immediately. In saying that if you think of when you meet some people and get to know them over time, you can notice more attractive qualities in them.

 

[Steph86]

When I met my fiancé, I didn't immediately fancy him. (And all of my ex's) he asked for my number... I said no but took his. He is related to a couple of my friends. So they'd tell me he was asking about me etc.

2 months later we was at a friends family party & he was there. I thought oh your not as bad as I remembered haha. Waited another month before I called him, & each time I seen him he really grew on me. Now I cant think why I didn't fancy him!

All my ex's made it known they liked me, I tend to go away & consider them... & I end up going on a few dates & fancying them! This is why I don't have a 'type' I appreciate good looking men, but I need to get to know someone before I fancy them.

So yes, have a few more dates, & see!

Xx

 

[xnailsbylisax]

Atleast i'm not the only one lol i felt abit mean. I do find him good looking just usually i think 'oooh he'snice' but with my date i just simply thought 'yeah he's not ugly' :lol:

Early days yet but if you have all been through similar i think i will keep trying funnily enough, he is exactly my type - tall, big built with a skin head haha so i don't know why i don't fancy him? Guess i'm out of touch with this daying business .. It might have something to do with the fact i have been single 5 years

 

[MrsSlim]

When I first saw my now husband there was an instant spark, but in some cases it takes time for that attraction to grow I guess. I always say to my friends.. If you can't imagine yourself doing 'you know what' with them, I don't see how it would work? You need that sexual chemistry in my opinion. x

 

[Helengrace000]

I think attraction can grow but as you say it's more than just thinking they're good looking you need that "fancying" that spark. I think this can come with time but only if it's natural. Don't encourage yourself to fancy him! And don't be hard on yourself if you don't! But yes see him again and see how it goes xxx

 

[xnailsbylisax]

When I first saw my now husband there was an instant spark, but in some cases it takes time for that attraction to grow I guess. I always say to my friends.. If you can't imagine yourself doing 'you know what' with them, I don't see how it would work? You need that sexual chemistry in my opinion. x

At the moment i can see myself doing 'you know what' with anyone, it's been that long haha! Not really thought about it with him & i know that's what i will look for next time i see him. I hope that's not going to be a trigger :lol: fingers crossed i don't pounce!

 

[lydia c]

At the moment i can see myself doing 'you know what' with anyone, it's been that long haha! Not really thought about it with him & i know that's what i will look for next time i see him. I hope that's not going to be a trigger :lol: fingers crossed i don't pounce!

That's funny x

 

[Ali_d2003]

I knew my fella from seeing him around before we got together and never really looked at him and thought your good looking, it wasn't until he started texting me and having the laugh that I considered him, I'm now with him nearly 6 years and of course I find him attractive now but looking back at old photos of us I'm like wow he was really attractive back then lol

 

[Spa Therapist]

I spent 18 months in a relationship with someone I didn't fancy. We were so close, we spent all our time together and he was the best friend I'd ever had. I wished and wished that I'd grow to fancy him because we were like two halves of the same person, but the feelings never grew. It all ended badly because he had feelings that I didn't :sad:

Having said that, I know quite a few people who grew to fancy their other half. Some couples are friends for years before they get together romantically so it must be possible! Maybe just take it slowly so you can see how your feelings develop? That way you won't be leading him on in any way. I probably wouldn't tell him why though :lol:

 

[Aphrodite26]

I knew my ex for 20 years. Never looked at him in that way and couldn't see what all the fuss was about with his little groupies. (He's a rock singer)
Then one night at a gig he pushed me against a wall and kissed me like he really meant it! Well after that I went weak at the knees whenever I saw him!
Unfortunately it didn't work out with him (we are too close as friends and was starting to cause problems) but we are back to being best mates.
Sometimes the attraction just comes out of nowhere x


Sent from my iPhone using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[emmalou061987]

I never fancied my exes, I fell for personality.. Then realised I fell for false bull instead! This fella I found sexy, couldn't believe he liked me back... And his personality made me fall for him but most the I want to kill him lol!


Emma-Louise

 

[beckaah_babe]

Attraction grows so much as you get to know someone and you see their good qualities.
I think ultimately there should be some sort of physical attraction but they do say love is blind. Personality & a good heart is key, looks fade with age xx

Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[jessebrice]

I definitely agree that over time you get more and more attracted to somebody as you get to know them. But at the same time if you're not that attracted to them from the beginning and you're banking on them becoming tolerable over time then YOU ARE SETTLING. Do NOT settle. It never works. My ex wasn't all that attractive to me when I first met him but then I started hanging out with him more and I was really starting to like him but then further down the road in our relationship things started getting more difficult and he started becoming way less attractive to me. And I broke up with him. So looks aren't that important but I would say "sparks" and "chemistry" do.

 

[MissyMuffin]

My ex is not great looking but has that 'something' that made my heart melt. It didn't work out and said heart was broken.
I'm dating someone now who is growing on me. You can talk yourself out of fancying someone more than you can talk yourself into it I think. See I fancy this man but I am aware my little voice is going 'heart break is not something I want to go through again'.

 

[Biljana]

Gots to have the spark! My hubs was all kind of drunk when we met and he stared at me intensely from across the room at the party. It was creepy until he got closer and then BAM... those steely blues reeled me right in. Chemistry galore! We had a date EVERY night until the day we moved in together, 4 months later yup
Years later we can't stand to be apart, we are each other's healers and life just gets better by the minute.

Cleen Cheeks Spa

 

[xnailsbylisax]

I definitely agree that over time you get more and more attracted to somebody as you get to know them. But at the same time if you're not that attracted to them from the beginning and you're banking on them becoming tolerable over time then YOU ARE SETTLING. Do NOT settle. It never works. My ex wasn't all that attractive to me when I first met him but then I started hanging out with him more and I was really starting to like him but then further down the road in our relationship things started getting more difficult and he started becoming way less attractive to me. And I broke up with him. So looks aren't that important but I would say "sparks" and "chemistry" do.

I have been single for 5 years i am far from just settling lol. I am more happy on my own than i am in a relationship so i'm not one of these what HAS to be with someone. There is a spark there or i wouldn't have met him in the first place it's just i don't fancy the pants off him. He is good looking, a really REALLY nice man & it is still early days. I have a child so it is kind of hard working it around my child so maybe i'm just not used to being involved with a boy. I do like him, if i didn't i wouldn't even entertain the idea of texting let alone meeting :lol: i do know that i also make alot of excuses to stay single. Maybe i am doing that

 

[Jen889]

Gots to have the spark! My hubs was all kind of drunk when we met and he stared at me intensely from across the room at the party. It was creepy until he got closer and then BAM... those steely blues reeled me right in. Chemistry galore! We had a date EVERY night until the day we moved in together, 4 months later yup
Years later we can't stand to be apart, we are each other's healers and life just gets better by the minute.

Cleen Cheeks Spa

Same story as my boyfriend and i , minus the drunk party . Its an amazing feeling!

 

[vimto2802]

LONG POST ALERT haha
I also feel bad writing this.. Lol my husband used to get on my nerves when we first met! We had mutual friends- saw each other every night pretty much, he knew how to wind me up! And he did- however I really didn't find him funny- at all! We would text to arrange us all going out and then came the messages about us going to the cinema, bowling etc, so we did and he then went on to ask me out 3 times! Every time I kinda shrugged him off- thinking I like you but not as a boyfriend. Well he then started to talk with other girls from the same pub- one night him and his mates went out I was ill so didn't go and this night they all got pally pally.
Next I knew he would be texting someone whilst we were hanging out.. He then tells me that if I'm not interested he's going to move on and find a relationship as ours is clearly going nowhere lol . But we'd stay good friends. Well that was it I broke down and let my true feelings out... I told him how I really liked him I always has just didn't Wana b hurt again etc, I think it was the thought of him being with someone else. We sat and talked for hours! We literally spent every evening together he would stay at mine - we finally moved in together after 6 months, got married after 5 years and here we are 2 years later trying for a baby! I love him so much it's unreal, he is my everything & I wouldn't be without him xxxx


Hope it all works out for you xxx
Sorry again for the long post!