Boyfriend dilemma - but my fault

[Andrea-Louise]

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and living together for 2 and half.
Had a few little ups and downs but got through them and are a lot happier and better in our relationship.

We share a computer (what are we thinking I know) But today I was looking through the picture album for nail pic's to post online, and I found a fair few photo's of him and his ex.

I know I shouldn't of "snooped" but I thought 'oh it's photo's of when he was younger'. Big mistake on my behalf and now I feel like a horrible person for seeing them and feel hurt and upset. I know it shouldn't get to me as he's with me now and everything.
But why would he keep them. We have spoke about ex's but not too much. We both we don't have feelings for any ex's but seeing these make me think other wise. Although he is a daft fool and forgot they where there probably.

I still don't understand why though, I don't have anything of my ex's got rid of it all not long after being with current boyfriend, didn't want to dwell on the past. But yet I'm doing that now.

Not sure what to do with myself now although its my fault.

Sorry for the long post just needed to vent.
Any of you lovely geeks been in a similar situation and what did you do?
Do any of you still have anything of or from your ex's? - as I don't get it!

Thanks for reading my mini essay xx

 

[tsparker78]

Why wouldn't he have them?

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[sallysally]

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and living together for 2 and half.
Had a few little ups and downs but got through them and are a lot happier and better in our relationship.

We share a computer (what are we thinking I know) But today I was looking through the picture album for nail pic's to post online, and I found a fair few photo's of him and his ex.

I know I shouldn't of "snooped" but I thought 'oh it's photo's of when he was younger'. Big mistake on my behalf and now I feel like a horrible person for seeing them and feel hurt and upset. I know it shouldn't get to me as he's with me now and everything.
But why would he keep them. We have spoke about ex's but not too much. We both we don't have feelings for any ex's but seeing these make me think other wise. Although he is a daft fool and forgot they where there probably.

I still don't understand why though, I don't have anything of my ex's got rid of it all not long after being with current boyfriend, didn't want to dwell on the past. But yet I'm doing that now.

Not sure what to do with myself now although its my fault.

Sorry for the long post just needed to vent.
Any of you lovely geeks been in a similar situation and what did you do?
Do any of you still have anything of or from your ex's? - as I don't get it!

Thanks for reading my mini essay xx

I don't think he should have them to be honest if he has moved on from his past but I did exactly the same with my husband and he explained that he didn't even realise he had them and he deleted them when I told him I would rather he didn't....

It may be that he forgot he has them or he sees no wrong as she was still part of his past and we all have a past.

I would explain to him that you are a bit put out by it and see what he says.....

Do in a casual way,try not to come across jealous or neurotic or needy as that will be very off putting!!!

I am sure it is completely innocent but of he refuses to delete them then I would want to know why!!

Xxx

 

[sallysally]

Ps I have nothing at all from an ex....I don't see why you would keep anything ? X

 

[funtimefranko]

I wouldnt stress yourself out... like you say he probably forgot

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[Andrea-Louise]

Thanks for the reply's.

I know he's probably forgot, it just bothers me that they are somewhere I can see them.
If he kept them out of sight, I wouldn't be really bothered. Or is that wrong of me.

I'm meeting up with a girl friend soon to have a vent and chat with her, then will be back home with him. I'll see what type of mood he's in when back from work, hate to have this sort of conversation with him if he's a bad day.

I'm now thinking though I should just let it go (did burst out in song) as don't want to ruin anything between us. But I expect and know he would do the same as me if the role was reversed.

Thanks for replying, it all helps me feel a bit better x

 

[Diamondgirl]

I would be honest and open...it obviously bothers you so you shouldn't feel that you can't say anything ....or you will start to resent and it will probably be blown out of a bigger proportion than need be.....

Be honest say you were looking for nail pics and come across them and just wondered why he still had them ...the likelyhood is he forgot but at least then you will know ...there shouldn't be secrets between you ....

The only experience of this I've had is because I have kids and not with their dad anymore I'm with someone new ....but I've got pics of the kids with their dad which are in a box in the garage as it's not fair to destroy the kids past but only keeping them for the kids if it was up to me I'd rip him out of every one of them ( not that I hate him of course lol) .....and wouldn't have them In house out of respect for new partner .....

 

[beccascottx]

I'd bring it up in a jokey casual way, he probably won't even realise he has them! xo

 

[jacquelineanna]

I am not of the opinion that reminders of one's past should be deleted or destroyed ... unless the individual themselves wants absolutely no reminder of them.

Who are you ... who are any of us, to say what another person should do with their photographs and memorabilia?

It would be a problem if these things were being displayed all around the house, but they were in a file on the computer.

They are a part of his past ... I have seen lots of facebook albums showing pictures of ex's together - it's ok.

When you are a wife you will have more of a right to ask him to delete them.

This is just my opinion ... I don't expect anyone else to necessarily agree with it and I am not wishing to ruffle your feathers OP :hug:

 

[happyfeet]

Women tend to be a bit more thorough when they clear an ex out of their life. I think we on the whole, but not all, have a more emotional connection to things, so once we split, often we'll have a good clear out which includes pictures. Some people, not just men mind, just forget they're there.

I would have a chat with him and explain what happened and how it's made you feel. Chances are you'll jog his memory and he'll delete them.

I'm like you, I've never kept anything from an ex, I've literally thrown in the bin over time a diamond ring, dvd player, burberry handbag and a pair of Patrick Cox shoes I'd worn once! 😂😂😂

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[jamiereid92]

I would be honest and open...it obviously bothers you so you shouldn't feel that you can't say anything ....or you will start to resent and it will probably be blown out of a bigger proportion than need be.....

Be honest say you were looking for nail pics and come across them and just wondered why he still had them ...the likelyhood is he forgot but at least then you will know ...there shouldn't be secrets between you ....

The only experience of this I've had is because I have kids and not with their dad anymore I'm with someone new ....but I've got pics of the kids with their dad which are in a box in the garage as it's not fair to destroy the kids past but only keeping them for the kids if it was up to me I'd rip him out of every one of them ( not that I hate him of course lol) .....and wouldn't have them In house out of respect for new partner .....

If he was keeping them out of the way, he would be actively hiding them. The fact he has them on the computer that you can see too means he either doesn't realise that they are there, or he doesn't see it as an issue, they are just photos that he likes.

We don't have to demonize our ex's or completely separate from them to form another relationship. Sometimes you can have a good break up x

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[michellechristi]

Hmm. I found my partners old photo album a while ago, which I thought was just photos of his son, had a little nose and came across lots of photos of him and his ex at the back of the album. I mentioned it because I wasn't overly happy with it.. and he tore them all up. I don't see why you would keep pictures of an ex, in my opinion.

Be honest & open... if you don't, it'll drive you nuts and the situation could end up being a lot worse!

 

[CharleeJay]

Yeah defo not good not to keep hold of ex's pics ect however he is probably completely innocent, I hadn't removed all pics of me and my ex on fb ect and still have a box of crap in the loft of my parents with old hol pics ect which will need to be thrown out but with moving out of the flat we shared I just threw everything in the loft of my parents.

I think there's lots of areas you need to delete pics and you need a lil time to sort through, and some might get forgotten about. my boyfriend now come across pics of me and my ex and only till he mentioned I then sat down and went through everything. As time goes by you forget and it doesn't get deleted.

Just casually ask and I'm sure he will just delete them. Don't worry I think us women over think to much xxx

 

[Emily S]

I wouldn't rip up pictures of an old friend so why should we do it with an ex.

They're memories and for every person that walks into your life, you're moulding yourself into the person you are now - unless of course any of them were intimate pics I'd think otherwise .

I don't keep pictures on show of people who don't mean a lot to me currently in my life but I certainly wouldn't ever destroy pictures even though my partner disagrees.

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[jamiereid92]

I wouldn't rip up pictures of an old friend so why should we do it with an ex.

They're memories and for every person that walks into your life, you're moulding yourself into the person you are now - unless of course any of them were intimate pics I'd think otherwise .

I don't keep pictures on show of people who don't mean a lot to me currently in my life but I certainly wouldn't ever destroy pictures even though my partner disagrees.

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I think we have the same opinion on a lot of things haha x

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[pure]

I would actually be quite offended if I was asked to get rid of old pictures. I still have old pics knocking around the place somewhere, as does my partner. None are on display, they're just put away. Just because I have them doesn't mean I still have feelings for him or any less feelings for my partner, but they are part of my life, part of my history and part of me!

Maybe it's just the older you get the more you have to accept that the person you love had a life before you. So long as their past doesn't have a negative impact on your current life I wouldn't make an issue of it.

It sounds like your man has these pics innocently stored and would probably be shocked that you're upset by them.

 

[weeleelee112]

Personally I have photo albums with old friends and exs I would never get rid of them they are memories after all.
The past is in the past just cause there's photos doesn't mean anything. Xx

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[sallysally]

I would actually be quite offended if I was asked to get rid of old pictures. I still have old pics knocking around the place somewhere, as does my partner. None are on display, they're just put away. Just because I have them doesn't mean I still have feelings for him or any less feelings for my partner, but they are part of my life, part of my history and part of me!



Maybe it's just the older you get the more you have to accept that the person you love had a life before you. So long as their past doesn't have a negative impact on your current life I wouldn't make an issue of it.



It sounds like your man has these pics innocently stored and would probably be shocked that you're upset by them.

Perfectly said!!!!

 

[Emily S]

I would actually be quite offended if I was asked to get rid of old pictures. I still have old pics knocking around the place somewhere, as does my partner. None are on display, they're just put away. Just because I have them doesn't mean I still have feelings for him or any less feelings for my partner, but they are part of my life, part of my history and part of me!

Maybe it's just the older you get the more you have to accept that the person you love had a life before you. So long as their past doesn't have a negative impact on your current life I wouldn't make an issue of it.

It sounds like your man has these pics innocently stored and would probably be shocked that you're upset by them.

My partner said to me last year that when we live together I'm not too be bringing all my old pics of even male friends that I used to have.

These people mean nothing to me but the time in my life and the memories mean a lot to me, I was extremely offended that he couldn't grasp it.

We've been together for the majority of 10 years so I was pretty shocked he'd felt that way as they've innocently sat in a drawer all that time, never even crossed my mind.

To save argument I'll move them to my mum's but I do think he's been a bit ridiculous... Saying that, he doesn't generally take pictures so I dunno how I'd feel viceversa.. He has a son and if he had pics with his son's mum, I may not make it a pass time to look through them but I certainly wouldn't expect them to be thrown away.. I've actually sat and watched his wedding video many moons ago and didn't bat an eyelid, we all have a past, I suppose accepting that is harder for some than others.

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[beccascottx]

Actually I think I agree that he should be allowed to keep them if he is aware that they are there, I've never thought about it from a different point of view until just now when I realised that I actually am guilty of hoarding stuff from an ex!

It's been a few years ago now since we split up, but we were together for almost three years, he was in the army and was deployed to Afghanistan for around 8 months of our relationship!
Admittedly these were a hard 8 months, and he sent me letters and flowers and what not that I kept in a little box in my drawer; we ended on bad terms and I can't bare him now, but I can never bring myself to get rid of the little box of letters and notes from flowers etc, because I just think they are so important and at the time I would hang on to every word in them, and getting one through in the post would be the highlight of my week!
Being with him definitely sculpted me as a person and made me the person I am today, and although I am now happy in a relationship I still can't bring myself to throw those letters out and would be offended if I was ever asked to do so, as they are important memories even if the words in them mean nothing now!

Just speak to your boyfriend about it, but whatever you do don't play the controlling crazy girlfriend card! ❤️