Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. What do you mean by I'm not cut out did you mean he said you are not cut out for it or he's isn't. Cut out for what exactly? I think it sounds a bit more deeper than work issues if he's having a serious think. Did you ask what the serious thinking was about? I hope you can resolve your problem communication is the key I understand how hard it can be with mental abuse words are damaging. I know it's easy for people to give advice but you need to do what feels right and mental abuse is not acceptable whether you have a house or not.
Boyfriend troubles
- Thread starter Tanfastic2
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Tanfastic2
Well-Known Member
Well now hes on about getting rid of the house and that we aint working and he feels different,
Just so upset its gone from work issues to this just don't understand it at all.
I don't know if hes trying to scare me or he means it
in previous arguments he tells me its over.
Just so upset its gone from work issues to this just don't understand it at all.
I don't know if hes trying to scare me or he means it
in previous arguments he tells me its over.
Sorry how long had this been going on for. I don't know your personal financial situation but as much as I know you love this person he's saying it's over maybe it's your chance to leave than regret in the future. Do you have your friends and family to speak to about this?
Abbie101
Well-Known Member
When my boyfriend is stressed he takes it out on me (verbally) so if im asking something I'll get my head bitten off as a reply ... The minute he does it I just ignore him walk away and carry on doing what I'm doing .... when he decides he wants to speak he will be questioning me 'why are you in a mood?!' When I'm not I just don't like being spoken to like he did... I've explained this and his slowly stopped so when his stressed I know if I get a snappy answer I'll just ignore him and do my own thing until his calmed down a bit .... If you haven't tried the walking away thing then try it ... (Take the dog a walk if you have one, just go for a walk if not an clear your head .. He will soon realise it's making you feel upset) Xx
gr8nailz
Well-Known Member
I don't know your OH or your relationship issues but this statement right here
is considered a classic control statement, my love...a statement made to get the other person to fall in line.
I'm a firm believer that where there's love there's hope but if he's verbally and/or emotionally abusive, no matter how strong you are, eventually it chips away at you and you end up broken.
Don't linger too long or you'll end up a fraction of the whole person you once were.
is considered a classic control statement, my love...a statement made to get the other person to fall in line.
I'm a firm believer that where there's love there's hope but if he's verbally and/or emotionally abusive, no matter how strong you are, eventually it chips away at you and you end up broken.
Don't linger too long or you'll end up a fraction of the whole person you once were.
Tanfastic2
Well-Known Member
I just dont know what to do next I really cant believe he wants too end it wish he wouold of just talked to me first about how he was feeling now im gonna lose him and my home
Elaine Armani
Well-Known Member
Hun, I was in an abusive, complete $hit relo for 4 years and I'm not saying what I'm saying is the case but he sounds like he is manipulating you by saying that it's over!
He's trying to control you, control eventually leads to abuse whether it's verbally or physically.
Relationships end all the time and it's usually for the best, don't worry about the house, it will get sorted.
In my opinion you should leave before it gets really hard to get out, I'm really sorry if I'm making it over dramatic but I've been there and don't want you to get there.
No matter what his issues may be he should never make you feel guilty, he should be able to talk it out and help you understand what's going on and the reasons why he's being acting nasty.
You could also try talking it out which I personally wouldn't do, but whatever decision you take, if he really loves you and wants you he will come chasing and begging for you.
Relationships start off sugar coated, but things get in the way, people change, their true colours come out but that's when you take it as a lesson and continue the journey to finding your ideal other half.
So whatever you decide to do be strong and do what makes you happy and never ignore your gut feeling because it's always right
x
He's trying to control you, control eventually leads to abuse whether it's verbally or physically.
Relationships end all the time and it's usually for the best, don't worry about the house, it will get sorted.
In my opinion you should leave before it gets really hard to get out, I'm really sorry if I'm making it over dramatic but I've been there and don't want you to get there.
No matter what his issues may be he should never make you feel guilty, he should be able to talk it out and help you understand what's going on and the reasons why he's being acting nasty.
You could also try talking it out which I personally wouldn't do, but whatever decision you take, if he really loves you and wants you he will come chasing and begging for you.
Relationships start off sugar coated, but things get in the way, people change, their true colours come out but that's when you take it as a lesson and continue the journey to finding your ideal other half.
So whatever you decide to do be strong and do what makes you happy and never ignore your gut feeling because it's always right
x
Pinkbunny28
Well-Known Member
He is definitely trying to take control of the situation when he hasn't gpt his best head on quite frankly. He thinks you will apologise and change for him. It could just be a hiccup in your relationship. It could be really over. You need to sit down and tell him straight that the stress he is under does not give him the right to speak to you like $hit.
I have been there, believe me. We were nearly over then before I knew it we are getting engaged and planning a wedding! I'm not saying it's going to work out or it isn't. But you need to talk to him. Tell him no shouting too. Men are so annoying at the best of times so you have to keep your cool. I doubt he really wants it to be over but you have to make sure you come to a conclusion and soon. x
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I have been there, believe me. We were nearly over then before I knew it we are getting engaged and planning a wedding! I'm not saying it's going to work out or it isn't. But you need to talk to him. Tell him no shouting too. Men are so annoying at the best of times so you have to keep your cool. I doubt he really wants it to be over but you have to make sure you come to a conclusion and soon. x
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kimberly89
Member
I myself have been in the same situation with it being one thing he being stressed about and then turns out everything all comes out at the one time, I used to always be the one to apologise even though I had never done anything wrong? But it got to the stage when he would say it wasn't working out and had to think about things and I would just say ok well you go and you think about it I'm not leaving and his tune would soon change!! Just show your not going to be walked all over especially when your not in the wrong! X
gr8nailz
Well-Known Member
I would recommend not to be reactionary. It's easy to do that when heads and hearts are involved. I don't believe in calling bluffs...don't tell him, "Well, okay then, it's over" if that's not what you really want.
But if someone is always trying to show you the door, well, perhaps you should really give some serious thought to that. If every time an argument ensues, his first response is "we're through", he may not have the emotional maturity needed to sustain a lasting, loving relationship.
I never would want to be in a relationship where the rug was always ready to be pulled from underneath my feet. I'm not deserving of it. Nor should you feel you are.
But if someone is always trying to show you the door, well, perhaps you should really give some serious thought to that. If every time an argument ensues, his first response is "we're through", he may not have the emotional maturity needed to sustain a lasting, loving relationship.
I never would want to be in a relationship where the rug was always ready to be pulled from underneath my feet. I'm not deserving of it. Nor should you feel you are.
Tanfastic2
Well-Known Member
I have spoken to him on the phone he got really nasty so im gonna start taking the stuff out my house i need to call it aday he cant even try im so upset.
raerae2477
Well-Known Member
Oh god I remember that feeling I feel so sorry for you! Surround yourself with family and friends in the next coming weeks.. I does help xx
I feel so sorry for you! Surround yourself with family and friends in the next coming weeks.. I does help xx
Tanfastic2
Well-Known Member
thank you thats the good thing i have great friends and family I just didnt want this to be the end and i can see it getting nasty plus I dont know what to do about the house as its rented in both our names.
plus I dont know what to do about the house as its rented in both our names.
amys-beauty
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, my ex of 4 years used to say to me every other week it's over and I wish I came on hear for advice so I didn't waste so much time on him! Anyway I just wanted to say one day you will meet someone (like I have) and look back on this relationship and think what a was I doing with him! Best of luck sorting the house out xx
fascinationkt
Well-Known Member
thank you thats the good thing i have great friends and family I just didnt want this to be the end and i can see it getting nasty
How long is left on the lease? This is by far a lot easier than if you owned a house. If you leave you are no longer responsible for bills except council tax the rent. You can ring & give readings of electricity, gas & water or just a date from when you left if not on a meter for water. Obviously tv & phone can be easily transferred to another property or left with remaining person in house.
At the very worst you may have to continue paying a share of things until leases & contracts are up. But clear communication with company's utilities with readings & dates makes things a lot simpler.
A lot of houses are on rolling contracts after 6 months, if that's the case you can leave with a months notice. If he chooses to stay they can fix him a new contract. Hope you get it sorted, I hope you are able to stay with your parents in the mean time. Hugs xx
Tanfastic2
Well-Known Member
it ends in september im so stressed can see im getting so nasty which i dont want
fascinationkt
Well-Known Member
it ends in september im so stressed can see im getting so nasty which i dont want
You can always speak to landlord or estate agents about leaving early & they can search for new tenants, it's always worth ago, he might be happy to just remove you from the lease. Either way, calm clear communications with your him is needed, to work out a way forward. September might seem an age away but it's really not.
