Bullying

[lise]

Hi all, well here goes I'm struggling at the moment and need to chat, I have a 20 year old daughter who is in the food/ bar industry and unfortunately getting bullied in work and now out of work , the girl in question has got other members of staff involved and her mother works for head of that particular foodie place, and has also intimated my daughter whilst at work seriously as a mum it's hard to sit back and my daughter is handling better then I would and keeping her head down and working hard, she is not the cause of why this is happening but on the receiving end of someone very bitter, my daughter loves her job but may leave before she breaks, I don't understand how people can be so cruel and her hands are tied because she has complained and it's falling on deaf ears, we are two weeks into this and last night it was her night off and she received a call from work that someone had phoned in and booked a table for 20 people with her number!!' Really.. Who ever made that call didn't think it through but once again this person is affecting all of us now, there is no proof it's all too much, like I said higher up managers I.e her mother are just as low, any ideas on how to help my daughter would be great before I burst, many thanks


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[virtues2011]

Hi all, well here goes I'm struggling at the moment and need to chat, I have a 20 year old daughter who is in the food/ bar industry and unfortunately getting bullied in work and now out of work , the girl in question has got other members of staff involved and her mother works for head of that particular foodie place, and has also intimated my daughter whilst at work seriously as a mum it's hard to sit back and my daughter is handling better then I would and keeping her head down and working hard, she is not the cause of why this is happening but on the receiving end of someone very bitter, my daughter loves her job but may leave before she breaks, I don't understand how people can be so cruel and her hands are tied because she has complained and it's falling on deaf ears, we are two weeks into this and last night it was her night off and she received a call from work that someone had phoned in and booked a table for 20 people with her number!!' Really.. Who ever made that call didn't think it through but once again this person is affecting all of us now, there is no proof it's all too much, like I said higher up managers I.e her mother are just as low, any ideas on how to help my daughter would be great before I burst, many thanks


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What has sparked the two weeks of upset? What do you class as bullying? Apart from the table issue what else has happened? Has the complaint from your daughter been made in writing? Was your daughter and the girl friends before? Were they close in or out of work? "she is not the cause of why this is happening but on the receiving end of someone very bitter" I think there maybe more to this story than what you have written?

 

[lise]

Yes there is more to the story but at the moment I am being careful just thought I'd try an get some advice even if just a little bit on how to deal with it and basically she is being called vicious names being followed around when out that's a start of of it I think, I'm just a mum who's worried ok!!!


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[virtues2011]

Yes there is more to the story but at the moment I am being careful just thought I'd try an get some advice even if just a little bit on how to deal with it and basically she is being called vicious names being followed around when out that's a start of of it I think, I'm just a mum who's worried ok!!!


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Help her find another job. That's probably the best advice you will get. Other than go down the road of a tribunal where if you win your daughter will still be able to work there, probably to the detriment of her health, other than that I don't really know what else I can suggest to help you. I can come out with the lines of 'Oh that's terrible' blah blah but that really isn't going to help.

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[AcidPerm]

Agree with Virtues on this one. Definitely help support your daughter to find another job.

Standing up to bullies if you're the lone victim is too much of a hassle and you gain very little in the long run.

Perhaps she can set herself a long term plan to eventually take over the business and close it down..?

 

[joe90]

Bullies usually do so covertly and are always the first to shout out about how they hate bullying.

I really feel for your daughter. Has she reported this to the manager?

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[lise]

Yes it's been reported I've just finished work and popped in there to see her and she is looking ill and has just handed in her notice


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[mollie1985]

Sorry but I disagree that her daughter should find another job that's the reason bullies continue to so what they do, as someone who has been bullied in the past I believe you have to stand up to them and beat them at their game obviously it's hard if there's a few etc but tell your daughter to keep a diary and note everything that happens and speak to the head above the mother and show, if she does keep her mouth shut and her head Down then this is why they are continuing to do it I know it's hard and I for one would be livid if it was my daughter but suggest the diary and suggest if she wants to cut her losses and go to a new job hope things go better x

 

[lise]

Thank you for that reply


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[mollie1985]

Yes it's been reported I've just finished work and popped in there to see her and she is looking ill and has just handed in her notice


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Sorry never seen this aw that's a shame your daughter has had to do that hopefully itl be a weight off her mind but for future if it happens again tell her to keep a diary of it xx

 

[Dexy]

Get in touch with ACAS, it's awful what level some people will stoop to, ACAS will give her advice and talk her through all her options including tribunal , if she's put in a formal complaint it's appalling that nothing had been dealt with, I often think work places can be as bad as school playgrounds. Hope she gets things sorted soon xx

 

[virtues2011]

I really can't understand why you would. The recorded meetings, the constant letters, the trauma of speaking at a tribunal, and after all that you just remain in your job and everyone hates you anyway! If you can cope with all of that, bullying should actually be a walk in the park. If you've never experienced a tribunal I suggest you do and then decide what is worse, months of that or a new job and fresh start.

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[mollie1985]

I really can't understand why you would. The recorded meetings, the constant letters, the trauma of speaking at a tribunal, and after all that you just remain in your job and everyone hates you anyway! If you can cope with all of that, bullying should actually be a walk in the park. If you've never experienced a tribunal I suggest you do and then decide what is worse, months of that or a new job and fresh start.

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So instead just let the bullies win?

 

[Deena]

I really can't understand why you would. The recorded meetings, the constant letters, the trauma of speaking at a tribunal, and after all that you just remain in your job and everyone hates you anyway! If you can cope with all of that, bullying should actually be a walk in the park. If you've never experienced a tribunal I suggest you do and then decide what is worse, months of that or a new job and fresh start.

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Although I feel bullies should be dealt with and severely sanctioned, this rarely happens and the trauma of trying to bring it about just compounds the misery and feelings of isolation!

Ultimately, I agree with Virtues and would want a fresh start somewhere else. x

 

[virtues2011]

So instead just let the bullies win?

It really depends on what you class as bullying and what sort of person you are.

Name calling to my face wouldn't warrant the term bullying. I'd give as good as I got. A punch to the side of the head wouldn't warrant it either (younger days not at 41..) and as for written words (trolling) .. forget it. But I am quite a strong character and have been involved in workplace issues, tribunals as in a GM capacity.

Bullies wouldn't really care to much if they were taken to a tribunal, it generally wouldn't stop them and in some cases they become worse. We are not talking school age kids either, this is a little different, they can easily be manipulated. I think it really depends on the circumstances, what people class as bullying and the personalities that you are dealing with.

If someone truly is out to get you, nothing will stop them. In the case of the OP the story of what actually happened is not being told.

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[dandelionpoppy]

There is much food for thought here.
Think I'll start a thread.

 

[xxAmyxx]

I would leave as well, it's not about letting them win it's about doing what you feel is right and will make you happy x

 

[Rinn]

I would leave as well, not worth the hassle....walk away with your head held high and remember " what goes around comes around" . The bullies will get their comeuppance eventually.

 

[Flying Beauty]

It's a shame that your daughter has felt the need to hand in her notice. I'm glad for her that she has a loving and caring mum & I'm sure she'll be better off in the long run anyway.
Like the last poster said, as for the bullies, what goes around comes around. Personally, I would never have left unless for some reason it suited me to do so (a better job etc) And even then I would certainly not go without a fight and take a few of them with me. Xx

 

[sarahpoppy24]

What a horrible thing to happen. In my opinion name calling, personal comments etc, NO place for them in the work setting. I had a lovely job and a lovely manager where I worked and they would never of lowered themselves to getting involved with any spats amongst staff, let alone join in with it, would not have been tolerated, so it never happened. Sorry to go off on another subject but my friend ( not in this industry) was telling me about a man at her work making derogatory sexual comments, swearing, mocking her for being a single mum and she is too worried to say anything to her boss! So stupid! A decent business would not allow this, who has time for it, you are supposed to be working not thinking up ways of bullying the staff. For her well being its best she has left. But I still think you should report it to someone xxx