Having doubts

[*Carly*]

Hey

I'm currently at the beginning of the CND complete course - day 3 on Tuesday! I've been to uni, got my degree and I decided as soon as I'd finished that I actually wanted to be a nail tech. Thankfully my parents are fine with whatever it is I want to do but I do feel like some people (wider family) who will think I'm 'wasting my intelligence'. But I love nails, I find it really interesting, exciting, I can't think of anything better than to do nails for a living! And honestly, once you're on the course you won't even care what people think. Yes it is daunting starting out but I really do think that if you've got the passion then you will succeed.

The whole people have been doing it for longer and are cheaper thing, who cares? Someone could have been in the industry for years, never updated their training, using inferior products, outdated methods - are they going to be better than someone with massive enthusiasm that is training with the most innovative company in the industry?

Just the other week my boyfriend's nan was telling me there's no money in nails, what's the point etc. Well, she'll see!

I have massive dreams, I want salons worldwide, I want to do session work, I want to be the next Marian Newman and who says I won't?

I'm blogging each day of my course on my profile

Thanks Rory. It's not even about wasting my intelligence. He was fine when I did hairdressing, mainly because we have family members who are hairdressers and very successful. For my Dad, it's all about the money. He couldn't care less if I enjoy my job, just that it is a good earner and he can't see nails making any money. He wants me to be a journalist, lawyer or a psychologist. In his eyes I'd be earning good money. We just don't think in the same way.

You have massive ambitions, that's awesome! Personally I just want to be great at what I do, create fabulous nails that make people happy and earn enough money to provide for my family. I'd quite like to enter comps too one day.

Everyone here has reiterated my thoughts exactly, if you have the passion, determination, education, the right start and with the right products, then you are on the road to success. He just made me doubt everything.

I'm going to read your blog now, thanks for that! Have a wonderful time on Tuesday :hug: xx

 

[*Carly*]

Why do people assume that intelligence is not needed to be a professional nail technician? It just shows how little they know about it at all.

Let me tell you a little something you may not know ... IT IS ONLY THE INTELLIGENT ONES WHO EVER MAKE IT BIG IN THE INDUSTRY. The others might do a mildly successful business if that is what they want but the ones who make it .. really make it ... are the smart ones who also do great nails. I'd say you are on your way. :hug:

PS just thought I would add that going to Uni is not the only criteria for intelligence.

So true! I read one of the threads about the worst thing clients have done/said and time and again, making the assumption that people who work within the beauty industry are thick crops up! I'd like to see any of them try it!

The reason I didn't go to uni was finances and time. I didn't want to end up with a mountain of debt and spending years in full time education, particularly as I didn't feel I would make enough use out of my degree. My friend just finished her law degree, she is working in a casino. She's happy, so good for her, but if it were me I'd feel that was a waste of time and money.

Btw, just finished your book! :hug: xx

 

[*Carly*]

Oh yes you will need every ounce of your intelligence to be a nail tech,

Try not to worry too much about your dad my love :hug:

Thanks hun. He doesn't dispute that. He just thinks I should be using my mind in a profession that's a big earner. For him, it's all about the money and he can't see me making any doing nails. He was fine when I did hairdressing, as he's seen his uncle and cousin make money and have a successful career out of it. He's never really known anyone who's been a nail tech, in his eyes it just can't make any money. Until I'm actually doing it and can show I'm making anything, he'd never believe it's possible. xx

 

[jmd1980]

It is a horrible situation if we feel we have disappointed our parents in some way...it is human nature to want to please them. We are all the same in that respect.

HOWEVER, that does not mean you have to live the life your parents want you to live. Live your, life, your way. If you make mistakes, you get up dust yourself off and get on with things. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out for you and you have to work at something else....you will know you tried. It is better to regret what you have done, than it is to regret what you haven't done. Best case scenario, you will be wildly successful, in a job that you love!!!!

I do feel that by holding money over your head, your father is being extremely manipulative. You cannot give a gift with strings attached. In my view it is better to work for things yourself, then you have complete independence and are not beholden to anybody.

Having said all that, i am entirely sure he has your best interests at heart, is worried for you, and wants you to have the best life you can. I am NOT sure that threatening you about money and telling you that you are unattractive is the best way for him to demonstrate this.

You must do what is right for you,at this time, with the resources and abilities you have. The rest will fall into place.

The very best of luck with whatever you decide.

J

 

[*Carly*]

Maybe a snippet from a report will boost your confidence in your chosen career path )

"Despite the recession, the professional nail industry has continued to grow in the UK and globally, outperforming all other cosmetics categories, thanks to the introduction of gel products and the growth in popularity of nail art.


According to market researcher Kline, the explosive growth in sales of professional nail care products outshined resilient but modest growth rates in other cosmetics categories, with over 25% growth globally in 2012.


The report closely examines the latest products, key trends, and emerging technologies triggering growth on the professional nail care scene. Compared to other beauty treatments, these services remain affordable indulgences, which are driving greater consumer demand.
The report’s project manager, Agnieszka Saintemarie, comments: “Contrary to the waning performance of some other professional care segments, the limping economy is fueling industry growth by prompting consumers to enjoy the indulgence in a little affordable luxury"."


I also would like to comment on your Photo Album - If you had not stated that you are NOT qualified - I would believe that you had been in this industry for a number of years. You're polishing skills are to be applauded. xxx

Thanks Sass, I told him it's grown in popularity and with new innovations and was met with the whole "people have more experience and will be cheaper than you". Honestly, he's impossible to argue with! I know it's true and just need to believe in myself and not let him jack my confidence.

Thank you so much! Comments like that really do mean the world to me and give me such a confidence boost. I must say, I get stopped constantly by strangers complimenting my nails and asking questions. I even had a guy friend gush over my pedi recently! Once I'm working I'll be able to hand out business cards I told him that and still he argued. I think it's best I just don't mention anything about it to my Dad until I'm well on my way to proving him wrong. :hug: xx

 

[Only J]

I read your post and I can't help noticing a pattern forming. From experience I battle with something similar. Your dad doubts you and you doubt yourself. Then you will probably have children and do the same. The cycle will continue.

Self doubt is totally normal, in fact we need it. But too much of it is damaging. Wouldn't you rather try to follow the path you have chosen for yourself instead of walking in someone else's footprints all the time? So what if you go off-track, you have to route and re-route... get on with it!!

You're more free now than you've ever been so if you don't seize your opportunities then what is the alternative, an unsatisfied life with that dragging moan of self doubt (which probably holds your father's tone) in your head forever more!

Why not try these:

Think of someone/some people that make you feel good, that special voice who always knows what to say to pick you up... They are your biggest fan and you need them as a secret mentor. Memorise their voice saying positive things and say them to yourself - You are ambitious, strong, brave, creative and organised - Get on!!!

Police your self doubt - it's going to steal your future if you let it.

Learn how to recognise it for what it is. Write out your doubts, find phrases that you might be using to communicate this doubt to yourself (and others!!) 'I'll try to...' 'I'm not sure if I can...' 'I don't deserve...'
Now take them into custody.

When you've identified your doubts and fears then question them. Try to figure out when they started, where they come from and what is keeping them going (yourself, environment, family/friends influence).

Now you need to decide what to do, rehabilitate and release or keep those doubts exactly where they are and imprison yourself in the process.

Break your goal into small steps and praise yourself at each one you achieve. Praise yourself more if you overcome a challenge.

There is no points-based scoring system in life so therefore it's impossible to fail!

Now go for it!!!!

:Love:

 

[Redduck]

Hiya, I had a 'successful' career in television/journalism. It was successful in that I held a good position and Had a large salary. However, it also meant a 7 day working week at times and long long days and huge amounts of stress. I don't regret going to university and going down the television route but the best thing I ever did was train as a reflexologist and leave!

My dad thought I was crazy and often told me that and I was often unhappy at the things he said to me. It took me until my mid 30s before I said no more. I told him I would always love him but this was my life and, by this time, I had a very successful business and, importantly, a fantastic family and home life. I told him if he had nothing nice to say about my work then he should say nothing.

Every time he bought my work up I stopped him and told him to stop if it wasn't positive. At times i walked away saying i loved him but wasn't letting him speak to me like that anymore. It took time but recently he told me how proud of how successful I was and that did mean a lot. Incidentally, he still gives my sister a hard time.

It's so hard and makes you feel mad, sad and crazy at times but with the support of your partner maybe it's time to tell your dad 'no more'. It's a stand I should have taken years ago.

Good luck with your new career xxx

 

[*Carly*]

Thanks Only J. It's an odd situation, as I originally didn't have any doubts at all. Generally I am full of confidence and self belief and have very high self esteem.

Everything goes well until I speak to my father, it has always been like this. He goes on and on shouting (we aren't talking a brief 5 minute conversation), he waits until I'm in his car or somewhere where I cannot escape and then drills it into me that I am making a mistake and that I have made mistakes in every single step of my life. I tried to block it out at first, but he says some things in a way where I start to wonder if there is a truth to them. He's the only one who does this, no one else in my life tells me I'm a complete failure.

I should add, we have a rather tense relationship and didn't actually speak for 3 years at one point.

Thanks for the advice. I definitely need to police my doubts and realise it's my father's voice in my head and not my own.

It's a bit hard to explain it all without going into a lot of personal detail, I guess. On one hand, I know he wants the best for me, but on the other hand, he is constantly putting me down and sabotaging me. Every compliment he's ever given has been backhanded, which may sound paranoid but please believe me that it's the truth. I honestly miss the days when he wasn't in my life, sadly it's not an option as it would break my Nan's heart. She was the reason we made amends a few years ago.

I'm going for it and following my dreams. At the end of the day, it's my life and I don't want to have regrets due to following the advice of others and not following my own dreams and instincts. xx

 

[*Carly*]

Hiya, I had a 'successful' career in television/journalism. It was successful in that I held a good position and Had a large salary. However, it also meant a 7 day working week at times and long long days and huge amounts of stress. I don't regret going to university and going down the television route but the best thing I ever did was train as a reflexologist and leave!

My dad thought I was crazy and often told me that and I was often unhappy at the things he said to me. It took me until my mid 30s before I said no more. I told him I would always love him but this was my life and, by this time, I had a very successful business and, importantly, a fantastic family and home life. I told him if he had nothing nice to say about my work then he should say nothing.

Every time he bought my work up I stopped him and told him to stop if it wasn't positive. At times i walked away saying i loved him but wasn't letting him speak to me like that anymore. It took time but recently he told me how proud of how successful I was and that did mean a lot. Incidentally, he still gives my sister a hard time.

It's so hard and makes you feel mad, sad and crazy at times but with the support of your partner maybe it's time to tell your dad 'no more'. It's a stand I should have taken years ago.

Good luck with your new career xxx

Thank you Redduck. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this too, it's so frustrating and upsetting!

I've tried that. He has said he's my father, he created me and he can say and do what he likes to me. It ended up in a screaming match, my Dad screamed at my Nan for telling him to ease off. She ended up upset and taking a funny turn. He then decided we couldn't be in the same room together with my Nan, as it upsets her when we "talk". I told him all he has to do is not be so aggressive and back off when I ask. He said he can say and do what he likes.

We hadn't been in the same room together, with my Nan for 2-3 years until this week, as she has been in hospital. In fact, the only reason this got brought up, is because we were in the car together visiting her. He wouldn't dare say it on the phone as I'd hang up. He knows he wouldn't get away with it in my house, as eventually I'd ask him to leave or make an excuse. Guess even by reading this, it just reaffirms that he cannot be reasoned with and I should really stop trying.

My original point with this thread was that I was concerned there may have been some truths to parts of what he'd said. I've come to realise that I'll only know if I try and that if I put my heart into it I CAN have a successful career. xx

 

[Redduck]

You can and you will!! Strive to be the best at what you do and be proud of yourself. Can't guarantee it but hopefully he'll be proud of you too. As others have said dad's do it because they love us and think they know what's best but drive us crazy instead xx

 

[*Carly*]

You can and you will!! Strive to be the best at what you do and be proud of yourself. Can't guarantee it but hopefully he'll be proud of you too. As others have said dad's do it because they love us and think they know what's best but drive us crazy instead xx

Thanks I can only give it my all and do my very best, hopefully that will pay off!

I know it's true, I just wish he went about it in a different way. I asked him for some useful advice, what I should do instead of what I shouldn't. Being told to go to uni, or to become a journalist isn't helpful when it's something that holds zero interest for me! No real response, except bringing up wackadoo things from the past that he only half remembers and twisting them into untruths to support his theory :grr: xx

 

[tonicj]

If you have to listen to what your Dad says, then do just that and don't react (I know that's difficult). You know in your head what you want to do and by reacting and getting upset it just crushes your dream, putting negative vibes in your way. You must move forward with your dream and start believing in yourself. When you do this then your Dad will start believing in you. You are 30 now and you must do what you want otherwise you will be having the same argument 10 years from now about this or something else you want to do. Take this leap and you will feel great xx

 

[*Carly*]

If you have to listen to what your Dad says, then do just that and don't react (I know that's difficult). You know in your head what you want to do and by reacting and getting upset it just crushes your dream, putting negative vibes in your way. You must move forward with your dream and start believing in yourself. When you do this then your Dad will start believing in you. You are 30 now and you must do what you want otherwise you will be having the same argument 10 years from now about this or something else you want to do. Take this leap and you will feel great xx

That's been my trick for quite a while, just sit their nodding quietly and trying to forget about it. It did work a treat! He was just screaming and going on and on so much that it frustrated me and I ended up reacting. There's only so much I can sit and listen to. I need to learn to just sit on it, as it's pointless trying to explain any other view point than his own.

The positive side is, I rarely see him! So fingers crossed I can just avoid another one of these "conversations" for a while. xx

 

[*Carly*]

It is a horrible situation if we feel we have disappointed our parents in some way...it is human nature to want to please them. We are all the same in that respect.

HOWEVER, that does not mean you have to live the life your parents want you to live. Live your, life, your way. If you make mistakes, you get up dust yourself off and get on with things. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out for you and you have to work at something else....you will know you tried. It is better to regret what you have done, than it is to regret what you haven't done. Best case scenario, you will be wildly successful, in a job that you love!!!!

I do feel that by holding money over your head, your father is being extremely manipulative. You cannot give a gift with strings attached. In my view it is better to work for things yourself, then you have complete independence and are not beholden to anybody.

Having said all that, i am entirely sure he has your best interests at heart, is worried for you, and wants you to have the best life you can. I am NOT sure that threatening you about money and telling you that you are unattractive is the best way for him to demonstrate this.

You must do what is right for you,at this time, with the resources and abilities you have. The rest will fall into place.

The very best of luck with whatever you decide.

J

I can't believe I missed this! thanks for your imput :hug:

I know he has my best interests at heart. He just goes about things in the absolute worst way possible. He's admitted plenty of times that he bullies me into things to give me a kick up the bum. The reality is, most of the time it just breaks me. It's typical fight or flight, when someone bullies you, generally you'd rather run away than fight them.

The money thing is what started all of this. It's complicated, it's my inheritance from my Nan, but it's in his name. He just randomly said in the car that I would never see it and he'd want to set it up as an income for me from the interest, rather than me ever using the money. It would work out to about £40 a week, rather than using it all towards something meaningful, a deposit on a house.

He said I'd end up losing it all, as I wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage and upkeep. He said I'd blown 20K and that was his original evidence to back it up. That never happened at all, I never has anywhere near that money and I spent about 2K, so it was utter twaddle. He constantly fabricates things like this to support his theories, then when I correct him he goes on to some other thing from 13 years ago that I don't ever remember happening! :grr:

"It is better to regret what you have done, than it is to regret what you haven't done"
Couldn't have put it better! xx

 

[DeLaFemme]

Are you my sister? I also got a similar reaction when I told my Dad my plans for the future and I'm the same age as you.

I've done the uni thing and I have 2 degrees and a great paying job but I'm so unhappy because of it. Luckily for me my daddio has started to come round to the idea, unfortunately the reason he has started to open up to the idea was because I was so stressed out at work, I ended up breaking my finger!

Although you need to respect your dad and his feelings, you need to do what makes you happy. It may be hard for him to understand but he'll get there in the end and in the meantime you have your partner by your side who can help you overcome any obstacles the future may bring.

If the mind can conceive it, the body can achieve it x x

Sent from my HTC One X using SalonGeek

 

[*Carly*]

Are you my sister? I also got a similar reaction when I told my Dad my plans for the future and I'm the same age as you.

I've done the uni thing and I have 2 degrees and a great paying job but I'm so unhappy because of it. Luckily for me my daddio has started to come round to the idea, unfortunately the reason he has started to open up to the idea was because I was so stressed out at work, I ended up breaking my finger!

Although you need to respect your dad and his feelings, you need to do what makes you happy. It may be hard for him to understand but he'll get there in the end and in the meantime you have your partner by your side who can help you overcome any obstacles the future may bring.

If the mind can conceive it, the body can achieve it x x

Sent from my HTC One X using SalonGeek

Oww :hug: I can't believe you broke your finger! I hope you heal quickly!

It seams like quite a few of us have Dad's that just don't seem to understand. I'm glad your's is coming around. Hopefully mine will, once I get going. Even if he doesn't, I don't have to take everything he says to heart. I just have to drill that into myself, instead of letting his doubts seep in.

I am so lucky my partner is supportive. I know he's getting fed up of me getting upset by my Dad. I come home in tears and he has to pick up the pieces. He gets annoyed, because he knows my Dad will ring a few hours later and I'll just speak to him normally. It's just much easier than bringing it all up again, I've learned from experience that ignoring his calls, or trying to tell him he might be in the wrong, is a complete wast of time. xx

 

[lillamy]

I do understand it must be super hard but you are an adult and it really is none of his business to tell you what to do with your life. I know some may disagree there and I know you know all this but if I were you I would not put up with him dictating my life. Well, he isn't really is he as you are doing what you want to but he sure is trying! Just be focused, head forward, stay focused on your dream and the dream shall come true. Don't let words, others words pin you down (easier said than done)! I grew up with someone very mean who would tell me since I was small that I am completely worthless and will never be anything but a looser. I learnt in life to completely ignore anything or anyone telling me I am this or that, i should be this or that or do this or that and to listen to my own voice as hard as it can be but the more you do it the stronger it gets and the more focused you get , knowing no words can stand in your way. And by doing so you are loving yourself and saving yourself from becoming bitter at your dad who probably does everything he does out of love but you still need to love YOURSELF first.

You will be starting a new journey soon how exciting!! and you have a partner who supports you and you have all the tools you need. Failure doesn't exist just regret that you didn't try! if you try and you don't "succeed" well at least you tried but if you keep on trying and if it is really what you want then eventually you will succeed anyway or maybe you will just succeed instantly! but you can only find out by trying! I don't think anyone who tries is ever a failure quite the opposite, it takes balls to change direction in life! something will always come out of it and lead you on to a new path
I wish you all the best of luck and keep us posted with your progress! X:hug: