How did you get over your hardest break up?

[graciewaciee]

It wasn't working and the way it was going I ended because my sanity was at risk.
We've been in contact recently and met up once, now all of these previous feelings are starting to come back. I'm not on my anti depressants anymore as I want to prove to myself that I can beat depression. It annoys me when people say "just don't reply" or "ignore him" I'm not very good at letting go and I don't want it to get on top of me and my job - hairdressing apprentice. As much as I would take him back and I do miss him so much I know that even though I may have grown up he may have not and it would just end in tears again.

Any advice please? I'm currently trying to take my mind off of waiting for a reply to a text, I would take comfort in God but I'm not religious. I've recently lost my Nan and it just hasn't made things any easier. Thank you x

 

[Dexy]

Hi, any break up isn't easy, my first serious boyfriend became my husband, and after 13 years we split, and it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, its a cliché but its true, time heals. I did the moping around the house listening to sad songs, crying all the time, wishing things were different etc
Its like a bereavement and you have to go through all the stages, I must admit I found the anger stage almost uplifting, cutting photos of him up, and putting on good strong women songs really loud where you don't need a man !!
Keep yourself busy, talk to friends or go on the computer when your feeling at a low point where you feel like you could text him, and remember maybe its just a stepping stone closer to THE one xxx

 

[Lynne Baker]

I never really did; I just became resigned to the dull ache that it has left in my soul.

 

[Spa Therapist]

I never really did; I just became resigned to the dull ache that it has left in my soul.

Bless you Lynne, I know this feeling well x
To the OP, I'm sorry I'm useless at these things so I can't really offer any advice (I could probably tell you a lot of things NOT to do from experience!) but I just wanted to say that things wil get better in time x

 

[Mobile Manicure]

If you can find the time, get some earphones on and go for a nice big walk. Somewhere with lots of trees and green spaces. Walking, I've heard, is great for helping depression and it also helps to clear your head and give you a positive outlook and put things into perspective. I do some of my best thinking while out walking and it always makes me feel stronger.

Oh, and don't take your phone, or put it on silent and promise yourself not to check it while out walking. Use only in case of emergency.

:hug::hug:

 

[MissyMuffin]

I stopped chewing myself up by hating what he'd done to me and started to be good to myself. I built a life more like I wanted and made myself into the person I wanted to be. I started enjoying the company of all sorts of people and did things I enjoyed.
You don't need him to make you happy. Honestly, you'll see x

 

[sarahpoppy24]

I stopped chewing myself up by hating what he'd done to me and started to be good to myself. I built a life more like I wanted and made myself into the person I wanted to be. I started enjoying the company of all sorts of people and did things I enjoyed.
You don't need him to make you happy. Honestly, you'll see x

I second this! Do all the thing you want to do. If there were clothes you wore "for him" put them away and wear what you like. If there were little routines you did BREAK them. For example if you always stayed in together on a Friday, go out that night with the girls from work. Go shopping, meet your friends. Maby get into exercise like the above posters said. Spoil yourself! Xxx

 

[JenKen89]

Heya hunni i just wanted to say your not alone. I am goin thru the hardest break up of my life. I lived with my ex and we had a happy life after a terrible break up i lost everything, i lost control of myself hit rock bottom and have had to deal with many demons lately. I too suffer from depression and i have been in the darkest hole for months ( i dont wish it on anyone).

But let me tell you this it does get a little easier, ive stopped waiting for his texts and i dont ever check his fb or anything as the only person i hurt is myself. I cry myself to sleep every night still but its easier now than it was 6 months ago.

If i can give you any advice then do this...book a break away even just a couple of days just you have some fun time, write in a diary believe me a little note every day helps. Write quotes down which cheers you up and pin them up around your room to look at every day, write a list of everything you can do to fill your free time so you cant contact him, get a massage and relax, meditate (works for me), join a charity group anything to keep you focused.

Most of all stay strong....i have it tattooed on me to remind me im stronger than i think as ive made it this far :-D

:o

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[Dani1987]

I got cheated on after 7 years and within a year and a half I found out he was engaged and then married!!!
When he told me he cheated I walked out the door moved to Ireland to my mum and never looked back haven't laid eyes on him since it'll be three years in november.
I got through it by doing everything I didn't do when I was with him... I went out with my friends, I socialised, I did random things, took risks, *ahem had one night stands ahem* but with everything my confidence grew and grew as I was my own person leading my own life and I wanted to show him he hadn't beaten me. The month he got married I was in the doctors with depression and had a lot of long walks with heartbreaking songs which helped but I pulled through by skyping my best friend and talking about it.
I am now 3 stone lighter than when I left him I am with a wonderful man and I run my own business. I have so much more confidence and freedom, it was the best thing ever!!

I had all the clichés and hated them but everyone was right I am much better off... BUT next time I see him... the day will come... I will be a jittery wreck but until that day I pity the poor lass who has a cheating rat for a husband ha!

Stay strong it gets easier but definitely cut ties you cant have a future living in the past

 

[Bonkers]

It really does take a long time to get over someone and your first love will always be in your heart just eventually at the back of it. I split up With mine and did all the sane things crying constantly feeling depressed etc after a few months I moved to an amazing apartment got a flat Mate and had the time of my life I did all the things I never could when we were together I was a little bit reckless but I was also young and I really believe this time I took to find out who I was, was the most fun crazy and defining time of my life. We got back together after an 18 month split and I thought this was everything I'd wanted but it wasn't we split 6 months later as all the same arguments were still there.
For a long time I looked back on the relationship and our lives together through rise tinted glasses putting him on a pedestal that no other man could match up to. 7 years later I still think of him now and then and if so etching funny happens that he'd appreciate I think about him but we have no contact at all not even on fb. I will always miss him but my life is so different now it would be strange to imagine him in it now.

Honestly things do her better at the time you feel as if you are going to die that you can't go on without them but you will and you will be stronger. A first love is a special kind. I've broken up with a fair fee since him and none affected me in the same way.

I remember seeing on sec and the city once Carrie said it takes half the time spent in a relationship to get over it. I think she's right but have fun while you are doing that.
Xxx

 

[tonicj]

Oops, Have just re-read your post Gracie (read it late last night. Some of the replies must have stuck in my head which prompted this response.) and see you ended the relationship, so some of this won't be for you - Sorry!. Hopefully it can help with some of those who replied. I really wish you well xx


For those of you who have been deeply hurt, here are 7 phrases you should repeat to yourself over and over.

1. "I love myself" - If you love yourself you will be the master of your feelings.

2. "I want to be happy" - Remind yourself of this and fake a smile until it turns into a real one. A fake smile is better than no smile.

3. "Sod him" (for the purposes of the forum I have restrained myself by using the word Sod. Use a stronger one to yourself). Swearing can serve an important function in relieving pain. Say it, whisper it, scream it - let it all out. Not only do you sooth the pain, you are also telling yourself that you are not going to be a victim.

4. "I always hated his crap haircut" - Remember something annoying about him that always bothered you, but you never admitted it to yourself because you were madly in love. Now's the time to let it all come out!
A study once found that those who "indicated strong negative feelings about their ex in the immediate aftermath of the breakup where less likely to be depressed".

5. "I am better off without him" - Finish this sentence yourself. Maybe there were things you couldn't eat or do because he didn't approve. Go out there and do all those things now!!

6. "It has been ?? days since we broke up, and I feel...." Again, fill this in yourself and be 100% truthful to yourself. This phrase keeps you present in the current moment and lets you feel whatever it is you need to feel. Eventually, one day will turn into 30 days, and you will notice a difference. You may still be sad and heartbroken, but the degree to which you feel it will change and you will be able to recognise your progress. Use your feelings and intuition as a guiding system. If something doesn't feel right don't do it and if it does feel right do! Feelings are often truer than thoughts or beliefs and can often lead to real moments of insight and can be the beginning of change.

7. "I will find someone better" - This is a crucial phrase. Repeat it over and over again. You WILL meet someone else who will treat you well, be kind to you, love you, and most important of all, not break your heart. In the meantime you must work on yourself and get yourself emotionally strong and be very fussy who you let into your life. Hope this helps you xx

 

[NailScientist]

Aw pet, we've all been there, my heart goes out to you.

When I broke up with my ex I actually thought I couldn't survive the pain. I'd moved 200 miles to live with him and I found out he was cheating a week after I arrived. It was a physical agony, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Lost two stone in a month and ended up on tranquilizers just to be able to function. I was truly heart broken and grieving.

BUT I did survive, and so will you. Your family and friends love you, and you are a good, kind, beautiful person who's already proven how strong they are by making the decision to end a relationship that wasn't working.

There is nothing wrong with telling your ex that you need time alone, and that they are not to contact you. You don't need to worry about whether it will upset the ex, YOU are your number one priority now, not him. I had to do that, because every text/meeting etc was like rubbing salt in the wound. I changed my number and forced myself to move on. Even when all I wanted to do was hide under a duvet and sob/drink until I didn't hurt anymore I FORCED myself out the door to social events etc. Gradually you find you don't need to push yourself out the door quite as hard!

Look after yourself and enjoy being the number one priority for once! See your friends, take up a hobby you've always wanted to do, spend time with your family, throw yourself into your work and forward your career. Enjoy doing everything your way when it suits you, and not having to worry about someone else.

Exercise really helps, leave your phone in the house and run! Run until you're so tired you can't even think about him anymore!

I really hope you're ok - sending white light and happy thoughts your way!

R x


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[Dani1987]

Ugh just found out my ex is having a baby wanna be sick! He cheated married her and is now expecting a boy any day!! Wouldn't be so bad only I miscarried his child and he told people after it was a good thing!! Karmas messed up!!

Sorry had to rant somewhere

 

[Delish]

Ugh just found out my ex is having a baby wanna be sick! He cheated married her and is now expecting a boy any day!! Wouldn't be so bad only I miscarried his child and he told people after it was a good thing!! Karmas messed up!!

Sorry had to rant somewhere

No don't worry sweetie , karma will defo smack him in the face !
Might be soon or a few years, but it will x
Hopefully she cheats in him and hurts him ,
But really what chance has she got when he cheated on you with her , more than likely he will do it to her x

Your better off xx

 

[cabby]

I was hurt very badly by a man who I would of said was the love of my life. When I look back now I know I wasn't really happy he made me sad and was always letting me down and upsetting me. It took me about 7 years to get over the hurt he caused me. I am married to a lovely man now it was our anniversary the other day 6 years we have been together 11 years. When I look back now I wished I hadn't wasted 7 years moping about over him lol he certainly didn't waste time on me. Never been happier so I think in the end nice things happen to nice people. If they are a rat they always will be lol. Xxxx

 

[heatherp]

No don't worry sweetie , karma will defo smack him in the face !
Might be soon or a few years, but it will x
Hopefully she cheats in him and hurts him ,
But really what chance has she got when he cheated on you with her , more than likely he will do it to her x

Your better off xx

As the saying goes......."marry a mistress, you create a vacancy" :biggrin:

H xx

 

[Lynne Baker]

I'm wondering whether it's more painful falling for someone you can't have...

 

[ch-ela]

Just saw this today and it struck a chord.

 

[Dani1987]

No don't worry sweetie , karma will defo smack him in the face !
Might be soon or a few years, but it will x
Hopefully she cheats in him and hurts him ,
But really what chance has she got when he cheated on you with her , more than likely he will do it to her x

Your better off xx

Thank you all so much that helps alot. I'd never go back there and am in a good place now, it was just a kick in the stomach
knowing he's got everything he wanted.
He cheated on me multiple times i found out after we split so I think he will cheat on her too.
I love that saying heatherp never heard it before ill keep that in my head.
I'm with a lovely man now and we are hoping to have a child I think that's what hurts the most we deserve it more as hes been treated like dirt in the past too x x

I was hurt very badly by a man who I would of said was the love of my life. When I look back now I know I wasn't really happy he made me sad and was always letting me down and upsetting me. It took me about 7 years to get over the hurt he caused me. I am married to a lovely man now it was our anniversary the other day 6 years we have been together 11 years. When I look back now I wished I hadn't wasted 7 years moping about over him lol he certainly didn't waste time on me. Never been happier so I think in the end nice things happen to nice people. If they are a rat they always will be lol. Xxxx

As the saying goes......."marry a mistress, you create a vacancy" :biggrin:

H xx

 

[PinkSwoon]

Read this poem & think about it It was comforting to me in this sort of dark & needy time once!


The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

(It's by Derek Walcott & is called Love After Love)