How do you make friends?

[Wonda]

I've always been in the same boat .... when i left school i hung around with a bunch of guys cause i was into Ice Hockey, the guys were older than me, which was ok cause i had an old head on young shoulders, i then got involved with 1 of them who was 13 years older than me.

So at the point where all my school friends were going to college/uni & going out drinking/clubbing, i was working in a boring office & then settling down with a guy.
10 years later when i became single & wanted to go out partying, all the people my own age were settling down & didn't want to know.

I went to night school & became good friends with a girl who moved into the area, i've known her for nearly 6 years now, we used to go out every month for meals & the cinema, but then she settled down & had a baby & i was dropped like a hot potato, i know it's not her fault or the new baby as priorities change.

I have a wide circle of people i know, but less than a handful of friends, i'm into motorbikes & there's a whole community of bikers ..... but the 1's i've tried to get into are very clicky, most of the members are blokes & the partners/female bikers did not want another female who can ride just as good as the guys in their little fraternity.

I find it hard to make friends as i've tried so many times & been on the receiving end of some serious bullying that i've now given up trying.

It's the same with trying to find a partner .... most blokes think women with short hair that ride bikes are lesbians ...... erm ... no, i love guys, i love what guys have between their legs, but all the guys i fancy, all want a long hair blonde/brunette to take home to their parents, not a red short haired girl who has a 600cc bike in the garage !!

It's really annoying, as i know i'm a good laugh, i know i'm a good catch, but i'm fed up trying to meet new people/guys as everytime i do, i fail & end up feeling worse.
So every night i sit on my bed in my parents house (cause i dont earn enough to get a place of my own but earn too much for government assistance) surfing the net looking at stuff, watching stuff online & then go to bed early.

It's like Groundhog day !!

 

[Smellenor]

I had my baby shower last week and apart from my mum, no one there had come to my first one (my daughter is 3) so it just goes to show how much can change! I'm brilliant at talking to the world and his wife but making and keeping friends is a whole other ball game... Being ditched by my single non mummy friends was tough so I changed my outlook and just kept an eye out for much nicer people - tried the odd, fancy a coffee one day? bit and the 2 or 3 people it worked with have gradually become a big feature in my life. Took 2 years for some so I guess it doesn't happen overnight! Some people are just better suited to being without their friends by their side all the time, I know I am.

Though randomly putting yourself out there (joining hobby classes, book clubs, charity things, other things I can't think of lol) can sometimes work out great if only just to have someone to share your interests!

I still reckon that no matter your circumstances you're all wonderful people, your clients come back to you don't they and your personality is half the deal I think!!

Wow, I do waffle on....

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[ruberio]

try not worry too much,as someone said a friend will turn up when you least expect it! i'm in a bit of a quandary with my best friend at the minute, i love her to bits but i find myself becoming quite strained with her now,its no longer the easy going all girls together relationship it once was, i think that it started to go downhill when i went to college, i feel in love with hairdressing from day one and i work my butt off to improve my skills and get myself out there, i think she resents the fact that i'm no longer at her beck and call. anytime i've invited her out on college nights out (not that there's been many lol) she always makes some disparaging remark about 'not being caught dead with a bunch of hairdressers' or 'i don't like the sound of so and so' yet i have lost count of the number of work functions where i've gone with her only to be ditched on arrival or weekends spent away with her friends etc. i've just reached the point where i can look back objectively and see how things have played out over the years. i'm really outgoing and outwardly confident, like yourself i have many acquaintences but only really one 'best' friend, time will tell if the friendship will last xxx

 

[aayspa]

I sooo know this feeling!

I'm quite the singleton in every sense of the word. I never had a good time at school so didn't keep in touch with anyone. College, well I was stuck with a class of students who were there thinking it was easy and didn't actually want to learn so we didn't really get along and now I work for myself mobile so don't have colleagues etc to befriend!

It's so hard to meet someone and get that spark going, but like with men! Lol. I do a few dance classes etc but never really hit it off with anyone. Starting to think its me! I feel like I'm a good friend, always there for people when they need me but rarely do you get that back, feel like I get walked over a bit.

Would be nice to meet some new people, people in the industry so have things in common already.

Maybe we should make a befriending thread! Like, hi I'm samantha, I live in Ipswich, any geeks fancy a coffee?x

 

[80's Girl]

Well I'm going to The Event so hopefully I won't be a 'billy-no-mates' there! Xxx

 

[Mobile Manicure]

I'm the same too. Most of my so called friends in the past have crossed me, lied to me and s**t on me so now I'm so untrusting. I also find it very hard to speak to women and strike up a friendship.

My daughter who is 11 likes to ask me who my best friend is, or who any of my friends are in front of potential new friends i might meet at the school gates, which puts me in a really horrible and awkward situation as i dont know how to answer her. She knows what she's doing too! Everyone thinks my best mates are called "shut up" and "go away".

 

[umvemve]

I sooo know this feeling!

I'm quite the singleton in every sense of the word. I never had a good time at school so didn't keep in touch with anyone. College, well I was stuck with a class of students who were there thinking it was easy and didn't actually want to learn so we didn't really get along and now I work for myself mobile so don't have colleagues etc to befriend!

It's so hard to meet someone and get that spark going, but like with men! Lol. I do a few dance classes etc but never really hit it off with anyone. Starting to think its me! I feel like I'm a good friend, always there for people when they need me but rarely do you get that back, feel like I get walked over a bit.

Would be nice to meet some new people, people in the industry so have things in common already.

Maybe we should make a befriending thread! Like, hi I'm samantha, I live in Ipswich, any geeks fancy a coffee?x

LOL Samantha - I live in Colchester, that thread sounds a great idea but could also be a weirdo magnet!

 

[umvemve]

I've always been in the same boat .... when i left school i hung around with a bunch of guys cause i was into Ice Hockey, the guys were older than me, which was ok cause i had an old head on young shoulders, i then got involved with 1 of them who was 13 years older than me.

So at the point where all my school friends were going to college/uni & going out drinking/clubbing, i was working in a boring office & then settling down with a guy.
10 years later when i became single & wanted to go out partying, all the people my own age were settling down & didn't want to know.

I went to night school & became good friends with a girl who moved into the area, i've known her for nearly 6 years now, we used to go out every month for meals & the cinema, but then she settled down & had a baby & i was dropped like a hot potato, i know it's not her fault or the new baby as priorities change.

I have a wide circle of people i know, but less than a handful of friends, i'm into motorbikes & there's a whole community of bikers ..... but the 1's i've tried to get into are very clicky, most of the members are blokes & the partners/female bikers did not want another female who can ride just as good as the guys in their little fraternity.

I find it hard to make friends as i've tried so many times & been on the receiving end of some serious bullying that i've now given up trying.

It's the same with trying to find a partner .... most blokes think women with short hair that ride bikes are lesbians ...... erm ... no, i love guys, i love what guys have between their legs, but all the guys i fancy, all want a long hair blonde/brunette to take home to their parents, not a red short haired girl who has a 600cc bike in the garage !!

It's really annoying, as i know i'm a good laugh, i know i'm a good catch, but i'm fed up trying to meet new people/guys as everytime i do, i fail & end up feeling worse.
So every night i sit on my bed in my parents house (cause i dont earn enough to get a place of my own but earn too much for government assistance) surfing the net looking at stuff, watching stuff online & then go to bed early.

It's like Groundhog day !!

A girl with a bike - you sound like what some guys would dream of - my husband would love it if I rode my own motorbike! Maybe you just need to look in different places?

 

[aayspa]

LOL Samantha - I live in Colchester, that thread sounds a great idea but could also be a weirdo magnet!

I'd like to think that fellow geeks weren't weirdo's lol. So Colchester, that's not far, fancy a coffee...

 

[Wonda]

A girl with a bike - you sound like what some guys would dream of - my husband would love it if I rode my own motorbike! Maybe you just need to look in different places?

You'd think so wouldnt you ...... not the case though, not for where i am.

All of the bikers i know are all taken, or single & damn ugly/fat/ride the wrong bike ...... i know you shouldnt judge a book by it's cover as i'm saying people do that to me a lot with thinking i'm a lesbian.
However for me attraction never grows & i like good looking guys


I think the having a coffee idea is great .....

I'm Sarah from Ellesmere Port, i'm also a Billy-no-mates & would like to meet someone girl's to make friends with & go out for a night out every now & then !!

 

[tanfastic]

Same here love, have always been the outsider, want to an English school when I was little from an Afrikaans background, then went to an Afrikaans school from and English background ( Dad was Afrikaans and spoke very little English and mom was English with a little Afrikaans, so I had to be fully bi-lingual), went to an English university when my school pals went to an Afrikaans one. I had many acquaintances but only one friend who turned out to be a selfish user. I moved away and always had loads of guys as friends but no girls. Met a wonderful girl at work and we clicked immediately and stayed friends. When I left to come to the UK I lost touch with most of my old acquaintances and my friend eventually. Never really met a good friend over here as we don't have children and work 7 days a week, no time for banalities. Such a shame, but my friend from SA is still there for me and me for her, we met up again after 15 years and it was as if we had never lost touch.

I am so used to being everyones pal but nobody's friend that I actually prefer it now, Friends bring a lot of extra problems to your life. I don't think I could cope with people just turning up out of the blue, or calling me at 2 in the morning for a shoulder to cry on, or ask to borrow money or a car or an outfit.And I can not cope with wasting hours chatting on the phone. 10 minutes and I have had enough.LOL ( I sound selfish don't I ?)

So after all that, I hope that you don't stress too much over it, just enjoy being yourself and people will choose to be with you. Friends are great but they can also hold you back. And at the end of the day, we are all still here for you. I know exactly what you mean about just instantly clicking wit someone, it doesn't happen that often so fingers crossed you find a really good, reliable, funny, giving and faithful friend

 

[umvemve]

I think the having a coffee idea is great .....

I'm Sarah from Ellesmere Port, i'm also a Billy-no-mates & would like to meet someone girl's to make friends with & go out for a night out every now & then !!

Hmmm Colchester/Ipswich to Ellesmere... *wonders if this is allowable mileage claim for tax* ;-)

 

[umvemve]

Same here love, have always been the outsider, want to an English school when I was little from an Afrikaans background, then went to an Afrikaans school from and English background ( Dad was Afrikaans and spoke very little English and mom was English with a little Afrikaans, so I had to be fully bi-lingual), went to an English university when my school pals went to an Afrikaans one. I had many acquaintances but only one friend who turned out to be a selfish user.

AG foei tog jong - I'm from Durbs

 

[tanfastic]

AG foei tog jong - I'm from Durbs

Ag no man, Durbs by the sea???? I lived in Toti for a few years, lifeguard and all that. What made you leave that tropical paradise behind to come and get rained on and frozen? LOL

 

[tjmadmum]

I am soo glad I have read this post! I thought it was just me that was a billy no mates! I always seem to get s**t on too, and its seems to be happening to my daughters now as well. I thought it was just our mad family, so without wanting to sound me I am glad other people feel the way I do. It makes me feel slightly normal.

I definately think a thread on meeting other geeks would be a fab idea. This is why I love SG, I feel so much love on here.

Hi my names Sarah and I live in Braintree, I love coffee and chats hee hee xxx

 

[umvemve]

Ag no man, Durbs by the sea???? I lived in Toti for a few years, lifeguard and all that. What made you leave that tropical paradise behind to come and get rained on and frozen? LOL

Married an Englishman - why else. Also I have very fair skin and an aversion to sunburn ;-)

 

[SJK]

Please PM personal messages, and let's keep this thread on track.

 

[lady*b]

This thread has come at exactly the right time for me I fell out with my only friend last week and there's no way of being friends again our lives r to different and to be honest I think we wer only friends coz neither of us had anyone else.
Anyway so if been feeling really down lately like everyone else I know a lot of ppl but no really close friends everyone's moved on. I've made friends on courses but they all live so far away it's hard! Xxx

 

[Dani04]

I find it very hard to make friends, I left school and went into studying and working and to be honest I didnt have much spare time. Now I feel like I have no friends what so ever :-(. I am the same I know a lot of people but I dont have anyone apart from my boyfriend who I can talk to or do anything with :-(

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[lady*b]

Everybody check out coffee for friendless geeks thread! Xxx