How do you make friends?

[80's Girl]

Anyone else have difficulty making friends?

I know lots of people but don't really have close friends. It seems that everyone else my age already has good friends so they don't need more! When I go shopping other girls always seem to be in pairs but I'm by myself. I've never had a friend who I would just call up for a chat. The other parents at school are all really close and have their chit chat and coffee mornings. I joined a gym but all the other ladies came in pairs and groups and I'm not pushy enough to try and 'get in' with them.

How do you meet new people at my age (41)? :|

 

[KayaPapaya]

Awww!

Can relate a bit to this, but I'm so used to doing things on my own now I'm not that bothered!

It's tricky when you get older and friends move away/life priorities change!

Not really sure what to suggest, I've met some lovely new pals on my college course this year though. Maybe try this?

 

[80's Girl]

Awww!

Can relate a bit to this, but I'm so used to doing things on my own now I'm not that bothered!

It's tricky when you get older and friends move away/life priorities change!

Not really sure what to suggest, I've met some lovely new pals on my college course this year though. Maybe try this?

Thanks for your reply . I meet people but there's never that special 'connection' if you know what I mean? I met a girl on a course last year and we got on great, we did another course together but there was a girl who lived in the same town as her and they clicked straight away and I was dumped!

I left all my best friends from school and university behind when I got married and moved to the South - it's only now I'm older that I feel that I'm missing out on a special bond that girlfriends have.

 

[KayaPapaya]

I know what you mean. I'm quite guarded myself and often take a while to get to know people. But some people you just click with it's true and feel like you've known them for years.

Oh no, that's horrible getting dumped by a mate!

Yes, I kind of miss my best pal, she's back in my home town too, and has kids and her priorities are not what they were 10 years ago. I went through a long period of mourning our friendship too. And found quite rightly that as her life had changed so much, and mine hadn't, that I was expected to fit in around her life these days. But that's a whole other story

Maybe if you're liking the women from the school, have a coffee morning yourself and invite them, be brave?

 

[gillian w]

Joining the PTA at your school is a great one for friends as you immediately have something in common and something to talk about. Its good to all help together at the different functions and shop for them etc friendship will then develop from that.

 

[Chickafish]

It's been about 3 years since I've moved to the UK from the US and I'm pretty much on the same boat. I have acquaintances, but I don't really have many friends I'd just call up or text out the blue, or pop over their place or drag them out the house to hang out. Part of the reason is I don't know anybody well enough to just do that whereas with my friends back home, I'm not scared to "bug" them cuz they bug me all the time. I also feel part of why I don't have that type of relationship with anyone anymore is because the older I get, the more people around me are poppin out with kids. I don't want to take people away from their kids just to chill with me. :lol: I do miss having that one best friend that'll pretty much do anything and go anywhere with me.

 

[gillian w]

I think its a bit like trying to find a new partner you have to put yourself out there but try and go to places and do things where you will find people with the same interests.You also do have to make an effort to just talk to people.If you are out with the dog chat to people about dogs or take your dog to dog classes,agility something like that.Join a running club,go to the classes at the gym rather than doing your own thing if they do boot camp things do that.Sign up for tennis badminton at the gym where you could get partners if they do that.
Start an evening class.A Ptlls is always a handy one to have in our industry and there is a lot of interaction between classmates and it will also help your confidence.

 

[hellishbellish]

I hear you. I have many acquaintances but few friends, and no idea how to actually make them.

 

[Lynne Baker]

I don't think it's possible to force the issue. I think special friendships take time to develop, and can often be the result of adverse conditions.
I have lots of acquaintances, have had a fair number of close friends over the years, and have drifted away from even the closest ones owing to "busylifeitis".

I met my latest close friend, Sharon, as a result of business networking. She was running an event management company and I signed up to one of her events. We clicked straight away, and the fact that she lives 4 doors away makes it very easy to maintain a closeness. We both run our own companies with our humsbums so we're always really busy, but we make Sunday night our "date night"! It takes effort because by Sunday night most of the time by then I don't know whether I'm on this earth or Fuller's!
Each week we take it in turns to cook dinner. It's fab! It started when my poor humsbums was in a job he hated and by 4pm on a Sunday he was already dreading the next day. I decided to plan something nice for Sunday evenings, to lengthen the weekend as much as possible. Now, nothing gets in the way of our Sunday Night Supper Club!

Sharon and I became really close last year when my company was the victim of a vexatious litigation. She happens to have a PhD in law and she advised me throughout the whole ghastly experience.

I doubt we would have become as close had we not gone through that particular brand of hell. It's all about shared interests, shared experiences, and time.

I see you're in Hampshire, as am I. If you're close to me and you want a face to face natter over a coffee just shout. I can bore you rigid with all manner of inanity!

 

['chelle]

I'm kind of similar. I'm a very guarded person and when I meet new people I tend to sit on the sidelines instead of getting in there and introducing myself. I've been told before that people who dont know me very well get the impression that I'm a bit "stuck up", but that people get along with me really well once they get to know me, and I'm really not stuck up, but I'm not a life and soul of the party person who can be comfortable with people I dont know.

I do have a couple of very good friends who I have know for 20 years or more, but I very much doubt I would make any more

 

[Spooky]

I feel the same, never really stayed friends with school friends, apart from one girl, but her idea of friendship and mine are very different. Taking 4 days to reply to my text is not what I call a friend, also had another "close" friend who was similar. I found my now partner, had a baby. She became pregnant (as a single mother) which I thought might bring us closer, once again cancelled arranged get togethers no reply to text ect. Feel lonely sometimes but thank goodness got a fab mum, I work and have a great partner though would love more girlie time, afternoon lunch, coffee mornings. Do sometimes wonder if it's me!!! Then I think again cause I am a fab friend and it's there loss. Hope to meet some nice people once son at school cause these so called friends werent nice.... There is more to the story, they could be very odd. Maybe I'm just too normal (boring) lol :hug:X

 

[ballyboo]

When I was younger I was a party girl - had lots and lots of 'friends' was out 3/4 nights a week and had a fab time, but when I met my hubby I started staying in more and my 'friends' disappeared!
I get on with almost everyone and a few select clients have become good friends over the years but my best friend is 20 years older than me and I met her at my slimming world class in July last year, she's the same age as my mum but we just clicked straight away and we meet up twice a week to walk the dogs and have lunch - I haven't got any close friends except her and even though I wasn't looking to make friends I have found a good one x

 

[skankinchar]

Going through a similar situation at the moment! I moved to Wiltshire in August, and although I'm friendly with a couple of the girls at work I don't see them out of work.
I know it sounds really silly but they go out at the weekends clubbing etc, but I can't afford it (damn bills) and it makes me feel like they think I'm "boring". I just have different priorities these days!
My OH is off to Afghanistan in a couple of weeks so I think I'm going to start going to an exercise class or something and meet some like minded people.
Its hard being a grown up sometimes!

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[florence2004]

My parents always taught me that if you could count your good friends on one hand then you are doing well! Sometimes I think we can get hung up on the amount of friends we have but realistically, you only need 1 or 2 good friends.

I find that there is a lack of effort in maintaining friends these days. People are too busy watching their favorite show to give a friend a call or go for coffee. My BFF and I are currently in the middle of some new ground in our relationship. We have known each other for a couple years but have got very close in the last few months. Previously we would text each other to go for a coffee on the weekend, but I am not a big fan of texting and never have my around (it's usually charging in the bedroom) so we would tend to miss each others texts and so not get together for weeks! Our New Years resolution was to put more effort into seeing each other as when we do get together we are very supportive to each other as well as have a lot of fun. Now if we want to go for coffee, we call to make sure the other person doesn't miss out!

Grown-Up Girlfriends by Erin Smalley and Carrie Oliver

This book is a journey that will help you identify potential soul-mate friends, mentor others, set healthy boundries, resolve conflicts constructively, support a friend in a crisis, practice healthy forgiveness and reconciliation, and let go of destructive friendships or avoid them altogether. I totally recommend it!

Jackie

 

[essentia]

I have known this feeling many times but I have become more philosopical about it. I agree with a lot that has already been said especially when the closest friendships arise out of some shared intense experience. My closest friend of almost 20 years came about when we were on a business course when we worked a lot together, however since I moved away we do not catch up as often as when I lived there. However I did have some success at the school gates. The first years were awful seemed very cliquey but over time things improved. It does take time especially if you are in a new area. Just be friendly and approachable and over time people get used to you, then asking them for a coffee will not seem so off putting.

 

[80's Girl]

Wow there's a lot of lovely responses . I have tried a lot of the suggestions such as gym and PTA but nothing has developed. I think it's probably true that if it happens it happens and that I can't force it. I really wish I'd joined an NCT group when I had my son 11 years ago - that's where a lot of people seem to have made a lasting bond.

Of course I'm lucky that I have my husband - he was my first and only boyfriend from the age of 15 and we've been married for nearly 20 years. Although that's probably why I haven't made strong female relationships in the past.

Thank you for taking the time to reply though - it feels that I have friends in the cyber geek world!

Kiss kiss kiss

 

[Planky1]

I feel the same. My husband was/is my best friend but I've never really had that "girlfriend" you just have to be with/call/text all the time or when something amazing or horrible happens it's them you call first. I've given friendships my all over the years, I'd do anything for anyone but I always end up being hurt and "dumped", so I'm learning to just enjoy my own company.

I do get incredibly lonely at times but nowt I can really do about it. There are people I've "met" online, including Geek, who I have really hit it off with and who I think if we weren't so far away from each other, we'd be that special friend to one another. Sad at times but a fact of life. Friends come and friends go, the ones who are the real deal and who are meant to be there will come into your life and stay in your life. You never know, that special friend may just bump into you in the unlikeliest place tomorrow :hug:

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[NourishedNails]

Being an army wife I have to make an effort as I move every 2/3 years and leave behind friends this move has been good though as I've met some girls who will be life long friends and are there for me no matter what and help me out when I need it. I'm actually shy but I've had to just get over that as I would never make friends if I didn't get out there she talk to people, baby groups help me meet people and of course and doing nails has enabled me to meet new people too xx

 

[Crystal colleen]

I'm kinda the same but I dont care anymore so to speak.I had a best friend for 16 years we would do everything together but this time last year we fell out and I have not spoke to her since and I don't intend to either our relationship was very much all one sided me doing everything and enough was enough.I have another close friend she lives in the town I used to live in I love her to death but we speak when we need to if she's got a big problem or if I have we meet up probobly every 3-4 months if that and that's enough for me to be honest.

I've learned that friends come and go just like boyfriend lol.I can't be doing all the school mum thing.I happy being friendless :lol:.My daughters my friend ok she's only 8 but I have a similar mentality so that's all good with me :lol:.

Xxx

 

[Dream Nails]

I'm a little billy too

I went away to sea for 7 years and now live nowhere near where a grew up. My husband still works at sea and mum & dad live in a different county so there are days where if I did not have clients (I'm mobile as well as at home salon) I would not see a bother person
I have a parrot who talks back to me so I do have someone to talk to

I'm very happy with my life and what I do but there is times a natter over coffee or a girly shop with a good friend would be lovely

Vicki x