I need boy advice!

[Helengrace000]

Seems strange doesn't it? Been together a year which is long enough to become close to someone and a good amount of time for someone to then just turn round and say all that.

If it were me I would have to hear him out first. I wouldn't say we are over yet. I agree that don't let him keep you dangling. And if he wants space does he mean he wants a chance to see if he wants to settle down, to see if the grass is greener being single? I hope not.

However there could be a justification!

Don't text him again. Have that talk he wants. But don't wait too long to have it. And go from there.

If he carries on mucking you about and doesn't have the backbone to explain himself to you, which you deserve, then kick him to the kerb because he cannot respect you very much especially after a year.

Keep us updated xxx

 

[HeatherClare3]

I think that you deserve to be spoken to, told about what is going on, what his honest plans are and treated with more consideration.
There might have been talk about moving in together, becoming more serious, talk of babies that might have made him think about being in a relationship, or a new job offer, moving away. We don't know.
What I do know though, is that life is hard enough without having a partner that cannot/will not communicate on important issues.
He doesn't sound very mature, so maybe he needs to wait until he thinks about being in a committed relationship.

What about you? What kind of relationship do you want? Are you ready to settle down? Have you spoken recently about your future together?

haha! he's the one saying he wants us to move in and he's the one saying how he cant wait to get married, he's actually text me pictures of dresses saying you would look lovely in this! and he's the one who's said he cant wait to have kids! ...I'm always saying "yeahhh maybe in a good few years!" (to all three)

I'm happy plodding along the way we have been, I'd love to have a future together but I'd like to visit a million and one places on holiday first before I even think about having a house to pay bills on and my own sprogs to look after!

I know you have all told me not to, but I would like to message him and say "this isnt fair you know what you want you need to tell me and not leave me waiting" but thats putting the ball in his court and id be waiting for his reply

 

[HeatherClare3]

Seems strange doesn't it? Been together a year which is long enough to become close to someone and a good amount of time for someone to then just turn round and say all that.

If it were me I would have to hear him out first. I wouldn't say we are over yet. I agree that don't let him keep you dangling. And if he wants space does he mean he wants a chance to see if he wants to settle down, to see if the grass is greener being single? I hope not.

However there could be a justification!

Don't text him again. Have that talk he wants. But don't wait too long to have it. And go from there.

If he carries on mucking you about and doesn't have the backbone to explain himself to you, which you deserve, then kick him to the kerb because he cannot respect you very much especially after a year.

Keep us updated xxx

Exactly! that's what I said to him, he should be able to talk to me! ...I might leave him and text him tomorrow (I know he's off work in the morning) and say we are talking today I'm not waiting kind of thing, I've given him long enough to think! ...if his idea of space is to see if the grass is greener being single then we wouldn't be getting back together, space to me is time apart yeah not going behind someone's back with someone else.

I will thank you xxx

 

[jacquelineanna]

haha! he's the one saying he wants us to move in and he's the one saying how he cant wait to get married, he's actually text me pictures of dresses saying you would look lovely in this! and he's the one who's said he cant wait to have kids! ...I'm always saying "yeahhh maybe in a good few years!" (to all three)

I'm happy plodding along the way we have been, I'd love to have a future together but I'd like to visit a million and one places on holiday first before I even think about having a house to pay bills on and my own sprogs to look after!

I know you have all told me not to, but I would like to message him and say "this isnt fair you know what you want you need to tell me and not leave me waiting" but thats putting the ball in his court and id be waiting for his reply

If you really want to send it then send it.

Hopefully, eventually, you will realise that most boys/men switch off from this kind of 'talk'.

And each time you have a chat that starts like that the quicker they switch off from you. They will hear 'blah blah blah blah blah'. And you will feel more and more desperate to 'be heard'.

I would prefer to see you stay in slightly more of a 'power position'.

xx

 

[jemnails]

I had an ex similar to this. He'd say he wanted space, then he'd get lonely and come back to me after a few days. I wasted months waiting for him to not need the space and he ended up cheating on me with another girl - they're still together 6 years later. I wasn't the one he wanted but he was ready to settle down.

I think you should make the decision about how much you're willing to put up with and whether he's worth the indecision. He could genuinely have some other stuff going on that means he can't totally focus on you. Or he could just be dragging out a break up by forcing your hand

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself

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[HeatherClare3]

If you really want to send it then send it.

Hopefully, eventually, you will realise that most boys/men switch off from this kind of 'talk'.

And each time you have a chat that starts like that the quicker they switch off from you. They will hear 'blah blah blah blah blah'. And you will feel more and more desperate to 'be heard'.

I would prefer to see you stay in slightly more of a 'power position'.

xx

That's exactly what's stopping me from sending it, he would be in control, I would be waiting for him to answer me back, I may text him tonight (while I no he is still awake) saying we are talking tomorrow such and such a time, or text him tomorrow (when he can sleep for hours) and I might not get to speak to him cause he will be getting ready for work (he is only off in the morning)

if anyone thinks that's a bad idea let me know! It may not seem like I am listening but I am, and I appreciate the advice!

xx

 

[ch-ela]

I think that you should be doing something for yourself tonight, not spending your time thinking/posting about him. I don't imagine that he is spending his evening talking to his mates about you/your situation.

Get over to the fun thread and tell us what you've had for dinner or how many cats that you have :wink2:

Haha Ch-Ela ... you do know that boys are at least 10 years behind their actual age don't you xxxx

I once fell for the silent type, thought he was clever and deep. Turns out that he didn't really talk because he didn't have anything to say, haha!

 

[Helengrace000]

Exactly! that's what I said to him, he should be able to talk to me! ...I might leave him and text him tomorrow (I know he's off work in the morning) and say we are talking today I'm not waiting kind of thing, I've given him long enough to think! ...if his idea of space is to see if the grass is greener being single then we wouldn't be getting back together, space to me is time apart yeah not going behind someone's back with someone else.

I will thank you xxx

I think texting tomorrow morning is a good idea. Okay you may be rushing him but tough luck! Your life doesn't revolve around him and he's had long enough I agree.

Yes hopefully he's not doing that, sorry don't want to worry you, I'm sure you know him well enough to know if he is or isn't!

xxx

 

[ch-ela]

That's exactly what's stopping me from sending it, he would be in control, I would be waiting for him to answer me back, I may text him tonight (while I no he is still awake) saying we are talking tomorrow such and such a time, or text him tomorrow (when he can sleep for hours) and I might not get to speak to him cause he will be getting ready for work (he is only off in the morning)

if anyone thinks that's a bad idea let me know! It may not seem like I am listening but I am, and I appreciate the advice!

xx

Switch your phone off until next Friday! Do something for yourself :wink2:

 

[HeatherClare3]

I had an ex similar to this. He'd say he wanted space, then he'd get lonely and come back to me after a few days. I wasted months waiting for him to not need the space and he ended up cheating on me with another girl - they're still together 6 years later. I wasn't the one he wanted but he was ready to settle down.

I think you should make the decision about how much you're willing to put up with and whether he's worth the indecision. He could genuinely have some other stuff going on that means he can't totally focus on you. Or he could just be dragging out a break up by forcing your hand

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself

Sent from my SM-G900F using SalonGeek mobile app

Thank you, ill have a talk with him and listen to what he's got to say (what he's been thinking about while having his "space") and then ill go away and give myself time to think about it (if he wants to stay) and see how I feel about the whole thing, it's only right I give myself "space" to think.

 

[tonicj]

If you have any instincts, trust them! They are there to protect us.

 

[jacquelineanna]

That's exactly what's stopping me from sending it, he would be in control, I would be waiting for him to answer me back, I may text him tonight (while I no he is still awake) saying we are talking tomorrow such and such a time, or text him tomorrow (when he can sleep for hours) and I might not get to speak to him cause he will be getting ready for work (he is only off in the morning)

if anyone thinks that's a bad idea let me know! It may not seem like I am listening but I am, and I appreciate the advice!

xx

It is a bad idea :Love:

I am sure you are listening ... but your heart is in control of your head, and your gut instinct isn't even getting a look in.

It's quite difficult to do - but always listen to your gut over your heart AND your head.

It knows. And it tries to tell you for at least a year before you will even start to acknowledge it.

 

[tonicj]

It is a bad idea :Love:

I am sure you are listening ... but your heart is in control of your head, and your gut instinct isn't even getting a look in.

It's quite difficult to do - but always listen to your gut over your heart AND your head.

It knows. And it tries to tell you for at least a year before you will even start to acknowledge it.

We were thinking the same thing there Jacquelineanna!

 

[memmapigs]

It's realky difficult to not text & act like you don't care but honestly, you should not text him, get dressed up, go out & put some pics on Facebook for him to see. He will come running back when he isn'r getting a reaction from you.

Guys are like children, just ignore the silly behaviour & they get bored.

He is probably on his 'meriod' a man period for those who are unaware. It usually lasts 28 days out of the 30 in a month!!

All joking aside. I'm sure it'll be ok after you have chatted but don't be the first to text missy, show him what he would be missing! xxx

 

[virtues2011]

It all game playing. If people have something to say why can't they just say it, it saves all this. It's hard work. I'm so glad I'm not young anymore. . Although I'm sure that makes no difference whatsoever these days.

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[Nearlyme]

If it is this hard after a year then it isn't forever. Move in and don't late him waste any more of your life with pointless drama and worry.

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[KHS]

You don't need that sweets, get rid, go out partying with your friends and don't give him a second thought, easier said than done I know.

Give him his space, permanently, and if he comes crawling back after realising what he's missing...then it's your choice x

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[Miss_NBC]

Oh sweetie, I really feel for you. I'm sure we can all say we've been there with a guy like that. You know deep down what you should do, but it's so, so hard to actually do it. Have you spoken to him?

 

[Pinkbunny28]

What is all this texting malarky?! Pick up the phone and tell him if you dont arrange to meet to talk then you are talking right now on the phone...

Men are stupid. They dont know a good thing till they lose it so let him lose you x

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[SGordon91]

I've been there. Me and my partner had a break for a while. The more you push him the more he will pull back. I pestered my other half into giving me an answer and it just ended up really strained. So, eventually I have up and started dating someone else, seen friends and generally got on without him and a short while later he was asking to spend time with me and asking to talk etc. I gave him such a wide birth that it worked in my favour that he started missing me and wanted me back. Not advising you to date anyone but go and have fun, live a little, don't text him let him do the leg work and let him miss you and when he's ready to talk he will. Leave it at what you've texted and let it develop from there xxx