Ive been threatend....... what should i do?

[noddingnelly]

Hi
sorry in advance if this is abit long i will try to condense it.
I have had a phone call from my husband ex, she knew hes at work on shifts.
It goes back about a month ago when his kids were over and the eldest started to kick up and do rude drawings of the other kid yy, he was told to stop but eventually hubby got annoyed with xx and sent xx to sit on the bench outside for 10 mins. xx refused and sat on the floor laughing and goading hubby on knowing there was nothing hubby could do as he was off work with a cracked rib, so i was asked to help out and get xx up and out.
xx is a very tall obese 13 yr so no movingxx.
Eventually we decided to take kids home, xx was taking up all the room at the back door where the shoes are, so i asked xx to get out to make space for others to get sorted when they came through,
"Make me" was the reply, so i cupped xx face in my hands and asked why xxdoes this, reply, hit me on the chin go on hit me, i laughed and said no it does no good and what would xx do if i did, reply i have stabbed someone in the neck before and i could do you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!At this point i flipped and clipped xx ear.
Yes very wrong and i regret it as soon as done.
major agro, phone calls later and things have been sorted and everyone was in agreeance it was a one off and it wont happen again. ( i am really placid and it takes alot to get me wound up like that)
It was yy birthaday on the weekend and we did a party, cake, swimming, everything was ok, so hubby and i thought.
this afternoon i had the ex call, saying she doesnt want me around her kids im not to be in if they come over, It wasnt xx fault xx threatens her all the time.
I have to watch my back as she will "get me when the time is right could be in weeks days or a year". i asked if she was threatening me and she said yes. "i know where you live"
She has also been arrested for beating up her estranged husband. to be honest im really shaken over this. i have all my doors locked and bolted even though she cannot drive and lives 2 towns away from us.
Hubby finishes work at 6 and i sent him a message to come straight here and not to go there incase she has texted him they are only around the corner from his work. He doesnt know whats gone on yet.
Hubby did back me up and agreed in principle why what happened happened but doesnt want a repeat, which i dont either.
Sorry to go on. thanks for reading

 

[Lellipop]

Helen ok you shouldn't have clipped xx But he was being a major pain in the butt and surely has his step Mum you have some parental responsibility. It sounds like he has been a pain for his Mum too but is not seeing what you did has you do she is trying to deem you the wicked step-mum DONT let this women get to you she is threatening you ( Now I see where xx gets his aggression from) But you know that if this woman assaults you she would be arrested I think she is just trying to frighten you and just being totally stupid.

 

[hollie_mummy]

hi. i agree that she probably is just trying to scare you and quite frankly they sound a little crazy! if i were you i would try to get my husband to talk to her and try and make sense of it all and to be honest i think it may not be a bad idea you staying clear for a while when he comes round not like hiding but just not in his face so it can cool down for a bit. just a sugestion. hope this helps:green:

 

[noddingnelly]

thanks for the support.
xx has only been at seniors for one month in total, managed to get expelled twice. xx only goes 1 1/2 hours a week to get him used to it!!!!!!! i have bitten my tounge for so long trying to be nice and givng them the benifit of the doubt, but its not the first run in with xx in the past 6 months where ive been intimidated by xx but ive ingored it and left the room so it doesnt show im scared.
Last year i found xx in my sons bed when my son was asleep, i made a fuss then. I also found unexplained bruising on my sons arm during the summer, but it was put down to boystrous play! im now wondering
My son doesnt live with me hes with his dad and comes over in the summer hols for 10 weeks, long summer hols where he lives, do you think she would wait till hes over? or am i being paranoid?
I do belive that she will do somthing as she is the type.
Oh well i have the smoothest mashed potatoes for the shepards pie so i guess i should thank her for something hahaha

 

[Teri]

I had this from an ex's ex, she threatened me I told her bring it on and she's a toughie, fights men (large ones) I had just had enough of her and that was over her child and mine at the time.

You could let the police know, say you don't want to press charges or have it followed up at the mo just documented, you'll get a crime/ref: number and if anything does happen they will know that she's behaved abusively to you before.

It may be empty threats it may not.

I suggest that your husband visits his children away from the house for the time being, let him take them out for the day and when your son is with you (especially if you are concerned xx is hurting your son) don't have him over at the same time. It's not an ideal situation I know, you need to sit down and talk to hubby about this and both come to an agreement that you are happy with, you shouldn't feel threatened in your own home.

Good luck mate! By the way, my ex's ex never showed!!

Teri x:hug:

 

[Zo Zo]

You could let the police know, say you don't want to press charges or have it followed up at the mo just documented, you'll get a crime/ref: number and if anything does happen they will know that she's behaved abusively to you before.


/quote]

This is a really good idea. It's important to get it documented. They will probably advise you to dial 999 if she shows up. She probably won't though x

 

[Buggy]

bullies will bully those who allow them and she's clearly trying to intimidate you and doing a really good job of it.

first off, call the police and tell them you want it followed up. don't admit to them you slapped the little s*d, it's his word against yours, and if she's as violent as you have said and her child is just as bad they are more likely to believe you over her, as they will have come into contact with her before. once you have made a complaint, if it comes to it, you will be able to get an injunction against her, which means if she comes within a certain distance of you she can be arrested.

secondly, next time she threatens you, tell her to bring it on and get your mates round. she knows she's frightened you so now you have to turn that around stand up for yourself, use any language you like luv, but DO NOT let her think you are scared of her. don't get hysterical on the phone, it's much more effective to be sarcastic and non-plussed towards her (you know like "yea, woteva luv, bring it on")

by this time she will hopefully have had a visit from the police anyway. once you start to stand up to her she will probably back down. if she doesn't then you will have grounds for prosecution, and as you've already made a complaint any action you take to defend yourself if she comes round will be seen as self defence.

 

[noddingnelly]

Thanks for all the advice i will go and report it but ask them not to take it any further this time.
Hubby hit the roof when he came home last night, so when he calmed down he called her, he was on for over an hour. The upshot is im not going to have to leave the house if his kids are over, chances are he wont have them here very often anyway.
she wont "get me" and wont call me again, he also said that i was considerring going to the police, so now she said its all a misunderstanding and nothing was ment by any of this and things can go back to how they were.
I think not but at least its over

 

[vicky]

Just to let you know there has been a change in the Law. Even if you dont want to press charges the police can. A friend of mine found out the hard way ..! Hope everything works out ok

 

[chantell simone]

the saying "the apple don't fall far from the tree" springs to mind

no wonder this child is so rude when the mother behaves in this manner

i think the child deserved a clip and you were clearly pushed. "Who can't hear must feel" is what my mum always told me

 

[rouge]

Most bullies are actually cowards anyway, so when they're confronted with their behaviour they crumble. Hopefully this is what will happen with this woman. I'm in a similar position to you so I know where you're coming from!!

 

[Hard-as-Nailz]

Hi I dont know what to say except that I hope everything is ok and that you have people who are there for you! X

 

[Teri]

Thanks for all the advice i will go and report it but ask them not to take it any further this time.
Hubby hit the roof when he came home last night, so when he calmed down he called her, he was on for over an hour. The upshot is im not going to have to leave the house if his kids are over, chances are he wont have them here very often anyway.
she wont "get me" and wont call me again, he also said that i was considerring going to the police, so now she said its all a misunderstanding and nothing was ment by any of this and things can go back to how they were.
I think not but at least its over

See, she's all mouth!!

Don't allow her to scare you mate, she'll thrive on it.

I'm glad that you are OK and things seem to be sorted now.:hug: :hug:

teri x

 

[CadenceAlex]

I've been there too - if she phones up threatening you, don't let her sense your fear. I got this constantly from my husbands ex and one day I just blew my top and told her to stop talking about it and come down and do it - did I see her?

Nope - and she didn't do it again. At first I was scared stiff, she sounded like a raving loony and I know what her family is like... but you've just got to stick up for yourself and be strong.

You don't need this aggro from HER or her kids - she isn't being a responsible parent by letting her children act like this.

I hope everything gets sorted for you :hug:

 

[Jaydee]

Sorry but this sounds to me like a young kid just screaming out for attention....Mom and Dad split up, Dad has new partner, Mom could be bitter spouting restentment, Son doesn't see Dad as often, Son plays up to get attention, Mom and Dad arguing because of Son, Dad says Son cant come as often, Son feels anger towards Dad, Son visits plays up again to get attention......I'm in no way saying that it is your relationship that is causing his problems, staying with his ex for the sake of the kids would have been just as destructive......but can you see the cycle. Again it could be the fact that because of his height and weight, he could actually be getting bullied at school amongst other things that kids at that age go through. It really is his Dads responsibility to get to the root of the problem, to help and guide his Son into a respectable adult and if you're there with your support, I'm sure you will win.
David

 

[noddingnelly]

i agree with you David, i feel that the 2 kids are just crying out for love and affection, we have tried so hard and in different ways to help the esteem along and show them better things than hanging out and causing trouble, it was working until a year ago, thats when hubby started to get trouble from his ex over stories that had gone back, eventually they decided that the kid was causing a fight where there isnt one and sitting back to watch the fireworks and laughing.
I know i have my husbands support on this 100% snd that helps and what ever he decides i will support him too, even if it means i have to grin and bear it and ignore what happened, i never want to stop the 3 seeing each other that bond is way too important.
thanks for all the kind words and support