Middle Child Syndrome

[vitality]

Hey Geeks, I saw this on another site and I totally agree with it as I am the second of four girls. What do you guys think?


Middle child is the second born child in a family of more than two children. As much as our parents impact the shaping of our over-all personality, so do our siblings. Sometimes, the middle child suffers from a lack of belonging and constantly strives to get his/her parent’s attention. There is a feeling of insecurity in the middle child, because he/she feels ignored between the eldest and youngest sibling and this is called the Middle Child Syndrome. The birth order does make a difference to the parent’s psychology, as a lot of importance is attached with the birth of the first and the last child. The article explores what exactly is a Middle Child Syndrome, apart from the symptoms that a child suffering from it exhibits.

Symptoms Of Middle Child Syndrome

Lack Of Belonging
The middle child may not feel a sense of belonging to the family in the same way as other children. He/she struggles to be close to the family because of feeling ignored and ‘unwanted’. Sometimes, the middle child also feels sandwiched between the other siblings. It is important as a parent, to not let such feelings overcome their middle child.

Low Self-Esteem
Since a middle child feels that he/she is basically unwanted, he/she may have a very low self-esteem. There is nothing worse than to feel not needed and it can badly affect even an adult. For a child, it has a serious bearing on his/her overall development. Such a child will continue to suffer from a lack of self-belief on growing up. A middle child’s confidence may be shaky due to the feeling of being overlooked upon, by his/her parents.

Reclusion
It is, usually, seen that a child suffering from middle child syndrome is not too extrovert or social. There is a tendency among such children to become loners in life. They feel like an outsider in the family and therefore, become a recluse in other areas of life as well. Such a child believes in spending time with him/her self rather than others, because he/she feels uncared for. And so, he/she tries to create a world of his/her own and lean on his/her own self for support.

No Sense Of Direction
The children suffering from middle child syndrome also lack a sense of direction. There is certain disillusionment among them and they struggle to find the real direction of their life. They are not comfortable confiding in their parents, not even in their brothers or sisters. This is not to say that all middle children turn out to be failures in their life. Only those suffering from this syndrome have a tendency to lack any direction in life.

Trust Issues
A middle child, on feeling ignored and un-loved, may have trust issues. As a child, we first lean to trust and completely rely on our parents, but a middle child fails to do that and consequentially, faces such issues. Such a child has difficulty in opening up and confiding in anyone. However, not every child suffering from middle child syndrome has a distrusting attitude. Sometimes, such a child is pining to trust and lean on someone.

 

[naturalnails]

I so have middle child syndrome - at my younger sisters christening, my older sister kept trying to sell me - didnt need me any more she had a new one. No takers, but I have never recovered from that LOL.

 

[chocolatepickle]

Well as the second child of 4 I think I have done well having read that!
I did have confidence issues growing up and still do now often, but even in the middle of a crisis of confidence I try to take a deep breath and get on with things.
I do enjoy my own company a lot but am still very sociable too!

I totally lacked direction in life until I got into this industry, now I know exactly where I want to go, I guess I was lucky!
I'm a totally trusting and trustworthy person so I've not suffered in that area either.

My brother did try to get rid of me when I was little too naturalnails. He shut me in a wardrobe, blocked it shut and threw my clothes out the window. When my mum came to check on us she asked where i was and he just told her I was gone, run away. Then she heard me from in the wardrobe wimpering for help.
That was certainly not the last time he tried to get rid of me...until the other 2 came along anyway.

 

[smooth]

My second was middle child for years but she is the total opposite. Very confident, outgoing, chatty, knows who she is and what she wants to be. I suppose it depends upon how you are brought up and how your siblings are too I suppose.

 

[smooth]

I so have middle child syndrome - at my younger sisters christening, my older sister kept trying to sell me - didnt need me any more she had a new one. No takers, but I have never recovered from that LOL.

ha ha ha, brilliant!!

 

[Kim Lawless]

I'm the middle child of three. I have read reports on being a middle child in the past and found them to be accurate and more positive. For example, middle children are usually confident and make their own way in life, which is true for me. All interesting stuff though.

 

[wonderwoman]

I did a study on this subject when i was at uni! Its all considered during the attachment process, but this attachment theory can be flawed when there is an age gap between siblings. For instance there is a huge gap between my younger 2 siblings of 10 years (Im no2 of 4) and shes very confident, it really appiles when they are of similar ages. Im happy im a middle child thou, id rather be than only child syndrome...they have some traits that are considered undesirable! xoxo

 

[toffeepop]

Hmm, very interesting!

I'm the youngest of 4 - the others are boys. The 2 oldest are a fair bit older so I don't really remember much of their time at home before going to uni, other than me always getting into bother lol.

The other brother was my twin. So the middle child syndrome for me was actually the younger sibling syndrome. My brother could do no wrong - even when caught red-handed, I got the blame and the punishment (apparently I must have put him up to it all!). There was always a competition between us for my mum's attention. Dad did try to divide his equally, but I was a proper daddy's girl lol. Perhaps my mum was jealous of that relationship, who knows, she's not the type to admit it though! I have always had the 'middle child syndrome' thing in lots of wats, lacking in self belief etc. Now, being in a relationship with (and planning to marry) a man who doesn't have high expectations of me but will encourage me, who loves me the way I am, and has actually made me feel confident about all of me, I think I'm starting to shrug off the middle child thing.

My own kids? Well, the oldest did get a huge amount of attention, not just from me but from his dad's parents as he was their first grandchild (I'd split up from their son so they spent every minute they had with my son like it was to be their last, even though I always said I'd never damage that bond and never have). As a result, my oldest has an academic brain but can be so lazy so won't use it to his full potential, he's very sure of himself to the point of being cocky, and has a bit of a 'whatever' attitude. By the time he was 10 I realised I had spoilt him too much and so were his grandparents but I couldn't stop them though I tried!

My middle son came along 6 years after the oldest. He began his childhood being quite aggressive! The violent tempers he had were awful. Then he changed, almost overnight, to a quiet and timid cry baby. I never could figure that out. That was until I separated and divorced his (and the youngest's dad) and suddenly he started to become a lot happier and more confident. Now aged 13, he is so laid back and calm, he's never a problem and so easy going, I'd have had another 10 kids if they could all be like him! Lol. But he is very accident prone, and has a bit of a 'information processing' problem that's never been assessed although I have asked. He's not going to be a 'high achiever' but I know whatever he does, he's going to be happy in it.

My youngest came 2 years after the middle child. She is becoming such a diva and it is driving me nuts. Nothing is ever acceptable to her, she strives for perfection (or getting her own way lol). She also has had her confidence increased since her dad left. I do think she gets some of her frustrations in her personality form me though as I can be so self-critical.

Looking back though, I can see the younger two lacked confidence because their father didn't have much patience. He never battered them, but the shouting and sometimes calling them stupid or whatever obviously affected them a lot. I would then get upset and we'd argue etc, so wasn't really a healthy environment for them. They obviously felt much more relaxed and happy after he had left and they've never wanted to see him since. I sometimes feel guilty for not seeing how he affected them sooner, but they have bounced back well.

I see a lot of myself in my daughter, good and bad lol. I see a lot of my twin brother in my middle child. And I can see a bit of me in the oldest, but mainly his dad.

I do believe there's a lot to be said for the attachment theory, but I do also think a lot is to do with inherited traits as well. I met some family members for the first time about 10 years ago now, and the similarities in personality as well as little things like manner of walking was astounding. It will be interesting to look back again in another 10 or 20 years and see how our kids or their kids have developed - did they become the expected high fliers or not? Did that 10 year old who wanted to be a vet become a vet or work in a factory? What a great thread!

 

[Penners]

To be honest I think wherever we are positioned in the sibling line-up we can have hang-ups and selfconfidence issues. I'm the youngest of 4 girls and although my elder sisters like to think I was spoilt, when I explain to them what it was like living with my parents 'on my own' when they had all left I can make them see differently, my mother is extremely manipulative, clingy and paranoid and it took me many years to shake off the 'i must please my mum' attitude that I had grown up with. as I was the last my mum expected me to be her confidante when my dad was being difficult, and she wanted to know where i was all the time, it took a 6 month trip to USA and moving out to release me from her claws!!. I'm going to be 40 in 3 weeks and I still have to be 'direct' with her to stop her trying to take over my life, I can see her trying it on with my kids as well and it makes me furious!!

As parents of two we've read all the books, tried desperately to instill confidence and balance in our children and they are lovely but they still have to make it in the world on their own eventually and as much as we try they still have 'issues' and i'm sure they'll moan about us when they're older:biggrin:.
I'd say the eldest child has to fight all the big battles, first to school, etc and the second does in a way have a more relaxed attitude to school etc but she also feels cross that he 'gets to do ' much more as far as shes concerned. we're trying our best, hopefully they'll get the other side of teenage and still like us!!

 

[jimboodee2]

I have 3 children 7 , 5 and 2 and trying my best to make sure that does not happen . My middle child is so affectionate I would say more then the over two and just loves cuddles and although is is now quite confident he had had problems with being the 2nd born and has had issue with speech, his brother always spoke for him and we just did not realise at the time. So I make every effort that they are all treated the same and no one gets left out.

 

[Susie H]

My brother in law is the middle child and was amazed when someone tried to put these labels on him.
He is 1 year an 3 days younger then my husband and growing up they were as thick as thieves. Even now they can go a couple of years with out seeing each other and the momment they are together, the rest of us don't get a look in.
Mike is the head of health and safety enforcement for his area, is an over achiever in all area's of his life but so are his siblings, all three of them are the best at what they do, don't suffer fools and are plain speaking men.
I think we can all read the info on labels and see the bits that apply to any of us but I am a firm believer in making my own destiny, my motto has always been stand or fall by my own merit. So things like this make interesting reading, but I won't allow labels to shape me:wink2: