my baby boy

[xlaurax]

hi loves, well... i know i have only myself 2 blame, however... im going back 2 work next month and my little man is a proper mummies boy :irked: he will go 2 special people for a few seconds, but wants mummy back straight away, i have only left him for a total of 4 hours in all his life (y i only have myself 2 blame) i left him for 2 hrz with my mum last week and he SCREAMED for the whole time my poor mummy!! i just wondered if any of u had any experience on this?? or any ideas on what i can do? i have found THE lovliest childminder who is going 2 have him an hour at a time 1st just 2 ease him in... any advice or help would be much appreciated as its getting abit embarrasing when people want 2 cuddle him and he just wont have it! he is my 1st baba so this is all new 2 me!...

i have learned 1 thing mind.. mith my next bab i am handing him/her 2 evry tom **** and harry that walks in thru my door, postman/ milkman included...

thanks geeks :hug:

 

[loubylou]

Only advise i can give you hun is to be strong, if you make a decision where your son is concerned stick to it,
he needs to learn that you are boss not him
he may be only a baby but they pick up on this in the first few weeks and then run rings around mummy
good luck hun :hug:

 

[RebekahsBeauty]

Hehe that last bit did make me laugh but i dont think its wise to hand the next one over to the milkman just incase :green:...

I have no children but i would guess maybe get the little man to spend some time around her and many kids like fun things so try and think what really excites him and makes him happy to play with or a film etc as it would take his mind off being around mum. He will get used to it hun bless him xx:hug:

 

[hayls]

Hiya Laura!! :hug:

I think if he can go a couple of times for an hour or so before you drop him in the deep end, then that will benefit him, however, I think you have got to be cruel to be kind, maybe Im wrong on this, but I just wouldnt make a fuss of you leaving, dont say bye, things like that, he will soon associate the word bye with you leaving and then he will howl even harder!

If hes fine with the childminder at first slip away unnoticed and maybe he might cry for a while but it will soon pass Im sure!

I think kids play up to certain situations, so as I say if you dont make a big deal of you going, and just go, maybe it would make a difference!?

Im sure more gals have got more ideas for you hunni!!

xxxxxxx:hug:

 

[nicky's nails]

its really hard , but its like when they cry through the night, you have to be cruel to be kind, as long as they arent in danger or hurting themselves then crying does them no harm,

as said try it in small doses first, say leave him for 20 mins (in your house, in familiar surroundings) while you go do something upstairs, when he see's youve come back he will calm down, then next time try it again for 30 mins , build it up , the more you go and come back, then more he will realise that when you leave , you return (hope this makes sense)

i do hope this gets easier for you hun, its very hard i knw

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[xlaurax]

thanks girls, i new i could count on u lot for some good advice! xx

 

[Scratchers]

ah bless ya hun its hard when they cry for you...i was really lucky as me and lee have big families so when tiegan (the 1st grandchild on both sides) was born she was passed around so much that it made me cry because I just wanted to hold her!!!!

But looking back it was the best thing as when i went back to work she didn't make a fuss when she started preschool she was like 'bye mum' and i would feek like she doesn't need me lol

I see the mums at tiegan school go through it and you just have to walk away hun because in 10 mins he'll be as happy as larry...he needs to get use to her and if you want phone her 10 mins later to see if he's ok.

:hug:

 

[min11]

I childminded in Norway for a while and two of the little boys were 9 and 18mths. The youngest one did cry for a while the first week or so but after the initial morning drop off period he had a sleep and just got on with his day. The older one was much the same. For the first few weeks he stuck to me like a limpet but in general he was as happy as larry once the day got started. It sounds awful but it doesn't take them too long to realise they cant change whats happening and they just settle down into the routine. I had to get the older ones Mum to sneak around the back of the house one day and watch because she was so upset by him screaming but she saw that after the intial few minutes he calmed down with the distraction of toys and tickles etc and was all smiles.

It is hard, but if my experience is anything to go by they soon settle down and have fun :hug::hug:

 

[xlaurax]

i hope this is the case! do u think it may not be the case though bcoz i literally have left him a handfull of times, and maby he doesnt realise that any 1 else CAN look after him. i dont no! my other half, well, as much as he loves ky he doesnt do ANYTHING with him, so its only me who has ever fed him, bathed him, put him 2 bed, i guess im just worried bcoz theres only every been me do anything 4 him, he is going 2 have such a big shock! she did say she had a little girl last year who cried solidly for a week... and then settled in?? and she also said she didnt mind him crying etc so that reassured me! i am a big worry wart!! thanks 4 ur kind words tho girls xx

 

[min11]

The eldest of the two little boys I told you about was still breast fed and at 10yrs younger than the next youngest child in the family was carried everywhere and in constant contact with his Mum. Your little one will be fine, honestly :hug::hug:

 

[nicky's nails]

and maby he doesnt realise that any 1 else CAN look after him. i dont no! my other half, well, as much as he loves ky he doesnt do ANYTHING with him, so its only me who has ever fed him, bathed him, put him 2 bed,

Hey hunny, i'd say more of the problem is your other half, rather than Ky crying for a bit at the thought of being left. Why are you doing everything hun? and if your going back to work, i do hope he's going to take more responsibility for his son now, i think this would help with the seperation anxiety that Ky has too, because if someone else starts helping out 'regularly' he will get used to it much quicker too

sorry if you think im interfering sweetie, but so many new mums are exhausted and struggling and their partners dont do anything it really pees me off, make him share the load hun, its his child too

hths hun xxxxxx

 

[xniceyloux]

hey hun i read this and it bought a smile to my face!!

this is just what happened to me except this child was my third..lol you think i would have learnt my lesson right..???

anyway they soon adjust to change its just the panic of them thinking your not coming back..

the hardest part will be for you to leave him, its an absolute killer but believe me it does get easier

now my son has just started regular nursery and is fine..he never blinked an eye at me leaving him so when we build these bridges when they are young it really does set them up for later life.

be brave hun i know he will be fine bless him.

lou x

 

[xlaurax]

it pees me off 2 nicky!! i thought parenting was supposed 2b team work, apparently not, he thinks it is my job - as he goes out 2 work in the day. be interesting 2 c if anything changes when i go back 2 work!

im glad uv all said the same.. 2 persevere and he will grow out of it! what a relief, phew...:hug:

 

[hayls]

Iur hubs is anything like mine he wont change 1 iota when you go back to work, I work my ass off doing nails and house/mum stuff, but its still all left down to me to sort out, I have no help at all, and tbh it does my head in!
Im tired of arguing about it now though, so I just do the bl**dy lot!

 

[xlaurax]

thats the same as me hayls, i dont know if he is just ignorant 2 the fact that its actually bloody hard work looking after a baby all day, or wether he just doest care or what?? i think i made a rod for my own back though.. he used 2 ask if i wanted help etc and i would say no bcoz i am a fussy mare and i like things done a certain way, so now he just doesnt ask!

he doesnt lift a finger arround the house, its so unattractive, in the 2 rs we have lived 2gether, he has made the tea a handful of times, washed up a handful of times, u get the picture! :irked: i am fed up of asking though 2, so i just do it all, bite my lip, and am seething inside sometimes i am so mad, then he sais.... "god, y r u in a mood now" (bite my lip or i will pop) RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA please tell me im not alone! x

 

[hayls]

Your not alone love, I do blame myself same as you, if I hadnt have spolied him in the first place maybe he would get off his ass to give me a hand.
Im happy with my hubby, dont get me wrong, I just wish I didnt try so hard to please all the time, cos then when I dont Im not living upto the expectation I have created.

Im not superwoman.

Some days I just want to slob about and not do anything, watch Phil and Fern, and maybe Loose Women.....
The other day I told hubby I felt ill so I could stay in my dressing gown a bit longer and he can take the kids to school! It was lush! I also got back into my dressing gown after putting the kids to bed, I sat here and geeked, it was great!

Sod 'em I say, just do it yourself, you know it will be better, tidier and you will know exactly where things are!

Who needs me, I dont!! He needs me though, and thats nice to know!

 

[xlaurax]

thats true hayls! if i was 2 leave town 4 a bit, im pretty damn sure the house wouldnt be standing by the time i got back lol! maby 1 day i will go on strike?! xx

 

[blossom]

You're not alone Laura :hug: I think it's pretty common. WhenI got pregnant I thought we were going to look after baby together etc HAHAHAHAHAHA! Some weeks in, it hit me that this was how it was going to be .

It's not quite the same situation, but my experience is this. I was the same as you, hardly left them anywhere. My eldest didn't want to go to play-school and would cry hysterically when I would go to leave. So I used to stay for a while, decreasing the amounts of time I stayed, the idea being that she would get used to being there and not be so upset. It didn't work. She used to cry and scream EVERY TIME when I left, no matter how long I'd stayed there (and I sat in their little kitchen, out of the way, but she knew I was there and liked it).

So with my second, remembering this, I thought right, we're not doing that again, so I said goodbye, disentangled the arms and legs from around my person (with the help of one of the assistants) and left, with the screams (louder than ever my first one was lol) ringing in my ears as I drove off. She was the same every time.

It was a few weeks before either would stay happily without me.

And when you leave them, you carry that image of the sobbing little mite in your head until you pick them up again.

Then I worked at the playgroup one morning a week. And what I noticed was this. . . there were certain kiddies that would do what mine had done . . . and without exception, they would shout and scream whilst their mum was still there . . . and dry up within two minutes of her leaving. It seemed like all the while they thought they could make mum change her mind, they went for it. Once she was gone, they got on with it. But I remember reading your little boy screamed the whole time with your mum. You might find with a "stranger" he might be different. I hope so, for both your sakes.

BTW they were BOTH absolutely fine starting proper school.

I wouldn't sneak off without saying though. i think that sets up insecurity and they are afraid you might disappear at any given moment in the future. Always say goodbye so they know they are going to be left.

So I don't know what to advise, Laura, but theres my two penneth for what its worth, I feel for you cos I know what it's like, good luck huni xx

 

[champagne]

Be strong......walk away.......then when u get out........cry your eyes out..........

I remember it so well ............... Now im crying when they leave me lol

2nd child is much easier you learn fast......

Good luck, baby will be just fine x

Champs

 

[pink-lady]

hi hun,i mothered my first baby and it was so hard when he started nursery he would scream but its upsets us more than them believe me ,iv cried b4 leaving him .it has to be done at some point hun so the sooner the better ,i remember after a while the nursery lady told me that he was fine untill i would go to pick him and then he would start crying again ,so he was putting on a little show for .your boy will be fine hun .you say u learnt a lesson but i said that about having them in the bed with me hehe i did it with all 3 oooppps .xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx