Relationship help

[LillyGoose]

Hey girls!
I need some advice I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do!

I have been with nick for 4 years, made the move from Plymouth to Norwich for him. And left all my friends an family! Anyway last month we where house shopping just for odd bits and stuff and he did tell me he loved me that morning and then in the evening all of a sudden he said I love you, but I am just not in love with you . And it just broke my Heart, it was so out of blue an unexpected. And I don't get why he would so that he told me he loved me in the morning And let me buy all that stuff for the house. Keep in mind the month before we where looking at buying a house we rent at the mo. so of course I did the only thing rang my friends and cried,and straight away he was saying I'll be fine I'll move on and this just upset me more! and he was saying what we both could spilt in the house. it was such a shock we where fine had been christmas shopping the day before we didn't argue an we weren't distant

so we both agreed for him to sleep on the sofa. Before he went bed he came in and said do I want a cup of tea or a hug before bed! ! I felt rubbish I was so confused I didn't get if he cared or not. So trying To sleep didn't work. I went downstairs to check on him, and to see he left his pone on the side. Now I trust him 1000 percent ! And I saw a message from a girl called Ashleigh. No idea who she is! I tried to go into it and realised he had a password, now why would he haw a password? I went upstairs on the laptop and I thought the worse and he was explaining to her how he was so upset and she was on about cheering him up and all this crap and all the messages previous to that had been deleted ! So I went downstairs woke him up and said who is she? He said she's just a friend who works in London office who knows the whole situation! I was fuming I thought why does this complete stranger know everything about our relationship!

so after about three days, I agreed to go down back to Plymouth to see how we both felt. After the week he decided that he didn't love me and he was sure as he just wanted to be friends. I was heartbroken I love this boy so much! But I know you can't force someone to make them feel something they don't .So now we are still living together while I'm trying to find somewhere. And he goes out till about 6 in the morning every day. So with this I can't sleep I can't function!

! As I was cleaning when I came across his laptop and I thought well he is obv hiding something and then I found messages to my client who is only 17 he is 25 years old. Her saying how she can move in now I'm gone and if he can buy her lignite and other stuff about naughty pictures and dirty websites. At this point I was on the phone To my friend shaking reading these messages out to her.

Then to see another message to another girl saying how he feels bad because he is so much happier without me. And that he feels a weights been lifted and telling his best mate he doesn't give a f*** about me I am not his problem. So at this point I was in hysterics.

I never thought someone I loved and cared about for so long would talk about me like this. I sent him a text sayings I was leaving. And he came home straight away started pleading saying how he screwed up and he f**** up and ten seconds later changed his mind said it was all a joke and he was just having a laugh with her and that him telling his friends all that was just a way of him coping.

He likes things to seem better than they are.

At this point I was furious and I stayed round my friends for the night.

Now for Christmas I paid the deposit for a week in Amsterdam and him a day shooting amongst counting other presents! I felt like such a fool!


We had an agreement that because I was so busy at Xmas I couldn't go I Plymouth I would spend Christmas with him an his family.Now I love his family his mum is practically my mum! And Christmas was lovely. His family cheered me up. Thou I felt like it was all just a big game of pretending. And he was cuddly and was lovely to me all Over Christmas. And then all of a sudden I got these texts saying we are not getting back together you have to get that Into your head.

So of course this leads to more arguments. And now the awful thing was on New Years because I moved up here for him all our friends are his friends. And it was to the point I wasn't even invite out. And I asked him to stay with me because I didn't want to be alone and all I got told to do was grow up. So I spent my new years on the phone to my sister crying.

So after all the crying I started to get worried as I hadn't heard from him and he finally came home new years day at 5 in the afternoon.

He back smiling laughing and was showing me a game on his phone as he did a girl appeared texting him saying just get out of their if you don't love her. Another girl!!! Different one this time!

So we argued and keep in mind before this we never argued! And we said this is silly and made up. i thought everything was fine The plan wAs for me to stay at ours untill i find a place. anyway he text me out the blue and said he wants me gone before he gets home!


Now I feel like I have done something so wrong for him to act like this. This isn't the boy I fell inlove with. The bou he said its over he changed! And I'm heartbroken!

I cant concentrate I have panics attacks I cry all the time ad it's been over a month now !! I can't eat sleep! This is why I'm writing at 5 in the morning .I never knew I could be affected by someone this much! I really thought he was going to propose we had been talking about it for some time.

So I put everything in storage while I try find a flat, and we had dinner tonight this is the strange bit and we where fine. he gave me a big hug as told me I will be okay and I just realise I don't care about any of this i still love him as much as I ever did!


When I confronted him an said how long have you not loved me for he said he woke up and just realised! I don't get it



He is my world


Xxxxxx


I'm destroyed!!!

 

[Bumblebee78]

Hun I feel so sorry for u. Something similar happened to me on New Years. We had a row and then yesterday I found a txt to his mum saying that I know he doesn't love me. I confronted him and he said that it wasn't what he meant and that he does still love me. I have 2 children, one is his. I have up everything to be with him and now I just don't know what to do. Part of me just wants to leave but I will have to go home which is 100 miles away as I can't afford to live on my own again. He says he wants to give us another go, but I can't see us lasting anymore than a year now.

My kids go back to school on Monday and the longer I leave going home, the worse its going to get.

If u don't have children, I would personally get the hell out of there and go home. U don't need to be in that relationship xx

 

[sarah_clancy]

This is devastating Lilygoose.
Sending you a big big hug.
I don't have much to say, but I honestly think you deserve better, he can't treat you like this!
Get out whilst you can, some men are complete w*nkers!
But I assure you there are good ones out there!!
Is this your first real heartbreak?
Lots of love xxxxxx

 

[melissab]

It's just terrible what you are going through. This guy sounds like a complete a**. You need to get out so you can move on. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

 

[happyfeet]

Oh lovely I'm so sorry you've got caught up with this idiot. You must be feeling all manner of feelings right now, he's not the person you thought he was, you're hurt and most probably the list goes on. I have to say honey, I don't think there is anyway going back from this, in as much as even if he radically changes you will most probably be filled with nagging doubt for years to comes. I'm not saying that to upset lovely lady I'm saying it because no one in a relationship should feel like this.

Ok so what can you do? Get organised my darling. New year, new you. You may not feel up to it, you're feeling vulnerable but take some control back. Put the wheels in motion. Can you come back down south and stay with your family until you find somewhere else? Friends? Family? For your own sanity hun you need to get out of there. I know how hard that will be, but what you're going through now is hard. Cut all ties. Formulate a plan, get sorted and do this for you.

Look after yourself honey, sack him right off and be kind to your heart. This person is not going to change but you can change your situation.

Hugs to you lovey x x x

Sent from my GT-S5839i using SalonGeek

 

[Elaine143a]

As has already been said - get out of this situation NOW! He is playing with your fragile emotions, and you are letting him get away with it! He's being nice to you face-to-face because he is not man enough to deal with your emotions imo. You're right stating that you cannot make someone love you, but from your post it seems like he has been "playing" you and you deserve SOOOO much more than this.

Move on. Yes, it will be heartbreaking. You are young enough to bounce right back and (eventually, be in no rush though), you will probably find someone that deserves you.

Hugs and kisses hun, all the best, but don't prolong the agony. Move back to home town (with family as support, if that is possible) and get your life back in order asap.

Please don't waste any more time with this loser ............ :Love:

ps are you joint tenants in your rented place? If so, get your name removed the minute you leave xxxx

 

[Beckismassage]

Im so sorry to hear what your going through.
I think as others have said your better off out of it. My ex was like this and trust me it doesnt get better.
The break up was really hard at first but it does get better over time. *hugs*
Sent from my MT15i using SalonGeek

 

[Pedifan]

I'm am so sorry that this is happening to you, and I can feel just how devastated you are.

My advice to you, is to pack your things and get a family member or friend to pick you up and take you home to people who love and appreciate you.

You deserve better than this :hug:

As for your boyfriend he does not deserve you, let him realise just what he has lost.

Good luck xx

 

[Tigan]

Hi, it sounds to me like he's getting alot of attention and its feeding his ego, he must be young, good looking and he's just lapping it up. There is a hidden compliment in there though, in that if he was ready to settle you would be the type he would like, however he's Not. when he grows up (alot) he might be different, but just now you could save yourself a bit of heartache if you turn the situation around Before You 'Leave', dont feed his ego and dont (no matter how tempting) look at his messages or anything (its all ignorant peoples comments anyway, so why bother) and when youve got him wondering why your different, Then Leave. It could take him years to change his attitude, so leave with your head held high, and you wont have a broken heart X

 

[classixuk]

Pack your stuff and go back to Plymouth where you have real friends and family who love you. This guy isn't worth you crying any more tears over.

It's the start of a new year and you can either wait until April till you get yourself together or just be done with it and start making changes now. Don't spend your days and nights trying to work out what's happened because you never will ... he's just being a jerk who reckons he's got a better offer somewhere else.

You have a better offer too and it's in Plymouth. By the end of this year you'll look back and be glad you got out. Trust me. No more thinking, just take action and go. Post your keys though the letterbox and look forward to meeting new people back in your hometown. Who knows what's out there waiting for you?

Good luck!

 

[Crystal colleen]

Get out of there go back home where you can surround yourself with loving people.

He clearly thinks the grass is greener on the other side and the girls he's talking to are very young.In speaking to these young girls he will be able to tell um what they want to hear and they will worship the ground he walks on and probobly do anything for him thus boosting his ego.

He is an ass hole to do this to you and he's manipulating you which is very wrong.

I would leave Hun and when he's grown up a bit he will see what he has lost and what he could of had and that's you.

I know it's hard but trust you will get there and you will be happier because you will learn a lot about yourself and you wont let it happen again xxx

 

[KayaPapaya]

You poor thing. You deserve so much better.

I would say as the others have, get yourself packed and away from the situation and back to your family.

He can't play with your feelings like that. Rotten little toad he is Easier said than done, I know, but you're better than him, by a country mile and you don't need such complications and games in your life.

You do not need a man who has no respect for you. Which is what he is showing you. Don't waste another second and certainly not another tear on him. He can't even be honest with you. Move on, onwards and upwards lovely xx

 

[l.a.m.x]

Omg I feel terrible for you!! :sad:

Best thing to do, even though you will not want to do it, is get the hell out! Don't let him see your upset, always be the bigger person!

He is 100% playing mind games and has no right to treat you this way.

:hug:

xxxxx

 

[souz]

he is messing with your head, get out now and move on with your life!

 

[NiCshairstudio]

Heya Hun, I am so so sorry that this is happening to you the way it is

I have to say I split with my ex (about 6 years ago now) but we we're together for 5 years, I am your nick in my situation but not as cruel!! You don't just wake up and realise at all, I knew for about 2 years but didn't want to believe my own feelings, saying that our relationship wasn't all fun.... He didn't like to do anything, made me feel guilty for going to family parties, apparently I didn't love him as much as he did me.... Turns out I didn't lol but I did at the time, so my situation wasn't all nice then I dropped a bomb, it had been coming on a long time while I tried to get my own life and mind back as all we did was what he wanted, but anyway enough about me (I just didn't want to sound as cold hearted as your nick is being)

I said the same thing though where I loved him but not in love with him, he wanted to move in and I refused, get married and I said no I felt too young etc so I never gave false happy family hopes, he wanted to be friends but I did be cold at this point to help him move on as he really did not take it well and kept pleading, I cut all ties most of the time and would offer a voice at the end of the phone but nothing else (he called when had drunk himself silly or tried taking an overdose) so I couldn't leave him for dead, we are friends now (6 years on) and best friends at that but never a couple, we get on as friends and he has learnt to be better now with gfs and less controlling etc and realises now I was right but it took him a good 2 years

I hope you manage to move on faster as its not fun for you, but as so many have said you need out, go home, to your mom or sis, or family, you need them round you, try not to keep talking and let him realise that the grass is not greener on the otheside, he's being cruel and not being a nice person about it, he should be upset too, I was devastated myself and I was the one who ended it! S no he's just being mean and he's not who you fell in love with sadly there are nice guys out there they're just not easy to find, take time to find yourself again and enjoy life and without trying he will come along!!

Good luck x

 

[LillyGoose]

Thanks girls!
Your all big helps!
It a hard situation as I'm joint renting a salon with my friend. And at the moment I feel like that's all I have going for me. My career!

I've come so far to go down and start all over again in Plymouth and now I'm slowly getting the strength to not text him!

 

[NiCshairstudio]

Thanks girls!
Your all big helps!
It a hard situation as I'm joint renting a salon with my friend. And at the moment I feel like that's all I have going for me. My career!

I've come so far to go down and start all over again in Plymouth and now I'm slowly getting the strength to not text him!

Could you not move in with your friend then? Don't give up on your business for this fool too!! Orrr if your both sharing your space, and his family is here, HE can move out!!

 

[LillyGoose]

That's what I'm doing. Staying with my friend until I can find my own place.

Is so hard, I feel like all our friends know in dept what's happening because of him, and it's all one sided.

I just still love him and care about him and to say this last month isn't him at all. He is the most Kind hearted guy an this is so out of character and unfortunately very good looking It's been exactly a month and I still hurt as much as I did day 1, I just feel like the worst things happen to the best of us...this is just a month of bad luck for me. My car rolled down the hill, it failed mot big time!! Had to pay to get it fixed to then turn on to go work to find out the starting motor was bust. Then broke my scissors! Dropped them

Ghds broke and salon hairdryer broke! Fell down the stairs my microphone on my phone is broken :
Nearly drove into a loose pig on country roads in the dark! I feel like everything's a mission and I can't function without him! Xxx

 

[NiCshairstudio]

That's what I'm doing. Staying with my friend until I can find my own place.

Is so hard, I feel like all our friends know in dept what's happening because of him, and it's all one sided.

I just still love him and care about him and to say this last month isn't him at all. He is the most Kind hearted guy an this is so out of character and unfortunately very good looking It's been exactly a month and I still hurt as much as I did day 1, I just feel like the worst things happen to the best of us...this is just a month of bad luck for me. My car rolled down the hill, it failed mot big time!! Had to pay to get it fixed to then turn on to go work to find out the starting motor was bust. Then broke my scissors! Dropped them

Ghds broke and salon hairdryer broke! Fell down the stairs my microphone on my phone is broken :
Nearly drove into a loose pig on country roads in the dark! I feel like everything's a mission and I can't function without him! Xxx

Omg Hun, sorry but that last bit has made me laugh, but not at you I hope you don't think that but if you don't laugh you would cry type thing, if that was me anyway

I think you need to cut ties then, ok his friends are your friends and that's hard for them, so if you can no linger be in the same place, for the near future anyway, without all the feelings coming flooding back, sadly they will chose him, obv you have your friend your staying with (sorry I thought you were still in the house together) then you can start getting new friends and creating 'your' life down here rather than the one you had with him.

It may be hard to accept but I think, I could be wrong, but he's either been playing away or thinking about it and wanting the single life back a little, may turn out he realises he has been a complete tool and ask you back in months to come and maybe it'll be too late by then? Wo knows, I hope so, no one should treat you like that then get away with it.

I lost all my friends throu my ex, making life hard when I went out meant I stopped going, so our friends were his, so I know the lonely feeling too, but you learn so much about yourself, and you will be ok, I promise, it takes time but you'll get there and be happier in the long run

 

[KayaPapaya]

Heartbreak is unbearably all consuming, and it will take time till you feel ready to move on.
Thinking of something I could write which would actually comfort you, I had a look for some quotes about heartbreak and these 3 are crackers:

* Your time is precious. Do not waste it on anyone who doesn’t realize that you are too.
Unknown

* So many girls fall in love with the wrong guys, simply because the wrong guys say the right things.


* Don’t tie your heart to a person that has nothing left to offer you. Let it go. It might hurt for a while, but when you get over it, you’ll see that it’s better.

Chin up chicken, it'll get better xx