Relationship hit rockbottom

[PaulineM-Mobile]

Living with the fact that he isn't happy and has on several occasion wanted to end it would send me packing, fast!!!

Are you truly happy?
Do you trust him 100%?
You really need to consider what kind of life you both will have if this is what's happening now.

Good luck P x

 

[beauty_sarah]

He's only saying that to hurt u! With my ex he didn't trust me from day one! 2 and a half years later still didnt but then he went and kissed someone else after an argument! Lol! I finished it after that! That was the straw that broke the camels back. In November he turned up at my bday party, we are civil to each other now so I said come along with his mates! And we ended up chatting! And guess wht, he admitted it was him that ruined it n finally I got closure! Finishing him was the best thing I did. With my bf now for nearly 3 years and we hardly argue, he trusts me completely! N I do too! When men say I have trust issues its an excuse,
My advise to u is play him at his own game. U haven't done anything wrong at all, ask yourself if u can see yourself with him for the rest of ur life! No! Get rid its hard but u will feel better n eventually move on to a new relationship with someone who trusts u and doesn't threaten to finish u!!! Xxxxxxx

 

[TweezerHappy]

Can you see yourself with this guy in 5, 10, 15 years time? And do you see yourself being happy?

 

[Tjo]

Trust is a very important part of a relationship, without this from both sides it makes for a difficult relationship. Don't let him become controlling

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[Dolci_Dolittle]

I went through a mega rocky patch with my OH when we were 18 over pretty much the same thing. We worked at it, spent as much time as we could together deciding if it wasnt to be we'd know but a family event helped big time as did writing down who each of us were feeling about things and 7years later we're still together, married and expecting our first baby.

Just need to have a talk over and work at things. Give it a set time and see how it goes.

Hth
Xxx

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[nicole333]

To the OP, does he come from a troubled past? It sounds like he has some unresolved issues that he is making you pay for!

This is unlikely to improve on it's own in the near future and you need to stand firm on what is and is not acceptable behavior/threats within the relationship. If you give in, you are validating everything that he does.

I fear I should be wishing you good luck!

 

[X18WAT]

yes his first love cheated on him with his best friend while he was is canada and he only found out last year, and his last ex cheated on him with at least 9 people. he believes that no matter how much i love him he thinks il cheat on him because they did. and then i think well if he doesnt trust me by now he'll never trust anyone xx

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[nicole333]

I was wondering if it was deeper than that, but I suppose he would be experiencing the once bitten, twice shy scenario.

If this behaviour is based only on these two relationships, I would be straight with him and say that you have no intention of cheating so he either sucks it up or ships out now because you will not be punished for someones else's behaviour!

 

[happyfeet]

I'll be honest with you lovey, threatening you with finishing it is really more his issue than yours. Sounds like he likes to keep you on your toes... honestly that's not the sort of relationship you need to be in. Years ago I was with a guy who liked to do exactly the same as him and like you I hadn't done anything wrong. He knew it kept him in power. The end result for me: I was a nervous wreck, had low self esteem and my confidence was way down. I'm not saying this is how your boyfriend is just now, but I do see a bit of a pattern emerging with everything he has said to you.

You have done nothing wrong, let him get on with it and honestly lovey you are worth more than that. Personally I'd kick him to the curb because it's christmas- I'd want to enjoy myself and also go in to the new year feeling happy and not walking on egg shells. I know 2 years is a long time to be together, but without trust (through no fault of your own) is it really worth the heart ache?

Trust me honey as the years go by as people we go through a lot worse things than you being in a car with your ex, do you think he could handle those bad times and support you?

Hugs to you missus, let him stew and take care of you xxx

 

[syncage]

an ex boyfriend of mine who I ended up seeing for 3 years had serious trust issues. He had been cheated in the past and never really got over it.

I'm not the type that would ever cheat or be cheated on but when i met him I was kinda seeing someone else. The other person had been a friend for a couple of years and we had kissed recently and made plans for a date, but then it was weird and we both wanted to go back to being friends so we met up and spoke about it and it was all finished before anything happened with my ex boyfriend but I guess he always had that in his head.

He just never really seem to think that he was good enough and would get mega jealous if I was seeing male friends and we often had to go home early from nights out or I felt bad doing things with my friends as I knew he didn't like it even if he didn't say anything. He broke up with me and then we got back together and then he broke up with me again and honestly I thought my world had ended but now I can't believe i wasted so much time over him - nearly 4 years in the end.

Fast forward to the present and I've now been married to my husband for 5 months and we have been together over 7 years. I now know how wrong my previous relationship was. It's not supposed to be like that at all. My husband gets on really well with my friends (male and female) we trust each other totally and it wouldn't even occur to him to be jealous if I spent time with a male. I even have a friend who someone told him did fancy me (although he has never said anything to me!) and it doesn't bother him at all as he trusts me and knows that this other chap wouldn't try anything as I wouldn't be friends with someone that shady!

I didn't keep in contact with my ex so I've no idea if he got over his issues or not but I don't think anything I could ever say would help.

If I could go back and speak to myself when I was your age (and with the ex boyfriend) I would give myself a shake and tell myself to get out of the relationship! I don't know you OP, and don't know how bad things are so I wouldn't be as presumptuous as to tell you what to do but I've shared my story so you can make of it what you want!

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

I don't think you did anything wrong...but i tend to be a little jealous due to my own insecurities and i don't think i'd be too keen on my bf hanging out with his ex. However, it wasn't one on one, you were with friends, so i think it's an acceptable situation and like you said, you told him.

I would not be putting up with my guy telling me every few months that he was just waiting to break up with me. Why wait for christmas? I broke up with my ex a little before christmas, gave him a couple of the gifts that i wouldn't have been able to give anyone else and we both went on our way. New year, new start and all that.

I actually don't think you've really done anything wrong, he on the other hand needs to get his act together. You are worth way more than that. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't...at the moment he seems to be stringing you alone.

Hope everything works out soon xx

 

[Elaine143a]

Sorry if you dont like what I'm about to post but ........

This sounds to me like the relationship from hell, and at such a young age. From your post, if he threatens you now with splitting up at various points, I can only imagine you in ten years time with an obsessive, possibly violent, possessive partner, and a few children in tow (to make things even harder). You state that even now you dont go out much! WTF at your age you should BOTH be going out, all the time, socialising with whoever you like, whenever you like. I understand he has his issues with past relationships, but if you cave in now and meet whatever demands he wants, where will it stop?

Soz to be so harsh, but I would tell my daughter the same xxxxxxxxx

 

[X18WAT]

thankyou, i appreciate everyones advice. i THINK we're back to normal now as hes texting like we're fine and said he's coming down tonight so i guess time will tell. i know i technically didnt do anything wrong but i shouldnt have been with my ex boyfriend knowing my partners issues and i still feel terrible about it. so im going to take him out for a meal tonight and hope all stays well! thanks geeks xxxx

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