Would you ever ....

[facelashbrow]

well I called him up and called him on it, he initially lied and then when I said what I had seen, he was too drunk to lie properly. Then he agreed and when i said why did you lie, he said he didnt. He reckons he is at a mates house because he forgot his pin code to get a cab home.
But you know when you know someone is lying? I would ask him a question and he'd be ages before he'd answer, asked if he'd been all over girls, he said no and I said I dont believe you-made out a friend had seen him in town and he **** himself, when I said he was all over a girl with dark hair he said well that narrows it down. I said really? ! he was too drunk to lie well! And he just went quiet-if I was falsely accused I would have a bit of passion defending myself.

Only thing us now he will blatantly change his password so I cant catch him. I dont have anything concrete and I should have bade (?) my time but I couldn't.

I think he has been out and been all over girls, probably not kissed anyone but coping a feel and grinding on the dance floor, he went quiet when it was suggested.

Then he said, so what? and I said would you like it if someone else had their crotch (I used a more vulgar word!) against my bum?

I supoose its not cheating but I feel like it is, I certainly feel like I cant trust him.

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[LilCheekyMonkey]

well I called him up and called him on it, he initially lied and then when I said what I had seen, he was too drunk to lie properly. Then he agreed and when i said why did you lie, he said he didnt. He reckons he is at a mates house because he forgot his pin code to get a cab home.
But you know when you know someone is lying? I would ask him a question and he'd be ages before he'd answer, asked if he'd been all over girls, he said no and I said I dont believe you-made out a friend had seen him in town and he **** himself, when I said he was all over a girl with dark hair he said well that narrows it down. I said really? ! he was too drunk to lie well! And he just went quiet-if I was falsely accused I would have a bit of passion defending myself.

Only thing us now he will blatantly change his password so I cant catch him. I dont have anything concrete and I should have bade (?) my time but I couldn't.

I think he has been out and been all over girls, probably not kissed anyone but coping a feel and grinding on the dance floor, he went quiet when it was suggested.

Then he said, so what? and I said would you like it if someone else had their crotch (I used a more vulgar word!) against my bum?

I supoose its not cheating but I feel like it is, I certainly feel like I cant trust him.

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I really feel for you and understand why you confronted him. It's a very difficult situation to be in, though I feel you have done the right thing. With children involved I feel there's a sense of urgency as it's not just you two it effects.

The best thing I can advise is waiting for him to return and going from there. If you have the opportunity, take the kids to a sitter, so you two can fully discuss this. Chances are as others have said, he's just having his 'I'm a dad again freak out' though I don't feel it's an excuse. I certainly wouldn't accept this behaviour from my partner once our little one is born in October.

I would suggest trying to be as calm and rational as possible, purely because you may get more honesty from him.

Try and get some sleep (if you can), it will help and keep us updated. We Geeks have to stick together. ❤️ X

 

[facelashbrow]

I have an 8 week old and slept 35 mins last night so I am just too tired to deal with it. I was out all day doing bridesmaid duties and he was home with the 3 yr old, supposed to be spending time with him as hes been so busy and they just watched films whilst he slept off his hangover. And now he has gone to bed.

he said he'd never cheat and he loved me but I said thats not the point you went out looking for attention and I dont want a partner like that. he didnt say anything, I also said you didnt even think it was an issue to stay out all night without letting me know and just stroll in at 9.30 am. I was really calm and hard and didnt give him any time today and he looked really sheepish.

I feel really crap now though just sitting in my own having a cry. I dont have anywhere else to go plus I have the baby.

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[Dexy]

Oh bless you hun, just read through what you are going through, my oh was very a secretive with his phone, went out till all hours and if he made it home was so drunk it was awful, his phone would go off at 2 or 3 in morning, and I went through his phone and found all sorts, he basically thought he was gods gift, I wrote the offending ladies (and I use that term loosely) numbers down and I waited till nice and early next morning and rang them asking if there was a reason they needed to be texting my boyfriend or ringing him at 2 or 3 in morning, they were very sheepish , and then when he was sober enough I made out he was that far gone he hadn't heard his phone going off and if he wanted to be in contact with other women whilst with me he knew where the door was, it's not easy, you never fully trust them again and I am constantly waiting for him to screw up, is there someone who can watch kids for you while you talk it through?
You need to talk it over or it will eat you up , big hug xx

 

[Nails<3]

I really feel for you. Its a sh*t place to be. I had it with my ex. He never used to come home after a night out, he always had his phone on him and he was always sheepish. I found out he was taking coke when he was out hence not coming home all weekend. I found messages on his phone and rang the girl. He had been messaging her. I knew it had been going on but I just didn't want to believe it. The best part was I just had my little girl and he told another girl he was messaging he had no children. It broke my heart. From that point with the drugs, girls and everything else I packed my things and went back to my mums. Luckily for me he lost his house & car so I'd like to think that was a little bit of karma.

No one should ever treat you like that and once you start reading messages etc you can't go back. You will always be thinking what if when he goes out or when he is on his phone. He doesn't respect you at all and even more so that you have just had a baby 8 weeks ago. How run down and tired must you feel without having to go through this.

Can you go and stay at your parents just to get your head together and get some sleep? I just want to give you a big cuddle and I bet the majority of us have been through it, its just how you deal with it. Just don't sweep it under the carpet as you will resent him and always have it in the back of your mind. I really hope it works out for you.

Big hugs xxxx

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[PinkSwoon]

No never! If it's ringing then I'll answer if it's someone I know or pass it to him & if a text has come through I'll look at the screen just out of curiosity but I'd never look through it. He looked at mine once & I was fuming.

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

I have snooped in the past, but i had reason to. I found out my ex-bf was talking to a girl completely by accident when i was looking for something else on his phone and was distraught and confronted him. He was in tears and so apologetic and hadn't met her, so i decided to move on and forget about it. Much tougher than it sounded. Then a couple of years later he started being funny about his phone, taking it everywhere even to the bathroom and jumping a mile if i went near it. So i checked his emails while he was at work. Although he maintains he never met up with either of the two girls he was talking to, the sexting was enough for me. It's cheating.

He tried to make out that i was paranoid and that it was an invasion of his privacy if i asked to look at his phone, but actually i was right and he was a d**k.

My new boyfriend is so wonderful and loving, i have no desire or need to check his phone, and if i wanted to, he wouldn't care less. If he gets a text in the bath for example, i'll tell him and he'll say "Who is it? Read it to me".

He could go through my phone too, i have nothing to hide and i don't feel that need for privacy, though i understand people who do need it

P.S. I hope everything gets sorted soon for you Facelashbrow...i would have to confront him too, otherwise it would eat away at me and i'd be imagining it was much worse than in reality it was xx

 

[facelashbrow]

I am so so tired I cant go through it all again as I need to go to bed, not slept since thurs night but thankyou, espesh to the lady who said about my 8 week old and wanting to give me a hug. That made me cry.

Hes currently sleeping at work and a friend is with me at the house. xx

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[squidgernetball]

Just wish I could scoop your babies up and look after them to give you some time. Glad you have a supportive friend with you. I really hope you get YOU sorted. Sometimes these situations can just be attention because these poor men feel left out because we've had a baby (all on our own)!!! It is so common. But often things look a lot worse than they are. A reality check may be all that's needed.
Good luck with how things go.
I wish I could do more to help, and I'm sure there are a lot of us on here who feel the same way.

Vicki x

 

[lottiemayy]

Totally agree with Vicki, we all feel for you and send big hugs facelashbrows!
Really hope it all gets sorted out soon and you're okay
You sound like you need a good sleep and some TLC?!
Maybe see of your friend can entertain the little ones for half an hour, lock yourself in the bathroom and have a nice big bubble bath! X

 

[Pinkbunny28]

Facelashbrow. Just wondered how you're getting on? Hope all is ok -hugs- x

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[HairdressingBug]

I think this is a tricky one. I wouldn't ever do it but like other geeks have said me and my OH are very trusting with each other and I know I don't need to.
But In cases with my friends when they have told me what they think there OH is up to ive found myself saying .. before you go accusing him of doing things have a sneaky peek at his phone because you might just be being paranoid.
I think it all depends on your personal circumstances.

 

[Nails<3]

I am so so tired I cant go through it all again as I need to go to bed, not slept since thurs night but thankyou, espesh to the lady who said about my 8 week old and wanting to give me a hug. That made me cry.

Hes currently sleeping at work and a friend is with me at the house. xx

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How are you getting on? Ive hope you had some rest and feeling better xx

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[SGordon91]

My other half was on my iPad and I was messaging on my friend on my phone. The messages were coming up on the iPad that she was sending and I think he just ended up looking at my conversation. I was moaning that I don't get enough...in bed time lol and how it's frustrating and how I am always ON and he's always tired or we just fall asleep or something gets in the way and how I miss the old days. Anyway, we had some in bed time haha and afterwards he was faffing about with the phones (I presumed it was to set alarms for the next day) but instead he messaged my friend that I was moaning to about it all telling her I "got some"
I wasn't pleased because how would he like me to do that? I've now turned off my notifications for Facebook on my iPad, not because I have anything to hide but idk. I found that weird. I told him what I did when I looked through stuff in the past but he didn't tell me what he did. I'm presuming he thought it was funny or I'd find it funny but I didn't go messaging anyone (which when you see his ex asking "why her" it's very tempting !!) idk I found it weird.... =\

 

[facelashbrow]

[QUOTE=Nails

I'm ok, thanks for asking hun. Well I kicked him out on Sat night and my friend stayed, the message only said "you out next time?" but as I said to him, that was sent in the middle of the night when she wasnt even there and he was drunk and thinking of her. I goaded him into admitting to fancying her...plus staying out whilst I'm home with baby. Long story short, eventually sorted it all out altho he'd he was in tears especially picking up and dropping off our son on fathers day. He gets where I'm coming from and think he had a shock being faced with losing us. He said he did it for attention and wouldn't ever physically cheat....along with a lot more things that I won't bore you with.
So we're ok, and happy, his work mates tore him to shreds. But I am still feeling fat, frumpy and a bit like its because I'm not enough.



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[ColourGirly]

Had the same crap this weekend, once again all our money spent down the pub Friday so I didn't go home until Monday night after tears of I love you and blah blah blah. Anyway we've argued every night since. Don't know why I came back, I'd probably find all sorts in his phone.

 

[facelashbrow]

colourgirly, thats not cool, ru ok? what do you row about?

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[ColourGirly]

Him spending money we don't have, on himself, all the time! I've been told it will change ..... I'm still waiting!

 

[lila22]

Him spending money we don't have, on himself, all the time! I've been told it will change ..... I'm still waiting!

I've been there and it dose not change, you just get more and more unhappy! Are you living together xx

 

[lottiemayy]

So glad things are looking up and you're happy facelashbrows. Sounds like he got the shock he needed being kicked out for a night or two! don't be feeling fat and frumpy...you've recently had a baby! such a cliche but you should be thinking how amazing your body is after what it's just been through. Chin up, things will be okay glad you've got it sorted. X