Child Support Agency????

[gemmamarie]

:irked:
Hello
I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me as I seem to be in a no win situation and its really taking its toll!!
I have a son of 10 and when he was about 3 me and his father split up as he had been having an affair.
For about 12 mnths after he saw my son every other weekend, then he started missing weeks out and making feeble excuses!! I put up with this for a few months until he started letting down my son without even phoning. My son would be ready to go on a friday night and he wouldnt be picked up or even contacted!!! Again I let this go a couple of times and listened to more feeble excuses until one Friday I had had enough and I let rip down the telephone!! Since then he has not seen his son, been in touch or bothered with xmas or birthdays. This was about 5 years ago now.
I have 2 problems now, the first one is that my son really really wants to see his father and is constantly on about it. the 2nd problem is I have been dealing with the CSA for the past 5 years and throughout the whole of this period I have never seen a penny. I seem to keep being fobbed off or:irked: put on hold when I try to ring them. I am finding things fanancially crippling at the moment as I have health problems and am battling with 2 jobs, and as you all know a boy heading towards the teens cost a fortune!! The school is always asking for money for trips, out of school clubs (cubs, footie) the latest fashions, are all really weighing me down. Can anyone please help with advice as I really do not know what to do.

 

[pure]

I can't offer any help I'm afraid but I can truly empathize with you.:hug:

My first husband stopped contact with us when our daughter was 8, she is now 15. In all that time we have heard nothing from him, no birthdays, Christmas or anything, oh, and not so much as a penny from him either.

I gave up on the CSA a few years ago now. On the one hand they would tell me that he owed me xthousands of pounds and on the other telling me that they could do nothing about collecting it because each time they found him he would leave work!

I'm very fortunate that I now have a wonderful husband who supports us fully.

Unfortunately it leaves the lone parent in a lose lose situation and I haven't yet found a solution to it.:irked:

 

[*Garfield*]

I sympathise with you re the CSA, I am bringing up 3 kids (1 of which isnt mine) and I dont get anything for any of them, dispite ringing every week for the last 2 years!
My step sons mum hasnt seen him since he was a week old and we have never had a penny from her to help support her son, and she has a good job too!
Both my kids see their dad (even though he dosnt pay any maint), I hate the way he messes me and them about but I think that it has to be up to the child if they want contact with their parent, sometimes you have to go along with it and bite youre tounge. I hope one day they will see him for what he is (a total waster) and have nothing to do with him, but I dont want to be the one that has stopped them seeing their dad.:irked::hug:

 

[rouge]

I can't offer any help I'm afraid but I can truly empathize with you.:hug:

My first husband stopped contact with us when our daughter was 8, she is now 15. In all that time we have heard nothing from him, no birthdays, Christmas or anything, oh, and not so much as a penny from him either.

I gave up on the CSA a few years ago now. On the one hand they would tell me that he owed me xthousands of pounds and on the other telling me that they could do nothing about collecting it because each time they found him he would leave work!

I'm very fortunate that I now have a wonderful husband who supports us fully.

Unfortunately it leaves the lone parent in a lose lose situation and I haven't yet found a solution to it.:irked:

My husband's ex-wife does this too. :irked: At the moment she pays about £5 a week for the two kids who live with us, well they're 14 and 15 so £5 a week doesn't even cover their school dinner money for the week. Oh and she lives in a big 4 bedroom house with her husband in a very expensive area. :irked::irked::irked:

I'd go to the CAB and see if they can offer you any advice, they may be able to point you in the right direction. Also, are there any benefits you can claim to help you out?

Good luck, I hope you get something sorted.

 

[lotus blossom]

for the last few months i have been ringing the csa, i to be frank, no one there knows their arse from their elbow, no one!!!!

i have not had one useful or helpful bit of information from them atall, i have been dealing with them for about 8 yrs now, and they are so stressful to deal with, i am just about to give up, they seem to know nothing about why you are phoning, the person who you spoke to last time is always off!!! the person who deals with this is away from their desk, the person you are actually speaking to at the time is not from your dept, so you need to call again tomorrow!!!!
ive had enough i dont think i know of anyone who supports this agency, im owed thousands of pounds in money but i receive dribs and drabs whenever, and i have no idea of how much im meant to be getting,
sorry i didnt help much! sorry for ranting but welllllllll!!!

 

[Coppertop]

Try going to citizans advice. They should be able to talk you through each step and may even deal with it for you.
Good luck and don't give up!!
My step son only gets £2.50 off his egg doner as she will do anything (including working and claiming benefits) so that she doesn't have to pay towards his upbringing.
Chin up hun :hug:

 

[gemmamarie]

Thankyou so much for your replies out there!
It is good to know that im not alone in my frantic frustrations although Its ****ty for all of you to be going through this aswell!
Lotus Blossom I totally totally agree with you on this one!!

Think I will try C.A.B next

Thanx again everyone xx

 

[extensionten]

:hug:
I have a similar problem, but won't go into mine as it's your thread. Just cannot understand the thinking behind these people! (the egg and sperm doners lol). How dare they do this to their kids?!
It's so frustrating... I keep hearing about a new agency coming into force that will be able to imprison parents who do not help with the financial upbringing - but - like the CSA I don't know if they will do much for most!
If they are self employed then you definately can't do much (my experience).
Just remember, you are bringing up your children and they are gonna remember that and always love you for it. They are going to make up their own minds as to the sort of father/mother they don't see or get any financial help from!

 

[auntsally]

hi hun the csa have been dealing with my case off being owed money for the last eight months witch has been paid in and they have lost the checks you ring every day and speak to different people and have to explain the same story they always say they look in to it and never replie back to you again they are crooks as far as i am concernred

 

[*Gemma*]

Get on their case, stay on their case and ring them weekly. They will learn to hate you. Threaten them with legal action, the TV and newspapers, my local MP was a great help too. Ask to speak to a supervisor and don't settle for anything else. It took me nearly nine years and I am owed thousands. I supplied addresses, phone numbers, photographs, registration numbers, in fact i did the work but slowly I am getting dribs and drabs through. They cannot be allowed to get away with it.

Good luck, you will need the patience of a saint.

 

[Debra-Elle]

Gemma,

there seems to be a lot of us. it's quite worrying. I want to reiterate your concerns about your son wanting to see his father. I am in that situation too and it is breaking my heart. My boy is 7 and always asking where his Dad his and if he'll ever find him. Well I know where he is and I keep writing 'nice' letters, once every couple of years to tell him about this beautiful child - have I ever got a reply-not once. Pure evil. I have to say I hope when my son is old enough, he tracks him down to his front door and knocks him out on the door step! Sorry if that sounds harsh but its how Ifeel.

 

[gemmamarie]

thankyou again everyone, please keep the advice coming in!
I have decided that I am not going to let this go??
I am going to write to the local mp and see what he suggests. My only concern is that it will finally get sorted out when my son is grown up and the payments are due to stop anyway! does anyone know if they have to back pay this if it happens.

Will keep you informed xx

 

[gemmamarie]

:hug:
I have a similar problem, but won't go into mine as it's your thread. Just cannot understand the thinking behind these people! (the egg and sperm doners lol). How dare they do this to their kids?!
It's so frustrating... I keep hearing about a new agency coming into force that will be able to imprison parents who do not help with the financial upbringing - but - like the CSA I don't know if they will do much for most!
If they are self employed then you definately can't do much (my experience).
Just remember, you are bringing up your children and they are gonna remember that and always love you for it. They are going to make up their own minds as to the sort of father/mother they don't see or get any financial help from!

I am so sorry that you are going through it too
I think us mothers should start an agency of our own!!!