Children born to unmarried mothers ?

[beautynails]

I wanted to marry my oldest son's dad, but I thank God I did not, he later went through drug addictions, etc. He is married now and has gotten himself together, but if we had gotten married then, I would have gone through hell.

It's scary how stories can be so similar, but in my case he never got it together & has been in & out of jail. I refuse to let him have any contact. If he wants it that bad he can take me to court & I would fight it tooth & nail. I wouldn't have the wonderful child I have if he'd been around.

 

[Debsidoo99]

What peees me off is when you see young girls dragging their varied off spring into my salon effing and jeffing at em, obviously having no trouble reproducing and claiming £x in benefits. Then there's me and my husband who have been trying for over 3 years without joy but are told we have to wait possibly 3 further years for IVF help or if we go down the line for adoption every aspect of our lives will be scrutinised as to wether or not we will make "suitable" parents !!! And then we might be rejected !!!
I could scream at the girls that come into the salon and say to them don't they realise how blessed they are !!!
Sorry got that off my chest now !

 

[beautynails]

What peees me off is when you see young girls dragging their varied off spring into my salon effing and jeffing at em, obviously having no trouble reproducing and claiming £x in benefits. Then there's me and my husband who have been trying for over 3 years without joy but are told we have to wait possibly 3 further years for IVF help or if we go down the line for adoption every aspect of our lives will be scrutinised as to wether or not we will make "suitable" parents !!! And then we might be rejected !!!
I could scream at the girls that come into the salon and say to them don't they realise how blessed they are !!!
Sorry got that off my chest now !

My turn to play devils advocate.
Ever think they don't realise how blessed they are because nobody treated them as if they were a blessing.

 

[Debsidoo99]

Ever wondered how it feels to have people constantly ask you in general chit chat whilst having their nails done "have you got any children?" and having to smile sweetly and reply "oh no, not yet, we'r just waiting a bit longer" .When inside all i want to do is cry out "do you know how badly I want a baby but I cant!" and then to see someone with say 3 0r 4 youngsters dragging them round not looking like they give two hoots... in a social workers eyes I might not ever get the chance to have a baby so i guess that makes me not suitable as a mum... but hey ho I guess that's how it goes.
Not gonna reply to anymore of this post as it is getting very emotive. There are many different angles and feelings and issues. No matter what anyone says someone always thinks you are having a go or being argumentative. We all have our point of view and this is just mine.
Sorry if i've offended

 

[beautynails]

Ever wondered how it feels to have people constantly ask you in general chit chat whilst having their nails done "have you got any children?" and having to smile sweetly and reply "oh no, not yet, we'r just waiting a bit longer" .When inside all i want to do is cry out "do you know how badly I want a baby but I cant!" and then to see someone with say 3 0r 4 youngsters dragging them round not looking like they give two hoots... in a social workers eyes I might not ever get the chance to have a baby so i guess that makes me not suitable as a mum... but hey ho I guess that's how it goes.
Not gonna reply to anymore of this post as it is getting very emotive. There are many different angles and feelings and issues. No matter what anyone says someone always thinks you are having a go or being argumentative. We all have our point of view and this is just mine.
Sorry if i've offended

Do sincerely hope you read this because while I know I can never truly understand how you feel I do at the moment have a friend trying despirately to fall pregnant & know the hard time she's having.
I didn't take anything you said as offensive. It's completely understandable that you would be incredibly frustrated.
I just feel the need to point out everybody has different trials & none of them are fair.
I was raised in home where children were not treasured, rather we seemed to be more of a burden, so my childhood was proberly similar to those children you see. It's a hard cycle to break & I'd hate to think where I'd be today & would've turned out if I hadn't done that.
I think I'd best leave it at that as I'm finding it a rather emotional thing myself, very sorry you took my post as an attack on you, that's something I would never do.

 

[Lellipop]

This thread wasn't started so that we fall out over the question it was started so we can all voice our opinion that is something we all have a right to do There is no wrong or right answer to this one we all have a different take on this and that is what makes it intresting.

 

[Joobags]

i have three kids, by two different dads, when the oldest 2 were born and i was married to there father, the youngest was under 1 when we split up, and what a heartache that was for the kids, about 5 years later met my new partner and after 6 months together fell pregant.

we have had our ups and down, but we are not married, and i don't want to get married again at this moment in time. we are a loving supporting family who have issues, but doesn't every one. married or not.

think it up to the couple themselves if they want to marry or not.
it's only a title/name change anyway. does not prove to any that you love each other more.

I agree with you it does not matter as long as you and your kids are happy xx

 

[holliejayne]

:grr: :grr:

Then they shouldnt have children, most people have to work to afford a nice home and to be able to raise, clothe, feed and educate thier children. why should we the tax payers pay to bring up someone elses child for them:grr:

I totally agree with your point, i have friends who have done this and it makes me sick.

I thought I was going to be supported and wouldnt have to be on benefits, but even the best relationships can go tits up, thats what happens, now Im alone.

But if I had got pregnant, known i would have to claim benefits, and not had a boyfriend to support me, would i have had an abortion just to keep the taxpayers happy? NO WAY.

I know thats changing the subject slightly, but it goes along with the points some of you have made.

But whats the difference with discussing it even? ive got £700 rent, £200 council tax, gas, electric, food, clothing, and everything else to buy. Theres no way I can get a job right now with no qualifications except in nails, and I cant make enough money to live on. That makes me feel truly crap. cos I cant even take care of my daughter the way I should. Im deeply ashamed by my situation and would do anything to change it, but right now I cant. Im even having to consider giving up doing nails cos its getting too expensive and im not making any money back from doing my friends nails for free.

And someone said how people get so much from benefits that its not worth them going back to work, this is rubbish, I have a very small amount of money every week, and with the recent cold weather, Ive been spending so much money on gas to try to heat up my flat that I couldnt even afford food shopping last week. so to hear that people in my situation are apparently livivng it up, gettings their nails done, and having a good time is totally alien to me.

I really dont want people to feel sorry for me, the last thing I want is pity, just thought some of you could do with seeing it from my side.

 

[Ms.Matrix]

I totally agree with your point, i have friends who have done this and it makes me sick.

I thought I was going to be supported and wouldnt have to be on benefits, but even the best relationships can go tits up, thats what happens, now Im alone.

But if I had got pregnant, known i would have to claim benefits, and not had a boyfriend to support me, would i have had an abortion just to keep the taxpayers happy? NO WAY.

I know thats changing the subject slightly, but it goes along with the points some of you have made.

But whats the difference with discussing it even? ive got £700 rent, £200 council tax, gas, electric, food, clothing, and everything else to buy. Theres no way I can get a job right now with no qualifications except in nails, and I cant make enough money to live on. That makes me feel truly crap. cos I cant even take care of my daughter the way I should. Im deeply ashamed by my situation and would do anything to change it, but right now I cant. Im even having to consider giving up doing nails cos its getting too expensive and im not making any money back from doing my friends nails for free.

And someone said how people get so much from benefits that its not worth them going back to work, this is rubbish, I have a very small amount of money every week, and with the recent cold weather, Ive been spending so much money on gas to try to heat up my flat that I couldnt even afford food shopping last week. so to hear that people in my situation are apparently livivng it up, gettings their nails done, and having a good time is totally alien to me.

I really dont want people to feel sorry for me, the last thing I want is pity, just thought some of you could do with seeing it from my side.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I can't afford to get my hair done, nails done or anything else...I can't tell you how long it's been since i could go shopping for myself, I haven't even been able to buy myself a decent pair of gym shoes. You can't possibly live it up on aid and not want to go to work, my last job I was making $15 an hour (God how I miss it) but I am not in a phsyical situation that will allow me to work at present, I try to do little odd jobs on my computer to make extra money, but that doesn't always work.
Don't feel bad, our children are happy and they have what they need and to hell with anyone who wants to turn down their noses at us, it's easy to say what path one should take when they are not walking the path. I love my children and though I am in this situation, would I want to not have them to be in a different situation?? HELL NO!! I know things will get better, because that's what I'm working towards, as well as you are hunny. I know it's hard, God knows I know it's hard...

 

[lisaloveliness]

Ive got 2 children of 2 different fathers the 2nd 1 im still with the same guy have been for 11 years now not married if we do we do if we dont we dont wont change anything.Kids are happy and healthy and thats all that matters

 

[jac extreme]

Hollijayne,
I make no excuses what what I have said, thats how I feel, but I was not including people like yourself, unfortunatly there are a lot of young girls, who think having a baby will be fun, or will get them thier own flat, they do not have them, because they are in a loving relationship or because they are desperate for a baby.

 

[nailsbydesign]

i think the general critisism is for girls who "purposely" get pregnant to recieve benefits and homes....and i presume this is in the total minority.

I have a neighbour whos daughter got pregnant at 16 to get a flat...she was put in a B&B by the council to start with, then a grotty flat but then was rehoused in a brand new 2 bedroom house. When all her old school friends asked how she got her own new house she told them to get pregnant, get their mum to throw them out and the council would find them a flat!!!! Within 1 year all but 2 of the gitls that were in her old class at school had babies....this is definitly wrong!
She has a fiance now and a 2nd baby, a girl, but although the fiance has a great paying job and she works part time they still get this house for £55 per week (housing association) and live next to people who are struggling to pay high mortgages for the same type of house..she will also be rehoused soon in a 3 bedroom house as the first child was a boy!!
I find this totally unacceptable and cannot understand how this can be allowed to go on. She does not need subsidised housing now but still gets it, courtesy of us tax payers! Her mother tells everone how well her daughter is doing for herself......yeah right!!!!:irked: :irked:

 

[julie dean]

It shouldnt matter as long as the chirdren are happy and well looked after