Ears pierced: My son (age 5) wants it!!!

[Natalie46]

Oh my! For the last year or so, my son (age 5) has become increasingly fokused on earrings, to the point where I begin to consider it a sort of obsession. He's asking everybody (with pierced ears) about how it's done, whether it hurts much etc.
Until recently he's been asking only about other people's experiences and interests in having it done as well as their "thoughts about boys wearing earrings" but never specifically mentioning wanting it himself. However it's been clear to me for some time that for some reason his curiosity on the subject is really sometimes almost killing him.
Also, it doesn't seem there's anything that he likes better, than playing with his (maternal) grandmothers clip-on earrings everytime he visits, often asking my mom or me to play "games" with him about him being someone who goes to a store to have earrings put in his ears, pretending that those clip-ons are all for pierced ears
In the store that I work in (jeweller's) we're losing the employee who's been taking care of piercing ears so far, and the owner let me understand that it would be appreciated if I attend an ear piercing course next month. Having discussed it at home, my dear son moved further in on the subject by mentioning the "hypothetical" possibility of me "putting real earrings" in his ears!!
Now I'm no big fan of boys wearing earrings, though I think it looks more natural for girls. However, I don't want to tell him no, based on homophobic reasons about how it looks "gay" and all that. I think that's narrow minded and also I don't want to induce such prejudism into him, especially when he's even too young to know anything about different sexualities.

Though I'm just so worried about whether he can relate to how it would feel/hurt to have his ears pierced, I can't honestly say that I'd have been as worried had he been a girl.

Please help me with your thoughts/ideas/opinions and, or experiences:
- Should I let him have his ears pierced?
- Have anyone had experiences with piercing ears of boys this age?
- Is there a risk that he'll "freak" over the pain and not want both done?

Nattie

PS: Please bear with any flaws/errors in the text above, as English isn't my native language

PPS: I've already decided that "homophobia" is not going to decide in any way whether I'll let my son wear earrings/studs, so please don't tell me that he'll look "gay" (or do so if you must, but I won't consider it as very valuable input to work with)

PPPS: I would personally prefer if he'd just forget about the whole thing, but after having listened to his endless questions to me and others for a year, I can't imagine that happening. I also feel that after having been so focused on the subject for so long, I should not just disregard his fascination/curiosity about this as being superficial.

 

[angelina221]

Firstly, i think your English is great
A lot of boys get their ears pierced now and it's nothing unusual.
I had my ears pierced at 7 and both my daughters had theirs done when they were 6.
Both my daughters wanted their ears pierced and went on about it for ages.
I think it's round about that age that most kids ask about having their ears pierced, boys and girls.
I have always, personally, been against babies and toddlers having their ears pierced,but, if they are old enough to ask and it's their decision to have them done, then i think 6 or 7 is an acceptable age.
My nephew had a phase of wanting his ears pierced about the same age. He's 9 now and he never did have them pierced. He only wanted one ear done though and not both. Most boys i know who have had their ears pierced usually only have one ear pierced.
As for the 'gay' aspect, my nephew who wanted his ear pierced, is a typical boy and not in the least bit effeminate.
My other nephew, who is gay, never once wanted his ears pierced!
Maybe you should take him along to see someone getting their ears done and see what he thinks.
It really is not that unusual

 

[Natalie46]

Thanks Angelina and thanks for the compliment

Well it might be a good idea to try to see if I can find a place to let him see the ear piercing procedure. However he seemed genuinely frightened about the fact that "it hurts" to have your ears pierced, the time I told him about it when "his ears" was the ones considered in the discussion. I think chances are that he'll not have the stomach to go through with it if we go and see how it's done, at least not if the "victim" shows too clear/animated signs of suffering as it's done.

This would of course render me a happy mom as far as not having to see my son wearing earrings, but at the other hand: I kind of feel bad about knowing that he's dying for to have it (or so I assume after he have been so focused on the subject for a very long time)

Because of his sometimes fanatic obsession with the subject, I sometimes wish for him to have those earrings, despite the fact that I really wouldn't be so keen of how it would look. I also tend to think that, despite the fact that he might think it hurts badly to have it done, he has nevertheless convinced me that it's something he really wants to have his own earrings badly. My thoughts are this: Why not let him try it? Whether he'll lose interest or not, I'm sure that he would finally have all of his questions answered that way and not have to worry/bother about asking so many questions about it all the time. Not that his curiosity bothers or embarrass me, but I feel a bit sorry for him because of these questions seeming to take up so much of his time! One of my greatest worries about having the poor lad's ears pierced is whether there's a chance that he'll not want to go through with having the second ear done :-( It would break my heart if he had to be endure pain that he considered very bad and then not even get what he wanted (both ears pierced)

I wonder if anyone have experiences with piercing the ears of 5 year old girls (or both ears of boys that age)? Are there often trouble with them not wanting to have the second stud put in?

Also, as it's become rather normal for jewellers/salons and hairdressers in Denmark to refuse piercing the ears of kids aged below 6 (my son's aged 5) I think of whether I'll feel experienced enough to do it for him after I've acquired this ear piercing license... -It's in no way prohibited in Denmark to pierce ears of kids of any age, but the minimum age of 6 is just something the majority of businesses seems to have agreed about.

 

[Joanna W]

Totally agree with Angelina on all aspects. If he does decide to have it done may I suggest the left ear, most of my boy cousins have the left ear done only and they aren't gay either and one has a huge "diamond" style stud in.

Let us know what you decide and if it happens, if he doesn't like it, he can leave the stud out. I had my daughters ears pierced at a very young age, and I don't regret doing it.

 

[gillian w]

I would try and hold him off for a bit.So don't say no i'm not doing it. Although if you really do'nt want him to have it done then you are the mum and you are quite in your rights to say to him no your're not and thats the end of it.
Would you let him have his eyebrow pierced for instance of course not so you could just have the same attitude with his ears for now.

If you tell him he can have it done when he is 8 for instance its not saying no but by the time he's 8 he may have changed his mind.At 5 hes still a baby really.

From a pratical point of view if he is quite a physically active boy with sports etc its probably not ideal anyway , over here the schools often make sure they are removed before sports.

 

[Natalie46]

Thanks Joanna!

Though my sweetheart was hugely disappointed by the unsettling news that it does hurt and that there's no way to just have the holes put in his ears by the magic of some good fairy or something like that.
However I think I might have let him know enough to realize that I am going to let him have his earrings if he so desires, so it's mostly up to whether he'll have the stomach to say that he is up to it.

Oh the poor lad, really so obsessed with it, it thinking about it more than ever now and obviously cursing the fact that he'll have to endure some suffering for it if he wants it.

I am sure Joanna, that it will be both ears or none, as my boy wants both done and though I am not a big fan of boys having their ears pierced, I do prefer them with both ears pierced, just like us... -I think that one stud in the left ear looks a little awkward (sorry: not intending to offend anyone) and that it's something that people get because of some semi-homophobic ideas that have of course been around for some decades.

I think that in the end I will take him to have it done, not being able to imagine that he'll be capable of forgetting about this thing, even though he's scared of the idea that it will hurt.

Thus my biggest concern right now is where/how/by whom to have it done as I really don't hope that it will end up as a drama with the little guy in tears and having to stop without getting both of his ears done, after having endured the pain of the first one.

I wish in some ways that I'd feel experienced and confident enough to do it for him myself, possibly in the more private atmosphere of our home... -However I don't have any experience so far (probably attending the course next month) and I don't know if I'll feel up to putting holes in the ears of my own son... -Well then one could of course argue: Who deserves to be pierced by anyone who wouldn't try her own abilities on her next of kin

I wonder if some piercing guns are more gentle to young little ears than others? The ear piercing gun used where I work is a traditional spring loaded Studex gun that use 3, 4, or 5 millimeter studs that comes in blisterpacks and have to be inserted directly into the gun (no cartridge).

Please keep your experiences coming. I'm dying to have more of your input to consider and I appreciate all opinions whether they differ from mine or not. That said, I think I am going to take my dear son somewhere to have studs put in his ears before too long... -It's driving me crazy to see how it drives him crazy ;-)

Nattie...

 

[Natalie46]

Gilian, thanks a lot for your reply! :Grope:

I have also been considering how good/bad an idea it is for any 5 year old to wear earrings when they're as physical in their activities/playing as they are at that age... -I guess I think I would consider it acceptably safe if he wore little studs. For sure, I'd avoid any earring designs that could possibly snag onto anything as he plays....

Also, I thought about setting a minimum age for him with regards to having his ears pierced. The fact is just that it's a very long time that he has been so taken by the subject that I really can't imagine him forgetting about it. Probably we'd just have to listen to his questions about it for another 3 years (which would again not bother me).
But after having considered it for a long time I think I wish for him to try having his own earrings when it's so obviously a very big deal for him and something he have been very focused on since he was able to fathom the concept of earrings as such.

Admittedly I would prefer him to not have his ears pierced, and if he had to have it done, then preferably at an older age (though I'd probably have allowed it for a daughter). However, having spent a lot of time considering pros/cons I think that I can honestly say that I must consider letting him do this before too long, even though I'm of course his mother and entitled to let him live with whatever decision I take in this matter, together with his dad

Nattie

 

[angelina221]

I don't know about in Denmark, but over here a lot of places pierce both ears at the same time.
When my younger daughter wanted hers done, i took her along to the shop to watch some being done and she decided she didn't want them done-much to my relief!
She changed her mind again so the next week i took her again.
They pierced both her ears at the same time.
I saw the tears come into her ears and her bottom lip started to tremble.
A woman customer in the shop just came up to her and said 'wow you were so brave' and then gave her a £1! (how nice are some people?!)
She soon forgot about her ears-lol
I think it is just the initial shock.
When my kids had injections when they were little, i would always buy them a treat afterwards to take away the sting a little :lol:

 

[Natalie46]

Aaaawww, Joanna! (thanks for the reply)

Tears in your daughter's eyes and she was even a year older than my earring obsessed boy!

To tell the truth, I think it has just become "acceptable" in Denmark to pierce the ears of very young kids, during the last decade or so. Therefore I don't think that a lot of places do both ears at the same time. I suppose it's a method that is especially well suited for kids not old enough to cope with the pain, but old enough to resist getting the second ear pierced... -My son is probably just that age, but then he's of course VERY interested in having it done, which might (hopefully make him a lot braver in the moment of truth)

All that said, and assuming that I take him to have his ears done sometime soon I had considered the possibility of locating a place where they can do both at the same time. Having done a little "research" on youtube, it seems to work really well. I just haven't heard of any such places yet, but as the tradition of having young kid's ears pierced in Denmark (as it seems to be common in the States for instance) I would be surprised if nobody have taken up this practice somewhere in Denmark as well (as need might have arisen)

Unfortunately I don't have a personal experience of having my ears pierced with a gun at my son's age. I had my second pair done with a piercing gun at age 15. My first ones was put in when I was 8 years old, after I had been begging for it. That was done in the very old fashioned way as my mom sat me on her lap in front of my aunt, armed with a big sewing needle and a thick slice of potato (plus alcohol, a pen and some studs). This method yielded excellent results but it is a method that I would NEVER submit my dear little son to!!! :-D LOL

I'll start asking around and calling some places starting tomorrow I think, to see if there are places where they can do both ears at once, or if not, then to see if they have good experiences with piercing the ears of 5 year olds...

At this point I hope that my boy can just have the least scary experience with it, not believing for a second that he'll easily forget this little obsession of his ;-)

Thanks again for the good and thoughtful replies, of which I appreciate all, no matter if they're supporting my opinions or not

Nattie

 

[Joanna W]

Hi Natalie I am no not offended at all x

Good luck with your decision, you have a very strong minded lad there

 

[Natalie46]

Thanks again Joanna! :hug:

And yes; Strong minded lad indeed, especially after he concluded (correctly) based on how I have discussed the matter with him, that he probably CAN have his own earrings if he decides that he feels ready for it.

Though I am the his mom and as such entitled to decide everything until he's 18 years old, I've probably managed to thoroughly undermine any future attempts at having him accept if I just told him that he couldn't have it.

So... -As far as my decision goes, I think it will be to take my sweetheart somewhere to have his ears pierced, provided that he asks and that I have found the right place to have it done. I just need to feel convinced that the employees are feeling confident in doing it (both ears) for a 5 year old, possibly both at the same time and preferably have only good experiences with piercing the ears of kids of my son's age.

I'll keep you updated on events here, but until the big day (which I consider inevitable) your thoughts/experiences and ideas are much appreciated!

Nattie


PS: My boy constantly want to browse through my collection of earrings, discussing with me which ones he could wear if he had holes in his ears! LOL Regardless of his preferences he'll be disappointed to know that it'll take a while before I'm lifting the ban on toddler-safe earrings :-D

 

[ValencianNails]

I would try and hold him off for a bit.So don't say no i'm not doing it. Although if you really do'nt want him to have it done then you are the mum and you are quite in your rights to say to him no your're not and thats the end of it.
Would you let him have his eyebrow pierced for instance of course not so you could just have the same attitude with his ears for now.

If you tell him he can have it done when he is 8 for instance its not saying no but by the time he's 8 he may have changed his mind.At 5 hes still a baby really.

From a pratical point of view if he is quite a physically active boy with sports etc its probably not ideal anyway , over here the schools often make sure they are removed before sports.

I agree with everything Gillian's said.

He's 5, a young child, you're his mother and an adult, IMO it isn't something that needs a discussion.
If you don't want him to have it done then tell him no.

I know I don't agree with the majority and you probably won't like the reply, but, if he were my son it wouldn't even be talked about, he'd be told that he can have it done when he's older if he still feels the same way about it. My son went through a similar thing when he was younger, he grew up and changed his mind about having it done without any coercing from me or hubby.

:hug:

 

[Natalie46]

Sandi X, thanks for the reply and I appreaciate it much!

Also, I know that you are right. He's really not that old and I'd prefer him being somewhat older if he is to have his ears pierced. My mind's not totaly made up and I deeply consider everything you and Gillian wrote to me (thanks again Gillian)

Even without having to contradict myself (as now when I've basically more or less offered him to have it done once he asks), I would find it much easier to just refuse it flatly, had his interest in having earrings been based on fashion and what his peers were allowed to do and such things...

The reason that I very much consider to let him have it done is because his obsession with this seems to be so deep and personal (I might sound stupid here, talking about a 5 year old boy). Of course it would be irresponsible to offer a boy his age everything he might "personally" want, but it really just seems like a challenge for me to have to witness the poor lad having this topic drive him crazy for another couple of years...

All that said, I will try to stop going soft and very seriously consider the reasonable and wise words from both you (Sandi X) and Gillian, trying to see if I can somehow conclude that I should follow your advice, despite how much I think it would put my son at ease to have all these persistent questions answered...

Thanks a lot both of you :hug:

Nattie

 

[Ruth Mills]

I don't think there's any problem with boys (or men) having their ears pierced; lots of males do - look at David Beckham, for example.

OK, I may be a bit unusual in that I have two sets of studs in each ear, but that's because I'm trans and wanted to be that little bit more "girly"... no-one seems to notice though, or they haven't commented anyway...

 

[Joanna W]

Hi Natalie she was much much younger than 5/6 when I got them done, rather not say how old as I will be shot down in flames x

 

[kylieb]

Oh my! For the last year or so, my son (age 5) has become increasingly fokused on earrings, to the point where I begin to consider it a sort of obsession. He's asking everybody (with pierced ears) about how it's done, whether it hurts much etc.
Until recently he's been asking only about other people's experiences and interests in having it done as well as their "thoughts about boys wearing earrings" but never specifically mentioning wanting it himself. However it's been clear to me for some time that for some reason his curiosity on the subject is really sometimes almost killing him.
Also, it doesn't seem there's anything that he likes better, than playing with his (maternal) grandmothers clip-on earrings everytime he visits, often asking my mom or me to play "games" with him about him being someone who goes to a store to have earrings put in his ears, pretending that those clip-ons are all for pierced ears
In the store that I work in (jeweller's) we're losing the employee who's been taking care of piercing ears so far, and the owner let me understand that it would be appreciated if I attend an ear piercing course next month. Having discussed it at home, my dear son moved further in on the subject by mentioning the "hypothetical" possibility of me "putting real earrings" in his ears!!
Now I'm no big fan of boys wearing earrings, though I think it looks more natural for girls. However, I don't want to tell him no, based on homophobic reasons about how it looks "gay" and all that. I think that's narrow minded and also I don't want to induce such prejudism into him, especially when he's even too young to know anything about different sexualities.

Though I'm just so worried about whether he can relate to how it would feel/hurt to have his ears pierced, I can't honestly say that I'd have been as worried had he been a girl.

Please help me with your thoughts/ideas/opinions and, or experiences:
- Should I let him have his ears pierced?
- Have anyone had experiences with piercing ears of boys this age?
- Is there a risk that he'll "freak" over the pain and not want both done?

Nattie

PS: Please bear with any flaws/errors in the text above, as English isn't my native language

PPS: I've already decided that "homophobia" is not going to decide in any way whether I'll let my son wear earrings/studs, so please don't tell me that he'll look "gay" (or do so if you must, but I won't consider it as very valuable input to work with)

PPPS: I would personally prefer if he'd just forget about the whole thing, but after having listened to his endless questions to me and others for a year, I can't imagine that happening. I also feel that after having been so focused on the subject for so long, I should not just disregard his fascination/curiosity about this as being superficial.

No offence to anyone here, this is just my opinion. I think it's wrong at this age to get your childs ears pierced. My little boy of 7 wants me to do his and there is NO WAY. I think it looks chavy and makes them look thuggish. I'm sure he'd get into trouble at school for wearing it.
If he gets to 15 and still wants it done,then I would consider it but until then my answer will remain 'no!'
xxx

 

[ValencianNails]

I don't think there's any problem with boys (or men) having their ears pierced; lots of males do - look at David Beckham, for example.

OK, I may be a bit unusual in that I have two sets of studs in each ear, but that's because I'm trans and wanted to be that little bit more "girly"... no-one seems to notice though, or they haven't commented anyway...

I think the issue here is that a 5 yr old is basically 'demanding' (for want of a better word) to have his ears pierced.

Hi Natalie she was much much younger than 5/6 when I got them done, rather not say how old as I will be shot down in flames x

That's your choice at the end of the day.
I personally won't pass judgement with my opinion on something that you've already had done or chosen for your children :hug:



I think the discussion here is more along the lines of:
Should we really ask what others think when our child wants something of this nature done?
IMO the answer is no, there has never been, and never will be, a time when I will bow down to my children's demands. If we (hubby and I) disagree with their request then they are told outright, given an explanation and that's the end of it. We're not strict parents but we do have our limits :wink2:

My daughter wants her belly button pierced, she started asking when she was 13, she's 16 now and I've said yes, but there's no way I would have backed down when she was younger. My niece had hers done recently, she's 12! I disagree with it but I won't intervene with the decision to allow her to have it done, that's none of my business.

Do you guys see what I mean? :hug:

 

[minky]

Hi, Sandi , I see what you mean ..... and at the end of the day I too think
its up to the parents to make the decision for the child ,

 

[deanosnana]

I agree with everything Gillian's said.

He's 5, a young child, you're his mother and an adult, IMO it isn't something that needs a discussion.
If you don't want him to have it done then tell him no.

I know I don't agree with the majority and you probably won't like the reply, but, if he were my son it wouldn't even be talked about, he'd be told that he can have it done when he's older if he still feels the same way about it. My son went through a similar thing when he was younger, he grew up and changed his mind about having it done without any coercing from me or hubby.

:hug:

I could not agree with you, more! :hug:

Same thing happened with my two boys. The kept buggin' and buggin' to get their ear pierced. My response was a resounding NO! Period. No discussion.

As a compromise, however, I did get them the magnetized ear studs. That lasted all of three minutes.

And now that they are 22 and 24...gee, neither one has had an ear pierced.

Best of luck to you... :hug:

 

[essentia]

I think he is too young for this. I would not let my son have this done at all (he is 6) and there would be no discussion about it either. Children have such a short childhood these days and there is nothing wrong in waiting until they are much older. :hug: