Fallen out with best friend over wedding, help!

[littlekate]

Blimey! I'm getting married next Easter too! Yay! But my 3 bridesmaids have had a major input on they're dresses. I wanted them all to love the dresses themselves and feel completely happy in them as I would hate for them to feel horrible in them. Hopefully your friend will realise it's not all about everything being perfect it's about her marrying her man! I think I would say I didn't want to be her bridesmaid anymore! Good luck!

 

[linzi]

My sister got married a few years ago.

One of the hen 'nights' was to marbella, another out to a posh restaurant and then off to an exclusive club and others which I can't really be bothered to remember.

I cried inside when she told me that it was marbella. I was a single mum and working hard to afford to keep up with everything she wanted. She told me it was 'x' price, which I transferred into her account. Only she didn't book me then. She then phoned me to tell me that I owed her an extra £100 - not to ask me or to apologise for not booking me, but to tell me that I owed her more. And then she hadn't read it right, so I had to pay extra for luggage. Every time she phoned me, it was to tell me 'I owed her'. By the time the price had doubled, I had to tell her I couldn't go.

Her reaction? Well I better not have to pay more cos of you! She still hasn't said she was sorry I couldn't go...

I had organised lots for the hen and came up with loads of ideas and paid for a lot of her stuff for while she was there. which were subsequently pinched by the other bridesmaid.

With the dress fitting, she didn't tell me when it was and then had a go at me for not coming. The other two went and had lovely dresses. I was left tripping over mine and holding it up with my boobs squished to nothing.

On the day itself, the top table was called so, naturally, me being told that I was the chief bridesmaid went to go up. I was told "oh no, you're not sitting there. That's for my chief"

That's just a selection of things that she did. Everyone could see that she was being a ****. And my mum and aunts told her of this.

The point of this unintended rant was to say that if a bride thinks she's right, and the most important person in the world, then you won't be able to change her mind. You're utterly damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

In my case, I honestly wish I'd just told her to ram it And she will have absolutely nothing what-so-ever to do with my day

 

[Mobile Manicure]

My God Linzi, and this is your sister? Your own flesh and blood? Some of these brides are unbelievable. Who the hell do they think they are? Has it always been like this? I don't remember weddings 20 years ago being like that. There was a hen night, which was usually a night out clubbing somewhere somewhat locally. Now it's a blinking week long 5 star holiday!

 

[linzi]

Unfortunately so, MM!

I would always have thought that we were close growing up - I'd have protected her from anything. And picked her up when her and her bf were in a crash, and when she'd gotten trashed at a friends house, etc.

One of the things she said in the run up to the wedding was that we weren't close as a family, so what was the point? That one hurt my parents!

I totally don't get it at all. Weddings can be expensive for those attending - and I certainly wouldn't dream of having anyone spend over 1k on my wedding!

 

[Mobile Manicure]

We were recently invited to wedding which would have cost us over £2,500 to attend as it was in Ireland and would have included flights and 2 rooms in a hotel for 3 nights as apparently they had to have a before and after wedding party.

Hubby went to the stag do which was a 2 night break in Germany which cost near enough £1K. People are taking the mick. We politely declined the wedding. It was only a work colleague of hubby's anyway. No one close. I think the world has gone mad when it comes to weddings nowadays.

 

[w1nnie]

All I would say to you is that 20 years friendship is not worth throwing away just for one day. Perhaps suck it up, and laugh at the situation, and if you have to walk down the aisle looking like a fat pig In a dress too small, then so be it.. the champagne will ease the pain at the reception.

On the other hand, if you wish to finally get rid of her, then chuck the dress at her, and say good riddance. Hope she has a lovely wedding :green:

 

[Balance Andover]

Tell her to poke her wedding and the bridesmaids dress up her a**e!!

 

[tonicj]

All I would say to you is that 20 years friendship is not worth throwing away just for one day. Perhaps suck it up, and laugh at the situation, and if you have to walk down the aisle looking like a fat pig In a dress too small, then so be it.. the champagne will ease the pain at the reception.

On the other hand, if you wish to finally get rid of her, then chuck the dress at her, and say good riddance. Hope she has a lovely wedding :green:

I don't think the OP should have to walk down the aisle feeling horrible about herself. I know it's the bride's day, but surely the bride should want what's best for the bridal party as well. As for the 20 years of friendship being thrown away, maybe the Bride should take that into consideration herself!

 

[Isabellamae]

I'm starting to think I was a nice bride....I told my bridesmaids what I had in mind we went shopping and they picked what they wanted!!

Yes it's her 'big day' but she should want you to enjoy it with her, not feel uncomfortable! I know you shouldn't have to but you said you don't mind getting altered, can you fib? Say you went back tried the smaller size and it didn't fit and just get the dress altered yourself?

I know she is being a bit of an inconsiderate pain but I have to say looking back I got caught up on silly things that if I did it again I wouldn't give a hoot about.....

20years is such a long time, can't you smile sweetly, sing in your head that she is bridezilla and when you both come out the other side and she chills out again tell her she was a pain in the a*** and you expect lots of grovelling!! Lol...

That or quickly book a date for a wedding and insist as your bridesmaid she wears a neon orange poofy dress!! 😉

 

[sanilulu]

... Had to smile at some of ur posts ... lol ... Makes me realise that I'm quite happy 'living in sin' and untill the day I decide to get married we'll be running off to Gretna Green or abroad ... !!!... But tbh I don't want to get married as iv always liked my own name better ... Ssshhhh don't tell the OH .... !!!!

 

[w1nnie]

I don't think the OP should have to walk down the aisle feeling horrible about herself. I know it's the bride's day, but surely the bride should want what's best for the bridal party as well. As for the 20 years of friendship being thrown away, maybe the Bride should take that into consideration herself!

I agree the bride sounds a bitch, maybe she reacts really badly to stress, and it comes out in a nasty way, which she will regret. but we don't know the realality of thier 20 year friendship, or how they would feel if they split up. We can only make suggestions to give ideas how the op could handle it.

 

[fluffy26]

I really don't see what bridezillas problem is if you said you were happy to pay & sort the alterations!? I mean what is her problem!? Granted I don't think this is worth throwing away 20 years of friendship though! If it's bothering you, then you clearly care about the outcome? I wouldn't leave it too long as it will become even harder to make contact, the longer you leave it!! I would maybe just turn up at hers unannounced with a bottle of wine & have a lighthearted chat about the situation. Agree to disagree if you have to, see the bigger picture & the fact that she had asked you to be part of her big day for a reason xx


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[Lady Murasaki]

I would send her an email saying this:

Dear xxx

Thank you for asking me to be part of your bridal party (bridesmaid) at your wedding, I was very touch that after being friends for 20 years that you asked me to part of your special day.

However it is with deep regret that I am unfortunately going to have graciously bow out of being a bridesmaids, due to xxxxx

I have sent the dress back to you recorded delivery unaltered so that you can get a refund as don't want you to be out of packet.

Best wishes

Xxxxx

Personally I feel if she valued your friendship at all she would never treat you like this I the first place.

She is a bully and is prob showing her true colours and feeling to wards you?

If she was my 'friend' I would tell her to stick her dress where sun doesn't shine.

 

[Hayleyc1983]

Wow, thanks for all of your support guys, it means loads! I honestly was starting to think that I was being unreasonable but great to hear so many of you would say that same as me. My fear is that I will be forced to buy the smaller dress and slim down in to it, difficult when I am not large by any means, I just have big hips and a bum! X

 

[welshie_91]

Wow, thanks for all of your support guys, it means loads! I honestly was starting to think that I was being unreasonable but great to hear so many of you would say that same as me. My fear is that I will be forced to buy the smaller dress and slim down in to it, difficult when I am not large by any means, I just have big hips and a bum! X

Tell her to buy a smaller wedding dress that doesn't fit & see how she likes it!!x

 

[linzi]

You look very pretty in your avatar - maybe she's worried about you inadvertently upstaging her?

 

[stacy]

Oh dear, if she's acting like this with nearly a year to go before the big day, well, it doesn't look good and its only going to get worse.

Save yourself!

Regardless of the situation or the possible stress involved for her - there is no way I would accept this kind of behaviour from a 'best friend' and I'd have no hesitation in sacking the cheeky mare and telling her where she could stick her dress!

 

[Pinkpants]

Quote 'with friends like that who needs enemy's'! Pretty much sums it up for me x

 

[Charlistar]

See people always say this.... not worth throwing away 20 years of friendship.... its sunk cost fallacy... you shouldn't stay in a toxic relationship just because that's what you have always done... 20 years or not... people change and if she's no longer a person you get along with dont just be friends for the sake of it... she sounds mean and controlling and downright nasty.... I mean blanking you in the supermarket???? Not the act of an old friend....I would tell the bride you would love to stay friends, but you can't provide the amount of commitment she is expecting at present and you dont want this to cause the end of your friendship, and that you would like to step out of being a bridesmaid.... tell her you'd still like to go to the wedding, and wish her all the best... then the choice to be friends is on her not you.

 

[nailtekireland]

Be the bigger person,and the good friend that you are. Arrive at her house with a bottle of plonk and a box of choccies. Tell her to stop being such an arse and go in and talk about it.
Friends forgive eachother for being twats,that's why they're friends!
I'm sure that if you actually sit down and talk to her,she'll realize what an ejit she was being...the vino will help!

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