Friends hey?!

[amys-beauty]

No me and her partner get on really really well actually! Before all of this I was round their flat every Saturday night, couple of drinks and a few laughs! Her partner is very supportive of her n very outgoing! They've met my bf and we spent New Year's Eve together n had a great time!

Happyfeet, I was tempted to say sod it or not text back cos no doubt tomorrow I'll be clock watching (hopefully I'll be too distracted though!) but this way I know that if she turns up maybe I worried for nothing and if she doesn't turn up then that says it all and I can move on! Ha feels like a relationship break up

 

[hazeleyes]

No me and her partner get on really really well actually! Before all of this I was round their flat every Saturday night, couple of drinks and a few laughs! Her partner is very supportive of her n very outgoing! They've met my bf and we spent New Year's Eve together n had a great time!

Happyfeet, I was tempted to say sod it or not text back cos no doubt tomorrow I'll be clock watching (hopefully I'll be too distracted though!) but this way I know that if she turns up maybe I worried for nothing and if she doesn't turn up then that says it all and I can move on! Ha feels like a relationship break up

I know how you feel.
I recently lost my best friend of 12 years we haven't spoken since October. We had a stupid childish disagreement where we all went out to a club and she was the designated driver and the rest of us all got tipsy and didn't realise she wanted to go home! It was an almighty scene at the end of the night and I was accused of taking the side of our mutual friends and not her! Bearing in mind we are all grown adults, I am 30 and she's older than me even!! I found it to be very childish and couldn't be bothered to argue it. We had quite a few angry texts and debates in the weeks afterwards, and I apologised but I wasn't going to beg. I haven't seen her since that night.

Reflecting on it- we had grown apart long before that fateful day. That was just the icing in the cake, we were totally different. We both had kids but she hated being a mum and was really negative towards her child and about life in general- I like being a mum. I had found nails and a new career now and she was miserable and unhappy all the time with her life choices. Sometimes it takes something minor to let it dawn on us that we are actually just people who once knew each other.

I'm sad about the "break up" but everyone has said how I've changed for the good since. I'm like a new woman, meeting new positive friends and I'm always happy now where as before we would just wallow together.

If it's not meant to be, then it just isn't. It's sad, but part of life. People change, outgrow each other and move on to pastures new!

 

[happyfeet]

No me and her partner get on really really well actually! Before all of this I was round their flat every Saturday night, couple of drinks and a few laughs! Her partner is very supportive of her n very outgoing! They've met my bf and we spent New Year's Eve together n had a great time!

Happyfeet, I was tempted to say sod it or not text back cos no doubt tomorrow I'll be clock watching (hopefully I'll be too distracted though!) but this way I know that if she turns up maybe I worried for nothing and if she doesn't turn up then that says it all and I can move on! Ha feels like a relationship break up

Aw you're so lovely. I hope she turns up but whatever the outcome, just you enjoy yourself missus. Xxx

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[amys-beauty]

Hazeleyes thanks for sharing I'm not sure I feel we have grown apart, it's just something I will never know. Maybe I said something she didn't like and doesn't wanna bring it up... I really just don't know where I am with her anymore and I can't understand it! Atleast in your situation you had an angry incident and said how you felt in the angry texts and got the closure you need! It's really great letting go of your friend changed your lifestyle... I'm hoping for the same ending but a part of me hopes she does turn up tomorrow and maybe we can talk about what's happened. Only time will tell!

 

[waffle4]

If she does turn up (although I can't see it actually) don't get into any heavy conversation about how is she. Just enjoy the night. Personally I wouldn't bother about her now. You've bent over backwards to accommodate her even changing your birthday plans and she's still let you down! You can't blame it on having kids coz that doesn't make you nasty! Just go out with the intention of having a great time with your boyf and boogieing to your dads band. It's her loss sweetheart x

 

[sarah1992]

Personally I wouldn't bother anymore, just reiterating points that others have said really but I think Happyfeet has got it spot on.

No matter what is going in with her, it takes 2 minutes to send a text or make a call, saying nothing about your job interview was just plain rude and she obviously doesnt wanna make any effort so you are better off focusing on people who are now more in your level & enjoy yourself while you still can! I had a friend like this who lied constantly and cancelled and it ended pretty badly with her spreading rumours that my boyfriend cheated on me because as another girl heard her say "I want them to break up" because she was jealous. Hence why my best friends are now all boys!

Best of luck, enjoy your birthday night and try not even think about her!

 

[amys-beauty]

I did wonder what it would be like if she turned up but you are right, I should just enjoy the night! I don't really want things to end nasty especially by my birthday! She hasn't even acknowledged my text to say where/what time tomorrow, so I'm 95% sure she won't be there. Like I said it's just not like her but it's time to move on thanks again ladies feel much better xx

 

[hazeleyes]

Hazeleyes thanks for sharing I'm not sure I feel we have grown apart, it's just something I will never know. Maybe I said something she didn't like and doesn't wanna bring it up... I really just don't know where I am with her anymore and I can't understand it! Atleast in your situation you had an angry incident and said how you felt in the angry texts and got the closure you need! It's really great letting go of your friend changed your lifestyle... I'm hoping for the same ending but a part of me hopes she does turn up tomorrow and maybe we can talk about what's happened. Only time will tell!

Well it sounds like maybe you do need closure- If it were me, I would see if she bothers to turn up to the birthday and if she doesn't come text her out right and ask why she let you down, ask her if you have done something to upset her, tell her how she's been behaving lately, and express how hurt you actually are about it all.

The aim of the text wouldn't be to make friends again it would be to give you closure on the whole thing, because I agree, there's nothing worse than not knowing exactly what went wrong!

 

[KHS]

I did wonder what it would be like if she turned up but you are right, I should just enjoy the night! I don't really want things to end nasty especially by my birthday! She hasn't even acknowledged my text to say where/what time tomorrow, so I'm 95% sure she won't be there. Like I said it's just not like her but it's time to move on thanks again ladies feel much better xx

If she is avoiding most of your texts, it sounds to me like she feels she is being backed into a corner and hoping you will just stop texting so she doesn't hurt your feelings.
Clearly she has her reasons why she doesn't want to go out but doesn't want to share them with you.
I personally would just stop texting, and let her contact you. There is nothing worse than someone constantly bombarding messages when they're doing their best to avoid a situation they don't feel like talking about, sorry I be blunt luvie,
Becoming a Mum does change you in ways you couldn't even imagine, every priority changes, lifestyle changes so don't take it to heart, just give her breathing space as she seems to be trying to take the easy way out and not hurt you by agreeing to tbe drink after,

Have a fab birthday and don't think about it X

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[amys-beauty]

I hear ya but over 6 days this week I've texted her 3 times, just to finalise the plans and tell her about my interview. I really have given her space, and got tired of chasing last week! That's why I came here for advice as a bunch of ladies that have been in mine or my friends situation....

Thanks hazeleyes again! On Monday after my birthday I will do just that! If she doesn't show up I won't respond until Monday! It's heartbreak cos for her birthday four months ago I took her out for a spa day then helped her move house after, and she can't even reply to my texts!

 

[waffle4]

I hear ya but over 6 days this week I've texted her 3 times, just to finalise the plans and tell her about my interview. I really have given her space, and got tired of chasing last week! That's why I came here for advice as a bunch of ladies that have been in mine or my friends situation....

Thanks hazeleyes again! On Monday after my birthday I will do just that! If she doesn't show up I won't respond until Monday! It's heartbreak cos for her birthday four months ago I took her out for a spa day then helped her move house after, and she can't even reply to my texts!

Right, don't let her ruin your birthday weekend anymore! Forget about her this weekend and concentrate on having a lovely night out with your boyfriend and dad. She sounds like a bloody selfish cow to me! I'm sorry, I know things change when you have kids but it doesn't mean you turn nasty and treat your friends like rubbish. Blimey if she hasn't even been out for 3 years you'd think she'd be chomping at the bit for a fun night out! You seem to be doing all the chasing and she probably knows you don't have many other friends and thinks that she can do as she pleases and you'll still stick around coz she's all you've really got at the moment. Stuff her Amie. You sound like a lovely girl so I would start trying to make new friends who treat you as you deserve. What about your boyfriends mates girlfriends? Could you start getting friendly with them?

Seriously though just forget about her this weekend and enjoy your birthday sweetheart xx

 

[Penny Vintage]

I'm not saying this is the same situation but I had a best friend for 10-15yrs, we grew up together and both settled down in relationships. We were so close and could talk about anything. Well she settled down with a guy and changed, thought she couldn't do any better and basically went full throttle! Engaged, married and then moved in with a huge mortgage within 1 year! She wasn't happy, stressed working too much to pay bills and made herself Ill. I tried everything to help, but it went from always keeping in touch just about general things, to no texts and her being distant when she came round. I tried many times to see what was wrong then 1 day I had upsetting news and she never replied.. Never again actually! Now I found out her illness is worse and she's cut off time with a lot but me it was a complete split! I was upset and wondered why really!? but at the end of the day I could never take her back as I wouldn't trust her.. Some people are very funny and you'd never see it happening, or why, but you have to look out for you.

 

[Jenbob1986]

I am 27 and lost my best friend of 20 years 4 years ago. We played together from the age of 1 even at that age we seemed inseparable. 2years on the trot she missed my birthday (23 and 24th bday) she knows how much I live my birthday even to this day I still love it. The first one she missed I let her off as she was in a show and knew she would be shattered when it had finished. The second one again she was in a show but said she would meet for a quick drink afterwards as she felt bad for missing my birthday the year before. However she never turned up and when I called the next day to find out where she got to she said she went to a partt with her new boyfriend as she thought it would be more fun! That's when I kinda lost it with her. She had lied to me a lot since getting this new bf and this was the icing on the cake for me. I told her where to go and haven't spoken since.
Now even though I know she doesn't have a child and this is kinda a long winded way of getting to my point but here is my point up until a year a go when I met my new best friend I missed her. I felt lost without her. I had no one to go to when I was truely upset or even when I just fancied a gossip. I even contemplated getting in touch with her until someone I know told me how much she had changed and what an unpleasant person she now was. So unless you are prepared to maybe lose her completely maybe just give her some space amd not get so worked up about things. I know its hard but sometimes its what needs to be done for the other person to deal with whatever is going on. If things don't get any better then maybe rethink but don't do anything rash that you may regret. Xxx
Ps sorry for the very long winded reply hope you understand my point though xx

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[amys-beauty]

Penny vintage, sounds very similar and that must have been really hard! I've had good and bad news over the last few weeks and I got nothing from her yet I'm the muggings wishing her luck and saying I'm here if you need help! I guess that's just life for you and it's my first encounter that I never thought would happen with me and her! I saw a saying the other day saying if your friends for 10years you'll be friends for ever! I think not!

Hazeleyes, I know I should forget about it, hopefully I will later when the pitcher of sangria is in my hands I do have friends but they buggered off to other parts of the globe and my friend knew she would be my only friend for 6 months. My friend from uni is back and moving round the corner in 2 weeks and I can't bliming wait! Thanks again! I can't thank you all enough for being there! Not having a close girl mate is totally foreign to me!

 

[amys-beauty]

Jenbob, I think I do see your point. Birthdays are important to me too and I've always said you know who your real friends are when it comes to birthdays! I wasn't too stressed about it til this week and my night terrors and sleep walking started up, this is when I know there's a big problem and it gets to me even more! For today and tomorrow I will not bring anything up, if she turns up then great but I will just enjoy myself all the same if she's not there. And then Monday is a new day and I can re evaluate the situation...

 

[Julie-Liz]

I just read through this properly and tbh i think the more u wonder about her the more she will end up the main focus of your birthday. Enjoy your weekend and let us know how it goes.

She sounds like my friend who turned out not to be my friend at all. Her behaviour was far nastier than your frirnds tho so i wont go into it. I guess some ppl are ready to be just someone you used to know. Its sad but as the quote goes: "sometimes, things fall apart so that better things can fall together" x

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[amys-beauty]

Julie-liz, what a great quote! I promise I will try to forget her! I'm already excited about going out but I don't know what to wear and my boyfriend just called me orange (revenge is on the cards!!) I will let you know what the outcome is of course!

 

[hazeleyes]

Penny vintage, sounds very similar and that must have been really hard! I've had good and bad news over the last few weeks and I got nothing from her yet I'm the muggings wishing her luck and saying I'm here if you need help! I guess that's just life for you and it's my first encounter that I never thought would happen with me and her! I saw a saying the other day saying if your friends for 10years you'll be friends for ever! I think not!

Hazeleyes, I know I should forget about it, hopefully I will later when the pitcher of sangria is in my hands I do have friends but they buggered off to other parts of the globe and my friend knew she would be my only friend for 6 months. My friend from uni is back and moving round the corner in 2 weeks and I can't bliming wait! Thanks again! I can't thank you all enough for being there! Not having a close girl mate is totally foreign to me!

Ah no worries. A lot of us gave been there it would seem. Your still young, there's still plenty of time to meet new friends. A lot of people I know didn't meet their best friends till there 30s and 40s!!! You don't know what or who is just around the corner!

 

[virtues2011]

Do people really need best friends though? What are they exactly? ... I have a lovely group of 'friends' that meet up for dinner and catch up with everyday bits and pieces now and again (once every month or so) but I have no need to live in their pockets, tell them all my problems or require anything from them mentally physically or commercially.. Am I the odd one out here? ...I do find it hard to be around people that are emotionally draining and needy I must say.

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[amys-beauty]

I've always had one, someone to talk to you when your feeling down anytime anywhere about anything! Have you never had a girl friend that you see once a week and talk to nearly daily virtues? Even at school? Maybe we don't all need one! I have few friends but they're pretty much all separate and rarely come together as a group!