Friends hey?!

[amys-beauty]

I wasn't going to ask on here as I thought the situation would have improved! But could really do with some advice from you lovely ladies or a mans perspective!

It's my birthday on Sunday, on Saturday we have arranged a double date with my "best friend" who hasn't been out in 3 years despite being 24! First time she's got a baby sitter. I want to go to a bar for cocktails and a lil boogie n I got a message from her last week saying she's gonna drive as she has a christening the next day (she lies quite a bit n I believe this isn't the case) we weren't gonna be out late anyway as I don't want a raging hangover on my birthday!

Now I think about it, I don't particularly want to go to a bar with her sober n not enjoying herself! She's not even excited about it as I've offered to do her waxing/nails/tan n she's made some strange excuses! It's just been getting worse! We used to talk all the time n see each other every other day but the last month I feel pushed out n I don't know why! I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks n I'm always seeing how she is n I feel the friendship is hostile?!

Yesterday I messaged her saying I have an interview today (yay!), she wrote back with a sad blue face 😨?! So I put a ? No reply! Couple of hours later I asked her if everything was ok, no reply yet she put 2 pointless Facebook statuses up! I am so upset as she knows she's the only friend I really have while everyone's at uni n travelling but I really wanted to spend my birthday with her but she's stressing me out so much I feel like saying forget it! I'm sure she will text me today saying sorry my phones playing up (usual excuse) or I'll have to text a ?!

What do I do? Have you been in a situation similar? I feel like ringing her n saying what is the problem, most people say good luck when their friends have an interview?!

 

[facelashbrow]

Have you spoken about it? I think you need to speak to her properly. I would also use a bit if compassion, theres usually something going on and she sounds like she's a bit down to me. She didnt reply but did the fb status thing (annoying) and is pushing you away then there is obviously something wrong. I appreciate it sounds pathetic to some people who havent had kids but if she hasnt been out in 3 years then she's probably quite anxious about leaving them, maybe her self esteem is a bit low and she is nervous about going out. Jusy saying, domt go in all guns blazing, call her and be like are you ok? Get the feeling that you're not and I am.worried about you? Are you worried about the weekend? Then go into, my interview went well, was a but confused by ur msg though I thought you'd wish me luck. She could also be jealous. Id be a bit upset if my "best friend" could see I was down but only cared about whether I was going out or not.

Thats how I would handle it but my friends mean a lot to me and I have a good group of them. If she's as important as you say she is because she is your only friend then I just think that think about her as well as you. My frienda and I have been friends for years and I think its because were are honest, call each other up on stuff but also.appreciate we all do things wrong and dont go mad if we act like idiots se times, see where each other are coming from even when its different to ourselves and talk. Good luck xx

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[facelashbrow]

Urgh I used to hate it when my friend texts a ?! Annoying! Just ask whats up you can tell shes not ok....in person or on the phone or she will just reply, I'm fine.

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[xnailsbylisax]

Can i just ask, do you have kids? By the sounds of it you don't. People completely change when they have kids. I actually sympathise with your friend as i am exactly the same. I am 24, had my son at 19 & i have been out twice during that time. Maybe give her a little bit of slack: if its her 1st time out in 3 years she may not want to leave her little one. Unfortunately, your birthday night out will not be her priority now she is a parent. X

 

[princessamie]

I agree with others, sounds to me like your friend is a bit down and apprehensive about leaving her kids.

I don't have kids but if I did and I was going out for the first time without them, I'd want to be sober/drive so I could rush home if needed.

Just have a little chat, ask her if she wants to talk about anything or, instead of just saying forget it, ask her if she'd rather stay at home because you understand she might be nervous about the kids. Then at least the balls in her court.

I know it's your birthday and you're upset because she's your only real friend to celebrate with but things are different for her.

Hope your interview went well!!

 

[amys-beauty]

No I don't have kids but I am aunty Amy to her child. I wish she would just say that she doesn't want to go and we do something else! I want everyone to have a good time! Her partner goes out say every month ish n she's always like well when's it my turn?! When it is her turn she doesn't really want to do it!

I've wished her good luck and congrats this month for all sorts of things, when it comes to me I get nothing! I was going to text in last nights message everything ok you seem a lil off with me. But my mum said don't do that as your instigating something is wrong, if something is wrong she would have said!

So I shall call her later right? (I feel like in chasing her... Chasing up texts I've sent, asking what's wrong n get no reply or her phone was playing up) nip it in the bud n find out the problem?!

 

[sparkle_beauty]

Phone her and just ask if she's ok let her know that she can talk to you about anything.
If she's feeling down or anxious about going out she probably wouldn't want to say anything because she feels silly and doesn't want to ruin your night.
I've been the friend who doesn't reply to texts before and sometimes it because I get distracted with the kids then forget or the kids have had my phone so I haven't seen a message.
I've made excuses not to do things because I've felt down or anxious before so please don't think it's because you've done something x

 

[Spa Therapist]

I agree with the above posts. I'm 24, have a child and haven't been out in 6 years. When my husband goes out I feel annoyed and say "when do I get chance to go out?" but if I ever get invited out I don't want to go. As for staying sober, my husband always tells me I'm boring and antisocial - I just don't like to drink! Remember, you'll be able to sleep off a hangover but your friend will probably be up at 5.30 with a demanding, loud, relentless child shouting down her ear and throwing food everywhere (ok, depending on age) and once that child is awake she'll need to be fully concentrating on what they are doing all day, no little naps or rests on the sofa! Going out getting drunk must be an absolute nightmare with kids so that's why I don't drink.

It's probably nothing to do with how she feels about you so don't feel bad. I'm sure she's not trying to let you down, it's just that everything changes when you have a child.

 

[waffle4]

I agree with the others. It does sound like she's really anxious about your night out. If it's her first time out in 3 years she's understandably going to be worried! Could be she's put on weight (like most mums do) and feels a bit frumpy compared to you too. Have you also actually said that you "don't want to be in a bar with her sober" as maybe that's given her the hump too. She probably wants to be sober and drive so she knows she can get home quick if need be. I do think definitely encourage her to come out with you as it's not good that she's not had a night out in 3 years, yet her bloke goes out! I just think she's probably on edge and worried about it so is avoiding you. Be sympathetic and just gently encourage her. I bet it would do her the world of good and she'll thoroughly enjoy herself in the end! Hope you have a very happy birthday x

 

[virtues2011]

You need to make some more friends Amy. Those without children!.. The others are correct. .. Peoples priorities change when children are involved, it's very common.

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[Nails<3]

From a young mums perspective.

I always used to be out with my friends before I had my 2 children. Obviously that changes as you have such a massive responsibility.

Now I have children I have little to no interest in going out drinking/clubbing. My friends still do but its not for me anymore.

My children were in nursery from 1 years old from 7.30am - 6pm monday to Friday and the weekend was the only time I got to see them and spend quality time with them. Now I am self employed its a little better but still work all the hours god sends and again my weekends are my quality time with them. I get really bad hangovers so it would be a day wasted with my 2 and while they are young 6&7 I don't want to miss out.

Maybe she is wary of missing her child or like me her priorities changed. I don't see going out, getting wasted and not being able to move the next day fun anymore lol. You tend to grow up so much when you have children and they are your main priority not alcohol and nights out.

Just give her a call and see why she is being so hostile. Xx

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[amys-beauty]

Thanks everyone!! No I would never say that I don't wanna be in the bar with her sober! What I meant was I can't see that she would enjoy herself if everyone's merry n she's not and I want everyone to have a good time! As for not replying, she's on Facebook and snapchat all the time! 6 weeks ago it wasn't like this! We were texting constantly and ringing each other!

I thought if she had any worries she knew I was there and I have said that to her!

You're right virtues! I love spending time with her n the little one! I have a few friends but I'm sorta friendless this year as ones in India for a year travelling, one went back to Spain to live and the others are at uni, returning next month thankfully!!

 

[emmalou061987]

Just wrote a long reply but my daughter grabbed my phone and deleted it! Short of it was same as everyone else! Try arranging a quiet one. If she means that much to you then a night in with a film and lots of catching up won't hurt? I lost all my friends since having a kid cos they are too selfish to understand. Lack of money, energy and confidence don't make you want to party like a teen! Ps my daughter deleting this just shows, once you write Sumet and your kid screws it up you really can't be arsed! Specially after tantrums at 2am!


Emma-Louise @ALittleLuxury

 

[amys-beauty]

So I rang her cos I could see she was on Facebook... She answered! woo! She was adamant nothing's wrong and said she's still up for it n doesn't mind not drinking. I know my friend and I know this isn't the case! So I said did she fancy going out for tapas instead? She said that sounds good and to text her later...

Did I worry for nothing?! Something's still telling me something's up! Even before my birthday plans she was being off with me? As you all said it changes when you have a child but I'm not sure this is the case?!

 

[emmalou061987]

See how the tapas goes! Tapas sounds so much better to me! She may open up to you when she is out the house away from it all! Maybe she don't want to let on to her partner or kids how she is feeling!? Don't push her cos she will shut down! Just go out, enjoy some nice food, avoid talking about jobs and kids etc. Until she brings it up then let her ion up!


Emma-Louise @ALittleLuxury

 

[amys-beauty]

See how the tapas goes! Tapas sounds so much better to me! She may open up to you when she is out the house away from it all! Maybe she don't want to let on to her partner or kids how she is feeling!? Don't push her cos she will shut down! Just go out, enjoy some nice food, avoid talking about jobs and kids etc. Until she brings it up then let her ion up!


Emma-Louise @ALittleLuxury

Thanks Emma! I'll keep that in mind, just enjoy n don't bring anything up! I guess when I don't want to do something or not keen on something I just say, but I guess as it's my birthday she just wanted to keep me happy?!

 

[beauty bits]

Maybe it would be nice for you two to go out together and leave the fellas at home. That way she knows her partner is sober and looking after the kids and she can relax a bit more. I hate dealing with my kids if I'm hungover so I just don't get drunk anymore lol. What about a spa afternoon or late lunch instead of of a night out? Then go out for a boogie with your other friends when they get back x

 

[emmalou061987]

Exactly! She ain't gonna turn round and say she don't want to do it on your birthday! You both need to talk about stuff but for me you need to both not yourselves first! There has been a breakdown between you and remembering why your both friends always helps! My friends never bother! Not even bothered to like my business page or come to my free pamper evening! They threw me a party last year to which they trashed my house invited people I don't know and they robbed me! Left me cleaning up the mess and dealing with a 1 year old at 5am! And when I moaned I got loads of **** about it! The only person I will make time to go out with is my fella that's cos he is really my only true friend! Just enjoy yourselves and take your time to get to the bottom of what's wrong! Don't jump to conclusions. My ex used to hit me and I shut off from everyone and I told no one until I left him. Everyone jumped to conclusions saying I was a crap friend cos I put him first! Not saying she is being hit but I'm saying you never actually know what's going on. She could has depression or an illness she is embarrassed about! All sorts!!! But if she enjoys herself and feels the tension easing a bit she will be more inclined to tell you about it!


Emma-Louise @ALittleLuxury

 

[lila22]

I don't think it's your fault, I do think she is down or anxious about going out.
I use to go out and regret drinking so much the next day, maybe she is worried about that as hangover and kids don't mix!!
Also this may be why she wants to drive so she can't drink.
The blue face she sent may have been worried , nervous (for your interview) as I kept sending this smiling face &#128556;and my sister said why it's a anxious face!!
If it's worth saving make a date and have a heart to heart, if it's not just go with the flow see what happens.
Another point after I had my daughter I got ME but was not diagnosed for four years and hated big nights out as I'd end up ill in bed for two weeks!
You just never n what is going on xxx

 

[amys-beauty]

Omg Emma that sounds horrendous! I can see your point now. Thankyou all for opening my eyes a bit to be patient as I don't know what could be going on. But I did ask her to do a spa eve n this was something I had to chase up n in the end I gave up n booked it with my mum!

I will enjoy Saturday n forget any niggles I have and I just hope she knows she can come to me no matter what it is!