internet dating & my friend !

[gemmamarie]

Hi There

I was just after a bit of advice really, hope you geeks out there can help:!:
A good friend of mine has been single for a while and decided to join an internet dating site. I was really really worried but obviously its not my decision and I would never judge anyone on their personal business. I have nothing against internet dating sites at all EXCEPT the weirdo's that they can SOMETIMES attract:irked:
Anyway admittedly she has met some good male friends on their but she has also met some real scary characters. She has now met a guy who she has been in contact with online for 2 weeks only and has decided that she is going to meet him. She is catching a train 3 hours away to his house and spending 2/3 days with him
She has given me his details, but what the bloody hell am I meant to do from 3 hours away!! I also have no idea around that part of the country. If anything goes horribly wrong I will never make it up their to help anyway will I?
She is adament that she is going, I have asked her to meet him on our home ground but she refuses and has told me to mind my own business and that I am being stuffy and out of date!!:cry:
Do you lot think I am being stuffy and I should get with the times?
I am not trying to stop her using these sites I just worry about her well being, but I do have to be honest and say that i was single for years and never thought about using an online dating service. I would rather be single as the thought of what you may meet scares me.
Please dont think I am trying to upset anyone who uses them, I just personally would not choose too. Am I being stuffy???:cry:

 

[carlabarbie]

Personally, I would be worried too, I had a friend who met someone through internet dating, she actually met him locally, but I knew where she was and she kept in touch with me throughout the date.
If she had been going 3hours away I would have been out of my mind with worry.
However, of course everything could be fine. Ask her to keep in contact over the phone.
Why cant this guy come to her house?

 

[Sassy Hassy]

I've just joined an internet dating site, and I know loads of people who met their ideal partner on one - in fct my 21 year old daughter has told me it's the "modern" way to meet people. BUT I would never do what your friend has done, and that wouldn't matter where I had met them - in a pub, at a bus stop, on the internet or through a friend. The site I belong to gives guidance to people about their personal safety and I think it is well known that you should always meet in a public area. I think your friend is stark raving bonkers to arrange a first meet as his place for 2-3 days. I hope and pray that it all ends up with her being blissfully happy, but it's not a chance I would ever take.

 

[louiser]

I met mine on a internet dating site, I would say though he is far from normal!

However, when we first met we went to a pub where friends of mine were going to be, therefore I had people keeping an eye on us!

Say if she met someone in the supermarket and they decided to go an a date, he could pick her up or they could meet somewhere - just as dangerous as meeting someone on a dating site x x

 

[Vanneb]

I don't think the problem is her meeting someone on the internet, it's how and where she is meeting him that is a bit dodgy. If she is insistent on going then ask her to at least leave an address and phone number and have a call system in place where by if you haven't heard from her for a certain length of time you can call the police or something. Fingers crossed it all works well for her, but I would definately continue to try and make her see sense!!!

 

[mercedes69]

I don't think internet dating is any more dangerous than dating someone you meet in 'real' life. There are tons of genuine people who use these internet dating sites and as in everything...there will be the odd nutter.

It is like everyone else says...it is the way in which she is meeting this man for the first time. Two weeks conversation might have given your friend a slight indication of his personality and intentions but she should definitely have met this man on home ground...

I don't think you are being stuffy in anyway...just a concerned friend...:hug:

 

[florence2004]

I did some internet dating a few years ago and met some really great people. But I always met them in public places.

 

[min11]

My brother met his wife of 6 years on the internet. I believe he went to see her at her home with in weeks of starting to chat online. I also have a friend who met a guy years younger than her online. She flew from the US to the UK to meet him, went home, left her husband with in months and they have now been married for 8 years. Actually when I think about it now I know of at least 2 other couples who married the people they met in the chatsite I went to at the time, same one my brother met his wife in. IN fact my best friend I met after joining an 'e-friend' site when I very first got online 10 years ago or so. It was for email friends, the net version of penfriends. I was in touch with this guy for months and he eventually came and met us all, he then visited again with his next couple of girlfriends. One of which was Gem. I lost touch with him eventually as he took their break up badly but Gem is precious to me beyond words.

If I were to go and meet anyone from the net, romantic link or not, even another woman I might have befriended, I would arrange with some one that I was going to call them, not text, actually call, with in a certain time frame and also that I could leave the number and address of where I was going so they could call me also.

 

[CadenceAlex]

My good friend met a girl off the net a few years ago - they now have a baby and would be married... but she isn't divorced yet!

I can see you being worried and do understand completely - why can't he travel for the 3 hours and meet her in her locality? It would seem more appropriate that way to some, I suppose.

 

[gemmamarie]

Hello guys

Thanx for all the advice. You are all so right:!: Its not the internet thing thats dodgy its the way my friend is going about it all:!: If she were to meet up with him where we live in say a local pub it would be totally different. Unfortunately she is old enough to make up her own mind and I really dont want to keep falling out with her over this, so I will just have to hope and pray that she sees sense soon. I dont understand why she wants to put herself in this danger and travel there alone, i think it could be an independant thing as she was controlled quite alot in her first marriage:irked:
Anyway thanx again guys and please dont think I was trying to put down the internet dating sites, I just think that you just have to be a bit careful, as you all said:hug::hug:

 

[beautyathome]

Hi There

I was just after a bit of advice really, hope you geeks out there can help:!:
A good friend of mine has been single for a while and decided to join an internet dating site. I was really really worried but obviously its not my decision and I would never judge anyone on their personal business. I have nothing against internet dating sites at all EXCEPT the weirdo's that they can SOMETIMES attract:irked:
Anyway admittedly she has met some good male friends on their but she has also met some real scary characters. She has now met a guy who she has been in contact with online for 2 weeks only and has decided that she is going to meet him. She is catching a train 3 hours away to his house and spending 2/3 days with him
She has given me his details, but what the bloody hell am I meant to do from 3 hours away!! I also have no idea around that part of the country. If anything goes horribly wrong I will never make it up their to help anyway will I?
She is adament that she is going, I have asked her to meet him on our home ground but she refuses and has told me to mind my own business and that I am being stuffy and out of date!!:cry:
Do you lot think I am being stuffy and I should get with the times?
I am not trying to stop her using these sites I just worry about her well being, but I do have to be honest and say that i was single for years and never thought about using an online dating service. I would rather be single as the thought of what you may meet scares me.
Please dont think I am trying to upset anyone who uses them, I just personally would not choose too. Am I being stuffy???:cry:

hi i met my partner through internet dating sites, been together 4 years
I do admit before meeting him i did meet a few strange people but i made quick escapes or always told them that i had headaches and left,
As for your friend she is old enough to make her own decisions, however, i never 'not even once' went to their houses without not even meeting them at least once. Talk to her and tell her that maybe for this first time he should come down and see her as a first date. If she chooses otherwise then why don't you and your partner "if you have one" go down with her and stay one night 'make sure she is alright' even go out all together and if it all turns out well then go back home. Hope that helps

 

[LayStar]

I met my bloke via the net, it was via a music msgboard though not a dating website, I travelled all the way to Wales from Essex to meet him, on my own, BUT that was after chatting to him for about 3 years, not 3 weeks!!

At least she has given you the details of where she is going, you could txt/phone her several times when she's there, to check she's ok, a lot of my friends did that the first time I went over to meet my man.
It's rather worrying her going over there so soon and staying for a few days...if you can't talk her out of it, plead with her that she'll stay in contact with you whilst she's there.

xx

 

[Amethyst_Angel]

I'd be *REALLY* worried about your mate!

My ex-boss used to stalk women on trains (I sincerely wish I was joking!!!) but he has now resorted to stalking women on the internet. I know that I certainly wouldn't want to meet someone that I didn't really know at their own house, miles away from where I live and feel comfortable. I think the best thing is to meet in a public place (i.e. go out for a meal or something) rather than actually going to meet someone in their house. You never know - it could have been my ex-boss!!!!!

 

[nicjill]

I've never met anyone through a dating website but I have had an email penpal in Canada for about 10 years now and met him earlier this year for the first time! That has never been anything more than friendship so it was different for us and I think that we knew each other fairly well after 10 years.

In general I don't see anything wrong with internet dating, its just another way to meet people and about as safe as meeting someone in a pub these days. Its also really good for people who don't have the time or inclination to go out and meet people by chance, plus most people on dating websites are normal people in the same situation. I know quite a few people who've tried internet dating and had good experiences, I also know some who didn't really enjoy it but nobody I know has had a really bad experience. The worst I can think of is a female friend who was meeting guys off the net and always ended up sleeping with them quickly as she thought she knew them well and was then surprised that they didn't stick around. She took everything they said online too seriously and didn't take the time to get to know them in real life. She figured it out in the end though. You just have to be a bit sceptical sometimes as its easier to lie or exaggerate online.

Most dating websites do give guidelines about meeting people and as she's done it before she should know by now that what she's doing is potentially dangerous. It is a long way to go to meet a stranger, especially on her own. I know she's determined to go but won't she let someone go with her? I think you are a good friend to worry about her but it sounds like she's gonna do it anyway. Chances are, it'll be ok. She is being very silly to take a risk like that but unfortunately it's her risk to take and if she chooses to go on her own you can't stop her. You can only be there to keep in touch and make sure she's as safe as she can be. Is she staying in a hotel or with this guy? The best I can suggest is find a list of local hotels for her to go to if she needs to get away, make sure she has a train timetable, the phone number of a local taxi company and get her to call you at specific times through the day so you know she's ok. There's only so much you can do, it's her choice.

Hope everything goes ok for her.

 

[Sals]

If she won't listen to the potential dangers of this, maybe point out that spending a few days with him may be too much for a first date. Even if he's as safe as houses, it's all a bit full on.

If she had met him face to face in a pub, I doubt she'd want to spend 2-3 days with him at first. Try that route and let us know how you get on.

 

[Buggy]

rush to the shops and buy this book:

"the complete set of rules"

and give it to your mate and tell her to read it before she goes. you're mate is on a quest to find love and this is the book for her.

it's a book written by women that tells you the rules when dating, in order to secure the man of your dreams. once she has read it, she will realise that she is making completely the wrong move by going to this man's house. not because he might be a weirdo (although obviously that's very important) but because if he's that interested he should be making the effort to come to her. as long as she reads the book, i promise you will never have to lecture her again, as she will realise that by doing this she is dooming the relationship from the start. The book is all about playing hard to get in the nicest possible way and how this affects how men think about us. when you read each rule, you think it's really old fashioned, but by the time you get to the end of the chapter you totally see why it's the right thing to do.

e.g. one rule is about travelling to meet the man. a BIG NO NO in the first 3 dates. This is the chapter your mate has to get to. in fact, if the train journey is 3 hours, give her the damn book when she gets on the train. by the time she gets there i bet she gets on the next train back.

the book goes from how you should behave on the first 3 dates, the next 3 dates and so on and so on.

my friend lent me this book the other day and if i am ever in the position where i am starting a relationship again, i'm gonna follow every last rule down the a tee... because it weeds out the blokes who aren't fully committed and the weirdo's. in fact, if any of you haven't read it then i strongly recommend it. even if you are in a relationship it's excellent reading and very educational about how a man's mind works. another good book is "why men love bitches" but read "the rules" first.

 

[1999judy]

Hi There

I was just after a bit of advice really, hope you geeks out there can help:!:
A good friend of mine has been single for a while and decided to join an internet dating site. I was really really worried but obviously its not my decision and I would never judge anyone on their personal business. I have nothing against internet dating sites at all EXCEPT the weirdo's that they can SOMETIMES attract:irked:
Anyway admittedly she has met some good male friends on their but she has also met some real scary characters. She has now met a guy who she has been in contact with online for 2 weeks only and has decided that she is going to meet him. She is catching a train 3 hours away to his house and spending 2/3 days with him
She has given me his details, but what the bloody hell am I meant to do from 3 hours away!! I also have no idea around that part of the country. If anything goes horribly wrong I will never make it up their to help anyway will I?
She is adament that she is going, I have asked her to meet him on our home ground but she refuses and has told me to mind my own business and that I am being stuffy and out of date!!:cry:
Do you lot think I am being stuffy and I should get with the times?
I am not trying to stop her using these sites I just worry about her well being, but I do have to be honest and say that i was single for years and never thought about using an online dating service. I would rather be single as the thought of what you may meet scares me.
Please dont think I am trying to upset anyone who uses them, I just personally would not choose too. Am I being stuffy???:cry:

Well tbh if she's arranged to stay with him for 3 days I think they may have made plans to do something other than play tiddlywinks so I'd leave her to it and have her ring you at certain times just to let you know she's ok x