Is it OK to tell your child or someone else they are fat?

[evie168]

Early on in my relationship with my bf my mother told him he was fat. I have to agree with hazeleyes because I guess it depends on how you take it. He took it as motivation to get back on track being healthy rather than a personal attack. (My mom at the time was bigger than him and he wasn't at all fat). With a child though it's different as they need more support and guidance as they learn from examples.

The way I look at it when someone tells me I'm fat (only my mum and her friends) is to look at it as 'constructive feedback'. We get so used to looking at ourselves everyday that it can be hard to notice changes to your body. If your manager or colleague was to tell you you've done something wrong and here's what you need to do to improve, you wouldn't take it as a personal attack but more that they're offering to help and guide you to become better. It's no good commenting if you don't lead by example and provide suggestions on how to improve. Well this works for me. I know it doesn't work for all because my mom's one of those who will bite your head off if you said that to her. The best method for her is being proactive together and a bit of hand holding. Haha, I love my mom.

 

[eternalscot]

This made me giggle I had an ex (from decades ago) defriend me on Facebook last night. He had some attention seeking status like looking for a girlfriend must be size 8-10 and can cook. I commented "bet there queuing round the block just now". He then pm'ed me and told me I'm defriending you because your bitter and was it because I was now over weight? I thought it was funny, it's true I have put on weight but still not that desperate! The week before another ex defriended me under similar circumstances, with a stroppy message. I have been very skinny and fat and frankly when your skinny you can attract some shallow people into your life you could do without.

Back to the child thing one of my friends has a 10 year old that weighs over nine stone the mother is in denial and the child needs help as it is heartbreaking to see, she must get bullied! They need to be pro active and sort it out because the child is huge and I'm not being cruel, she is a barrel! It is very sad!

 

[shelbie]

My daughter will be 16 in march I have been suffering with her weight since was 10, she is not at all fat but her friends always tell her that she is,she is a size 10 her friends are what I would class as sticks some look unhealthy thin, my daughter is always on diets even though she really doesn't need them, I tell her every day that she is not fat but kids these days can be really cruel, I even spent a lot of money on a makeover photo session for her birthday this year, but with society the way it is I feel I am fighting a losing battle with her, I personally think she is stunning the way she is but then she is my baby, this is one of her makeover photos, but I am concerned sometimes that she may take things to another level because of her friends, so in my opinion NO you shouldn't tell a child they are fat

 

[tonicj]

My daughter will be 16 in march I have been suffering with her weight since was 10, she is not at all fat but her friends always tell her that she is,she is a size 10 her friends are what I would class as sticks some look unhealthy thin, my daughter is always on diets even though she really doesn't need them, I tell her every day that she is not fat but kids these days can be really cruel, I even spent a lot of money on a makeover photo session for her birthday this year, but with society the way it is I feel I am fighting a losing battle with her, I personally think she is stunning the way she is but then she is my baby, this is one of her makeover photos, but I am concerned sometimes that she may take things to another level because of her friends, so in my opinion NO you shouldn't tell a child they are fat

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Shelbie, please show her my response. YOU ARE NOT FAT!!! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! Your friends could well be very jealous of you indeed.

 

[virtues2011]

I like eating......I'm over it! i'm just unhappy that I gave up smoking! I love smoking!

 

[shelbie]

Shelbie, please show her my response. YOU ARE NOT FAT!!! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! Your friends could well be very jealous of you indeed.

Thank you ever so much I will show her later, me and husband tell her the same thing but like I said kids can be cruel

 

[waffle4]

There was an obese girl in my sons class and by the end of year 6 she point blank refused to take part in sports day as for 1 she could barely breathe after a small amount of activity and 2, she felt so self conscious in her shorts and t shirt. She actually told my son she wished her mum had put her on a diet years earlier. She also said she was getting braces on her teeth in the school holidays and said she hoped it would make it too painful to eat. We felt soo sad for her. Now if only her mum had accepted responsibility years earlier and not been scared of upsetting her that poor girl could've been spared all this. She is now in secondary school and we've heard she is being bullied over her weight. You are not helping anyone by glossing things over.

 

[xxAmyxx]

In some cases this may be the case but certainly not all and esp with children,

Anyway if someone was addicted to drugs or alcohol would you not tell them how bad it's became incase you hurt their feelings,

Sorry but most people need to hear the hard truth

It could be with children! It's not about hurting feelings, I didn't affect anyone by being fat; who is it hurting? An alcoholic ruins peoples lives! Of course I would tell an alcoholic what I wanted to, but it's not going to help an overweight person trust me and as I said who are they hurting?

 

[xxAmyxx]

My daughter will be 16 in march I have been suffering with her weight since was 10, she is not at all fat but her friends always tell her that she is,she is a size 10 her friends are what I would class as sticks some look unhealthy thin, my daughter is always on diets even though she really doesn't need them, I tell her every day that she is not fat but kids these days can be really cruel, I even spent a lot of money on a makeover photo session for her birthday this year, but with society the way it is I feel I am fighting a losing battle with her, I personally think she is stunning the way she is but then she is my baby, this is one of her makeover photos, but I am concerned sometimes that she may take things to another level because of her friends, so in my opinion NO you shouldn't tell a child they are fat

She is certainly NOT fat. A diet? More like new friends...

 

[hazeleyes]

My daughter will be 16 in march I have been suffering with her weight since was 10, she is not at all fat but her friends always tell her that she is,she is a size 10 her friends are what I would class as sticks some look unhealthy thin, my daughter is always on diets even though she really doesn't need them, I tell her every day that she is not fat but kids these days can be really cruel, I even spent a lot of money on a makeover photo session for her birthday this year, but with society the way it is I feel I am fighting a losing battle with her, I personally think she is stunning the way she is but then she is my baby, this is one of her makeover photos, but I am concerned sometimes that she may take things to another level because of her friends, so in my opinion NO you shouldn't tell a child they are fat

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Shelbies daughter:
Understand that you are beautiful just the way you are! I bet your friends are just jealous of something in your life, the sincerest form of flattery is someone putting you down! Ignore them, and never ever change yourself for anyone!!!

I used to be like you at 16, I'm now 30, yeah I would like to lose a few pounds but never ever to lose my natural curves and be stick thin I.e below size zero super model size! I used to actually think that was how I wanted to be but now I realise that I am beautiful how I am!

 

[salj]

I would like to lose a few pounds but never ever to lose my natural curves and be stick thin! I don't actually know anyone who likes that look!

I get you're trying to say something you think will make others feel better about themselves, but shaming another body type to do that isn't cool.

 

[Kim Lawless]

My daughter will be 16 in march I have been suffering with her weight since was 10, she is not at all fat but her friends always tell her that she is,she is a size 10 her friends are what I would class as sticks some look unhealthy thin, my daughter is always on diets even though she really doesn't need them, I tell her every day that she is not fat but kids these days can be really cruel, I even spent a lot of money on a makeover photo session for her birthday this year, but with society the way it is I feel I am fighting a losing battle with her, I personally think she is stunning the way she is but then she is my baby, this is one of her makeover photos, but I am concerned sometimes that she may take things to another level because of her friends, so in my opinion NO you shouldn't tell a child they are fat

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She's beautiful! xx

 

[hazeleyes]

I get you're trying to say something you think will make others feel better about themselves, but shaming another body type to do that isn't cool.

Shamed? Have I shamed another body type? Not my intention at all! sorry if that offends you, I totally didn't mean it like that. Gosh it's so easily to offend people when commenting on this topic! You can't do right for doing wrong here! I almost wish I hadn't responded now it's far to easily misconstrued! A simple thing I've said is now being interpreted as "shaming a body type". There's slim, slender and then there's below size zero super model sized!!!

I sort of see how you maybe read it like that I shall amend my post to reflect what I mean. I just ment that the "below size zero" look which is oh so popular within the media, the look which so many people feel they have to conform to to be beautiful, isn't after all such a good look! I would much rather look curvaceous and healthy than unhealthily thin! Just my opinion, its not intending to"shame" or be derogatory about any thing. Just how I feel.

 

[Kim Lawless]

Can I just say in defence of all us fatties out there……………There's some damn ugly skinny girls out there. Sorry but it's gotta be said. Skinny doesn't equal pretty.

 

[hazeleyes]

Can I just say in defence of all us fatties out there……………There's some damn ugly skinny girls out there. Sorry but it's gotta be said. Skinny doesn't equal pretty.

As a teen, I totally used to think that skinny equalled pretty!

 

[Chickafish]

Weight is a sensitive issue. Always has been. And children are sensitive. I guess it's not really a matter of if it's ok, but more how you tell a child, if it's really needed (fat or skinny). People's perception of a healthy weight and lifestyle is different. Even now as adults, some people think it's ok to crash diet to drop 20 pounds in 2 weeks eating whatever some boneheaded celebrity dietitian tells them to, or put hope in a pill or dangerously restricting program to set back years of bad food and exercise choices without understanding proper nutrition and how the body works.

Maybe a better thing to do would be to encourage them to make healthy choices and live healthy lifestyles.

 

[tina10]

Shelbie, please show her my response. YOU ARE NOT FAT!!! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! Your friends could well be very jealous of you indeed.

You are so right she is absolutely beautiful no question .

 

[salj]

Shamed? Have I shamed another body type? Not my intention at all! sorry if that offends you, I totally didn't mean it like that. Gosh it's so easily to offend people when commenting on this topic! You can't do right for doing wrong here! I almost wish I hadn't responded now it's far to easily misconstrued! A simple thing I've said is now being interpreted as "shaming a body type". There's slim, slender and then there's below size zero super model sized!!!

I sort of see how you maybe read it like that I shall amend my post to reflect what I mean. I just ment that the "below size zero" look which is oh so popular within the media, the look which so many people feel they have to conform to to be beautiful, isn't after all such a good look! I would much rather look curvaceous and healthy than unhealthily thin! Just my opinion, its not intending to"shame" or be derogatory about any thing. Just how I feel.

Not picking on you, I am a curvy girl too, but your original comments before you edited and comments like the one I bolded are reading (to me) like it's unhealthy or unattractive to be thin or below a size 0. Now while you may prefer curves, not everyone does and not everyone has them. Making negative comments (like it's not a "good look" or "unhealthily thin") is body shaming.

Skinny doesn't necessarily mean unhealthy, just as fat doesn't. I just think we need to be mindful of who else is reading, when we make comments like that.

 

[eternalscot]

Weight is a sensitive issue. Always has been. And children are sensitive. I guess it's not really a matter of if it's ok, but more how you tell a child, if it's really needed (fat or skinny). People's perception of a healthy weight and lifestyle is different. Even now as adults, some people think it's ok to crash diet to drop 20 pounds in 2 weeks eating whatever some boneheaded celebrity dietitian tells them to, or put hope in a pill or dangerously restricting program to set back years of bad food and exercise choices without understanding proper nutrition and how the body works.

Maybe a better thing to do would be to encourage them to make healthy choices and live healthy lifestyles.

To be fair crash dieting has been proven to be no less effective in the long term for keeping it to compared to say weight watchers. If I lose weight a fast is a bit easier as you go into ketosis after a few days and your not as hungry. My crash diet begins January naturally!

 

[shelbie]

Have showed my daughter all your comments on how she actually beautiful as she is and her response is as follows

"thank you to all of you that have said I am beautiful as I am and that my friends maybe jealous, it has made feel a lot better that people who don't know me think I am fine as I am and maybe I should start listening when I am told I'm not fat"

So all in all I hope my daughter does start listening and thank you to all of you who commented xx