is it really worth it all in the end?

[emily22]

Hi, sorry for coming on here to moan but i dont know where else to turn

As some of you may know, i qualified in manicure and pedicure earlier this year and am now doing my nail ext course too.

Due to personal circumstances I wasnt going to do the nail extension course or set up until next year, but then a few months ago everything went worng for me and i had to have an emergency op, it was like someone came into my life and smashed everything up and left me with nothing. I was a bit of a wreck tbh and didnt know how the hell id ever be ok emotionally again, but i ended up blocking everything out and once id healed physically everyone thought i'd 'got over it' - which was my fault because i was and am very good at putting on a smile and being ok even when inside my heart was ripped out.
My husband was the only one who knew i wasnt ok and his way of trying to help was by keeping on at me to book the nail ext course straight away and set up biz asap to give me something to do. Everyday it was the same thing so even though i wasnt really ready i went ahead and did it.

The business is going ok and i still have loads of things to do - especially more marketing to bring in more work, but ive been trying to pace myself a little.
As well as starting this business i also have our 2 children to look after (aged 4&6), a whole load of coursework from college as well as trying to find time to practice at home too, ive been doing all my own leaflets for promotions, adverts etc - designing and printing them, actually going out to appointments (which of course is the whole point of it!) and working 8hrs a week in another job.

I got in touch with the princes trust the other week and they got me onto a course which i also started today - it was fantastic! ive been doing my biz plan which i have to have finished by next tues ready to go in front of the panel for a loan on the 14th. the marketing part is the biggest part of the plan and being a bit of a perfectionist ive been trying to do as much research as i possibly can.

I really want to suceed in what im doing and enjoy doing nails so much, but right now i feel like i cant take all this pressure anymore!
My marraige seems like its falling apart right now and has been like this since i had the op, he never talks about what happend, i dont because it seems like evryone else is over it and im kicking myself because im not and cant see me ever being able to.
He's constantly on my case about getting this that and the other done, for example i said last night about getting my leaflets out for november at the beggining of the month - so today he has asked me so many times i cant count to get them done! I told him i had to finish my biz plan and print that first as i dont want to run out of ink doing the leaflets. I was going to order some ink in the morning but i still want to do my plan first in case it doesnt get here in time. Common sense to me, this biz plan is essential for me and i just need a few more days with it to get it finished. But no, he kept on and on!!!
In the end i politely said that im not doing the leaflets until either have more ink in my hand or finish my biz plan and that i have said this many times tonight and wont be saying it again.
So the, we have another big row, everytime i dont do what he says when he says he starts having a go telling me not to bother and that he wont help me anymore blah blah blah.
Im so bloody sick of it all, its just made me feel like jacking it all in, i rarely ask him to help me out but i really do appreciate it when he does, but that doesnt mean im going to be happy when he keeps adding more and more pressure when ive got enough cr*p on my mind as it is.
Im ok with the amount that i have to do and ive got myself into a routine with it all now - but i cant handle him keeping on and on! I tried to tell him how i felt and he says what he always says 'pack it all in then if you cant do it!'
Ive heard that so many times from him, I CAN DO IT just would appreciate it if he didnt keep having a go all the time.

I just feel like 'whats the point?' i dont want to spend the rest of my life working in a crappy shop and living in a crappy area. I want more for myself and my kids and want to show my kids that when you want to do something - you can.
But now it seems to be driving more of a wedge between me and my husband. Im feeling so crap that im wondering if i really care anymore. All my life ive been put down, and when i started this biz i had his parents always making comments about how i wont earn anything, and now i have my husband telling me i cant do it.

So is there really any point in spending any more money on something that everyone seems to be expecting me to fail at anyway?

 

[emily22]

OMG i posted that and then realised how much i wrote!! sorry! i guess im more wound up than i thought

 

[Wandawump]

Just get out there and prove them all wrong! Don't let them get the upper hand, You can do it!! Be positive lovie and all will go well, you'll see

 

[IllumeGirl]

hi emily (all the way from australia here) just popped on before my first client..wanted to send you a hug:hug:
I can only imagine how you are feeling..you are doing the right thing by concentrating on the most important task first...especially when you have so many overwhelming things to complete..just take it one thing at a time.
Remember your hubby loves you (of course)..men are funny though..if we have a problem, that we just want to vent..men always will approach it with a solution..in his mind he does thinks he is helping.
Just take one day at a time for now:hug:
There is no rush..your children are tiny..and you are young..plenty of time to pace yourself..or even give yourself a breather for 6 months after you have completed what is the most important thing for you.
I think you are probably your own worst enemy..keeping yourself so busy..when all you need is a rest..no wonder why you feel like exploding.
Be kind to yourself..no one is superwoman (unfortunately) and remember your husband loves you.
A marriage break up is hugely stressful..dont let that happen.:hug:

 

[lizbird]

Hi there - I 'm also from Australia - been here for 10 weeks - came over here from Essex.
Your E mail really struck a cord in me - you sound pretty frazzled and if you don't mind me saying emotionally/mentally very fraught.
Please don't take this the wrong way - but you sound very close to breakdown. I would strongly advise you to look after yourself and even seek help. Jesus, raising two kids is "full on" and rehabilitation after an accident is another HUGE thing. Also trying to start a business, college, biz plans.............................and dealing with marriage....Christ - its a wonder you are still going!!

You sound a fighter, but get over your op and then go for it!!

 

[poppy2]

Hi
just wanted to say talk to your husband and tell him how you feel.

He thinks he is helping and motivating you. men " fix" things its a natural response for them. You need to talk properly to him, you say he is only one that knows that you are not over your problem yet but he perhaps doesnt know how else to deal with things so he is trying to make it all ok for you by making you busy and sucessful and creative because as soon as you are happier he wil be

Please marriage is so worth fighting for and it often just needs a chat to say look i know your trying to help but i need this or this a bit more and just a bit less of whatever because it makes me feel a bit pressurised

Take care of yourself and good luck

Sharen

 

[dee]

oh hun you poor thing , it sounds like you are really having a rough time at the moment :hug:
talk to your hubby and other people too , it really doesnt help to pretend everything is ok when it isnt , it will end up all coming back tto you when you least expect it ,
no one will think less of you hun , hope you are ok xx

 

[Sassy Hassy]

I've been in that hole where you are now and it isn't funny. Go see your doctor hun, it could be that you are depressed - it wasn't til my doctor told me I was that I realised I was. I went on the happy pills and life was bearable again. Take care of you :hug:

 

[adelekeegan1]

I'm sorry you feel so frazzled, its horrible when you are trying so hard. :hug::hug:

 

[littlegrohl]

first of have a hug..:hug::hug::hug: (two more for luck)

personal crises are the worst because they are so damn personal.. solo.. alone.. having a place to rant and vent helps so dont feel silly about how much you wrote.. feel how much better it is to have it out.. can i suggest finding the blogs and starting to write it out there.. helps me!

I wont give you any advice.. only to say that anything that is adding uneccesary problems and pressure should be put to the side until you have resolved the issues at hand.. talk with your husband and enjoy your kids young years.. if you put pressure on yourself to get something done it normally turns out a chore.. find some joy again.. clients will come..

best wishes and good luck!:hug:

 

[Lellipop]

Sounds like you have some major issues babes and probably a bit of depression thrown in :cry:. There is no rush in being able to do everything now, Youv'e had a health prob have 2 small kids and a marriage that is going a little shakey at the minute just take your time . Write a list of where you would like to be in 5 years time and try and do a little towards getting to your goal each month, Dont look at the big picture yet just work on small sections and I am sure things will be easier to bear :hug: Good luck babe xxxxx

 

[Kezza1981]

Hiya honey :hug::hug::hug:

Big hugs and it sounds like you need to chill out. :hug:

I am kinda in the same place as you at the moment, just been signed off with stress for two weeks and have been to the doc's and given pills. I really didnt want to take them but my mum says they will help, sometimes we all need help. With the pressures of the modern day world we live in and trying to be superwomen!

I can't really give you any advise, as i feel like you do really, but if you wanna chat feel free to PM me. :hug:

 

[Nail Style]

there's a whole pile of very good advise already been said so i just wanted to send you a big :hug: or 2 :hug:

One day at a time honey

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Terese]

:hug::hug::hug:A few hugs to keep you going....

There has been plenty of good advice given out already and I hope you have had the time to read it all through

It sounds to me like you have had alot to cope with lately and maybe you havent got over your operation, there may be other issues that have arose from it. If you believe that to be the case...your doctor should listen to your concerns and if you need some counciling to come to terms with things...then go and get it.

In my opinion (and like what has been said before) YOU ARE NOT SUPERWOMAN.....Go take a bath..lots of bubbles in, pop some headphones on and listen to some of YOUR favourite music.....be it heavy rock or soopy love songs.....You may start crying or you may laugh.....its all part of the healing process.........

You are taking on to much, think about what you need at this precise moment, I suspect its talking to someone....If you had a broken arm, people would see the cast and know you arent well, when your abit down people have nothing to look at, only you and its put down to being moody. It will all be fine, and heres an extra hug:hug:

 

[Sals]

Baby steps hun. Try not to do everything at once (great advice from Lell). As has been said, tell your husband how you feel and talk to your doctor. In the meantime :hug::hug::hug:

 

[rouge]

Yes it is all worth it. You will regret it if you give up now. And just think how great you'll feel to prove everybody wrong. :green:

But yes, you do need to take a bit more care of yourself. Some excellent advice has been given to you, please listen to what people have said.

If I can make a suggestion, why don't you print out a schedule for yourself and stick it to the wall, so your husband can see that you do actually know what you're doing and you're not going to forget anything because IT'S ON THE SCHEDULE!!!

 

[sj1973]

emily hun...i hope you read all these posts cos there is brilliant advice on here :hug::hug::hug::hug: they are all for you xxxxxx