life cant get any worse (long post)

[Tilly Ann]

I dont really know what to say but just wanted you to know that I wish you all the best! I think you have made the right decision!

Hope everything is much better for you all very soon!!

Lots of Love
Hugs and Bubbles

Tilly Ann xx

 

[chrisbow]

I can't imagine what you are going through but like all the geeks have said, you are obviously a truly loving and caring mother to be able to get the help that your son needs. Take this time out to concentrate on you and the rest of your family, especially you. You say that you don't think you will be going on your holiday - I think it will do you the world of good and you know that you son will be in safe hands. Take care hun and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of hugs to you and your family :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Dawnie]

Love and hugs to you I think you must be a fantastic mother to care for your son so much and giving him the opportunity to get treatment, with the pressure you are all having at home it can't do anyone any good he will be in good hands with people that understand what he is going through,.
My thoughts are with you take care and try to get some quality time yourself.

Love Dawnie xxx

 

[angel fingers]

you are right, life cant get any worse,

which means that the only way is up.

right now you are all at crisis point, but you have taken the right steps to improve the situation, so things can only get better.
things must be awful for you now, but it will improve, you just need to hang on in there until you get through this.

all the best to you all

 

[dee]

oh i feel for you , but this might be a good thing , as sometimes people that arnt as close the your son might be able to help him, my cousin is schitzophrenic (sp) and she has had a terrible life even though my auntie has done everything on gods earth to help her, but she does sometimes go through phases where she is really calm, and its lovely to see,
please dont think you are a bad mum, you are certainly not :green: , i think this is a move that will help all of you, take care love dee xxx

 

[Bubble]

My heart goes out to you. I'm sitting here in tears too. I can only imagine what you are going through! You must be exhausted, and I agree with Chrisbow that you should take your holiday. If anyone needs a holiday I would say it's you and your family. Your son will be in good hands, and well looked after while you all take a well deserved break. I also think you should seek any help you can, support groups etc.... If these replies have made you feel better - imagine how much better you would feel with the help of a support group, people in the same situation to offer advice etc... Take care and look after yourself :hug: :hug:

 

[LindaH73]

Just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you and your family. You've made the best decision for your family, yourself and your son. He can now get the help he needs and hopefully you will be able to get the help you need as well to enable you and your family to cope with his illness.

I have family that work in the mental health and from the stories i've heard yours is not unusual and your not the only family out there. I hope your son gets the help he needs and let us know how you get on. Chin up because now that you've asked for help things can hopefully only get better.

Thinking of you :hug:

 

[Lellipop]

Right just like to echo some of the other posts plus add my bit.
Your son has a mental illness its not your fault or his, He needs the correct treatment and help. Although has a mother we feel we need to be able to do everything for our children sometimes this just isn't possible. Mental Illness's are very hard for people to understand or imagine and they do put a strain on the whole family. You have made the right decision, You are getting help for your son who needs to be on the right meds to control his illness.
Don't ever beat yourself up over it you have nothing to be ashamed of.
I would take the diazapam for a week just to help you sleep and cope it won't harm you to take it for a short period.
Take Care xxxxxxxxx

 

[suey]

Both of your posts bought tears to my eye. i can't really add to any of the posts from your wonderful geeky family, just wanted to add my support and give you some :hug: :hug:

I have found some other web sites if you wanted to chat to people in similar situations www.schizophrenia.com www.sane.org.uk and www.rethink.org, i don't know if they would be any use, but just trying to do something practical to help.

Please try and go on your holiday and relax you need and DESERVE it. Thinking of you xxxxx

 

[kittenclaws]

thanks suey for the web sites im going to get in touch with them later when i have got my head together a little bit, and thanks to karen for the flowers,

i am now siting here surounded by forms and paperwork but thought id take a break as my mind is spinning,

i just cant believe how great everyone is, i have had so many hugs from geeks thismorning, they may only be cyber hugs but they really do mean a lot,
i had a look in a mirror a little while go and boy do i look rough, i have the puffy red eyes, a red nose to put rudolf out of a job, blotchy face, and i have picked at my nails so much (i always do when stressed and upset) now i could put any nail biter to shame, i have gota try to sort myself out before the girls come home from school as i would hate them to see me like this,
well i think i need to put the kettel on and get back to the paper work then i have a mountain of housework and washing to do, maybe taking out all my stress and frustrations on the housework will do me good

 

[NAIL FRENZY]

How could you be a terrible mother when you have loved your son enough to know that he should be placed in the hands of professionals, who will give him the specialist care and treatment that he needs. You have also had to think about your daughters who have obviously been through an awful lot as a result of the problems your son is experiencing. You sound like a fantastic mother to me and this must have been one of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make.

I know people don't always like support groups, but maybe you would find it really helpful to speak to people who are having the same experiences as you are at the moment. I am sure that the hospital would be able to give you some information on local groups etc that could not only help you but the rest of your family aswell.

Please keep us informed on how you and your family are and remember we are all here when you need to chat. :hug:

 

[Melanie Atkinso]

I dont no if this will make you feel better but my best friend has an autistic son with severe learning and behaveral difficulties, he was concieved not through choice a my friend was a victim of domestic abuse, i have known this boy scince he was 2 he is now 15 and she has had to have him put in a special school as he also can be violent, you are only his mum you are not qualified to care for him properly, but there are people that can, my friend has punished herself for years for sending her son to away to school, but at the end of the day he is better off because he is with people that can look after him properly, you have to think of the rest of your family, they need you to, i really feel for you but you WILL get through this x

ok, i think more than anything im writing this post as im so upset and fed up i need to get things off my chest,
a while ago i said on a post about my son whom has i form of schitzofrenia and cant have any medication for it as 1 he wont take it and 2 hes to young anyway, well things have gon from bad to worse with him, he is now totaly uncontrolabe, and a danger to himself and others as well as smoking and drinking, he is violent etc etc,
i can no longer cope with him, im totaly worn out, today he was expelled from his 4th senior school in 18 months, he tryed to set fire to a local play ground while there were loads of kids about, this weekend just gon he went missing for 48 hours he stole money from my perse, he has beaten the liveing daylights out of his sisteers, and tryed to hit my husband with a cricket post, this is only the more mild stuff he has done, he was only attending school for 2 hours a day as they couldnt cope with him there for any longer
anyway to cut o long story short, i have had to have him placed in a home that can deal with this behaviour, i am so worn out that my marrage and daughters are suffering im not sleeping properly, today i drove round town for 5 hours with him as i didnt know what to do, i feel like such a bad mother as i have failed him, he is only 12 and i know he needs his mum, i know a lot of people will not agree with what i have done but it has not been a decision taken lightly, i have no familly that i have any contact with i do not have any parents, the only person i have is a sister and she cant do anything to help either as my son dislocated her sons sholder not long ago so they try to stay away ffrom him, i have never smoked so much and i am not a drinker but i really feel like hiting the bottle right now,
i feel like im in limbo, i want to get him help as soon as posible,
im such a failure, i dont think i deserved to have kids if i cant cope with this one as there are many people out there whom could cope, i know in the place he has gone they have the training needed but it doesnt make me feel any better
sorry about this i just had to get it off my chest and have a good rant, maybe i can stop crying now and have a cup of tea (or baileys)

 

[jnail]

Rest assured Time Out at the moment for all of you is the best thing............
You must be a strong & loving family to have gotten through this far.

Completely exhausted & overcome by the recent events.
"Tough Love" sucks....... You have made the right decision......

Prayers & Thoughts are with you






Love N Hugs
XX J xx

 

[Martigirl]

You love him and are doing what is best for him. I can't begin to understand your anguish but just wanted to send you a hugxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[GlitzyGirl]

Hi Kalchis,

My heart goes out to you. I am trying to write this message with tears flowing.
First of all, I feel I need to apologise to you, as a mother of a 13 yr old boy, my initial reaction was "how could she leave her son?". But after thinking about it, I realised that only a very responsible, caring and loving mother would do what you did. You needed to get him proffessional help, and you've taken the 1st step.
Now it's time to get yourself together, not only for your sake, but that of your son's, daughters and husband. I am sure as a family, you will pull through this together, and one day your son will understand as well, why you had to do this and that you love him just as much as the day he was born.
One more thing, I don't know how old your daughters are, but if they're younger than your son, please make sure they know why you had to do this. As sometimes I think that children feel insecure about themselves, if things are'nt explained to them.
I don't know much at all about this illness, and I am really sorry if I've said something wrong and offended you. Just my motherly instincts talking.

Take care and remember we're always with you.
xxx

 

[bekster123]

Hiya- i dont know much about the illness but i have a couple of friends who suffer too. One of them being a couple of years younger than me wasnt diagnosed until his late teens- it had a huge impact on his family but they worked through it together.

All i can say is IMHO i think your son will benefit by being looked after by people who are trained to handle his behaviour & who understand his illness, as much as you love him & have the natural motherly instinct to protect & look after him he needs to be with people who can give him the care he needs.Trying to run a home look after a husband & other children is hard work at the best of times without having a child with special needs. Us mums are not robots who can be programmed to deal with any hurdles with our children- we suffer along with our kids- so you do need to think a little bit more about your own health too.

PLEASE try not to beat yourself up about this, it is sooo important to go to a support group & spend time with other parents that have gone through this, maybe talking to a counsellor too will help you release so much of the guilt you have inside you- they dont mind if you sit there the whole time & cry you don't need to hide your tears(like you have to at home) it is such a HUGE relief to be able to talk, talk, talk to someone about everything that is worrying, concerning or frightening you. DONT SUFFER IN SILENCE, speaking from experience, it is the worse thing you can do.

Just try to remember that he will be so looked after where he goes & it will give him the special attention & care he needs.
We as parents can only do so much before sometimes needing to ask for some help- dont be ashamed of that.

Sit down with your husband & talk to your other children & make sure you tell them as much as they need to know & maybe ask how they feel about it too. Its best to get any feelings out in the open so you can work on them.

When times are bad just keep reminding yourself that you have a wonderful, beautiful son who you all love dearly who just needs a helping hand along the way.

All my love & best wishes

Becki
xxxxxx