life cant get any worse (long post)

[kittenclaws]

ok, i think more than anything im writing this post as im so upset and fed up i need to get things off my chest,
a while ago i said on a post about my son whom has i form of schitzofrenia and cant have any medication for it as 1 he wont take it and 2 hes to young anyway, well things have gon from bad to worse with him, he is now totaly uncontrolabe, and a danger to himself and others as well as smoking and drinking, he is violent etc etc,
i can no longer cope with him, im totaly worn out, today he was expelled from his 4th senior school in 18 months, he tryed to set fire to a local play ground while there were loads of kids about, this weekend just gon he went missing for 48 hours he stole money from my perse, he has beaten the liveing daylights out of his sisteers, and tryed to hit my husband with a cricket post, this is only the more mild stuff he has done, he was only attending school for 2 hours a day as they couldnt cope with him there for any longer
anyway to cut o long story short, i have had to have him placed in a home that can deal with this behaviour, i am so worn out that my marrage and daughters are suffering im not sleeping properly, today i drove round town for 5 hours with him as i didnt know what to do, i feel like such a bad mother as i have failed him, he is only 12 and i know he needs his mum, i know a lot of people will not agree with what i have done but it has not been a decision taken lightly, i have no familly that i have any contact with i do not have any parents, the only person i have is a sister and she cant do anything to help either as my son dislocated her sons sholder not long ago so they try to stay away ffrom him, i have never smoked so much and i am not a drinker but i really feel like hiting the bottle right now,
i feel like im in limbo, i want to get him help as soon as posible,
im such a failure, i dont think i deserved to have kids if i cant cope with this one as there are many people out there whom could cope, i know in the place he has gone they have the training needed but it doesnt make me feel any better
sorry about this i just had to get it off my chest and have a good rant, maybe i can stop crying now and have a cup of tea (or baileys)

 

[l14wra]

i just want to say that although i am only a kid myself and have no idea what you are going through but i do support your decsion. Although your son is ill and it's not his fault you still have to look after yourself and the rest of your clan.


hope your feeling a bit better just hang on in there!!!

Lots of love xxxxx

 

[nicjill]

Oh you poor thing, sounds like you have been through a really tough time. I can't say I know what you are going through but I really feel for you. Sometimes you can't cope on your own & you have to ask for help. I'm sure your son will be in good hands & these people will know how to cope with him. Don't say that you have failed him, you have done all that is in your power & now it's time to get professional help, there is nothing wrong with that. I hope everything goes well for you & your family. :hug: :hug:

 

[nuttynikki]

oh poor u, i am so sorry to hear ur so upset, i cant say i understand cos i dont, but from reading this i had 2 reply and say i dont think u have failed him at all!! u have done nothing wrong, ur a loving, caring mother who has had to make a very difficult decision. i think it's good that you are trying to help him as much as u can, it shows ur a very loving mother! i really hope u feel better soon, we are all here for u if u ever want to talk!

xxxxxxxx

 

[Karen]

Oh bless you. I too support your decision. You have your other children and husband to think of and also yourself.

I really hope your son gets the treatment he needs very soon.

Big hugs,

Karen
xxx
:hug:

 

[Peter Pan]

i feel sooo bad for you - i had to put my son into a "bad boys hostel" when he was 13. he flooded his school causing £10,000 worth of damage, amongst other things he stole, burgled, thieved of me, etc etc, he doesnt have any disability so he didnt have a reason for doing these things, your son has schizophrenia, which is why he cant help what hes doing, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER, i thought this with my son, but it just isnt true. if you were such a bad mother, why the hell are you trying to help him,? im not an expert at schizophrenia and dont pretend to be, but please dont blame yourself.this probably isnt much comfort to you, but at least youve had the balls to come on here and share - we all behind you - and im sure if any of us can help (even just by listening) we will

 

[ValencianNails]

my heart goes out to you :hug:, I can't begin to understand exactly how you are feeling but reading your post bought a lump to my throat.
that wasn't only the hardest thing you've had to do in your life but it's also the best thing for your son, you and the rest of your family.
it sounds as if you've been under pressure for a long time, it probably helps a little to know that you have shared that amongst friends.
you now need time to heal and also to believe that you are not a bad mother.
take care xxx

 

[Just Jo]

I understand some of what you are going through, I have been to hell and back this last few years wiht my eldest son, and my heart goes out to you :hug: In the end you have to protect yourself and your family .... the guilt doesnt stop even though you know there is nothing more you can do it doesnt stop you thinking "perhaps if id done this or that or the other" it doesnt change anything hun ... I think I am a failure as a mother because I couldnt stop my son but I have another son who is an angel and I have never treated them any different ... your son needs professional help and for now he is in the best place with the best people. Take some time for you and your family. xxxx

 

[Trinity]

What an awful situation to be in, I can empathise as my best friends brother was schizophrenic and watching her struggle to deal with his side effects and episodes was heartbreaking :cry:

As Peter Pan wisely said, you're not a bad mother, a bad mother wouldn't be desperate to find help for her son, or be worrying about him as you are. Parenthood is hard and a lonely job sometimes, but you have other children who need their Mum and prove you're doing a great job, you just can't see that right now.

I'm always telling people to make sure they take care of themselves as well as the people they are caring for who may be ill or hurt etc. and you more than any of them need to make sure you take some time for yourself - even a 30 minute walk for a breath of fresh air, or get hubby to take the girls to the park so you can have a long soak in the bath, pop round to a local geek for a cuppa, or whatever you can find to do - you deserve some space and time just for you to relax and breathe for a while, it's not a luxury, it's a necessity you deserve.

We're all here if you need to let off steam

Best wishes

Trin
xx

 

[maidofstone]

your not a bad mother,your a caring mother you want to protect you family,and do right by your son..we are here for you..

 

[MINKUS]

oh hun i hope it all works out for you all it must be heart wrenching to go through.

amb xxxxxxxx:hug:

 

[The Beauty Zoo]

Why are you a bad Mother for loving him enough to do what is right for him?

I cannot comment on your son's problems as I am not in your position but I know the hell that you can go through bringing children up and my heart truly goes out to you. It's that good old saying sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind ....and in the end (although you may not see it yet) you have done just that. Your and the rest of your family are going through hell...but so must he be. Children only ever want to please and through no fault of his he is not capable of doing that...he must feel terrible.

Don't be hard on yourself, have a small glass of wine, a good cry, anything just to give you a little bit of time to sit back and have a BIG :hug: from all your geeky friends and to know that you will always have someone you can turn to here, on this site.

Take care of you, sending :Love: and :hug: 's

 

[colorflair]

Ahh bless you, you are so not a failure, infact you are one brave lady, sometimes we just cannot do things on our own. I think having some help is just what you and your son need.

I also agree with what others have said you really need to look after yourself.
Take care
Sending lots of cyber hugs and thoughts your way :hug:

Hugs
Jeanne xx

 

[taintz]

You are not a bad mother at all! Please don't feel this way you are doing everything you cam to help your son and without the help of others he would never live a normal life.

I'll be praying for you, your son & your family.

 

[sam1]

:hug::hug:Just reinforcing what so many have said your a good mum trying to do whats best if you weren't you wouldn't care so much.Mother guilt is the worst we are so hard on ourselves(can empathise alittle as my youngest has ODD and I've had alot of mummy guilt!)Be gentle with yourself and know you've done what you need to.

 

[marie111]

I really feel for you, my son has problems and I have had to take many huge decisions also by myself, I was left widowed at 24 and like you have no family nearby.
are you in contact with a support group? I know you mightn't think so at the minute but they will be able to help. Even just talking to someone who is going through the same will help you.
DON'T BLAME YOURSELF
You didn't do this to him.
Are you on medication yourself to help you cope with this? It might be a good idea, just to help you through this awful time.
You and your family are now safe and him also.

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Hunny your post bought a tear to my eye and I can only imagine the tears your son has caused you over the years. Now for my two penneth ...

Your son is ill and needs help, and so do you. If he had a broken leg, or a visible illness then you wouldn't worry about asking for help to get him treated. Just because his mind isn't functioning as it should be doesn't make him any the less ill. Bringing up children is the toughest job on earth, and the age that he is reaching now is damned hard anyway, never mind the added issues of schizophrenia.

We can all tell you till we are blue in the face that you are not a bad mother, and you're not. But you have to truly believe it from within yourself. You have done everything you can for your son, but you MUST also consider the safety of the rest of your family, his school and the pupils, the neighbourhood etc etc. If you didn't care and weren't a responsible parent then you would have let him carry on. It sounds like the "system" has let you down, but for the sake of your sanity let them take over for a while now, that's what they are there for, and you're not failing by doing so but letting them do their job to protect you and your son and your family.

Whilst he is away give your family, and yourself, some quality time. I bet you will all love to have an interruption free day out and enjoy the love and attention that you can give each other as a result.

My heart goes out to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[kittenclaws]

please let me say thanks to all of you, after a very rough nights sleep i woke thismorning feeling worse than ever, looking like something from a horror film with the puffy eyes and tying very hard not to cry, my hubby has been great but he cant seem to mention my son with out me crying, comeing on this sight thismorning and geting so many hugs and so much support has meant the world to me, THANK YOU, i dont know how the day is going to go today as i have to attend one meeting after another,

im not on any medication myself sometimes i wish i was, i do have a box of dizepan the doc gave me last week to help me get on a flight to ibiza in 3 weeks (i really cant see me doing now) so i think i may have one of them tonight to see if i can get some sleep, i dont go to any support groups in the area as to be honest i always thought noone would understand my situation but from the replys i have recieved on here i know there will be people whom undersand .
im crying again at the moment but they are more tears of relief as i didnt know if i was doing the right thing sharing how i was feeling with everyone but the support you have all showed is amazing, i did say i had no familly, i take that back as i have the best familly, THE GEEK FAMILY:hug:

 

[jac extreme]

Hey Im really sorry to hear about your problems, carry on you are doing the right thing, It must be heartbreaking to see your little boy behave that way, but he cant help it, its the illness not him.. if you need a chat you can pm me im not far away you know Im only in Boxmoor..:hug:

 

[Kim Lawless]

God, this must be so hard for you. He may get the correct treatment if he's in there and be able to come home soon. You've also got your other kids and a marriage to think about.

I'm not qualified to give you advice but I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you and your family and that you're in my thoughts.

Be positive..............it really does work. God bless sweetie. xxx