Over react,did I??

[BABSann]

Ok,my husband is away at sea and therefore I'm a single mother...yet again:irked:
Usually on Thursdays I do a ten and a half day,Ive been doing this for over 4 years now and it's no problem.But,the kids know this routine like the back of their hand.

My daughter has gone to Zante and in the past when my hubby has been away she has cooked my 2 younger lads their tea and kept an eye on them.Obviously because she was away she couldn't do this.

I have 2 boys one 14 and one 16,anyway,yesterday I had a gap,and I had been posted a form the day before from the postman telling me I had a parcel at the post office waiting for me,it had needed a signature and because I hadn't been in,it wasn't delivered.So because of the gap,my boss said would I like to go and pick the parcel up.

I seized the chance because I knew the parcel was my mobile phone that had been sent away for a repair,but I needed to come home to get the slip first of all.
When I got home my 16 year old(who had free day off college)was in the kitchen,he had 2 of his friends in the house and I had a bit of an uncomfortable feelingI looked out into the garden and noticed a huge log sticking out of the chimnea,which hadn't been there before.

I asked my son if he had been burning wood in the Chimnea,he said "no",so I walked down to the end of the garden,felt the Chimnea and it was warm:irked:

I was livid,I asked his friends to leave and told my son he was grounded,not just because of the lie but because he had been told only days before NOT to use the Chimnea unless an adult was present.(he was grounded only for a day)

The Chimnea was situated directly under a huge pergola which is covered in mature climbers/plantage.It could have gone up in flames so easily if the wind had caught the branch sticking out of the top of the Chimnea.

My son reckons his friends are allowed to have fires in their gardens and that I am over reacting!!!Deep down I dont give a monkeys what his friends are allowed to do,but I didnt have a 'normal' upbringing and I am wondering if maybe peeps think that at 16 my son is old enough to be using the Chimnea unsupervised.

Please be honest,I wont take offense,I know there are some that think I'm opinionated but I am always open to other points of views.:green:

 

[florence2004]

No I don't think you were being unreassonable at all. Fact is regardless of whether he is old enough to be using or not, you told him not to and he went against that and he needs to be punished. If you think that you need to realx your rule about not using it without supervision then you can discuss with Hubby at a later date maybe.

Why would he need it on anyway? is it not for keeping you warm when you are sitting out there?

 

[Noodle]

I don't think you over re-acted at all Babs.

On the contrary ... you specifically asked your son not to use the chimnea without a supervising adult being present .... there could have been (and thank goodness there wasn't) the most dreadful accident which tbh, doesn't even bear thinking about.

You did right to ground him and send his mates home.

I'm not a parent, but would have re-acted in exactly the same way.

 

[tinkywinky]

One word answer: no (you didn't over react)

You are a mum

As a mum it's your duty to warn your children of danger and keep them away from it

You did right.

Perhaps they will learn from this!

xx

 

[Lambrosia]

If your son's friends jumped off a bridge and their parents said it was okay....

You definitely did not over-react to the situation. Your son knows the rules you set down and he is expected to respect those rules REGARDLESS of whether or not he thinks they're too strict. Sixteen yr old boys are like bulldozers, they keep pushing at whatever's in front of them until they hit bedrock. In this case, your son's pushing at the limits you set down in order to test the firmness of your resolve. Does it crumble away with some pressure or does it stand firm?

You know what your son's maturity level is and you must set your limits according to that, not the limits his friends have. As a registered social worker as well as a nail tech, I know what kinds of things 16 olds boys get up to when left to their own devices. Sometimes you have to say to your kids, "I love you enough to say 'No' and set limits for your safety. You may hate me now, but at least you'll be alive to hate me!" Good luck with it and hugs to you for caring !:hug:

 

[fifitrix]

Babs, I would have been the same as you. I have a 16 year old as you know and if he had done this I would have been livid. They may seem sensible when on their own but get them together with their friends and all sensibility and common sense flies out the window. I know this is the case with my son, I am not for a minute saying all 16 year old boys are the same.

I don't think you over reacted at all babs, it could all have went pear shaped but thankfully it didn't. :hug:

 

[hippy-chick]

well, he deserved to get grounded BUT................. he is old enough and probably sensible enough to cope with any problems.

although I'm nearly 40, I can remember how much freedom I was given at that age. My mum and step-dad started leaving me and my brother home whilst they went caravanning with my little sister. Although we did have the odd party, we still managed to survive and run the house.

 

[BABSann]

I always try to stick to my guns with punishments,no matter what the children tell me their friends are allowed,not allowed to do.
It's harder because my daughter never really did anything like that,my sons not a bad lad,not at all,but like you say Fi it could've got sooo out of hand.Kids together can act so silly,showing off...allsorts.
Hippy Chick Im a bit shocked you think 16 is old enough to handle a situation if that fire had got out of controle,sorry...
Thankyou everyone for their kind advice.:hug:

 

[blossom]

I don't think you over re-acted at all Babs.

On the contrary ... you specifically asked your son not to use the chimnea without a supervising adult being present .... there could have been (and thank goodness there wasn't) the most dreadful accident which tbh, doesn't even bear thinking about.

You did right to ground him and send his mates home.

I'm not a parent, but would have re-acted in exactly the same way.

Totally agree with everything in this post and that comes from a parent. :hug::hug:

 

[bexi]

haha, we've all tried this one ''but my friends are allowed too'' - of course there not!!!

well i used to anyway

 

[BABSann]

haha, we've all tried this one ''but my friends are allowed too'' - of course there not!!!

well i used to anyway

Yeah I remember saying it as well:green:,but sometime I think I may be too over protective,I know that one of his friends IS allowed to have fires in the garden,it baffles me how these parents allow their most precious belongings to play with such dangerous TOYS(NOT)
Years ago a friend of mine had a fire in the house,the devastation was unbelievable,the smell,the whole thing...fire is soooo dangerous and so enticing for kids.I dont want to think about what could've happened cause tbh it just dosn't bear thinking about.:cry:xx

 

[bexi]

also in answer to your post - of course you over-reacted - in his eyes!!

Kids dont see what they've done wrong ever - the parent is always in the wrong - I rememeber being 14 being so sick it was unbelieble from stuff i definatly shouldnt be doing and when I was grounded FOREVER, my mum was the person i hated most in my life, she always over-reacted - its just a natural reaction when kids are naughty.

Your completly right (imho) with how you handled it - my mum would of grounded me for a month - your sons lucky!


Becki xxx

 

[Snugglepuss]

Babs Huge :hug::hug::hug:s

Of course you are right to be livid and no you didn't over react! As parents one of the fundamental things we have to do is keep our kids safe - imho it is paramount.

Even if you were in the garden with him burning a log, then when your back is turned he push the boundaries - it is something ALL teenagers try and do!

You are not responsible for other peoples families (ok maybe when they are in your house!) but the kids parents are responsible for THEIR children - their house their rules YOUR house YOUR rules!

hugs to you and it seems to me you are doing a grand job of looking after your son :hug::hug:

 

[ladybgemini]

If you had told him NOT to do it then he is old enough to understand this and in my eyes you did the right thing to punish him for it purely because you told him NO and he still did it.

I am not a very strict mum with my daughter, but if I say NO, I mean NO and she is slowly understanding this (she is only 3 lol). She has more respect for me because I follow through with punishments but am fair with her. She knows where she stands. This is important. I never give out idle threats, if she kicks n screams in the supermarket, back in the car we go, now shopping is a dream.

I realise your son is alot older but the same principle applies, they will always try and push you one step further and if you give in once they will remember that and try and use it against you.

Well done for being a strong mum.

Rachel xxxx

 

[rouge]

Well what on earth did he expect? You gave him a direct rule and he broke it. Does he really think there will be no consequences?

You as a parent have the right to set the house rules. If the kids choose to break the rules then they have to be punished. I think you did absolutely the right thing. And as has been said, What difference does it make if other kids are allowed to do things you don't want your kids doing? These are YOUR children and you are bringing them up in the best way you can, and that means they need to have rules and guidelines. I would NOT be happy if one of my step-children decided to set a fire in the living room (we have an open fire-place), so I understand completely where you are coming from. Give him a good :smack:, he deserves it!