Physically attacked

[Rhiannon1408]

I think I agree with Kim.

You were part of a domestic argument and I am not sure they would go ahead with a prosecution.

If you do go to the police to press charges just be sure you are emotionally prepared for it.

Or go to the police and advise them you wish to record the incident so it is on file should anyone else be attacked in this manner by him.

And then have nothing further to do with the friend concerned.

I do have a question though. If she was present, why does she not believe you ... she must have seen it happen?

I think that's what I want, just for the police to have a record of it.

My friend was quite far away when it happened and I imagine she was so engrossed in her argument that she didn't know what was going on around her, she said she thought I was still inside the club. She only noticed I had gone when I was nearly home.

 

[waffle4]

Wouldn't the club have caught the whole thing on CCTV?

 

[Rhiannon1408]

Wouldn't the club have caught the whole thing on CCTV?

No we were quite far from the entrance. I would imagine the bouncers would have got involved if we had been in their sight

 

[lydia c]

I am sorry to hear what happened , I bet your a bit shaken up I would be , I dont have much advice , do what you feel is best !
Some people are k##b heads after a drink you really didn't deserve that , I would of rang my friends mum as well that's sensible dont blame you !
I really hope your ok ( also I'm in lymington near Southampton lol ) hate going to bournemouth always trouble lol Xxx

 

[NiCshairstudio]

I think your friend is very upset because people who have things like this happen, as much as people may know like to keep 90% of it secret, which obv hasn't happened and for you to call her mom she feels you have told on her so to speak, what she needs to realise which she will one day is what his mate did is completely unacceptable, I had a very similar situation once and god helped me not floor the poor idiot that thought he could try to intimidate me, I'm quiet and keep myself to myself and even let people say what they like then flip, I didn't have to touch him to make him decide attempting to over power me would have failed miserably for him!

What his mate did is unacceptable and how they seem to think this is ok on a whole means you need away from that situation, be there for your friend when she wakes and smells the roses, but tell her you do not wish to socialise with them when things like that seem to be seen as ok behaviour because they know them, and they are part of their group, so when she realises you were a victim here and had no other option to give you a call, when she needs you for strength to walk away herself then to call you, until then, leave you alone.

Telling the police I'm on the fence, personally I don't think will help anything, he won't get convicted if anything a slap on the wrist with a 'you naughty boy dont do it again' he'll get his just deserts when a real man steps in the next time he attacks a female in the street. Cannot believe no one stepped in!!!

Hope you feel better Hun, you did nothing wrong!

 

[Rinn]

I think I agree with Kim.

You were part of a domestic argument and I am not sure they would go ahead with a prosecution.

If you do go to the police to press charges just be sure you are emotionally prepared for it.

Or go to the police and advise them you wish to record the incident so it is on file should anyone else be attacked in this manner by him.

And then have nothing further to do with the friend concerned.

I do have a question though. If she was present, why does she not believe you ... she must have seen it happen?

She's sees what she wants to see.
She believes what she wants to believe.

Her boyfriend has a history of violence towards her and he's still her boyfriend.
That says it all really.

I agree with Kim, dump your friend and walk away from them all.

 

[Rhiannon1408]

She's sees what she wants to see.
She believes what she wants to believe.

Her boyfriend has a history of violence towards her and he's still her boyfriend.
That says it all really.

I agree with Kim, dump your friend and walk away from them all.

Totally agree, she definitely only sees what she wants to see.

It's going to be very difficult to cut her out of my life, we talk every day. It's very upsetting to even think about it, but I guess I must.

Thanks for your support and advice everyone xxxxx

 

[Lynne Baker]

I'm still undecided if I should go to the police, I am not completely innocent as when he was grabbing my arms and pushing me I slapped him.

Ah. It now goes from an assault to an affray, and I do fear that any moral high ground you may have enjoyed evaporated at that point.

Walk away. These people are trouble.

 

[Nearlyme]

You wont need a witness if its on cctv..

Sent from my GT-I9505 using SalonGeek

 

[Nearlyme]

And your slapping him after he attacked you will not effect your case. If its on cctv the police will give him the option of a caution. It will be issued at tge police station and stay on his record. They avoid taking these cases to court due to costs so if the culprit admits it (they will have to if on cctv) the police will caution him. I have been there and know x

Sent from my GT-I9505 using SalonGeek

 

[nicole333]

Totally agree, she definitely only sees what she wants to see.

It's going to be very difficult to cut her out of my life, we talk every day. It's very upsetting to even think about it, but I guess I must.

Thanks for your support and advice everyone xxxxx

I'm not sure how I feel about cutting her out completely. This is typical of what happens in these situations and your friend is at risk of losing everyone because of her choice of boyfriend. This may leave her feeling that it's just another reason to stay, as she has nobody else and the boyfriend may well use this to keep her where he wants her.

This is not your problem of course and you shouldn't feel guilty about the choice you make. You could make it clear to her that you will not be putting yourself in this position of being in their company again, but you will be there for her if/when she decides to choose another path.

 

[Tjo]

im really sorry what has happened to you but your friend probably needs you even though she won't admit it.
This is what men like him do the try to isolate you and control you and your friend won't see that until she gets away from him.

Stick with her, don't let him win x x

Sent from my GT-I8160 using SalonGeek

 

[NiCshairstudio]

I'm not sure how I feel about cutting her out completely. This is typical of what happens in these situations and your friend is at risk of losing everyone because of her choice of boyfriend. This may leave her feeling that it's just another reason to stay, as she has nobody else and the boyfriend may well use this to keep her where he wants her.

This is not your problem of course and you shouldn't feel guilty about the choice you make. You could make it clear to her that you will not be putting yourself in this position of being in their company again, but you will be there for her if/when she decides to choose another path.

Totally agree, this is what I said, I've had friends in this situation, just make it clear that you won't be socialising with them as a group, and your sorry if you upset her and didnt mean too but had no choice, then make it clear you will be there when she needs you no matter how long it takes to never feel she can't phone you when she is ready to walk away. (Maybe dont say those words) but I wouldn't just cut her out completely, she needs people around when she will need them.

I used to work with a lady who before I met her had been in a very abusive relationship for about 10 years, he used to beat her on a few occasions to near death, she said plenty times he came back drunk passed out and she stood over him with a knife, never did of course but she hated him so much, yet to the outside world acted as though she loved him and the situation they were in, she eventually left him but only found the strength after she became a mother herself and needed to be there for her little one.

It wi ll take a long time for people to come round to leaving someone else.

 

[shedunlop]

Dump your 'friend' and report this to the police, this is a serious assault. Keep any texts or messages from your friend referring to the incident as evidence it happened.

Maybe by doing this your friend will realise that real women do not take this sort of abuse from men and when she is ready she will gather the strength from what she has seen you do!

There is no way I would let anyone hurt me in this way, not ever.

 

[Nikinkibabyx]

I would definitely report it but tell the police you don't want anything more to do with it as you will potentially be putting yourself in more danger as they could easily find you!

I would explain to your friend you understand why she doesn't believe you but can't accept that she doesn't. Say as much as you love her as a friend and value her friendship you also respect yourself too much to be in their company again as its dangerous. ! Explain the last thing you want is to lose her as a friend but you need space right now as you're extremely hurt by the situation.

Make sure you don't tell her you've went to the police as she will tell her bf and it will cause even more trouble with him!

Hopefully speaking to the police will give you a vent that you need..

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going for and hope you feel better xx

 

[Rhiannon1408]

I am so confused as to what to do for the best.

There's no way I ever want to be in the same room as her boyfriend and his friends again. My safety is much more important.

With regards to my friend I am so upset with her for even saying that she has doubts that it happened even after me sending her a list of my injuries. The marks and bruises around my wrists I thought made it obvious! It's almost like she's stuck up for him even though she's only known him 5 minutes. She said that he wouldn't hurt me, when she should have been thinking that she knows I wouldn't lie.

 

[Lolly22]

Hey Rhiannon,

This is a hard situation isnt it? Im not sure what I would do? Do you think her boyfriend is violant towards her aswell? If this is the case then I would maybe have a chat with her and let her know that you wont be hanging out with her whilst shes with them anymore but she is your friend and you will be there for her. Like others have said if her boyfriend is violant too she might be scared to stick up for you.

However if theres no reason for her to be afraid of her boyfriend or stick up for his friend and she is genuinley just angry that you contacted her dad then I would kick her to the kerb. I personally wouldnt go to the police as its going to be hard to prove if all the witness' will go against you. It might be more hassle than it is worth.

Hope your ok love xxxx

 

[Rhiannon1408]

Hey Rhiannon,

This is a hard situation isnt it? Im not sure what I would do? Do you think her boyfriend is violant towards her aswell? If this is the case then I would maybe have a chat with her and let her know that you wont be hanging out with her whilst shes with them anymore but she is your friend and you will be there for her. Like others have said if her boyfriend is violant too she might be scared to stick up for you.

However if theres no reason for her to be afraid of her boyfriend or stick up for his friend and she is genuinley just angry that you contacted her dad then I would kick her to the kerb. I personally wouldnt go to the police as its going to be hard to prove if all the witness' will go against you. It might be more hassle than it is worth.

Hope your ok love xxxx

Wondered where you were sweetie

Yes her boyfriend has punched, kicked, dragged and strangled her on numerous occasions. On the last occasion she had cuts on her face which she covered up and told her mum she had picked at spots. Her mum however is not stupid.

She's been on and off with him for 3 years and she's only 21 so he's her first love which I guess in this situation only makes it worse.

I think I will have to say that whilst I will continue to be there for her I cannot be in their company for fear of my own safety. I'm feeling pretty emotional right now so I definitely need a bit of time to get my head around things. I have an appointment with a nurse this afternoon just to make sure nothing is broken, I'm pretty sure it's just bruising but some pain killers would be appreciated as ibuprofen is not doing a thing.

 

[Penny Vintage]

I wish you all the luck with the nurse today, and I can imagine having abit of time would be best as it must have been very scary and shocking. But I do definatly stand by the stopping your friendship thing.! I know its awful and she must need you as she is suffering abuse but there is no excuse for calling you a liar when this has happened, and to be annoyed at you for calling her mum, when she should have been the one to wisk you away to safety. And most of all, to not even care how you are doing after this is no friend at all.. Im sorry but you deserve better.

 

[Rhiannon1408]

Thank you, the nurse said I've bruised a muscle which is what's causing the pain. At least I know now and can stop worrying. She's told me to keep the movement in my arm (although painful) to prevent the muscle healing shorter and causing long term problems.

So I sent my friend a message, saying that I'm hurt that she would even suggest that I'm not telling the truth. However she's my best friend and I will always be there for her. Said I needed a bit of time and space to get my head around what's happened.

I might as well not have bothered as I just went to put some photos of us up on facebook from her birthday only to find she has removed me as a friend...