Physically attacked

[smallandcute]

Im sorry to read what has happened to you lovely and i hope your starting to heal and feel better. This is such a tough situation and there is no righf or wrong answer to be had. Personally i would give her a week or two of space then pop round to see her, take the pics that you wanted to share with her on fb. Dont comment on what had happened but express your concerns over her wellbeing and that no matter what your her friend. Explain that you both need to go through some healing but you will come out stronger as friends. If she doesnt want to listen then i would go see her mum. Your friend may hate you in the beginning but in the end she will forgive you cos she will know you cared and were looking out for her. Thats a sign of true friendship but sadly this scum has distorted her view of everyone and her own self worth. This girl at some point soon will be need all the help and love and friendship that she can get and she is going to needs everyones strength not just her own in ensuring that this scum is gone for good.

Hugs to you and you clearly are a good friend, just dont let this scum knock you or your friendship x
Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek

 

[linzi]

Physical abuse doesn't come itself. Abuse is insidious, it appears after months and months of sustained mental abuse; you're told how ugly you are, how worthless, useless, how lucky you are to have the abuser because no other person would ever look at you if they didn't put up with you. Nothing you do is right.

You're completely broken down. Brainwashed.

When they've accomplished that, you get hit. The first time it happens, you quite rightly wantto get out of it. They breakdown and apologise, they're sorry, they didn't mean it, they'll never do it again. It was your fault...

Then you get hit again. Eventually you believe that it's your fault. It happened because you did something wrong. You understand that if anyone ever finds out, if you tell them, then you'll be beaten senseless. You'll be terrified. If anyone ever finds out, you know what he'll do to you. At the back of your mind, you're ashamed that this is happening to you. But you're more scared of getting hit again. You lash out if anyone comes close to finding out because of what will happen.

Please don't abandon your friend; it's what he'll want. Alienation is how they work. But don't ever get yourself back in that situation.

I hope you're ok and that you were able to get some help from the nurse *hug*

Scumbags like that make me sick.

 

[bobbyrazz]

I think you should go to the police, I don't think anything would come of it, but maybe it will make him think before he does it to anyone else.
In regards to your friend, don't dump her. She may only be seeig hat she wants to see at the moment, but one day, maybe soon (and only when she is ready) she is going to need you. Just say to her, its fine if you don't believe me and I'll take a step back but I'm here if you need me

 

[Claire@OBNMK]

:hug:

I've never been in this situation but all i can think of is when my brother went off the rails and me and my hubby kept on bailing him out (too many things to mention here) we finally said enough is enough and we walked away saying it was up to him to turn his life around...

and thats what he did, he's now got his own place and became a dad for the first time 2 weeks ago, this is a far cry from the lies, theft etc

What I'm trying to say is in my opinion it's great that you are there for your friend but the moment it starts putting you in danger then it's time to re-think the freindship.

Perhaps (as you said) you can still let her know you care for her but you can't deal with the "boyfriend & his mates and the violence thing" because it is literally dangerous to your health.
And perhaps doing your own thing for a while (space) would be good.

I do think she is not a good friend though, you've been there for her but when you needed her she wasn't there for you :sad:

There's only so much you can do, you cant make her change her life only she can do that & you've got to take care of yourself. xx

 

[Lolly22]

Wondered where you were sweetie

Yes her boyfriend has punched, kicked, dragged and strangled her on numerous occasions. On the last occasion she had cuts on her face which she covered up and told her mum she had picked at spots. Her mum however is not stupid.

She's been on and off with him for 3 years and she's only 21 so he's her first love which I guess in this situation only makes it worse.

I think I will have to say that whilst I will continue to be there for her I cannot be in their company for fear of my own safety. I'm feeling pretty emotional right now so I definitely need a bit of time to get my head around things. I have an appointment with a nurse this afternoon just to make sure nothing is broken, I'm pretty sure it's just bruising but some pain killers would be appreciated as ibuprofen is not doing a thing.

Yeah sorry I don't reply much on my phone because the app is annoying! So I was waiting till I got on the computer.

Well yes I think you have made the right decision and you should tell her that. I would do that. It's obviously a hard situation as she's not standing by you so why should you her? But I think that would be the right thing to do .

And I hope your injuries are feeling better soon. Xxx

 

[nicolaluise]

Hi hun, i had a similar situation many years ago, my best friend was often abused by her then boyfriend. He followed us out to town one night and caused a huge argument in a bar because he didn't like us being there. I went crazy screaming and shouting at him to leave her alone, i pushed him and he was very rough with me. At that point i told her that as much as i love her as a friend, i wasn't prepared to witness this mental and physical abuse any longer, i told her that while she carried on seeing him i couldn't be her friend as it was too upsetting. I asked her to call me once she had got rid of him.

I was heart broken but it had to be done. 4 months later she rang me and said she had left him 6 weeks earlier, she had realised that our friendship meant more to her than that toe rag. She never went back either. We have grown apart since but she is happily married now to a lovely guy. The ex is still single and has done time now for hitting another girl!

I personally don't know if i would go to the police either.

I wish you well and she may come round at some point and she may not, either way you have done what is right xx

 

[Rhiannon1408]

Thanks everyone, I sent her a message saying that I am upset but I will always be there for her and apologised again for calling her mum saying that I felt I had no choice, but I am not willing to put my safety at risk by being with these people. She has sent me a very nasty and argumentative message back so I have decided enough is enough. I can no longer support her if she's not going to even show me the support and respect that I deserve.

Breaks my heart to think of my life without her and its going to be very tough because I simply can't turn off caring about her.

Needs must and I'm sure when she breaks up with the boyfriend next time she'll be back in touch.

 

[lydia c]

She obviously doesn't care ! Give it time she will come crawling back when she sees sense regarding her nasty boyfriend , clearly you are better than them put together chin up xx

 

[NiCshairstudio]

Thanks everyone, I sent her a message saying that I am upset but I will always be there for her and apologised again for calling her mum saying that I felt I had no choice, but I am not willing to put my safety at risk by being with these people. She has sent me a very nasty and argumentative message back so I have decided enough is enough. I can no longer support her if she's not going to even show me the support and respect that I deserve.

Breaks my heart to think of my life without her and its going to be very tough because I simply can't turn off caring about her.

Needs must and I'm sure when she breaks up with the boyfriend next time she'll be back in touch.

I'd leave it at that Hun, if you want to reply just something simple like 'I will always be here for you, just remember that' you will most likely get a sharp response but leave it there. And when/if she does see the light and leave you can rebuild what you had from that point but right now, if you continue trying to be friends you will probably ruin it forever as she is still very much in too deep and I thought about this after my last post, you don't know what treatment she has endured from her bf because of you calling her mom and standing up to her mate, he obv has a massive hold over her just now trust me she will come out of it one day, hopefully not too late xx

 

[Miss Sylk]

Did you go to doctors and police Hun?

 

[Eviestyle]

Go to police. The sooner the better.

 

[Rhiannon1408]

Did you go to doctors and police Hun?

I've been to the doctors, all is ok just bruised and damaged a muscle. Shoulder is still a bit painful but its definitely on the mend

I have decided not to go to the police, I will not be seeing these people again including my friend unless she is truly separated from the violent boyfriend.

 

[Taylor79]

Sounds like you're better off without her. Hope you're okay.

 

[Ashley Blakemore]

I can imagine its hard but you need to distance yourself away from your friend and her boyfriend! Shes a big girl & you dont need to go down with her if this sort of thing has happened to you trying to help her! Report that women beater who assaulted you, and give him what he deserves little rat bag!!

 

[Beanhead]

I went through a similar situation with my best friend, her boyfriend was the problem though on both parts, he pushed her around then went for me on a night out, fortunately my friend knew I was telling the truth but didn't feel she could stand up to him, our friendship came under a lot of stress and we did lose contact but we got back intouch when they'd split up. I resent that I lost her for the years I did but a good friendship can survive a lot, even if it doesn't feel like it now. Some may say she's not a true friend for the way she's behaved and I do see that but people do struggle to see sense when they're in an abusive relationship. X

 

[KateLeFeb]

sounds like you need to ditch this friend and get a new one. You seem like a sweet and genuine person and I'm sure you can easily find people who can give you the respect you deserve

feel better